Chapter 12 - Can't You See It? (Posted 10 November 2011)

"You know," Sarah said as she walked hand-in-hand with Ethan, "I'm really not surprised that Benny has a crush on Raoul."

"What?" Ethan gave her a confused look. "How did you...?"

"Oh, come on. It's so obvious he likes him. They've spent the last week doing everything together. I'm amazed you aren't jealous."

Ethan laughed, but inside he felt like he was being ripped apart. Of course he was jealous. Some foreign kid was stealing his best friend! Sure, he had to admit that Raoul was pretty cool, and he did want Benny to find someone he could be happy with, but did that mean they couldn't still be close? He remembered Benny promising they'd always be close, but then amending that promise by saying Ethan might not need him anymore one day. He doubted that would ever happen, but could it occur reversely? What if one day, Benny no longer needed him? "It's okay, I've been spending time with you anyway."

"I know, but I don't want to take you away from your friend. I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend."

"Thanks."

She smiled sweetly. "But aren't you a little... weirded out by it?"

"By what?"

"By Benny being so obviously in love with him."

"You think he's in love with him?" Ethan didn't like the sound of that, though he refused to admit it even to himself.

"Duh."

"Oh... well, no, it doesn't weird me out. Benny is my friend whether he likes boys or girls..."

"That's not what I mean. I couldn't care less if he's gay. I'm talking about how much Raoul looks like you."

Ethan blinked. "What?"

"You mean you don't see it?"

"No?"

"Oh my gosh, Ethan! He looks just like you, only with sandy hair! He's got the same eyes and nose, he's about your same height, and even his voice is like yours if you had a French accent."

"I... never noticed..."

"Do you think..."

"No..." Ethan shook his head. "Benny likes Raoul because he's awesome. He wears striped shirts and they both like to put mustard on their pizza and... and..."

"And other than that, he's pretty much exactly like you."

"Well maybe he just has a... type." Ethan suggested. "Short, awesome guys with curly hair."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Maybe. I just hope it works out for him. As much as I call you guys dorks, he is my friend and I want him to be happy."

"Me too."

X

"Dude, it feels like I haven't talked to you in like ten years!" Benny yelled as he opened his front door.

"That's because we haven't really hung out for over a week. Not just the two of us anyway."

"Yeah..." Benny said, looking guilty. "I'm sorry about that. Raoul..."

"I know." Ethan forced a smile. "You two really hit it off."

"Yeah, we did..." Benny said thoughtfully.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

Ethan looked around the perimeter of the door frame. "Are you going to invite me in?"

"Oh... right, sorry. Come on in." Benny stepped back from the door, making room for Ethan to step inside. From there they went up to Benny's room.

"So, how are things?" Ethan asked as they paused between levels of a video game.

"What things?"

Ethan shrugged. "Any things. How's Gramma?"

"Awesome, as usual."

"Good. And... Raoul?"

"Also awesome. Wow, that sounds funny... also awesome, also awesome..."

Ethan giggled. "Are you two getting really close?"

"Eh. A little, I guess. Why?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, hey, I know that look. What's wrong?"

"I told you, nothing."

"Ethan, I know you. Anytime you say nothing is wrong, there's definitely something. Just tell me, you know I'm always here for you."

"Has he kissed you yet?" Ethan asked suddenly, unable to stop himself.

"...What?"

"Raoul. Has he kissed you."

"No. Why would he do that?"

Ethan stared at him. "Because he likes you."

"He does?"

"Yes." Ethan said. Then realized that Benny really had no idea. "Can't you see it?"

"No..."

"Benny... he's totally crazy about you! I could tell that first day, he was all over you. And you... reciprocated."

"I what?"

"It means you were equally as-"

"I know what it means! But I was not all over him. I was just being nice." Despite this argument, Benny's face became red.

"You mean you really don't see how much you two like each other?"

"Um... no."

"Well what about now? Surely you can see it looking back."

"I... oh my god..."

"What?"

