Nick lay in his bed, alone, staring up at the ceiling. He spread his arms and legs out, taking up as much space as possible. The sunlight shone through the thin curtains and he contemplated getting up and closing the privacy shade.
He could hear Aaron snoring on the other side of the wall behind his bed, Zak's music from the wall in front of him. They were both so close, yet a world away. Briefly, he touched his fingertips to his lips. Zak had kissed him last night, without the influence of any kind of drug. He closed his eyes, remembering the soft feel of the full lips against his.
Nick wasn't sure what to think about the whole mess. He wasn't even sure why he couldn't look Aaron in the eye with all the lights on during breakdown. Did he feel guilty that Zak had kissed him? And what the hell did this do to their group dynamic? If Zak was going to continue to be an ass… And he didn't want to hurt Aaron. How did Aaron feel about all this? Shit, he didn't even ask him.
The snoring suddenly stopped on the other side of the wall, as though his thoughts were felt through the plaster. Quickly, Nick stood up and dressed. He thought he knew how Zak felt, but he had no clue about Aaron. Yeah, he had said they were good, but that didn't tell him anything. Hell, he wasn't even sure how he felt about it. His brain was going 90 mph and he needed to know what was going through Aaron's bald head. Grabbing his keycard, he walked out the door, knocking on Aaron's door.
~*~*~*~
Zak lay on his own bed, in his own lonely room, listening to his ipod blare through the little clock radio on the hotel nightstand. If he had half the balls he did during lockdown, he would march over to Nick's room and demand they figure this out right now. It was either a yes or no answer. Either they were attracted to each other and it was good or they weren't and it wasn't. That's it. That's all there is to it.
He even got up, put on his tightest t-shirt, and stood in front of the giant bathroom mirror for at least 15 minutes. Nick had always told him that he should just leave his hair, it looked fine natural. But did fine mean just fine? Or did it mean that it looked good natural? Zak glared at himself in the mirror. Not like it should matter anyways. Because, you know, they hadn't made a decision yet.
Zak laid back down in the bed. What if Nick was asleep? He'd piss him off then, and he didn't want to do that. What would he say anyways? Want to fuck so we can figure out if we're gay? Because that's so smooth.
Zak raked his hands over his face. He could also just ignore it. Lay there, ignore what had happened the night before, ignore waking up in Nick's arms, feeling his warmth surround him. He couldn't ignore the fact that he didn't want to shower that morning because his skin actually smelled like Nick and he took an odd sense of comfort in that. So maybe it was just his problem. He could deal with that.
Nick's door opened into the hallway. The sound of it echoed into Zak's room, even over the music. Quickly, Zak slammed his ipod off and hurried to his door. Looking through the peephole, he heard the knock, only it wasn't on his door. Slowly, Zak backed away. He heard Aaron open his door, the sounds of recognition, and the door closing on an empty hallway.
His chest felt tight as he laid back down in his bed. Steeling his face, Zak turned out the light and rolled over on his side, away from the door. Clutching a pillow tightly in his arms, he whispered to the night air, "Why him?"
~*~*~*~
Nick stood in Aaron's room, facing the sleepy man sitting on his bed but not looking at him. Aaron yawned, "You ok, dude?"
Nick ran his foot over the carpeting, crossing his arms over his chest. "No… no I'm not." Aaron gestured for him to take a chair. Sitting down, he spread his fingers out on the tiny dinette set, trying to find the words to say. Now that he was here, he questioned his own motives. Staring at his wedding ring, he started, "How do you feel about last night?"
"What do you mean how do I feel?"
"Do you regret it?"
"No," came the quick response. "Do you?"
Nick shook his head. "I don't. I think that's what scares me the most."
Aaron stared hard at the man across from him. On pure instinct, he stood up, quickly crossing the short space between the bed and Nick's chair. Reaching down, he pulled Nick's face up, kissing him tenderly. "You don't regret any of it?"
Nick stood up, facing the man in front of him. "None of it." Taking Aaron's head in his hands, he kissed him forcefully. "What's going on here, Aaron?"
Aaron shrugged, wrapping his arms around Nick's back, pulling him in close and kissing him softly. "I'm kissing you. That's it."
Nick smiled, returning the embrace. "This whole thing… it's just blowing my mind."
Aaron released him and laid back down on the bed. "Don't think about it. Just come lay down and let's get some sleep. I'm exhausted."
Nick nodded and yawned as Aaron turned out the light, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it on the floor. Laying on his side next to Aaron, he felt an arm come over him in the darkness.
Letting out a long sigh, Nick closed his eyes. For the first time since the night before, he felt at peace. On the outer fringes of his mind as he drifted off, Nick wondered where this left Zak.