Author: LadyFromPoland
Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.
Warning: SLASH
English is not my mother language.
I'm sorry for such a late update. It wasn't an easy time for me. I hope that I'll be able to update more frequently but I can't promise anything. Enjoy!
Engagement of an idiot
Chapter 3
"Heart's beating"
When Arthur woke up the other day, he felt more confused than the previous evening. He wasn't, however, able to think about it throughout because his servant came into his chamber, bringing him his breakfast. The moment Arthur saw a tray of food, he realised that he hadn't eaten supper.
The king asked his servant to prepare his clothes and he himself started eating quickly.
"Leave me alone, Andrew," Arthur asked his servant. "Today I'll prepare myself on my own."
Andrew bowed respectfully and left his king's chamber without a single word. When Merlin used to be his servant such situation was simply impossible.
Arthur sighed silently. Everything was changing and he couldn't do anything to stop it. Sometimes the changes were good and necessary but sometimes they were ruining everything. Arthur felt that it was one of these latter moments.
Suddenly he noticed the pile of papers on his table. He smiled lightly. Merlin gave the documents back as he'd promised. They were just papers but for Arthur it meant something more. Merlin didn't forget about him. It was a good sign. It meant that he didn't lose his friend yet.
oOoOo
Arthur had a few things to do before the dinner. He watched his knights during their training. It was important to keep the bond between him and his men. Then he had to signed the documents that Merlin had taken away from him the previous day.
The king took a short bath before the dinner. He wanted to make a good impression. He wanted to prove something to Rowena but he wasn't exactly sure what it was.
When he went into the dining chamber, Merlin and Rowena were already waiting for him. They stood up and watched him very carefully. When the king came closer, Rowena bowed lightly. "Sire," she said quietly.
"You must be Rowena." Arthur watched her very carefully. She had long, auburn hair and hazel eyes. Besides she was quite petite. Rowena was also younger than Merlin and there was something unnaturally innocent about her. Arthur couldn't help thinking that it was suspicious.
"Yes, my lord," the woman confirmed.
"Who is your father?" Arthur asked her.
"Sir Cedric," she answered smoothly.
The king nodded. He knew Sir Cedric, though he was no longer serving the kingdom as a knight. He had been seriously injured during the war with Morgause. He survived but was no longer capable of fighting. "Is he feeling well, my lady?"
"Yes, though he misses the battle field."
"Arthur," Merlin spoke up. "You should stop investigating Rowena."
"If I made you feel uncomfortable, I'm sorry," Arthur told her.
"You didn't, Sire," Rowena assured him quickly.
"All right then." Arthur's gaze lingered on Merlin for a while and then he cleared his throat. "I think we can sit down and start the meal."
This time there were two servants who were attending to their dinner. Merlin didn't comment it, though Arthur saw that he wanted to. Rowena made Merlin behave more properly and it in some way started to annoy Arthur. He liked his friend the way he was, even with his all silly remarks. Any woman all over the world had right to change him.
"Lady Rowena," Arthur said politely. "Merlin didn't want to tell me about you much. You are almost his mystery."
The woman chuckled, though Arthur's tone of voice suggested something not completely positive.
"I just wanted you to meet her and see on your own eyes how wonderful she is," Merlin explained, smiling at Rowena.
"Merlin," the woman said, blushing. "You shouldn't have."
They ate in silence for a minute. Arthur was wondering what was best to say next. "I don't even know how you two met," he said eventually. "I'm sorry for my words but you'd rather not an often castle guest."
"You're right, my lord," she confirmed his words. "I never liked all those formal gatherings. I know that a lady shouldn't say that but I always preferred spending my time outdoors. Me and my father had a lovely trip until he fell off his horse. I was so terrified and didn't know what to do. Luckily Merlin was in the nearby and he helped us. That's how I met Merlin."
"Merlin never mentioned it," Arthur admitted, glancing at his friend.
The sorcerer flushed slightly. "I never thought you would be interested in this story. I really didn't do much."
"You're modest, my dear," Rowena told him. "Without you I wouldn't know what to do. My father was unconscious until Merlin came and cast a spell. I didn't even know who you were." She sighed, finally looking at the king. "Luckily my father recognised him."
Arthur felt a bit nervous. Their relationship appeared to be deeper than he'd expected.
"It's difficult to mistake Merlin for somebody else," the king said after a while. "He's one of a kind."
"That's true." Rowena smiled at Merlin lovingly. "My fiancé is special."
Arthur choked hearing her words."What do you mean by fiancé?" he asked.
Merlin blushed deeply but Rowena didn't seem to notice it. "I mean fiancé... Merlin proposed to me yesterday and I said yes. I thought you knew, my lord."
The king looked at his friend in disbelief. "No, I didn't," he said. "He should have told me..."
"I didn't want to bother you when you didn't feel well," Merlin tried to explain. "I wanted to tell you after the dinner." His voice was pleading for forgiveness but Arthur was too hurt to give him what he wanted.
"It doesn't matter," the king said coolly but Merlin saw that there was something wrong with his friend. "That's your affair."
He stood up and glanced at Rowena. "I'm sorry my lady but I lost my appetite," he said and nodded at her lightly. Then he left the dining chamber.
"I'm sorry, Merlin," the woman said weakly. "I really thought he knew..."
"I know." Merlin sighed. "That's my fault. I should have told you."
