Chapter 5: In Your Best Interest

"So..." An apprehensive Wally West drummed his gloved fingers on the table, trying not to feel like the five-year-old boy who'd been called in to explain to the Principal as to why he'd dunked one of his classmate's dangling pigtails into the yellow and purple acrylic paint pots. Something told him that his reasons here weren't going to go down any better than when he'd tried to expound to Mr. Madison about the allure of Anne's pigtails and their greater size potential compared to that of the measly little paintbrushes the school had provided them with seeing as he was working on a space scene masterpiece that when completed would just blow away Jimmy D's pathetic robot battle depiction. Also that being hauled in like this was curtailing his creativity to the point that he didn't feel in the groove anymore and it was all the school's fault if he failed as the next Leonardo de Wimpy...which was just as well because who wanted to lumped with someone who had such a lousy name?

Wally looked up to see the others staring at him; looked down again just as quickly.

Boy, did Supes look uncannily like art critic Mr. Madison or what?

Anxious for something to take his mind off of things, the nervous speedster considered the pad of paper someone had left behind on the table. He could fill the time between castigations by creating some uncomplimentary doodles of everyone, but there was no pen or pencil left behind...darn it.

(The forgotten pad was grabbed up anyway as it still held possibilities.)

"So..." Wally reiterated, lacking the faintest idea of what to say to the waiting Founders; however that didn't mean he was without any ideas at all. Fingers busily messed with college-lined pages as he considered his options.

Superman finally opened his mouth.

"Flash, we realize that this hasn't been the most ideal situation for you. However, you should have called us the moment you started feeling distress."

Uh huh. They'd left me behind to go battle Hal 2000 and it was my fault that this has stressed me out?

"Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly briefed on my duties there, Supey-dupey. Someone forgot to add that command to the fridge post-it notes. Now, if you were out of those and don't want to risk contributing to the paper left in landfills, maybe we should invest in a few sets of those magnet-board alphabet letters? Nice and bright ones so as to be sure to capture the resident kiddie's wayward attention while mommy and daddy were out on an errand?"

"Sarcasm-"

Wally threw his hands into the air. "Hey, I was drugged, Supes! Possibly suffering from a concussion! Or...hey, maybe what happened was from whatever the side effect would be for whatever the heck it was you guys used to knock me out! By the way, thanks for that. Nothing like discussing battle options one moment and vacationing in the Land of Nod the next."

"Calm yourself. The chemical I used does not have side effects," Batman informed him.

"Oh good," Wally speed fiddled with yet another sheet from a pad of paper he'd made his own. He sent the paper airplanes leisurely sailing around the table on their stealth missions, "it was FDA approved then? God knows I wouldn't want to end up being part of the target audience of some sleazy lawyer firm half a decade from now..."Were you given Bat-Knock-Out within the past five years? Experiencing frequent headaches and the desire to punch out egotistical superheroes? If so, you may be eligible for compensation..."

Ha! The x-wing squadron's trajectories were right on their targets.

From out of nowhere an equal number of emerald tie fighters blasted his poor Paper Squadron from the sky via their superior fire power before the notepaper ships could hit the back of anyone's head. Green Lantern scowled at the most likely perpetrator...indeed the only candidate for this kind of behavior...just to see that said person had nonchalantly plopped both feet onto the table. Flash grinned innocently back at them all.

"Would you be serious for once in your life?" John complained. He used another beam to move the yellow boots back to the floor. "Stop acting like a child."

"Said Emperor Green Lantern with the action-play Death Star crammed into his ring."

John sputtered some choice words; Wally was too busy building another squadron to pay attention to just what they were.

"Enough of this, both of you." Batman hissed.

"You could have died." a grim Superman pointed out.

"Would everyone stop being so melodramatic?" Exasperated with it all, Wally abandoned his war effort in order to fold his arms and deliberately put his feet up on the table again...dangerously close to Hawkgirl's nose. "I wouldn't have died." This time it was Shayera who shoved his boots off, giving him a glare that that warned him not to do that ever again or he would, indeed, expire before his time. Green eyes glanced swiftly between Shayera and Diana. "I'm not your typical frail, screaming, female in need of saving."

Experiencing a flash of Artemis's wisdom regarding male diversionary tactics, Wonder Woman clamped one hand onto Shayera's wrist to stop any hasty retaliation by the Thangarian. "That's not the impression we got from J'onn," a determinedly compassionate Diana softly corrected him. (She was not going to let him goad her to anger in attempt to change the subject.) "He was pretty insistent that you were near death's door or worse."

Wally inwardly cringed at her words. He could tell she was sincere. Diana was always sincere. Had he really been that close to dying again? He moodily nudged one of his half-formed Sopwith Camels...complete with a little Snoopy drawing in the cockpit. "Yeah...well, I still say I would have been fine if you guys had just let me come along," he sulkily pointed out.

Across the table, Superman leaned forward, blue eyes darkened by worry. "That's what J'onn said as well. In fact, he read us the riot act for being ultimately responsible for your...nightmare."

"You mean my freaking out," Wally mumbled loud enough for everyone to hear. Reaching up with both hands, he yanked back his cowl uncaring that they could see his face. It wasn't like that mattered to him anymore being as he'd likely be kicked out of the League anyway. His fingers fisted into his scalp and tugged lightly at the red filaments. "Don't pussyfoot around it. Say what you mean. I get left alone for an hour and I freak out so much that J'onn had to dig me out of my red peanut head and into his own walnut where I went seriously tripping through his mind like..."

