Disclaimer: I don't own The L Word
First, Last, Forever-
-Part Two: Last
"Do you want to….?"
The question hung in the air, as Bette turned to look at Tina.
Tina exhaled slowly, feeling the tension she had been harboring all day leave her body at the simple inquiry from Bette. "Yeah," she said, smiling for the first time that day.
Bette returned the tired smile. "Thanks Kit," she said as she and Tina began to leave The Planet, Angelica in tow.
Tina followed quietly behind Bette and Angie, watching as Angie babbled nonsense noises to her mother. Bette kept her gaze split between walking to the car and the daughter in her arms. Tina found that as Bette's gaze continued to turn back to Angelica, her eyes grew brighter. Every time her deep eyes landed on her daughter, Bette seemed to become more herself. Like her strength and soul resided in the little girl in her arms.
Without warning, Bette's head turned and focused on Tina. Their eyes met and Bette smiled, the light in her eyes staying as she gazed at Tina. Tina smiled in return, taking a bigger step forward so she was level with Bette. She brought her hand up, running it along Angelica's head and down her back; letting her fingers graze Bette's arm before dropping her hand altogether.
Silently, they reached Bette's car. Together, they got Angelica settled in her car seat. "Home, home, home," she said, entertaining herself as she played with her hands. Tina placed a kiss on her forehead before stepping away from the car.
Bette leaned against the open car door. "Do you want to ride with us?"
"I'd rather not leave my car, I'll follow."
Bette smiled. "Okay."
Tina hesitated and she watched Bette do the same. Slowly, she took a step forward, carefully she took hold of Bette's hand, before leaning forward and placed a light, lingering kiss on her cheek.
"See you soon," Bette whispered.
"Yeah," Tina replied as she slowly backed away, waiting until the last possible minute to let go of Bette's hand. As she turned to walk to her car, she heard Bette close her own car door and start the engine. Tina quickened her steps, not wanting to be too far behind Bette and their daughter.
Her hands began to shake as she tried to put her keys in the ignition. After five failed attempts she finally got the keys in and started the vehicle. With both hands on the steering wheel, she relaxed into the seat; taking a calming breath.
For the first time in the longest time she could recall, Tina was nervous. Even during the past month, when things had seemed so uncertain and unclear. She had merely been feeling. But now, it was all suddenly very real. And yet, she knew, she would not have it any other way. She couldn't have her life any other way.
Tina waited for Bette to pull out of her parking spot, before she followed suit. With a reassuring deep breath in, she put the car into drive and followed Bette and Angie home.
Tina froze in the doorway, balancing Angelica on her hip. She watched as Bette continued to walk into the house, oblivious to Tina's hesitance.
She had stood, just like this, many times before in the past year. Standing in the same doorway, Angelica in her arms; ready to drop her off or pick her up from Bette's care. But now was different. It had been far too long since Tina had entered this house with the intent of staying longer than a few minutes.
Tina's nerves returned, tenfold, as she stood frozen in place, unable to move. Ahead of her, Bette seemed to realize she was alone and turned around. Their gaze met and Bette smiled.
It was all the encouragement Tina needed to follow.
Angelica squirmed to be put down and Tina obliged, laughing quietly as her daughter quickly made way for her toys in the corner and began to play.
"Are you hungry?" Bette asked. "I don't know what all we have, but I'm sure I can find us something."
"I'm starving," Tina replied. "I haven't eaten all day."
Bette turned as she shrugged off her jacket. "Why not?"
Tina took her own jacket off. "Just when I thought things on set couldn't get worse, they did."
"Jenny?" Bette asked as she began to
"No, fu--," Tina caught herself from speaking the word in Angie's presence. "Adele. She's completely lost it."
"What did she do?"
Tina proceeded to tell Bette about what had occurred on set. As she spoke Bette's attention slowly shifted from being divided between finding something for dinner and Tina, to solely on Tina.
"And now they've got her directing."
Bette's eyes widened. "What? I didn't think they could do that, so late into production."
Tina shook her head. "They're funding the picture; they can do whatever the hell they want."
"What did Jenny do?" Bette asked as Tina sat at the table.
Tina's lip quirked in a half smile. "She tried to start a rebellion, before I convinced her to let me walk her off set."
There came a lull in their conversation. They both listened and watched as Angelica continued to play in the adjacent room.
