3.
I smiled.
Tomorrow I didn't have to get up early and I could sleep in. I climbed into bed and lay down. I rested my head on the pillows. I watched the alarm clock switch to nine and closed my eyes.
I saw him. I saw his lovely smile, his tousled hair, and his amazing eyes. I saw everything. I smiled a bit more and waited for him.
I felt the minutes go by. I tuned over and tried to wait again. He still wasn't here. I turned over again and again.
When I opened my eyes again it was ten. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath a tried to go to sleep with no prevail. I spent the whole night tossing and turning. He didn't come. I didn't feel him anywhere. I felt cold and empty and sick. My mouth became dry and then flooded with salvia.
I threw the covers off of me and ran to the bathroom. I threw up. Stomach heaving and my breaths becoming quicker. The pain was horrible. I had nothing more to give up but I kept hurling. I felt like I wouldn't stop until my entire stomach was gone.
When I finished I breathed as evenly as I could and washed my mouth out. Then I started to cry.
Tears flooded my eyes and trickled down my checks.
Why wasn't he here? Why wasn't he standing next to me and holding my hair? Why wasn't he rubbing my shoulders and urging me to get back to bed. Why did he leave?
Better yet, why did he come back? Why did he make moving on and forgetting him that much harder? Then why would he disappear without a word? He still had me wrapped around his finger and he didn't even know. He didn't even know how much power he had over me. He didn't mean to hurt me, I know but he did.
I curled in a ball on the bathroom floor and just cried.
He's not here, I repeated over and over in my head. Trying to get the message clear but I couldn't.
Still I fell asleep on the bathroom floor instead of having to go back to the empty bed.
When I woke up the next morning he wasn't with me. He didn't come back to me.
I had to face the fact that maybe he was finally gone. Maybe he wasn't going to be with me anymore. How was he with me in the first place? I couldn't answer that question I didn't really know or care. I was happy that he hadn't left completely but now I wondered how.
Maybe I just loved him too much for me to let go completely.
Still the whole day was spent lying in bed. I didn't throw up again. I didn't feel sick either. I watched old movies and cried during all of them.
Alice called and so did Rosalie. I even got a call from Emmett and my mom but ignored them.
When the night came back again. I couldn't keep the sob in my throat. For the first time in a long time, I lay in bed and called his cell phone. I hadn't shut it off. I paid for it even though no one used it.
I called his phone and listened to the voice mail.
"Hey you reached Edward. Couldn't answer the phone so please leave a message." It was simple and short but I heard his voice. So with me redialing the number over and over again I feel asleep alone for the first time I could remember.
0.o.0.o.0
"Do you want a cookie?" I asked the little girl as she finished up her lunch. She smiled a big toothy grin and nodded her head. I laughed and went to pick the try of cookies.
"What kind of Gloria?" I asked and held the tray out. She picked out a chocolate one and began to munch on it when I heard the bells of the door start ringing.
A woman that seemed to be a bit younger than me walked in. She brushed off the snow from her jacket and looked up. I knew her face from somewhere but I couldn't place it.
She smiled and I heard Gloria laughing as she got up from her chair and ran to the woman. Was this Gloria's mother?
I wouldn't know because I never met her mother. Her father usually came to pick Gloria up. I examined the mother and could see the resemblance. Not as much as I could with the father but I could see Gloria and her shared the same eyes color and the same nose and cheek bones.
"Hi, I'm Kristine," she said and held out a hand.
"Hi, I'm Bella," I said and forced a smile on my face. It was always hard to smile at people.
"I don't think I've seen you here before," the lady said and I shook my head. "No I started last month. I've only ever met Gloria's father," I explained while she signed in on the sheet.
"Oh, well I got out of work early today. Usually Kevin gets out before me," she said and I nodded as I continued to study her. I knew her face but I couldn't imagine where I would have met this woman before.
"I'm sorry but you look so familiar," she said as she studied me.
"I was going to say the same thing," I laughed. It wasn't really a real one just a laugh with no amusement or feeling.
Kristine joined in as she put the coat on Gloria and began to button her up. Then it suddenly hit me in where I would know her from. Images flashed in my head my I shook them away. I didn't want to remember them now.
"You wouldn't happen to Kristy Evans right?" I asked as my eyebrows bunched. She laughed and shook her head and I felt the warm blush heat my cheeks at my mistake.
"No, now I'm Kristy Woods. I got married," she said and my eyes widened.