"Gene Kelley?" John snorted.

Wally lifted his gaze enough to give John the evil eye. "Yeah...like that. At least it wasn't like Old Yeller?" He felt a pang of guilt as Stewart went rigid.

"Don't even joke about it."

Tired, Wally scrubbed at his face. "Sorry, GL. Just...it's been a long day. Or month. Whatever. I'm exhausted and hungry for nutty ice cream with crushed oreos and whipped cream, and where's J'onn anyway?" Why wasn't J'onn here to take his side? Had the Martian grown weary of him?

"J'onn was called away by NASA. Something they wanted him to look at."

"Oh." Wally suppressed a shiver of separation anxiety. As embarrassing as it was to admit -and he had no intention of doing so- J'onn had become something of a security blanket for him. John was soft and safe.

"Given your...recurring episodes...we feel it would be wise and in your best interest if there was someone with you at all times."

"Really?" Wally perked up with a show of cheerfulness. "Can I choose who? Because in that case I'd happily bunk with Diana."

The other Founders groaned out against that idea. He smirked at their sour faces, sparing a wink at Diana to let her know he was joking. "It was worth a shot."

Batman's deep voices filled the room. "You'll be sharing a room with me."

Carumba.

Wally's smile immediately deflated. "You're kidding? I mean, it would be a first and a reason to mark the date with my best glitter pen, but c'mon...you're kidding?" Batman just glared. "Can't I compare footie pj's with someone else instead?" Wally gave a nervous laugh. "I mean, I've always wanted to check out Superman's dresser drawers...you know, answer the big questions for his fans: wool boot socks or nylons? Boxers under the red briefs or aerodynamic speedos like yours truly because...you know...underwear lines just don't jive with spandex?" When they didn't answer he let his forehead hit the table. "So much for suppressing nightmares."

"Or not spreading them..." a blushing League muttered, now wondering just what The Man of Steel did wear.

Feeling like a condemned prisoner instead of just a generic one, Wally walked beside two of his best friends and pondered the ugliness of fate.

It just wasn't fair!

"Shayera, why am I staying with Bats tonight?"

"Because J'onn won't be back until tomorrow."

Wally clicked his tongue before turning his head the other way. "GL, why am I staying with Mr. Scary tonight?"

"Because J'onn advised that Batman's presence would ease your mind's fears about getting attacked and stifle another stress attack. Also, that Batman is the only League member J'onn believes has multiple locks on his underwear drawers."

"Yeah. Why am I friends with J'onn?"

GL slapped at the back of the speedster's head. Anticipating the maneuver, Wally dodged the worst of it. He could easily have evaded the entire move, but he knew this was his friends weird way of showing they cared and it wasn't like he'd suffer a real injury.

"Hey, GL, I just thought of a magnificent question. Why can't I stay with you or Shayera?"

He was not whining.

"Because J'onn's right about the lack of child-proof locks on our private affairs and apparently my juvenile buddy thinks we're more play partners than bastions against evil."

Wally somberly nodded. "Well, that's true, but kind of moot. I already know that you like camouflage briefs and that the only thing with a strap that Shayera wears is attached to her mace."

He got another slap at his head from both of them.

Reviewer Response: One reviewer brought up a good question so I'm answering it here as well as responding directly:

(Though I'm wondering... "He used another beam to move the yellow boots back to the floor." I wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't mentioned the color, but can the ring move yellow things? I thought that was its weakness, but I'm just getting into this fandom, so I could definitely be mistaken.)

Ah...and here we hit the snarl. You are correct...kind of.
See, I tend to mix elements from the (about to become pretty obsolete) pre-September first 2011 DC Universe canon with the DC *Animated* Universe. The two Universes often do not jive even though both are created by DC. In the animated show the Green Lantern rings were useless against the color yellow. However, in the main books this was shown to be because of an 'impurity (the emotional entity of fear named Parallax) that was trapped within the main Lantern Battery at the planet Oa. After it escaped, the Lantern rings could work on yellow again.

As for my story, you can read it as either John's ring works on yellow or that it doesn't...so John grabbed him by just above the yellow boots on the -red- fabric instead.

In regards to DC continuity: DC is relaunching their entire teen line on 9/1/2011. Wally West will neither be the Flash nor in that book. Nor will he be Kid Flash in Teen Titans. To fan's knowledge, DC only has Wally West continuing to exist as either a regular human or a speedster in their kid book lineup: Young Justice (based on the cartoon show not the original book series which featured Tim Drake, Bart Allen, and Conner Kent); also Tiny Titans (a very young 'Kid Flash' in an elementary school for sidekicks. As far as DC Editorial is concerned, every thing Wally West did as Flash will cease to exist in just a few weeks. Erased. There will only be Barry Allen and Bart Allen so that Barry can be unique and special because this is the Flash that they grew up with (never mind that the original Flash was WWII vet Jay Garrick and that Wally the third Flash was Flash only a couple of issues short of Barry's run when Barry was re-installed as THE Flash in Flash: Rebirth.)

Yes, this sux royal for every Flash fan who doesn't only care about Barry Allen and Bart Allen.

Meanwhile, the Green Lantern and Batman franchises will remain essentially untouched seeing as they are too hot a property to mess with. Also, the new lineup actually consists of books that highlight one member or another of the Batman family of characters...including a villain. Catwoman outranks giving Wally his own book or even allowing him and other speedsters to share a book alongside Barry's Flash book. This is how much they want Wally out of the picture.