"I promised her I wouldn't let them ruin our movie," Tina spoke again, her voice quiet. "She was doing so well, Bette. She was really surprising me with the choices she was making. They were so---," Tina's voice trailed, unable to voice how surprised and proud she had become of Jenny. "I need to fix this, but I don't know if I'll be able to."
Tina blinked and suddenly Bette was kneeling before her. She closed her eyes as she felt the other woman run a hand through her hair, before tucking a gold lock behind her ear. "You'll figure it out," Bette spoke quietly, making Tina open her eyes. "You always do. That's one of the things I love most about you."
As Bette spoke and softly stroked her hair, Tina felt all of the days pent up stress leave her body. She closed her eyes again and sighed, leaning into Bette's soft, reassuring touch. A touch that had been absent for far too long.
"What about you?" Tina asked, opening her eyes.
"What about me?" Bette asked, one corner of her mouth turning up in a smile. Tina was immediately taken back in time, to when she had first met Bette. Of all the things that had drawn Tina in and captivated her, it had been her smile that was the most alluring.
"I wasn't the only one who had a stressful day."
Immediately, Bette's small smile faded, and her head fell forward; she exhaled slowly.
"That bad, huh?" Tina asked, returning Bette's comforting gesture by running her hand through the other woman's hair.
"It was a nightmare," Bette said quietly, "She wouldn't let go."
Tina smiled sadly, continuing to run her hand through Bette's hair. "I'm so sorry. I know you didn't want to hurt her."
Again, there was a pause in their conversation. After a moment, Bette shook her head and looked up, catching Tina's gaze. Tina felt her breath hitch, never before seeing so much conviction residing in Bette's deep eyes. Their eyes locked and Tina knew she wouldn't be able to look away, even if she tried.
"No," Bette finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't. But I would do it over a hundred times if it meant being here with you."
If Tina had still harbored any doubt about what they had been doing fled the moment Bette spoke. She knew neither of them had ever spoken truer words. That they would do it all again, the hurt and the ache and the pain, if it meant that at the very end they would be able to call each other home.
Tina brought her hand to Bette's cheek, letting it rest on the smooth skin before her. They smiled. "I love you," Tina whispered, before bringing their lips together in a kiss.
Tina's body completely relaxed as their lips met. It was so simple, so tender, that Tina felt like crying. It was sweet, and promised more than either could say.
"Mama, hung'y."
The kiss was broken by Angie, who had walked over and was trying to climb into Tina's lap. The mother's shared a quiet laugh and smile, as Bette helped the girl reach her goal by lifting her into Tina's lap.
"You're hungry?" Tina asked. Angie nodded.
"I'll see what I can find," Bette said, placing a kiss on the back of Angelica's head as she stood. "I haven't gone shopping since before the Ride, so I don't have much," she finished, continuing the task of searching for something for them all to eat.
Tina held back a laugh as she watched Bette rummage through the kitchen, slowly beginning to let out a string of silent curse words when she came up empty handed.
"Do you think we should help your Mama find something to eat?" Tina asked the little girl in her arms.
"Mama B," Came Angelica's reply.
Tina smiled, "That's right, Mama B," she said, standing and transferring Angelica to her hip.
Together they rummaged through the kitchen in the search for something to eat for their nighttime meal. "When was the last time you went shopping," Tina asked after a few minutes of a fruitless search.
Bette sent her a narrowed look out of the corner of her eye. "It's been a while."
Tina bit her lip to keep from laughing. Bette sighed and walked over to she stood, balancing Angelica on her hip. "Hung'y," Angelica mumbled again.
Tina kissed the girl's forehead as Bette ran her hand through her hair. "What do you want to eat, Boo?" Bette asked. "Because Mama is out of ideas."
"Peanu' Jelly," Angelica replied, patting Bette's cheek before smiling a toothy smile.
"Peanut Butter and Jelly?" Tina asked, readjusting the girl so she didn't fall.
Angelica nodded.
"Gourmet," Bette said.
"It's better than McDonald's," Tina replied.
"Alright Boo," Bette said, taking her from Tina's arms and holding her at arms length before her. Angelica giggled and kicked her legs. "Peanut Butter and Jelly it is. You and Mama T go get sit down and I'll prepare our four course meal."
Bette set Angelica down and the two mothers watched as she tottered over to the table, quickly trying to climb into her seat. Tina quickly followed, before the small girl ended up hurting herself, and lifted her into the seat; helping her get situated.
Bette quickly followed, placing a loaf of bread, the peanut butter jar, the jelly jar, and two butter knives on the table. She went back to the kitchen and returned quickly with three plates and a sippy cup filled with water for Angie.
