Chapter 6 - You Have To Do It (Posted 17 August 2011)
Benny and Ethan spent the next few hours talking some more about things they used to do when they were little. It was nice. They didn't usually get to do that lately, what with sort of being heroes and all. Ethan's mom called a few times to check up on them; Benny's gramma had called her earlier and told her he was there. And Ethan had texted Sarah asking her to come over after school.
Which she did.
"So, what do you guys need?" she asked after they invited her in. Then her eyes moved to the space between them where she saw their hands loosely clasped together. "Aaaaaaw! That's so adorable!"
They both blushed.
"Sarah, you know we have to be touching." Ethan reminded her.
"Yeah, but that doesn't make it any less cute. But what's with the mask?"
"I just happen to be the most delicious-smelling human on the planet right now. To Ethan, anyway." Benny smirked. "So he has to wear the mask to kind of lessen the effect it has on him."
"Ok, so what do you need me for?" she asked. They went on to explain that she needed to put Ethan's parents and sister in a trance. "I don't know if I can. I haven't tried it yet."
"Will you try though?" Ethan begged. "Please?"
"Can't you just go over to Benny's house?"
"No, my parents think I'm sick. And when I'm sick, I'm not allowed to go anywhere."
"Ok fine, I'll try, but only because you look so cute in that mask."
Ethan blushed as Benny sent him a look that said I told you so. "Thanks." he said, embarrassed. "They should be home soon. Do you mind waiting down here? Benny and I have to go back upstairs and pretend to be sick in case it doesn't work."
"Alright. But you seriously owe me. Big time."
Benny and Ethan went back upstairs and climbed back into Ethan's bed. A little while later they heard the front door open. After a few minutes Sarah came up and knocked on Ethan's bedroom door.
"Come in." Ethan yelled to her.
Sarah opened the door and looked at them. "Well, it wasn't easy, but I did it. You guys are lucky I was able to do it the first time I tried. I think Jane knew what I was doing though."
"I'm going to tell her. Just not now." Ethan said. "I don't want her to be worrying about it."
"That's a good idea." Sarah agreed. "So, how are you doing, Ethan?"
"Okay, I guess, considering the circumstances." he answered.
"Benny," Sarah said, "um, did Ethan tell you what I said?"
"What you said?" Benny asked, confused. "No, I don't think he mentioned it."
"Oh." Ethan said, suddenly remembering. "I'm sorry, Sarah. I kind of got... distracted... by other things."
"It's alright." she told him. "I guess it's better for me to tell him in person."
Benny looked at them. "Tell me what?"
"I'm sorry for yelling at you and blaming you for what happened to Ethan. I know it's not your fault; I was upset but I had no right to take it out on you."
Benny wore a surprised but relieved look. "Thanks."
"Erica, on the other hand..." Sarah sighed. "I haven't talked to her. I can't believe she did this to you."
"I'm not mad at her." Ethan insisted. "I'm not mad at anyone. I don't want anyone to be blamed for this. I knew the risks when I started hanging out with vampires. Really, this was bound to happen sooner or later."
Sarah was a bit surprised by Ethan's words. "How can you just be so forgiving of everyone?"
"Because he's amazing." Benny answered quietly, not looking at either of them. He could feel their eyes on him. It was at times like this that he wished he could just keep his mouth shut. But it seemed like he was slipping up a lot more lately.
"So," Sarah tried to change the subject, "have you seen your fangs yet?"
"My fangs?" Ethan asked. "No, I haven't even protracted them yet."
"Not even once?" she asked disbelievingly.
"Not even once." he answered.
"They're kind of cool, really, once you get used to having them."
"How do I make them come out?"
"Um... you just... think about it I guess. It's the same as moving any other part of your body, you just do it." she attempted to explain.
"Ok. Um..." Ethan just pictured his fangs jutting out, and then felt a sliding sensation in his gums. When he felt something poking his lips, he pulled the surgical mask aside so he could open his mouth and feel his sharp hew teeth. He put his hand up to his mouth and let a finger rub over one of his fangs. "That is sort of cool."
"Let me see." Benny turned back to him as Ethan showed him. But he couldn't quite see them so he grabbed Ethan's chin gently and tilted his head in a few different directions so he could get a better view. "Wow. That is cool." Then he looked away from Ethan's teeth and up to his eyes, which were tinted with surprise and... fear? Benny released him immediately. "Sorry. Here, put your mask back on." He helped Ethan position the mask back over his mouth and nose and saw him return to normal.
