Chapter 2 - Guilt (Posted 24 July 2011)

"Wha..." Ethan groaned as he woke up. There was an awful taste in his mouth and a burning sensation in his throat. He tried to sit up, only to find out that his wrists and ankles were bound to his bed.

"Finally, you're awake." Benny sat on the edge of Ethan's bed and leaned a little closer, trying to look into his eyes to make sure he was ok.

"Benny, why am I tied down?" He wriggled his hands and feet some more, trying to break free.

"Just a precaution." Benny said, looking sad and concerned. "Do you remember what happened?"

"What are you-" Ethan blinked as the memories returned, and the burning in his throat. "Aagh!" he strained against the restraints.

Benny only flinched slightly. He'd been expecting that, but it was still hard to see Ethan like this. "Here. Drink this," he said after he calmed down a bit. He held him a cup full of a thick, red liquid with a straw sticking out of it.

Ethan eyed it cautiously. "What is it?"

"What do you think it is? Just drink it and then I'll untie you, kay?"

Ethan pursed his lips but nodded anyway. He watched as Benny held out the cup and put the straw between his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut and sipped the liquid, preparing for the disgusting taste, but was surprised to find that it actually tasted good and cooled his throat, relieving him of all other pains in his body and clearing his head. Before he knew it, he'd drunk all of it.

"Feel better?" Benny asked softly.

"Yeah." Ethan said awkwardly.

"Ok." Benny stood and untied Ethan's wrists and ankles one by one. "I'm gonna get going. I told your parents you were just really stressed out and needed some rest, so they won't bug you." He turned away.

"Benny, wait." Ethan caught Benny's arm. "Are you mad at me?"

Benny turned and looked into Ethan's eyes. "Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know." Ethan shrugged shyly. "You just seem..."

"I am not mad at you." Benny said softly. "I promise."

"Well then... will you tell me what's wrong?"

"Ethan... I'm sorry." Benny hung his head.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?"

"Letting this happen to you."

"What?" Ethan looked confused.

"This... this is my fault."

Ethan pulled hard on Benny's arm, forcing him to reclaim his seat on the bed. "No it's not." he sounded more like he was begging rather than telling.

"Yes, it is." Benny insisted. "I just had to make that stupid potion. It's my fault that glass cut you, and it's my fault Erica bit you. I'm always doing stupid crap like this and I never think about what could happen. And you end up paying the price for my mistakes. You're a vampire and it's my fault."

"Benny." Ethan put a hand on Ethan's shoulder. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who kept picking at that stupid scab."

"But you wouldn't've had that scab if it weren't for me."

"You think I'd actually blame you for this?" Ethan almost laughed. "I'm always in danger of things like this. Really it was only a matter of time until something like this happened to one of us."

"I should have protected you."

"What could you have done?"

"I... I don't know! I just know that I should have been able to do something. But instead I just stood back and watched as you had your human life taken from you."

"I'm not blaming you." Ethan insisted. "Please don't feel guilty about it. You know I hate seeing you bent out of shape like this."

"I know." Benny closed his eyes. "I just can't stand the thought of you getting hurt."

Ethan blinked as he felt his cheeks heat up. "Well... I'm not in pain anymore, if that makes you feel better."

"But you will be, once you get thirsty again."

"Oh," Ethan knew Benny was right, "well your grandmother can make that blood substitute, can't she?"

"Yeah. I have a bottle of it in my bag. It should get you through the night."

Ethan looked toward where Benny's messenger bag was sitting on the floor. He sniffed lightly. "I can smell it."

"Here," Benny said as he stood again and walked over to his bag, "I'll get it for you." He reached in and pulled out a large, black water bottle. He handed it to Ethan. "Gramma is making more right now. I'll give it to you at school tomorrow."

"Ok." Ethan nodded nervously. "Thanks."

"Yeah."

Benny turned quickly and walked out of the room. Suddenly Ethan felt the burning in his throat come back and drank some of the fake blood. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as the first sips had been, and he was feeling a tight pain in his chest.

X

The next day at school, Ethan couldn't wait to see Benny. He'd been in pain all night and thought maybe there was something wrong with the blood Benny had given him.

But he finally started feeling better once he got to school. And as soon as he met up with Benny, all the pain went away and a sense of calm came over him.

His face lit up and he smiled excitedly when he locked eyes with his best friend. However, he was still a little nervous. He knew Benny blamed himself for what happened to him and didn't want him to feel worse than he already did. "Hey, Benny."

"Hey, dude." Benny said with an obviously fake smile. "So Gramma made you some more blood. Here's a bottle." he handed him another black water bottle. "And she also gave me a thermos because she thought you might like it warm. That sounds really disgusting but you're the vampire, so, yeah." Benny said as he handed him a professional grade thermos.

"Thanks." Ethan said quietly. "Look, Benny, please don't be upset about this. I... I know you feel bad but I don't want you to."

"I can't help it." Benny said sadly. "I hate seeing you hurt. And then I go and let this happen to you..."

"Benny, really, I hate knowing you're upset about it. I want you to go back to being your normal, uncaring self. Seeing you all serious and gloomy... it... I don't like it. Please? I never placed any blame on you, but if it helps, I forgive you, ok? Just please don't be so sad."

