Grinning widely, the Joker pulled a rubber chicken from under his bed and a packet of gum from his pocket.
The batman raised an eyebrow but did not question the madman, to get out of here you needed to be mad, something he believed he truly was not. The Joker on the other hand…
Placing the gum in his mouth, the Joker chewed slowly as Batman anxiously counted down the minutes. 10 to go.
Seeing his worry the Joker laughed and eventually placed the gum from his mouth onto the bars, within seconds the substance began to fizzle and the metallic bars slowly melted away.
With the small square now large enough to fit his hand through the joker placed the gum back into his pocket, replacing it with a keycard.
'Amazing what you find just lying about these days', he chirped as he stretched his arm through the gap and swiped his card against the door.
It unlocked with a click and he calmly stepped out, looked up at the ceiling and listened in amusement as the sirens began to shriek and the 'CODE RED' warnings erupted.
'Mummy and Daddy always hate it when I sneak out without their permission', he sighed.
With a quick flick of his wrist against Batman's door the two now stood face to face in the empty corridor.
Fighting the urge to punch the clown in the face, the batman looked down the hallway awaiting the influx of armed guards.
'Relax Bats, I've done this loadsa times', the Joker laughed, patting the batman's shoulder.
Glaring at the sudden touch, the dark knight growled, 'what now then?'
Just as the Joker opened his mouth to explain the guards swarmed in, guns at the ready.
'Freeze! We are authorised to shoot at will, get down on your knees with your hands on your head!'
'Chicken' the Joker stated manner-of-factly, throwing the rubber toy into the air.
'No! Don't!' Batman yelled as the explosion surrounded the hall in smoke and flames.
'Let's not dawdle Bats! Chill out I'm sure loads of people survive my chicken-grenades', the Joker yelled as he skidded past the still bodies of the guards and down a left corridor.
'Wait, my utility belt!' the Batman called after him, as he too ran past the guards, forcing himself not to check their pulse, wishfully believing them to be okay.
'Oh Bats, you're like the annoying kid in the back of the car, are we there yet? Daddy I need to stop for the toilet!'
Catching up to the clown, both he and the Batman were now running side by side.
'Oh fine, I know where they will be keeping it, you're lucky it's on the way outta here '.
Taking a sharp turn the Joker leapfrogged over an elderly nurse and out of his sleeve produced a wet fish in which he slapped a confused receptionist with. Laughing as he did so, he eventually reached an armoured door, tapped in a pin code and bowed elegantly, gesturing the Batman into the room.
The Dark Knight entered and quickly found his belt, placing it back safely around his waist. Picking up the electronic sequencer he placed it on his belt, ensuring that once they were in a safe distance he would be able to get his communications back up and running and contact the Batcave.
He looked towards the Joker who had collected his trusty knife and was now stuffing a plush-toy of himself (presumably made by his psycho-girlfriend) into his pocket.
The batman stared.
'What? She really got my nose right on that one, have to say I am looking damn hot,' he said bringing out the toy once more, as if Batman was going to agree with him.
'Let's go,' he stated darkly, ignoring the previous statement.
Avoiding another group of guards with a smoke pellet, the dysfunctional duo eventually broke free off the asylum, leaping over the electrical, barbed fence at precisely 9am.
'Wow, out in 10 and we stopped for a snack on the way, I am getting good at this,' the clown smiled.
Once again ignoring the clown, the Batman took out his sequencer and began to re-adjust his communicational settings.
'So Bats, who do you think could possibly be out to get us? Me, I don't know anyone who could have a grudge against me but I bet there are plenty of loony-toons that would like to get back at you'.
Batman snarled, picturing the endless victims he had seen suffer through the many antics of the Clown Prince of Crime. Gordon, Barbara, Jason.
The voice in his ear awoke him from his rage as he heard the familiar sound of Oracle.
'Bruce? Are you there? Is everything okay? The news says you are in Arkham about to be unmasked, what's going on?'
'I'm fine, I'm out of there and am on my way to find the person behind all this,' he replied.
The Joker coughed dramatically, 'WE BATS, there's no I in team'.
'Who is that with you?' Barbara questioned through the ear-piece.
'I'm doing a spot of baby-sitting,' he answered coldy.
The Joker glared, his permanent grin sinking slightly as he gritted his teeth and mumbled under his breath.
'Can we go already Bats? Let's get that car on the road, I've not been in that bad boy for a few weeks now, I'll bet my spot has gotten all cold,' the clown complained.
'Is that the Joker I hear?' Barbara continued astounded.
'I'll explain later, keep me updated if you find out anything else on the killer' the Batman said, abruptly ending the conversation.
Without warning, he grabbed the Joker by his collar and grappled the two of them up into the rooftops of Gotham.