"What was that all about?" Sarah asked, having witnessed their moment.
"Ethan took his mask off." was the only explanation Benny gave. And Ethan was still a little uncomfortable to say anything.
"Oh, right, he needs to keep it on." Sarah remembered. "I'm sorry." And awkward silence followed, with no one being able to meet anyone else's eyes.
"Benny," Ethan said, breaking the silence, "I have to go to the bathroom."
"Again?" Benny asked with a laugh, bringing the awkward level down to a minimum. "You've already gone three times today."
Ethan blushed, knowing Sarah was right there listening to their conversation. "So? I have to go again."
"Do you think you can do it by yourself?"
Ethan made a face like he was ashamed. "No."
"Are you sure?" Benny asked, remembering how uncomfortable Ethan was the first time he had to be in there with him.
"I guess I can try." Ethan was a little annoyed, but he knew Benny was just trying to be sensitive to his feelings. So he moved slightly away from Benny. But as soon as he wasn't touching him, the pain came back ten times worse than the last time, causing him to let out a scream and lash a hand out to grab Benny's arm. "No. I really can't, Benny."
"Hoo." Benny let out a pant, having experienced a high magnitude of pain as well. "Wow. I'm sorry about that. If it hurt me that bad I can't imagine what you just felt."
"Will you just come with me? I really gotta go!" By this point, Ethan was sort of bouncing and wiggling in a way that just made him look so adorable that Benny would have said 'yes' to any request.
"Okay." Benny said as he and Ethan stood. "We'll be right back," he told Sarah.
"Whatever. I guess I'll just wait here then." she sounded annoyed.
Benny waked Ethan to the bathroom and stood behind Ethan but facing away from him as Ethan used the toilet. He had his eyes squinted shut and his fingers in his ears so he wouldn't see or hear anything. He knew Ethan was embarrassed enough. Luckily they both had bare feet, so they could both put a foot back and touch their heels together, keeping them from feeling the immense pain.
When Ethan was finished he tapped Benny on the shoulder. "You know, you don't have to do that."
"Do what?"
"Close your eyes and ears. You've seen me naked before."
"I know I have. But I've never looked at you, Ethan. I don't want to invade your privacy like that."
"You don't want to invade my privacy? Just last week you barged in here to brush your teeth while I was in the shower!"
"Yeah but I didn't see anything! Since I discovered these feelings I've been acting like I'm just a regular guy. I swear I never looked at you but I couldn't just refuse to be around you whenever we were going to be undressed or something. Don't you think it'd be a little weird if I actually made a point of looking away?"
"Well then if you didn't do it then why are you doing it now?"
"Because things are different now!" Benny said a little louder than he'd intended. "You may not think they are, but it's true. Yes, I had these feelings long before you found out about them, but now that you know, I don't want to do anything that would give you the wrong idea. I would never do anything to hurt you or take advantage of you. And I know you know that, but that doesn't change the fact that I have these feelings. Whether you realize it or not, you see me differently now."
"But Benny... no, I really don't see you differently. Just because you like me like that-"
"You see?" Benny interrupted. "That's the part I don't think you understand. I don't like you. I love you. I love you, Ethan. And I'm not asking you to love me back, or do anything for that matter. I just want you to be safe and happy and I don't ever want to give you a reason to think I want any more than that."
"But I already know you wouldn't-"
"Ethan." Benny interrupted him yet again. "I know. I know you have complete trust and faith in me, but I don't want to take any chances. Not if it risks losing you."
"Losing me?"
"Yeah." Benny said with intense eyes. "Do you remember that time you asked me what my biggest fear is?"
Ethan, feeling like a prisoner in Benny's gaze, nodded slightly.
Benny breathed in before continuing. "I don't remember what I told you. But it doesn't matter, because whatever it was, it was a lie. Because ever since I first met you, my biggest fear has been losing you."
"Even... before...?" Ethan's voice broke.
"Way before."
"Benny..."
Benny held Ethan's gaze for a moment before blinking, breaking eye contact. He took a step back and let Ethan recompose himself. "Come on," he tugged on his arm, "Sarah's probably wondering what's taking so long."
"Oh," Ethan said, letting Benny pull him toward his bedroom, "right. Sarah."