"Wow I'm Bella Cu—," I cut myself off before I could finish the sentence. It hurt too much to say even his last name. It hurt to know I was still his even though he wasn't mine. Not anymore.
"Bella Swan. I remember you. You use to tutor me. I heard you married Edward, I was so jealous when I heard you guys were dating. I use to have the biggest crush on him in 8th grade. It even continued on when I was a freshman. Wow, how is he?" she asked and her eyes glittered.
I coughed and looked away.
"He…um…he past away in June," I said my eyes watering and my heart growing heavy. I heard her gasp.
When I looked at her she had Gloria in her arms and was looking down at her feet. She looked up and I could see grief and pity in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered and I shrugged.
How was I supposed respond?
"Well I better go I have to get dinner ready for…Kevin. I'll see you around Bella." I nodded and she smiled but it was just as forced as the ones I had always put on.
"Oh and I never got to thank you for the tutoring. It really helped me a lot. I mean now I'm a manger at Macy's. So really thanks," she said and walked out the door.
I sat down on one of the tiny chairs and looked at nothing. When Lucy walked in I stood up and grabbed my coat and walked out of the daycare.
Kristy was two years younger than me and yet she had a husband and an adorable daughter and a wonderful life.
It was too much to take in, knowing I really couldn't have that.
That night I rummaged into his drawers. I never really went in there but I had to. I found one of his t shirts and threw it over me. It stilled smelled like him.
It smelled like soap and cologne and honey. I never understood how he smelled like honey but I loved his smell. It surrounded and made me feel a little less alone.
I looked at the bed. It was made for two people not one. Still only one person slept in there. But instead of crawling on my side of the bed I crawled in on his. I wasn't ready to accept the fact that he was gone. That he wasn't with me anymore.
His pillows smelled clean and like soup. Mine smelled like perfume and shampoo. His side was colder than mine but I threw the covers over and cuddled into a ball. I smelled his scent all around me and felt at peace.
Then I felt warmth and strong arms over mine. I felt his breath on my neck and his chest pressed against my back. I should have been angry at him but I couldn't. I was just happy he was here.
"You're sleeping in my spot," he whispered and I smiled.
"Do you mind?" I asked and heard him laugh. "No, not at all."
"Good, because I'm not moving."
"You're wearing my shirt," he said and I shrugged. "It fits," was my only explanation. "Plus I always were your shirts," I added.
"True." He said and felt his fingers over mine.
"Where have you been?" I asked and felt him squeeze tighter.
"Teaching you a lesson."
"On what?!" I asked and he laughed a humorless laugh.
"That I'm no longer here Bella. You have no ties to me." he said with pain and I shook my head. I did have ties on him. Forever.
"Yes I do. That's why you come back" I muttered into his pillow and heard him take a deep breath.
"I can't always be back. I can't always be here forever," he said and I shook my head.
"What are you trying to tell me?" I asked and he laughed.
"Have you tried getting back into dating?" he asked and my eyes flew open. I wanted to look at him but I knew he wouldn't be there if I did.
I closed my eyes again and took a calming breath.
"No, I'm afraid you'll be jealous," I said teasing him and felt his arms on mine. He squeezed a bit and then buried his face in my hair.
"Immensely so, but it's better for you. I'm giving you permission," he said and I felt tears well in my eyes. "I don't want anybody else. I only want you. No one can make me as happy as you can," I said and he laughed.
"Bella how do you know that? you didn't know that when we first started out," he said a smile in his voice.
"You were too pushy. I had to give you a chance. Then again how did any girl not fall in love with Edward Cullen," I said the name stinging on my tongue. He chuckled.
"That maybe but you're the only girl who I fell in love with. Bella it won't be cheating if you give someone another chance," he said softly and I felt a kiss on my neck.
"I don't want to…" I whispered and let the tears stroll down my cheeks and soak his pillow. I could feel the wetness against my cheek.
"Not everyone will hurt you," he whispered against my hair and I let the tears continue.
"I can't know that," I breathed. I had believed him before but I should have known he would have been wrong.
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"Why don't you give me a chance?" he asks me as I walk to my truck. I sigh yet again.
"Edward, really is this some kind of joke?" I ask and he shakes his head.
"Bella if this was a joke don't you think I would have gave up a week ago?" he asks and I glare at him. "You are a pain!" I say and walk away from him. It does not surprise me that he chose to follow me.