"What now?" she asked. "Is he going to be angry with you for a long time? Will he sack you?"
"No," Merlin assured her. "That's Arthur. His pride suffered a bit but the prat will be fine soon."
"You shouldn't call him this way." Rowena said worryingly. "He's your king."
"I always called him names," the warlock told her. "That's never going to change."
"You are the Court Magician and the Royal Advisor. You should show him more respect. Thanks to his law you can use magic and be who you really are."
Merlin looked at her sadly. "Arthur knows that I respect him and that I won't lick his boots."
"Perhaps you should try it from time to time. You have a big influence on the king but you would have a far greater one." Rowena sighed. "Just imagine it!"
"I don't want to," Merlin told her a little bit harshly. "Besides my influence on Arthur is not as big as you think. He never wants to listen."
Rowena felt that she took one step too far. "He likes you but you're right. I don't know what I was thinking."
"I'm glad you think so," Merlin said with relief.
oOoOo
Arthur didn't want anybody to see him. He locked the door of his chamber and found the way to his bed. It was large and cold and it reminded him of his loneliness. Almost for certain he lost Merlin. The warlock hid the truth from him. The pain that Arthur felt was as strong as the one that he felt when he had found out about Merlin's magic. Nonetheless, the pain felt different. The situation was different.
When Merlin revealed his magic, Arthur was the one to decide about his fate. Although he'd felt hurt and deceived, he'd known that he couldn't kill Merlin. Now the king had barely anything to say. He wasn't in power to forbid Merlin to marry Rowena. Such order or a threat would be unfair. Arthur wanted to keep Merlin close but not this way. He wanted Merlin to chose him over Rowena.
The king was afraid of his own feelings and of the truth that they hid but he needed to face them all. He had never felt this way about anybody, not even Gwen. Merlin was part of everything that Arthur had and did. The warlock was the heart of his heart.
Arthur wondered if it was destiny. He wanted to blame his fate and the Great Dragon and everything else. He wanted to believe that he didn't want Merlin to be with a woman because they were two sides of a bloody coin. Merlin was supposed to help him, not to start a family and forget about the great future that they were going to create. It all was, however, hopeless because deep inside he knew that he was jealous. He wanted Merlin for Merlin, not for the sake of some destiny. Arthur craved his friend's love.
The king was trembling, realising those things. He heard about such relationships but they were rare and always kept a secret. Kings were supposed to marry princesses who were able to give him a male heir. Besides he couldn't make Merlin love him.
"Destiny is a cruel thing," Arthur whispered to himself, fisting his hands.
He needed warmth, safety and love. He was a king but he was still a weak human being.
oOoOo
The vision of Merlin and Rowena haunted him in his dreams. It was horrible. He couldn't have the rest that he needed so much. It was only about him. He was responsible for the Camelot and her people. He needed to be strong to rule his land. In his life there was no place for days spent behind closed door. Nonetheless, these days he was escaping his duties more often than it was proper.
When Arthur woke up in the morning, he knew that he had to finally face his royal duties. He couldn't avoid people because they needed him and he needed them too.
Arthur took part in the council, trying to be as professional as he could. Merlin's presence didn't help him but since he was a boy, he was taught to put on his poker face.
After the council Merlin followed Arthur silently. The king felt that his friend wanted to talk with him and it was scaring him quite much.
"Arthur," the warlock said pleadingly when they went into an empty corridor.
The blonde sighed inwardly. "Yes, Merlin?" he asked, keeping on walking.
"Can we talk? I know you are angry with me but you just can't ignore me. Listen..." Merlin caught his arm and Arthur's heart quickened. His friend's touch was strong but sweet. Arthur didn't want this warmth to ever end.
"I'm not angry with you," the king denied after a while. "I just wish you were the one to tell me that you are already engaged."
"You knew I was going to marry her," Merlin said quietly.
"Yes. However engagement is a different thing. I deserved to know sooner." Arthur looked into Merlin's eyes.
"I know," the sorcerer said weakly. "I'm sorry. I promise that I will never again hide such thing from you."
"You made such promise after your secret was revealed," Arthur mumbled accusingly.
Merlin sighed. "That's true. But I didn't mean to lie to you." He looked so miserable that Arthur couldn't stand it.
"I believe you," the king said.
"Really?" Merlin asked hopefully.
"Yes." Arthur smiled at him. "What would you say if I asked you for a horse ride, tomorrow? Just the two of us..."
"I'd say that I can't wait for it," he said, grinning.
"Great... I think that I have nothing important to do in the afternoon."
"Me too." Merlin blinked a few times. "So... we're agreed, right?"
"Yes, we are." Arthur straightened up and smiled wider. "Unfortunately, I have things to do now."
"I understand," Merlin assured him, taking a step back. "I have my own duties as well. I need to help young wizards. Actually I'm already late..."
"I'd be surprised if you weren't late," Arthur told him.
"I'm not that bad," Merlin assured his friend. "Besides now it's your fault. Goodbye..." The warlock walked away in a rush.
Arthur sighed silently. He was supposed to avoid Merlin because of his feelings. Nonetheless the very same feelings made him ask the sorcerer for a horse ride. He wanted to keep him close to himself and as far away from Rowena as it was possible. His heart spoke louder than the reason and for the first time in his life he had no intention to get rid of his weakness.
As always, please, review! :)