"What were you guys doing in there?" she asked when they came back. "I heard yelling."
"We..." Ethan paused as he searched for the words, "we had a bit of an argument. But we're good now."
"An argument? About what?"
Ethan tried to smile as if nothing was wrong. "Nothing important. Just... guy things."
"Ah." She said with a nod. "Say no more, the less I have to hear about your 'guy things' the better. So, do you need anything else? I kind of have some homework I gotta do."
"No, I think you can go if you need to." Ethan said, kind of disappointed she couldn't stay longer.
"Thanks. But feel free to call me if you need help with anything else. I know the whole vampire thing can be hard to deal with, so if you need me I'll do my best to help you out."
"Thanks, Sarah." Ethan waved as she left. "So," he moved his arm out of Benny's grasp so he could take his hand, "what do you want to do now?"
Benny didn't squeeze Ethan's hand like he usually did. This time he just let Ethan hold it. He was afraid. He was scared to do anything affectionate because he didn't want to freak Ethan out. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"Don't worry about it." Ethan said in a soothing voice.
"But I mean it. I'm just... frustrated. I just want to protect you."
"You do protect me. But lately I'm not sure what you're trying to protect me from."
"Getting hurt." Benny explained. "I can't stand even the thought of you being hurt. And I know that sometimes it's unavoidable. Certain parts of life come with certain types of pain. But my job is to find the pain that is avoidable and protect you from it. And if that means protecting you from myself, then I'll do it."
"I don't want you to." Ethan argued. "You... you're not a danger to me. I don't need to be protected from my best friend! If anything, I'm more of a danger to you right now! At any moment I could just lose it and bite you. And when I do have to bite you, I could kill you! And if I don't bite you, you'll still die. You could die right now and it would be all my fault!"
"That's why you're wearing the mask." Benny reminded him. "See? You're in pain right now because you think you're going to kill me, but I've taken that threat away by placing that mask on your face. You can't smell me as much, so I'm safe. And when you bite me, I know you'll be able to stop yourself before you kill me. I know it. You won't be able to kill me, Ethan. I'm not even scared. I trust you with my life. So you don't have to worry about it at all."
"How do you know I won't kill you? What if I bite you and my vampire instincts take over? What if I drink too much of your blood? What if I can't stop! What if-"
Benny silenced Ethan by wrapping his arms around him and holding him tightly. "Ethan. Who's the one person who can stop you from freaking out just by hugging you?"
Ethan didn't even have to think about it. "You." he said against Benny's chest. Without even thinking he locked his arms around Benny, feeling his warmth through his shirt. And he felt Benny's hands on his back, the touch so familiar and comforting that he almost felt like he could fall asleep.
"Exactly. No matter what's going through your mind, I know that you'll remember it's me. And your desire to not kill me will overrule your instinct to keep going."
"Then why do I need the mask? You said you wanted me thinking clearly..."
"It makes it less of a risk." Benny answered.
Ethan felt his eyes water at the thought of Benny dying because of him. Then he sniffed a few times and tried to make his voice as even as possible. "Do you really love me?"
"Ethan..." Benny said, clearly not wanting to discuss it.
"Please, Benny." Ethan begged. "Just answer me. Do you really feel like that for me?"
"Yes, Ethan." Benny whispered, because he was afraid his voice would betray him. "I really do."
"I wish you didn't."
When Benny heard this he dropped his arms from around Ethan and tried to pull away.
"No!" Ethan hugged him tighter, refusing to let him escape. Benny used to be stronger than him, but with his newfound strength he was able to keep the bigger boy right where he was. "I didn't mean it like that. It's not that I don't want you to. I just wish you didn't because I feel like I don't deserve it. All these years you've been in love with me, and I didn't even notice! I keep thinking about all the conversations we've had about girls, and I only see now that you were faking all of them just to keep me happy. All you've done for me and..."
"I didn't want you to notice." Benny insisted. "I never wanted you to know at all. But soon it got to the point where I felt like you had to know or else I wasn't being a good friend. But I didn't want you to just find out by accident. I never wanted that to happen. I was going to tell you. You know I was, but then you were bitten and I didn't want to tell you then because you had enough to worry about. But I felt so bad. I felt like I was keeping this horrible secret from you. And, I mean... we know everything about each other. So I really wanted to tell you. And I knew that you wouldn't return my feelings but that you wouldn't hate me for them either. But I still worried, you know? And so I couldn't stop thinking about whether or not I should tell you. When I should do it. How I should do it. And then you had that vision and I knew... I knew it had something to do with me. The way you looked at me... like you were scared of me."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, because it's your fault I can't get my shit together." Benny mocked.
