Weeks had passed since the attack of Hazel and Aizen. Toichi laid practically comatosed in a sense. It took him a month before his first response. It was a couple days before Haruki's birthday. His only response was that he looked at Haruki for an instant before turning away and closing his eyes. Afterwards Toichi would wake up in hte middle of the night occasionally experiencing pains. Haruki usually slept beside Toichi at night so when it first occurred Haruki tried to comfort him but Toichi began sleep talking telling him no to let go and was badmouthing himself and how he was a asshole and he deserved to die. Orihime ran in and was comforted. Haruki ahd a theory it was becasue he had done nothing to hurt his mother and the fact that Toichi was a complete Momma's boy. It hurt Haruki in a sense that Toichi was completely fine with his mother. Yet while Haruki thought that the reason why Toichi really avoided Haruki was shame. Toichi was ashamed of himself still. He believed he was weak and didn't want to face Haruki. Everyone stopped visiting Toichi after a few weeks except his mother, Haruki and Ulquiorra. Jinnosuke was too preoccupied by her brother Sora. They seemed even closer than Toichi and Jinnosuke were. Toichi awoke a few more times but continued to ignore everyone by pretending to be asleep. The pain was unbearable but this is what he wanted, what he deserved. Turning around late at night he would cry in shame. Silent tears staining his face. Once when Toichi was somewhat awake Haruki wrapped his arms around Toichi hugging him. Anger flared through the rise in Toichi's spiritual pressure but he ended up stopping to wrap his arms around his waist as pain struck him deeply.

"Stop it, let go!" croaked Toichi.

He's been crying thought Haruki.

Moving away Haruki had left the room for once besides fora shower. Orihime usually brought his food to him. Toichi was in his own room in soul society since the reshie was pure there. Moving an arm to his secret stash Toichi pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. He felt as if he were a sloth and cried out silent pains of protest as he sat up and moved to the window. Most of his weight was on the window sill. His body shook from weakness. He was force fed through a tube because he refused to admit being awake to anyone.

"Gonna bleed out again," Toichi whispered to himself.

He had bled out many times from his night terrors and pains. Inhaling the smoke from the cigarette Toichi coughed violently and had the smoke escape. Toichi heard footsteps and sensed Haruki's spiritual pressure. There was a faint knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" asked Haruki.

I want to be left alone Toichi thought

"Sure," Toichi whispered without hesitation.

Hate myself for this thought Toichi.

Haruki was hesitant since it was not even five minutes ago that Toichi had worsened. At moments his spiritual pressure was fine and then the next it went wacky. He wasn't loosing his powers that was for sure. He was just so weak that he was unstable at the moment. While he slept sometimes he'd have really high pressure shaking the entire house. Jinnosuke said that some of the soul reapers were complaining about it. Haruki was wondering though if Toichi noticed.

You baka thought Haruki you should of never used your release form AND bankai at such a weak time.

"Can I bum a smoke?" asked Haruki.

Groaning at the movement Toichi held a cigarette out. Haruki took it and stood beside Toichi.

"Can I touch you?" asked Haruki.

"No," whispered Toichi in a sad voice.

This hurt Haruki hearing the sadness in Toichi's voice. Toichi crushed the cigarette. It was only half of a benson and hedge's deluxe anyways. Moving to his bed slowly he laid down and wrapped the covers over himself.

"I've been awake too long," said a tiresome Toichi.

Passing out once again Haruki finished his cigarette and crushed it then moved to Toichi. Moving the hair out of Toichi's face he heard the faint breathing that revealed strain. Haruki leaned forward and kissed Toichi's lips slightly. A single tear sliding down the side of his face on his nose and trickled to Toichi and down his cheek.

"I love you," whispered Haruki," get better soon...Please."

More weeks had passed and Toichi barely woke up after he spoke to Haruki. Toichi had no idea what the day was. Looking at his room it seemed like Christmas time. Getting out of bed he was surprised at the lack of pain. His legs wobbled as he moved. Looking down at his body he noticed his skinny jeans were like blue jeans. Very baggy especially around his hips. There was a belt on his dresser so as he slowly moved forward he put it on. Moving his shirt which was also too small he noticed the scar from being stabbed. Wrapping his arms around his waist he felt insecure. Not because of his weight but because of his weakness. He heard the stories while he "slept". Jinnosuke mostly talked about Sora, his mother tried coaxing him to awaken nadhis father was silent and seldom spoke. Leaving his room he moved down the hallway and down the stairs.

"Surprise!" shouted a bunch of people.

"What? Holy crap it's Toichi!" said a voice.