"It was me. He was talking about me! When he said he liked someone he met recently... he meant me..."

"He told you that?"

Benny nodded. "Yep."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, we got to his house right after that. Never revisited the subject."

"And... um... how do you feel? About him, I mean."

"I don't know. This is so hard to think about..."

"I'm sorry..."

"No, it's not your fault. I just... I'm still getting used to seeing you with Sarah. I don't know if I can handle picturing myself with someone..."

"Then don't." Ethan felt bad immediately after saying this. It was selfish. Raoul was the perfect person to help Benny through this tough time, to keep him sane and ease his suffering. And yet, for some reason, Ethan didn't want him to be.

"But I don't want to be alone forever, either. We're vampires, now, Ethan. We're never going to die. I've been having a tough enough time being away from you for a week, I can't even imagine a lifetime all by myself..."

"Well... maybe you should give him chance. He's pretty cool..."

"You'd be okay with that?"

"Of course."

"It doesn't bother you that he's... a boy?"

"No."

"Maybe... maybe I do like him. A little..."

Ethan wanted to frown, but quickly covered it with a hard smile. "Why don't you ask him out?"

"How do I do that?"

"Just ask him. Take him out to dinner."

"You think that'll work?"

"Definitely."

"Thanks..."

"No problem." Only it was a problem. Ethan told himself that he just wanted Benny to be happy, and he really did think Raoul was a good thing for Benny, but... he still didn't exactly feel right giving him dating advice.

X

Ethan had continued to think about Benny and Raoul through the rest of their video game marathon, as he flew home, and as he tried to fall asleep without success. He probably would have pondered it more in the morning if he wasn't feeling sleep-deprived and fuzzy-brained.

"Happy birthday!" someone yelled very loudly in Ethan's ear, startling him.

"Benny?" Ethan asked. "It's not my birthday for-"

"Two weeks. I know." Benny said, handing Ethan a thin, rectangular box held closed by a thick ribbon. "But I want you to have this now, so you can use it when it comes time."

Ethan scrutinized the box.

"Well don't just stand there," Sarah said from where she stood next to him, "open it."

"But..."

"Seriously, who waits to open a present?" Benny asked. "Go on, E."

Ethan nodded and pulled the ribbon open before lifting the top off the box. He almost squealed when he saw what was inside. "How did you get these!"

Benny grinned widely. "I waited up until midnight when they went on sale."

"What is it?" Sarah asked.

Ethan took the two slips of paper from the box. "Two tickets to the premier of Foreign Zombies Seven. The premier is on my birthday... This is going to be so awesome! We're going to have so much fun, Benny!"

"Oh..." Benny said. "Actually... I'm not going with you."

Ethan's face fell to a look of utter disappointment. "What?"

"Those tickets are for you and Sarah. It's part of the present. Getting to spend your birthday with her."

Sarah smiled thankfully. "Thanks, Benny."

Benny mirrored her smile. "No problem."

"But, Benny..." Ethan said, almost pleading. "I've always spent my birthdays with you. Literally, since my actual date of birth..."

Sarah suddenly felt uncomfortable. "I don't want you to break tradition for me..."

"No, it's fine, really." Benny insisted with a convincing smile. "I want you guys to go out and have a nice time together."

"You don't have to do this." Ethan said, hoping to convey much more. He knew what Benny was trying to do. He was trying to push him away, to ween him off of the friendship that had been supporting him for so many years. At first he'd thought it was because Benny finally realized he didn't need Ethan anymore. But then he realized it was because he didn't want Ethan to need him. He didn't want to hold him back. If it were anyone else he would have appreciate it. But coming from Benny, it only made him sad. He didn't want to be detached from Benny. At all. Ever.

"I want to."

That hurt. And Ethan couldn't deny it. The physical pain he felt in his chest, like he was being stabbed from the inside out, was too intense to be cast off as nothing. But what could he do? He had no claim on Benny. He'd lost his chance, rejected him when he could have... what? What could he have done? What could he have been? "Okay. Thanks."

"Don't mention it."