"Benny!" Ethan scolded. "Stop it. I know you only swear when you get really upset, so just take a deep breath, ok?" He felt Benny's chest expand and contract against him. "There. Now just keep breathing and listen. I don't want to say this but I think I have to. We can't leave it as this... unspoken thing. I... I don't feel the same. But I do... um... I do love you, Benny. Just not the same way. You're my best friend and I don't want you thinking that I could ever hate you or be uncomfortable around you. I mean, I guess you're right, that certain things might weird me out but I really don't think they will. I think it would be weirder if we didn't hug and stuff all the time. I just really don't want to lose any part of our friendship, ok? Because if I lose part of it, I could lose all of it. So... we've been tip-toeing around it this whole time, but I think it's time one of us just lays down the law. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I just don't feel that way about you. But that doesn't mean you have to hide your feelings for me. Just be yourself. I think we'll both be happiest that way."
"Are you sure that's what you want?"
"I'm totally sure."
"Alright. Your wish is my command. I'll do my best."
"Thank you." Ethan pulled away a little bit.
"So, how are you feeling? Thirsty?"
"Maybe a little bit. But it's not that bad."
"Don't give me that, Ethan. If you're thirsty, drink. You need it."
"Is that going to go away? You know, once this is over?"
"Probably. Normally you should only have to feed about twice a day."
"And I'll be able to drink the substitute, right? I won't have to keep drinking human blood?"
"Yeah. Because you don't need just any human's blood. You need mine. So I would assume that once we're both vampires the substitute would work for both of us."
"Good." Ethan said, relieved.
X
"Ethan?" Benny asked after a few hours of old Godzilla movies. They were sitting on Ethan's bed, with their backs against the headboard. "Are you... feeling okay?"
"What?" Ethan asked. "I don't know. My head feels kind of fuzzy."
"Are you tired?" Benny was curious as to why Ethan's eyes seemed to be changing colors.
"No. I just feel... anxious, I guess."
"Anxious? How?"
"I don't know. Like I'm supposed to be doing something." He leaned a little closer to Benny. "You smell nice."
"Uh... Ethan." Benny snapped in his face to get his attention. "ETHAN." he said a little louder.
"Huh?" He blinked. "What?"
"I think it's time."
"Time? What time?" Ethan didn't understand. But when he saw Benny bite his lip, it clicked. "Oh, you mean... How do you know?"
"Your eyes. They're all, like... fierce. And you kind of out of it just now. I think... we need to do it now. I mean, I guess we could wait if you want to, but the longer we wait, the riskier it becomes."
"No. Now. Let's do it now and get it over with."
"Okay." Benny agreed easily.
"So... um... how do you want me to...?"
"Oh. Well, I don't know. But I guess if I'm going to be bitten by a vampire, we might as well go classic." he answered, patting his neck.
Ethan laughed. "Of course. I'll just... uh... do this, and..." He got up on his knees, careful to keep contact with Benny, and swung one leg over Benny's, which were stretched straight out. Then he pulled his mask off and threw it onto the floor. He put one hand on Benny's shoulder and used the other to tilt his head in the opposite direction, exposing the base of his best friend's neck. He eyed the smooth skin cautiously, and started to feel a little scared again. "I can't do this."
"You have to."
Ethan shook his head. "I can't."
Benny lifted his arms and placed his hands on either side of Ethan's face, forcing him to look into his eyes. "Ethan. You have to."
"I can't, Benny." he insisted quietly, squeezing his eyes shut.
Benny slid his hands down Ethan's cheeks, across his shoulders, and down his sides until they rested in his waist, all the while aware that he was crossing the boundaries he'd so carefully laid out for himself. He couldn't help the images that flashed in his brain. He knew he'd feel bad about them later, but really, how often did he have the chance to feel Ethan like this? To be pinned beneath him yet completely in control? "Yes, you can. You'll die if you don't."
"Me? Who cares about me? I don't want you to die, Benny."
"I'm not going to die, Ethan." Benny said in a calm voice. "I promise."