Toichi looked down at the floor and immediately Sora was at his side.

"Want help?" asked Sora.

Toichi leaned into Sora as Sora wrapped his arm around Toichi's waist. Everyone was silent.

"This is a party," said Toichi," don't let me being here spoil it."

"Well..." began Izuru," it's actually for you and Haruki...We just never thought you'd be awake for it. Sorry."

Haruki entered the room.

"What the?" said a surprised Haruki at the amount of Soul reapers in the room.

"Surprise," said a cheerful Hanataro

All the captains, Lieutenants and some thirds seats and other soul reapers were in the room. They didn't phase Haruki though as he walked up to Toichi.

"I'll help you," offered Haruki.

"No thanks," said Sora as he held Toichi.

"Excuse me?" asked Haruki.

"You're excused," said Sora.

"Oh fuck you," said an angered Haruki," I didn't ask you, Sora. I asked Toichi."

"Well considering he never talked to you or was really awake I don't believe you've helped," said Sora.

"Yeah cause he's always been awake to talk to you," snapped Haruki.

What Sora had said pissed Haurki off even more.

"Well guess what," said Haruki," while you played slace to that bitch. I was helping out Toichi."

"Fuck you," said Sora.

"Sorry I don't do twins," sneered Haruki," plus if you were so "trapped" as you say why didn't you try to escape? Maybe you weren't ever free of Hazel."

"I wasn't strong enough!" shouted Sora," until Toichi came I wasn't strong enough to escape."

Some nerve was hit and Haruki snapped. Toichi saw it coming and quickly moved in front of Sora. Haruki's fist had already snapped forward and hit Toichi forcing him backwards. Flying into Sora he was knocked over as Toichi continued to move and hit the wall. Slumping to the floor rubble landed on his head. Blood dribbled down his nose and his head hurt.

"Toichi," said Haruki," oh God I'm so fucking sorry I didn't mean to hit you.. I only wanted to hit Sora."

Leaning against the wall Toichi propelled himself up. He planned on going back upstairs. Everyone was silent.

I deserve this. I'm such an emo bitch. Moping about. Being depressed. thought Toichi.

Passing Haruki no one spoke until one soul reaper from squad nine did.

"Are you okay Captain Shiefler-San?"

Toichi's back was faced to the lowly ranked seated officer. Anger flared through him. Quickily turning to the boy he glared at him.

"What did you just say?" asked Toichi threw clenched teeth and then keeled over clutching his stomach and he coughed.

Yoroichi smirked," Now this is interesting."

The lowly soul reaper left for a second and then came back showing Toichi the uniform. Toichi could now stand and look at the kid.

"S..S...See," studdered the boy," this party is celebrating you captain's acceptance. We waited and we were announcing it."

Toichi was still angry but he gently took the uniform.

"Fine," said Toichi," I accept."

Kira Izuru moved to Haruki holding out one for him. Which he took as well.

"I don't plan on betraying you," said Haruki," I plan to help this squad through thick and thin."

"Thank you Sir," said Izuru.

Haruki sent Sora a heated glare before he left. The first place he went was Toichi's room.

"Hey Captain,' said Haruki and playfully nudged him.

"I don't deserve this," said Toichi.

Toichi's nose bleed stopped. Haruki turned him around. Pulling Toichi into his arms he used his hand to tilt up Toichi's head gently pressing his lips to Toichi's. One arm snapped around Toichi's waist.

"I love you," whispered Haruki against Toichi's lips.

"What?" asked Toichi.

"Do I have to say it again?" asked Haruki and laughed," I LOVE you."

A smile appeared on Toichi's face. It seemed like a long time that Toichi had ever smiled. Toichi kissed Haruki back.

"I love you too," said Toichi

Things weren't perfect but Toichi was somewhat happy. He didn't care that his nose was broken and hurted like a bitch, that his best friend and brother hated each other. He loved Haruki and vice versa.

"You know it's new years eve, ne," said Haruki.

Be happy thought Toichi.

"Then lets have some fun," said Toichi and tried to pull away.

Haruki shook his head," we're walking down like this. Don't care what people think. I'm a captain for fucks sake. They gotta respect me."

Toichi laughed. Another thing that seemed to him that happened oh so long ago. Walking downstairs smiling and in their captains uniforms Toichi saw his own assistant captain.

"Captain Shiefler-san," said Hisagi.

"Toichi," said Toichi.

"Toichi," repeated Hisagi," thank you for accepting our squad by accepting being our captain."

"It's no biggie," said Toichi," soooo we gonna party since it's new years eve?"

"Hell yeah!" said Rangiku," I brought so much sake."