"It's not that easy."

"Benny." Ethan sent him a pleading look.

Benny never could say 'no' to that face. "I'll try." He smiled a little when Ethan looked pleased.

"Thanks." Ethan sighed in relief. He stared at Benny as a strange scent filled his nostrils.

"Well, aren't you gonna drink any?" Benny asked, bringing Ethan out of his semi-trance.

"What? Oh... yeah." Ethan unscrewed the cap on the thermos and took a sip of the warm synthetic blood. "Wow. It's good." And it was, but that same smell from before seemed to be canceling out some of the intensity of the taste. He sniffed around, trying to find the source of it. But it only brought him closer to Benny.

"Um, bro? Are you... feeling ok?"

"Huh?" Ethan shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Sure, I'm... fine. But are you wearing new deodorant?"

"Nope." Benny slightly widened his eyes in confusion.

"New cologne?"

"Not wearing any cologne at all. Why?" Benny looked worried. "Do I stink?"

"No." Ethan sniffed him again. "You smell... good, actually."

Benny awkwardly lifted his arm and tried to sneak a sniff of his armpit, but he didn't smell anything too special. "O... kay then."

"Hey, guys." Sarah waved when she spotted them. "What's up?"

"Heh..." Ethan gave a tense laugh. "Not much. Just... gettin' ready to go to class."

Suddenly she caught a whiff of something and looked toward the open thermos Ethan was holding. "What is that?"

"It's another one of Gramma's new recipes." Benny said like it was nothing.

"Is it for me?" she asked as she pointed to herself. Her eyes flickered between the two boys, who stayed silent. "Um, hello? Earth to Ethan and Benny. Do you want me to try the new recipe?"

Benny glanced over at Ethan, unsure of what to do.

"Um, actually," Ethan started, "it's... mine."

"Really?" she said, leaning in to look into the container. "I thought it was some of her fake blood. See when you said 'recipe' I thought you meant..."

"He did." Ethan said. "His grandmother made me some of her blood substitute."

"...Why?" she squinted at him.

"Erica bit me yesterday after school." Ethan put his head down. "I'm a fledgeling now."

"What!" Sarah stomped a foot. "You're a vampire? After I sacrificed my only chance at being human again to save you?

"I'm sorry." Ethan said softly. "I know you became a full vampire to keep me human but I couldn't help it! I kept picking that scab and then Erica..."

She glared at Benny. "This is your fault, you know. If you had just waited for your grandmother before trying to make that potion on your own-"

"Hey!" Ethan yelled, surprising everyone including himself. "It's not Benny's fault."

"But that cut..."

"Sarah, I said it's not his fault." Ethan almost snarled at her. "Benny didn't do anything wrong, ok?"

"Whatever." she played it off. "Welcome to the ranks, I guess." She flipped her hair and walked away.

"Benny," Ethan said, seeing the somber look return to his friend's face, "don't listen to her. She's just upset because now it's like her sacrifice was in vain."

"But she's right." Benny said sadly.

"No, she's not. Come on, you said you'd try to get over it and just be happy." He reached out and touched Benny's shoulder in an effort to comfort him. But instead, his eyes glassed over and strange images flashed in his mind.

"Woah," Benny said when Ethan came back to reality, "did you just have a vision?"

Ethan gaped at his friend, starting to feel uneasy about what he saw. "...Yeah."

"Well, what was it?" Benny appeared to be genuinely curious, almost seeming like his regular self again.

"Uh... nothing. Don't worry about it." He looked away.

"Hey, don't give me that. I know when you're hiding something from me." Benny said as he grabbed Ethan's chin and turned his face back to him. He peered into his eyes, trying to get him to tell him exactly what he saw.

Ethan's eyes were held captive by Benny's. For a moment, he was almost convinced to tell him what he saw in his vision, but he couldn't. "Trust me, Benny, it's nothing, ok?"

Benny bit his lip and furrowed his brow. "Fine."

"Come on, let's just go to class." Ethan shoved the bottle and thermos into his backpack.

"Sure. I'll meet you there, I gotta make a pit stop." Benny turned and began walking away.

But Ethan reached out at lightening speed and caught Benny's shirt in a death-grip. "Wait." It was strange, but all of a sudden the thought of being separated from Benny was terrifying. "I... I'll go with you."

"Right." Benny arched an eyebrow, but said nothing more as they made their way to the bathroom.

X

The rest of a day was even more of a roller coaster Ethan. Benny seemed to be doing a lot better, carrying on like the geek he was. And being around him really made Ethan feel safe and comfortable, but any time they were separated he was in physical pain and the thirst was so strong he wasn't sure if he would live through it.

"Ethan?" Sarah said at the end of the day. "Have you seen Benny? I wanted to apologize to him for what I said this morning."

"No, I don't know where he is." Ethan's breathing was ragged, and his speech was slurred.

"Ooh, you don't look so good." she observed, leaning in to take a closer look.

He backed away from her. "I don't know what's happening. Probably just my body adjusting to the transformation."

"I don't think so, I didn't need any time to adjust. And neither did Erica or Rory. I think something's wrong with you."

He took a few more hard deep breaths. "What should... I do?"

"We should go see Benny's gramma."