"You can't make a promise like that."
"Too late, looks like I already did. Now just do it, Ethan. We'll both die if you don't do this. I'm sorry to put you under this much pressure but all you have to do to save us us bite me. That's it. Just one little bite and we'll be fine."
"I don't know..."
"Well I do. You can do it, Ethan. I know you can. You're going to bite me and then we'll be safe. It will all be over in a matter of seconds. Just do it."
"What if I hurt you?"
"It's better than killing me." Benny attempted a joke. "Seriously, Ethan. Come on, buddy. I want this, remember? And this way we can stay friends forever. It's not a bad thing. So just try, at least. Please."
Ethan took a deep breath and nodded. "Right. Okay. Here I go, I guess..." He leaned in closer to Benny, held steady by the strong hands on his hips, and opened his mouth wide. He forced his fangs out and before he had time to have more second thoughts, he clamped his mouth down on Benny's neck, piercing through his flesh.
X
:Ethan's POV:
I can't believe I'm doing this. I can barely breathe. Partly because I'm afraid to, since Benny just smells so freaking good. I know that's a weird thing to say about your best friend, but it's true. It's like every single delicious smell perfectly combined just to draw me in.
I don't think I'll ever forget the feeling of my fangs digging into his warm skin. It sent a surge of adrenaline through my body, both frightening me and exciting me at the same time. It was like biting into a pear, a little rough but still had that satisfying pop as my teeth ripped through it.
And then the taste of his blood. It was unlike anything I'd ever tasted before. Obviously, since it was the first time I ever drank real blood. Sure, the occasional nosebleed forced me to sample my own as a human, so I'd been expecting it to taste just like that. But this was so much different. I don't know if it was because I was a vampire or just because it was Benny's blood, or maybe a combination of the two, but it was delicious. It was warm and thick, almost like a salty homemade soup as it slipped past my tongue and down my throat. And there was a certain unplaceable sweetness to it. Just a small twang near the back of my tongue that made it even tastier.
It was an irresistible flavor that was almost impossible for me to comprehend. And I never wanted to stop tasting it.
X
:Benny's POV:
I wasn't ready for the pain that came when Ethan bit me. I expected it to be like a little pinch, or like a bee sting. But it was a hundred times worse than that. And it didn't go away as he kept drinking the blood that flowed from me. It was so bad I thought I might die from the pain alone; my whole upper body felt like it was on fire. And my throat was seizing up as well. I couldn't catch my breath and my eyes were watering from the strain.
But I tried not to focus on the pain. I tried to focus my attention on all the places Ethan was touching me. His legs on either side of me. His hand on my shoulder and his other one in my hair. And of course his lips locked firmly on my bare skin. I knew this was as close to a kiss as I would ever get. So regardless of how much pain it was causing me, I was cherishing the feel of his gentle lips against my skin. It was beautiful.
But then I started to feel strange. As I felt my blood whoosh out of the holes Ethan created in my skin, I started to feel dizzy. I couldn't quite locate the different sensations on my body and I lost control of my limbs. I felt weak. And then I blacked out.
X
:3rd Person POV:
Ethan was entranced by the taste of the liquid gushing into his mouth. But when he felt Benny's arms fall from his hips to the bed, something pulled him out of this hypnotic state. He felt the rest of Benny's body go slack and realized he'd taken way too much of Benny's blood.
He stopped immediately and dislodged his fangs from Benny's neck. A drop of blood dribbled down his neck and soaked into the collar of Benny's shirt. Ethan retracted his fangs, licked the excess blood off his lips and looked at his friend in worry.
"Benny?" He shook him gently. "Benny. Benny, wake up." He tried shaking him harder and patting his face, but he didn't open his eyes. "Oh, no. No no no no no. This is not happening, Benny. Come on, wake up." Ethan leaned back to get a better look at him. He was so pale and when Ethan tried to slap him awake again, his skin was ice-cold to the touch. Then he tried to listen for any sign of a heartbeat by placing his ear against Benny's chest. He was somewhat relieved to hear a tiny pulsation, but it was so quiet and they were coming so slowly. And he wasn't breathing. "Why aren't you breathing, Benny?" Ethan started to cry as he lifted Benny's head and tilted it back. He peeled his eyelids open one at a time and tried to get his attention but his eyes were glassed over and empty.