Tina unscrewed the peanut butter while Bette did the same with the jelly. Together, they each put the spread on separate pieces of bread. When she was done, Bette handed her jelly covered slice to Tina who put the two pieces together and placed the sandwich on Angelica's plate.
"Be right back," Bette said, before leaving the table again. Tina smiled and began to prepare another sandwich.
Bette quickly returned with a bottle of wine and two glasses.
"Ah, it really is gourmet," Tina said.
"Would you expect anything less?" Bette asked, sitting down and taking the completed sandwich that Tina offered her. She filled their glasses
"From you? Never," Tina said, as she finished preparing her own sandwich. Bette pulled a face and took a bite of her sandwich. Tina laughed.
Simultaneously, Tina and Bette lifted their glasses to drink; they each smiled around the glass rims. Tina wondered how she could have ever left, knowing that her connection to the woman across from her ran so much deeper than attraction and companionship.
Slowly, conversation between the three occupants of the table began to bubble, the mothers becoming completely occupied with themselves and the antics of their young daughter. As they ate, Tina was struck with the realization that this was, perhaps, the first meal they had shared as a family that Angelica would remember. That the last time they had sat down at a table together to enjoy a meal; Angelica was still in need of being held. A realization of how much time was lost.
As she watched Bette engage their daughter in as much conversation as she could, Tina swore that she would do everything in her power to ensure that no more time was lost. The simple meal of Peanut Butter and Jelly was the first they would share as a family, and Tina promised it would not be the last.
Tina watched as Bette bent down and placed a light kiss on Angelica's forehead before she did the same. Again, the realization of lost time struck Tina like a bolt of lightening. How long had it been since she and Bette and tucked Angelica into bed together? Did their daughter realize the significance of what was happening? Would she ever remember the time of her earliest years when her family had been divided?
Tina placed her hand on Angie's forehead, running slow circled over her skin.
"You okay?" Bette asked, placing her hand on Tina's back.
Tina relaxed into Bette's touch, leaning into her side. "I am." Now, she finished in her mind. She took in a deep breath letting the scent that was truly Bette wash over her. "Just tired."
Bette nodded, leaning her cheek on top of Tina's head. "We should go to bed—that is---if you'll---stay?"
Tina turned her head up, looking to Bette, surprised to see trepidation in her eyes as she spoke. She supposed they both knew, on a subconscious level, that Tina would be staying that night. And yet, there was still that possibility, for them both, that what was happening was unreal. "Yeah," Tina said quietly, "Of course."
Bette smiled, wrapping her arm around Tina's waist and guiding her from the room. They paused in the doorway, watching as Angelica finally succumbed to slumber, before they shut the door and walked down the hall to the bedroom.
They slowly got ready for bed, Tina borrowing a pair of Bette's pajamas and toothbrush. When they were ready, they stood on opposite sides of the bed. Smiling shyly at one another and Tina realized that Bette was just as nervous as she was about what they were doing. Nervous that there was still the possibility that they would screw it up again and yet nervous that this time, the could actually make it work.
And suddenly, Bette's shy smile changed, to the lopsided smirk Tina had fallen victim too so many years before. She watched as Bette slowly climbed into the bed, settling more in the center than on her side. Tina smiled and quickly followed suit, immediately wrapped herself in Bette's embrace; using her shoulder as a pillow.
They relaxed into each other, breathing slowly. Tina ran her hand along Bette's side, before resting it on her stomach, running slow circles over her shirt covered skin. "You know," she whispered, not wanting to break the relaxed atmosphere that had fallen over them. "This is what I've missed most of all."
"Hm?" Bette asked, running her hand down Tina's back before letting it rest on her hip.
"Just lying here with you, going to bed every night feeling warm and safe and protected. Feeling loved," she finished; her voice even more quiet than it had been before.
Bette squeezed her hip and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. Tina looked up. "I've missed it too," Bette responded.
Tina reached up, kissing Bette slowly, before settling back down into her embrace. As they slowly drifted to sleep Tina knew that life had finally brought her to where she was meant to be.
That, at the end of the day, the last thing she wanted was to come home to her family; to fall asleep in Bette's arms. Knowing that her ability to face each day as she woke came from the strength that Bette didn't even know she gave her.
Tina took in a deep breath and sighed, contently.
The last thing Tina recalled as she fell asleep was the lull of Bette's rising chest, the beat of her heart, the scent of her. Everything that made home, home.
And home, she was. At last.