"Why won't you though? Can you at least answer that? It's not like I'm a complete stranger! I mean we've been tutoring Kristy together for a week!" he says and I stop to look at him.
His green eyes made my heart pump harder than I thought could be healthy. Most girls wouldn't give up the chance to go out with the famous Edward Cullen, but I did.
I don't need his distractions. I don't need to like him as much as I do and I don't need to the feel the urge to give up and just let him take me on a date.
"Edward, why can't you just leave me alone?" I ask just as seriously as he did a moment ago.
"Because Bella I really like you. All I'm asking is for one date and then after that you can tell me no as many times as you like," he says but I catch the glint in his eyes. He won't leave me alone.
"Aren't there plenty of pretty Junior girls you can play a joke on? Or better yet Freshman? Why do you have to pick on me?" I ask and he sighs as he runs a hand through his hair.
"Bella this is not a joke! I really like you, can't you just accept that?" he tells me his voice raising a fraction. I did find it hard to accept. Why did he like me?
A normal average sophomore! There are pretty seniors that drool after him and flimsy freshman that worship him. Yet he chooses to pick on me.
"Yes, I do" I say and my breath forms around my face as I turn on my heel and walk away but I did not pay attention to where I was walking and slid on ice.
I start to fall back wards but before I could reach the ground Edward wraps his arms around me. Still on this ice we can't keep steady and start to slip. He positions himself so that he is the first to fall and then I fall on top of him.
We sit on the cold ice taking in on what just happened.
I start to laugh and I can't control myself. He joins me and we both laugh at what just happened.
I get off of him and start to stand up. I get to my feet and offer him a hand.
"No, I'll just drag you down again," he laughs and gets on his own. I notice how he winces when he used his arm to get to his knees.
"Thank you," I say trying to look at his arm as he gets up. He smiles and shrugs.
Then I see it. I could see blood seeping through his shirt.
"Oh you're hurt," I say as I reach for his arm but he pulls it back. "It's fine, just a little scrapped," he says and I glare.
"Let me see it," I say and he sighs as he gives me his arm. I start to pull his shirt arm up. He has a small cut on his elbow, but it is bleeding.
"Why are you out without a coat?" I ask and he shrugs.
"It's in my car. Which is next to yours so…"
I shake my head at his foolishness. "Come on I have a first aid kit in my truck," I say and hold his hand as I lead him toward my car. His hand feels warm in mine and I could feel him wrapping his hand on mine. I look over my shoulder at him but he just smiles.
When I get to my car I look in glove compartment for the kit. I find it and start to attend to his wound.
"Why do you have a first aid kit in your car?" he questions and I smile at him while dapping the peroxide. "I fall down a lot," I tell him and he nods.
"I noticed," he tells me and I blush. When the wound is clean I place a band aid on it and lean back on my chair. He rolls down his shirt sleeve and leans on his car. "Thanks," he says and I shrug missing his close proximity.
"So can I thank you by taking you to dinner?" he asks rising and eyebrow. I look away from him.
"I don't know," I say staring at my hands.
I feel his warm hand caress my cheek and he is right in front of me again.
"It's not a bad thing to get close to someone, Bella," he says and I want to look away but I can't.
"It can be," I say softly.
"I won't hurt you, I promise," he says and his thumb rubs calming circles on my cheek. I lean into his touch without realizing it. He leans a little closer and his breath fans out. It smells sweet and minty and it's cold like ice.
His nose touches mine and my eyes drop.
"Edward I…" but I forget what I wanted to say. He is so close and I can smell his wonderful scent…a little farther and I…
"Well sorry for the interruption but I would like to get home," a tingling voice says. I pull back and so does Edward. He coughs and his cheeks turn pink. Alice stands with her hands on her hips smiling at us.
"Friday at eight?" he says and I nod my head.
He smiles and walks around to his driver's side while Alice gets in the passenger seat. He pulls out and drives away while I sit in the car watching him. Eventually the cold gets to me and I turn in my seat and close the door as I start the car and drive home.
I knew then, that despite his promises Edward would hurt me one day.
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Okay thanks for the awesome reviews guys. And I just wanted to give you a heads up. When you see text in these three dots
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It indicates a flash back and end flash back. Plus the tense changes to present. So that's how you know it's a flash back. You will learn all of Edward and Bella's story during these. Anyway thank you for the reviews. I love them and I hope you do them again.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas and Happy Holidays.
Truly Twilightholic-Tanya.