They are at a gas station not far from the base. He loads Emmie back into the car and resigns himself to being a bad parent for the day as he hands over Emmie's convenience store breakfast of Slim Jims and Mountain Dew. He goes to buckle her in. "Wait I gotta pee!" he tried not to let his irritation show. "Rach!" He shouted toward the gas pump. Where She sat in the passenger side of Dave's truck as Finn filled up. "Potty break."
"Okay I need to go anyway." she shouts out her rolled down window and gets out to retrieve her niece from Kurt's waiting arms. He goes to tell her Emmie can walk she doesn't have to carry her but he knows places like this make Rachel's inner neurotic mother hen come out. She'll just babble about germs and pedophiles or something so He lets it go. He's staring out into the pasture behind the gas station the sky a pale blue, sun shining brightly despite the cool air and He's angry and tries not to be. Dave wanted it this way. He wanted to be planted in the earth far away so Kurt wouldn't talk to a gravestone where he wasn't anyway. Dave wasn't on the receiving end of that choice. He wasn't the one doing the leaving. He was the one who'd done the dying. The scream is clawing its way up Kurt's throat but he chokes it back he can't let anyone see he how hard this was, Army spouses didn't cry. They took it on the chin put on a good show, he has to otherwise he's not sure he can do this…
Dave's being deployed for the first time. Kurt knew it was coming he's not stupid. You can't out run fate at least not for long. You hear Emmie crying through the monitor and want to move to get her but your brain is stuck on three little words "Disposition of remains." Doing Dave's paper work simply because he has the handwriting of a serial killer was stupid.
You hear Dave talking to Emmie. "What's wrong my sweet girl? Oh oh okay… shhh I got ya, ok lets try the bouncing thing…I guess you'd say what can make feel this way…my girl…" you know him singing to your daughter should make you smile instead you are to busy being terror struck to by the clinical use of those horrible words to enjoy it.
Dave appears in the kitchen doorway with the three month old baby on his shoulder. "I got so much honey the bees are-" Dave's hand stills from tickling Emmie's back and he tugs her little pink shirt back down into place.
"Sup Fancy?" he nods a perplexed look on his face. "Kurt speak, you're paler than usual and it's scaring me."
"Does the disposition of remains mean what I think it does?"
"Yeah, just put-"
"No Dave! No you don't get to be blasé about this!" He screeches.
"It's just a plot of ground babe I could truly care less." Dave says calmly and you seriously would punch him but he's holding the baby.
"Of course you'd think that!" Dave shrugged walking over he tilted up Kurt's chin. "I know exactly where I'm headed Kurt and everything that matters you'll carry here…" he tapped a finger just over Kurt's heart
"The rest of it doesn't matter…just pick out a spot here plant me in it and be done." he dropped a kiss on Kurt's mouth. "Don't cry it isn't going to come to that anyway."
Kurt exhaled shakily "So here?"
"Here, I stopped belonging in Lima a long time ago."
"Alright then, What was Miss Prissy's deal?" he gestured to the baby in Dave' s arms. Dave shot him a crooked grin. "Just wanted to be held, demanding lil' thing kinda like you…"
Emily came bouncing out of the store. "Feel better buggy boo?" Kurt asked. Tugging his black cashmere turtleneck in place.
"Yep, and I didn't touch nothing so I don't got staph!" answered and Kurt chokes on a laugh. Loaded up and ready to go he turns over the ignition and Dave's favorite song pours from the speakers for some reason he lets it play. Maybe someone, somewhere is trying to tell him something. He pulls into traffic. "Daddy's favorite turn it up." Emmie demands. "Don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!" He's not sure everything will be alright in fact he's pretty sure It'll never be alright again but he grits his teeth and smiles so brightly at his child you'd think he won the lottery. He joins her in singing along. " Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet songs Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:") Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right. "Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right!" they are chair dancing along with the sunny reggae beat…the chours kicks in again… "Rise up this mornin', Smiled with the risin' sun, Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep Singin' sweet song Of melodies pure and true, Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:" Emmie stops doing the monkey and starts waving her hands in the air, and he figures what the hell he uses one hand to drive and with the other raises his cell phone in the air and lights it up swaying along as they sing at the top of their lungs " ".Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, worry about a thing, oh! Every little thing gonna be all right. Don't worry!"Singin': "Don't worry about a thing" - I won't worry! "'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
Finn chose that moment to call. "Hello."
"What in the fuck are you two doing?"
"Having fun why?"
"It looked like you were having some sort of joint seizure…"
"Nope." Kurt answers "Oh kay.." and Finn hangs up.
" Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right" - I won't worry! Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, Cause every little thing gonna be all right." Singin': "Don't worry about a thing, oh no !'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!" As the song faded his dad called. "You alright back there son?" Burt lead their little three car caravan in the U-haul with Finn and Rachel bringing up the rear."She was laughing, we were laughing so I just went with it."
"You're doin' good kid, but seriously no more drive dancing its gotta be dangerous and that's my granddaughter in that car."
"Gotcha Dad thanks."
"Just doin' my job."
" I know me too." Kurt rolled his eyes heavenward and mouthed. "Thank You." because he was sure Dave had sent them that much needed levity.
-/-/-/-
He was crossing into Ohio the night black around him Emily asleep in her car seat head turned in a funky angle she'd fallen asleep two thirds of the way through toy story 3 and her happy meal.
He used to like the quiet now though it just gives him to much time to think of things some big some small but all of it important at least to him. Hands wrapped around the laces of combat boots as they prepare to tie in a double knot. The weight of the steps falling on that last creaky stair just before he left. Dave was Special Ops sometimes most times he'd leave with little explanation or no warning.
So that last Saturday morning when he was gently shaken awake and was only half coherent for the final kiss goodbye he never really thought it would be final as the in last one never again sense of final he'd taken it for granted because Dave always came back, he always did. He wants that moment back to redo it rather than roll over and go back to sleep as Dave suggested.
No one ever tells you how to let go, say goodbye, reach some form of closure. Maybe closure isn't real maybe its just s pipe dream floating in the ether of grief. He's not sure of much but he is sure of one thing. Emily has to be happy she has bounce back. Which means he has to too. He won't become her responsibility like Burt had become his. As much as he loves the old man and god does he, that was never fair. So Kurt will solider on so to speak. He smirks at his mental pun, and as he listen to the national sing about walking away and starting a war on Dave's mix tape. He thinks he may not have started this war, but he'll damn sure finish it. Even if his first battle field is one he knows well Lima, and the little apartment over Hummel Automotive.
The war is moving on. The battle a fresh start.-/-/-/-
AN: I own nothing but Emmie. The songs used are Three Little Birds by Bob Marley and Start A War By The National. One or two chapters left before this story reaches its conclusion ladies and gents. I just wanna say thanks for all the reviews and alerts please keep em' coming-Meg