Toichi wanted to drink so badly.

"And how did you do so without me noticing?" asked a slightly annoyed Toshiro.

"I uhhh," said Rangiku.

"What ever," said Toshiro,' anything broken is coming out of YOUR salary and your salary alone."

"Aw Captain but why?" asked Rangiku.

"Because you brought the alcohol," said Toshiro.

"Fine," huffed Rangiku.

Orihime moved to Toichi showing concern in her eyes for her son.

"Can I heal you nose?" asked Orihime," it breaks my heart to seeyou injured."

"Onwy mwy nowse," said Toichi.

Using her powers Orihime managed to place Toichi's nose back in to place and Ulquiorra appeared so Toichi could clean his face with a cloth.

"Thanks," said Toichi," to be honest that was the only pain I felt today. I feel better now."

"I'm glad to hear that," said Orihime.

Toichi was now completely healed. His nose not his entire body. He still had the pains of his battle with Aizen.

"Go drink," offered Orihime," have some fun. I'll make sure you don't embarrass yourself."

"uh," replied Toichi," thanks?"

"It's kind of like a gift," said Orihime," a one time thing. The only thing is, is you gotta wake up early tomorrow. 5:00 am to be precise. I want to enjoy Christmas as a family."

"Aw Mom," said Toichi," love you no matter what."

Toichi was still in his Harukis' arms and moved to hug his mother and she hugged back.

"Now go enjoy yourself," said Orihime," and be safe."

Right away Rangiku ran up to Toichi and Haruki handing them beverages. At first Toichi was hesitant. Sipping little by little while Haruki drank the majority of his drinks in a quick amount of time. Toichi on the other hand did no plan to abuse his mothers kindness like most would.

"Let loose," said Rangiku," learn to have fun."

"I'm not really in the party mood," admitted Toichi.

"Aw stop acting like Captain Kuchiki," complained Rangiku.

"What about me?" asked

A startled Rangiku jumped at the apperance of squad 6 captain Byukuya Kuchiki. She began to fumble on her words.

"Uh..N..Nothing Captain," said Rangiku.

"That is what I thought," said the captain.

Old man Yamamoto then walked up to both Toichi and Haruki.

"I have a captains meeting tomorrow at six," said teh head captain.

Toichi knew that when new captains arrived there was a little captains meeting for it. He also knew not to be tardy. Toichi had wondered why all the captains where here but after congradulations from a few of the captains who were not such snobs left. There was a few left but the majority decided they had better things to be in the presence of them. Most lieutenants like the ones from squad one, two, four, eight, eleven and twelve left. Rukia joined her brother as well. To satisfy Rangiku's constant nagging of Toichi not having any fun Toichi finished his drink in one go.

"Happy?" asked Toichi.

"Yes," anwsered Rangiku and gave him a strange drink.

"I'm going out for a smoke," Toichi muttered to himself.

Heading outside the door with Haruki the two leaned against the wall outside. Pulling out a cigarette for himself and Haruki he lit it up. This was the nice stuff that was expensive that Haruki barely got. Typically they smoked Viceroy or Accord but Toichi hated the taste. He enjoyed the fine tabacco that costed more than eight bucks in American currency. He enjoyed Peter Jackson, Export A, an occasional Canadian Classic White, and Benson and Hedges black. Sucking in the smoke of the export A red the smoke swirled around his mouth before he exhaled. Haruki leaned forward and kissed Toichi's neck in between drags. Each kiss sending heated chills throughout his body.

"Stop Haruki," pleaded Toichi.

Haruki pouted," But I thought ya loved meh."

"You drunk," stated Toichi.

"No your drunk," countered Haruki

"Lets just head inside afterwards," offered Toichi.

Haruki kissed Toichi's lips," I like that idea."

"Not in the bedroom," Toichi said.

"Yer not even drunk," said Haruki and sighed," you need to let loose."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" asked Toichi.

"'Cause you look like your going to kill someone," replied Haruki.

"I don't mean to," said Toichi and looked down at the ground.

He had a sullen look on his face.

"Look happy," said Haruki," we all like it better when ya smile. Plus ya look so much more sexy."

Toichi laughed and leaned into Haruki as he took a drag.

"So comfy," said Toichi.

Toichi kissed Haruki's neck.

"Love ya," mumbled Toichi.

"Mmm love you too," said Haruki," lets go get some sake."

"Sure," said Toichi.

Standing up the two were unaware of Sora creeping in the shadows. He wasn't sad or angry about the fact that his brother was walking off with another man. Instead he was happy for his brother.