Recovering quickly from the shock, the Joker burst into song and laughter belting out 'You Can Fly' at the top of his lungs.
Eventually, after elbowing the Joker in the mouth until his voice was little more than a quiet mumble of the Disney tune they reached the far end of Gotham and glided into a cliff-face that opened up into one of Batman's many spare Batcaves.
'Hmm, nice try Bats but the last cave I was in was way bigger than this, it had plenty more gizmos too. A massive two-face coin, a giant penguin, a glass case of the dead bird-kid's outfit, loads of funny stuff like that. I know I was knocked out and stuff beforehand but I didn't get the impression we were within a cliff last time either. One of your many bat secrets eh? I'll bet you have tons of these little nests,' the clown spoke as he went around touching all sorts of gadgets and objects in the cave. Batman went to the computer and gathered files on both the Penguin and Catwoman's deaths. The screenshots showed both had been killed in a similar way, a blade of some sort sliced neatly across their throats. It had been one simple hit to their arteries. Whoever this person was they were a trained, skilled killer.
Batman continued to scan through his files, now searching through the list of rogues that he knew were skilled with blade weaponry.
Narrowing the list down slightly he looked through the remaining characters.
'That's a great picture of me, really caught my good side Bats, you should put that as your screensaver,' the Joker laughed, walking towards the computer and noting himself on the narrowed-down list.
Grunting in reply, the Batman highlighted the Joker's name and deleted it from the list.
'Hey! What gives? I have as much right to be on your most wanted as any of those wannabes, I mean Zsasz, the only thing he ever cuts his himself and who the Hell is loa?' the Joker whined.
As was custom, Batman ignored the clown but as he looked at the list, there was only one that stood out, 'That's it, it's them'.
With a click he turned off the computer and pushed a control that raised a platform on which the batplane rested. Moving towards it he preceded to climb into the vehicle, now deadset on his task at hand.
'Huh? What happened to the car? I tell you with all this jumping about in the skies today your lucky I'm not scared of heights, I reckon Pammy would hate this with her love of all things earthy. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers, I'm yet to fly the friendly skies with you in your little personal plane. I'm like your new, improved Bird-Boy. Oooh I need a nickname and maybe a sticker or something with a bat on it so that everyone knows I'm now part of your little family', the Joker giggled excitedly as he followed the Batman into the passenger seat of the plane.
'What goes with Bats? To be honest I don't see how Robin ever related to Bats, yeah they both fly but that's about it. Hmm, bats are like rodents, I could be Mole-man! Chipmunk-Chap! Mouse-man, no bats eat mice that wouldn't work'.
Batman sighed and pressed the ignition, sending the plane soaring into the night's sky.
….'Badger boy?'
It was going to be a long day. It was only 9.32am and already Batman regretted his decision to work with his greatest foe. He wondered if being unmasked would be all that bad and drifted off back into his carefree world of Bruce Wayne, anything to drown out the clowns stupid name suggestions. Didn't he know that it was a common error that bats were linked to rodents?
'Ooh wow, nice headphones Bats, we are like twins,' the grinning killer said as he placed an identical pair on his head.
'Paging Doctor Bats, we have a serious problem, a big guy dressed in black has lost the ability to smile, he doesn't get any of my amazing jokes and thinks that it is normal of him to leap from building to building and fight crime in the middle of the night. What's your verdict? … Just as I thought, this crazy can't be cured!' he continued.
Flicking out his knife he smirked darkly, 'But I do reckon I coulda get a smile out of him'.
'Approach me with that Joker and you're going head first out this plane', the Batman replied looking down at the dark sea below.
A quiet 'touchy' was heard from the passenger seat but the rest of the journey continued in relative silence as the Joker played with his blade.
'We get out here', the Batman interrupted.
The clown looked around at where they had landed. An empty field on the other side of the Gotham River.
'hmm yeah I can see why you would think this is host to a crazy-killer, if this lump of grass doesn't strike fear into the hearts of men then I don't know what does', the clown muttered sarcastically.
In silence, the Batman smoothly stepped out from the plane and when the clown followed suit he pressed a small button on his belt that made the plane vanish into thin air.
'I have to get one of them for myself, think how great hide and seek would be', the Joker smiled.
Walking onwards the Batman's voice turned into little more than a whisper, 'you're in the middle of nowhere so don't think about running away. Stay here, I'll get to the bottom of this and then when I'm done I will drop you back off home in time for lunch'.
'Wow, you do have some humour', the clown noted dryly.
'Can you at least tell me why we are here? Are you away to get me a pony or something?' the Joker grinned.
Without a reply the Batman glided upwards and out of sight leaving his teammate alone in the empty field.