Once Toichi and Haurki entered the house he saw Ikakku and lieutenant Iba arguing about who finished the sake. They were about to start rock, paper, scissors to determine the fighting position.

"There's more," sang Rangiku.

Toichi grabbed on of the glasses Rangiku held and began to drink it feeling the alcohol slide down his throat. The taste repulsed him. His face squinting.

"Nasty," whispered Toichi.

Handing his drink to Haruki, Toichi moved away to find a bottle of whiskey. Taking the entire bottle.

"Hey!" complained the captain of squad 8.

"There is till a lot somewhere else," said Toichi.

"Oh yeah," said the captain in realization.

The soul reapers where really enjoying themselves. Captains preferred to keep their dignity which was probably because they never drank or partied.

Maybe they are testing us and the squad 8 captain isn't really drunk Toichi thought Haruki will be watched by me I guess.

Toichi drank from the bottle of whiskey and moved down to sit in a chair. He handed the bottle to Haruki.

"Here," said Toichi.

"Nu uh drink some more," said Haruki.

Placing the bottle in Toichi's hand, Haruki forced him to drink. After a few seconds Toichi pulled it away. The alcohol now finished.

"Don't want anymore," said Toichi

Yawning Toichi leaned into Haruki.

"You can't fall asleep now," said Haruki.

"I'm not," said Toichi.

"You've been asleep too long," said Haruki.

"I know," admitted Toichi.

"I've missed you," said Haruki.

"I'm sorry," apologized Toichi..

Toichi's arms wrapped around Haruki's waist.

He's so thin thoughtHaruki how does he have the power to do anyhting. His skin is so pale more pale than usual. His skin is grey like. Poor Toichi.

Rustling Toichi's hair Haruki tried to avoid dwelling on those thoughts. Soon enough Toichi fell asleep with his head on Haruki's lap. This made Haruki smile. He wasn't moving for a while. Eventually everyone died down and passed out in weird positions. It was around four in the afternoon. Orihime went tot Toichi and smiled.

"Who would have thought he was such a light wieght," said Orihime.

"He's just tired," said Haruki," he's never awake this long or active."

"Oh no Haruki your wrong," said Orihime," I've know that he's been awake more than he appears."

"What?" said Haruki in a weaker voice than he meant to have.

Orihime hugged Haruki feeling bad knowing that that information must have stung.

"It's not like that," said Orihime," he was ashamed and he needed time to think. He told me everything and it broke my heart hearing it. I even had to patch up his wounds not using my powers because they opened. He told me how he wanted people to punish him. How he wanted them to hurt him badly for betraying everyone. He um...Well he was even forced to have sex with Hazel numerous times in the one say he disappeared. She also used Sora as well. The day he disappeared he had sex with her and later on when you called me and he was with you Hazel forced him to have..Man sex with you."

And it was amazing thought Haruki.

"Does that mean Hazel always controlled Toichi?" asked Haruki.

"I don't think so," said Orihime," and even if she did look at how he's holding on to you. He cares for you. Hazel never controlled his emotions only his actions."

Haruki leaned forward and kissed Orhime's cheek. She was the only female to show real kindess to him. She never insulted him or teased him. Only treated him like her own.

"You're the best," said Haruki," always have been the Mom I've never had. I am forever in your debt."

"Your welcome," said Orihime," but you owe me nothing. Now I must clean up this mess. Ulquiorra can you carry Toichi to bed?"

Ulquiorra came forward and piked up his son in his arms.

"He's lighter than I thought," said a confused Ulquiorra.

Toichi stirred and finally woke," what's going on?"

"You're going back to bed," said Ulquiorra.

Toichi's eyes snapped open at the thought revealing fear.

"Let me go," protested Toichi and weakly tried to get free.

"The bed won't kill you," said Ulquiorra.

"Let me go," repeated Toichi continuing to struggle weakly at first.

His struggled seized once he saw the look in his fathers' eyes. What he saw was concern. Emotion. Toichi looked dwon and became silent. He became limp and docile. Ulquiorra squeezed Toichi. Hugging his son.

"I'm glad your awake," said Ulquiorra," you were easier to carry as a child though."

"But not as fun, ne?" said Toichi.

Ulquiorra rustled Toichi's hair," not as fun."

"I'll walk if you want," offered Toichi.

"Your light," said Ulquiorra," you need your strength. You've lost a lot of weight. Everything is so baggy on you. Your soul reaper duties are off for a while except that captains meeting. Those you should attend. Me and your Mom while having you raise your spiritual pressure will try the family things we missed out so much on. We;ll involve Sora too."

Toichi looked at his father.

"how long will this take?" asked Toichi.

"A month to gain weight, build muscle and regain spiritual pressure," said Ulquiorra," we even got weight machines for different muscles. You'll get strong in no time."

Toichis' eyes saddened," I won't be as strong as I used to. I reached my limits and went over. If I can do everything I once did it will be a miracle. ultima gran rey cero may not even be possible again, or bankai while in my release state. You know when I was asleep I learned it was Hazel messing with my inner world. I'm fine now but as a captain I need strength and I can't just leave my subordinates captainless for a month. I don't care what you say I'm going to do my duties once a month and if it's really important I'll allow assistant captain Hisagi show up. It's selfish not to help them.

Ulquiorra smiled, a smile usually only given to his mother.

"I'm so proud of you," said Ulquiorra," your Mom can inform your lieutenant later."

"Wilk do Captain Shiefler," said Orihime and laughed.

"Mom," whined Toichi," it's captain Toichi or Toichi."

"We've got to put him to bed now Orihime," said Ulquiorra.

Orihime pouted," I haven't talked to him for so long. I miss him."

"Lets have him well rested for tomorrow so we can terrorize him," offered ulquiorra.

"But I have to write up a report," said Toichi.

"Haruki already did it," said Orihime.

"But he hates doing that kind of stuff," said Toichi.

"I was being nice, baka!" Haruki shouted from the kitchen.

Toichi was on the second floor. Ulquiorra took Toichi to his room and place him on his bed. He once again gave Toichi a hug.

"I loe you Toichi," said Ulquiorra," I'm sorry I couldn't protect you like I wanted to from such people like Hazel or Aizen."

"It's okay," said Toichi," I hold no grudge."

"I'm not upset about what happened," said Ulquiorra," you were controlled and manipulated leaving you unable to control yourself."

"But I wasn't on the inside," said Toichi," I couldn't control my actions but I could think freely. Feel pain, sadness and even unwanted lust. I never lusted for her but she managed to make my body do so. It's basically rape. I wish Haruki hated me and punched me harder. I wish he went for Sora a second time so I could feel the pain I deserved.'

Ulquiorra's face had both a mixture of pain and anger.

"You're a captain," began Ulquiorra, "obviously no one saw it as treason. Your still accepted by Soul society. No one is angry at you."

Ulquiorra then frowned and kissed Toichi's forhead.

"Rest and I'll see you in the morning," said Ulquiorra.

Toichi nodded his head and watched as his father left. Ulquiorra stopped at the door and nodded his head. A confused look was placed on Toichi's face. his question was answered when Haruki entered the room.

"Yo," said Haruki.

"Hey," said Toichi.

Haruki moved forward slowly and then sat on Toichi's bed. Toichi grabbed Haruki and brought him to sit between his legs. He was growing still. Haruki was not. Toichi kissed Haruki's neck. Haruki turned to face Toichi cupping his face. Haruki leaned forward to lightly kiss Toichi's lips and in return Toichi kissed back. Toichis' arms wrapped around Haruki's waist. Toichi titled his head down. Shame still haunting him. Haruki grabbed Toichi's face forcing him to look into Haruki's eyes. Toichi looked down once again.

"Look at me," commanded Haruki.

Slowly looking up beautiful luminous yellow eyes met crimson red. Toichi feared to see anger but instead he saw concern.

"I told you I love you," said Haruki," I'm not mad at you, ya baka."

"But I fucked your mom," said Toichi.

"Not by your own will," said Haruki.

"A..and I fucked you," said Haruki.

Haruki shivered at the thought of pleasure," And it felt so fucking good. Now I knew something was off even when you did so because you didn't once look at me. You never really acknowledged me. So besides that I believe you had some compassion for me. Even as you attacked me I sensed hesitation. I don't want you thinking all I want is sex from you. I just wanna sleepin bed."

Toichi looked at him.

Haruki chuckled and slid off Toichi's uniform.

"Yer wearing that to bed," said Haruki against Toichis' lips," I like the idea knowing I get to fuck a captain."

Toichi chuckled," Ya I like the idea too Captain Jagaerjaques."

"Captain Shiefler," said Haruki.

Taking off Toichi's cloths Toichi was now in his boxers. Haruki placed on his captain's uniform on Toichi. With quick speed Haruki freed himself of clothing. Pulling Toichi into his arms he placed the covers over them. Haruki fell asleep with ease while Toichi laid in bed for a while. Tears that he wanted to shed did not. He was sad. Soon enough sleep took over but instead pf a face of sorrow his face had on of happiness.

Woo eh a long time since I've updated. my laptop is fixed. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter. Story aint over yet :D got a few more chapters left

Until next time, Briar