Disclaimer: I do not own the Gilmore Girls or any of its characters, nor do I have any connection or affiliation with the actors and actresses, producers, show-runners or the CW. Because let's face it – if I did, Gilmore Girls would still be on, Rory would've married Logan, and I wouldn't be writing this fanfic.

Rating: PG for now, for language.

Major Relationships: Rory & Logan, with Luke & Lorelai from time to time.

SYNOPSIS: This story begins on the night before Rory's going away party when she and Lane are talking on her front porch, after Lane has been temporarily taken away to try and get Rory off the porch. When Lane comes back, she tells her how panicked she is, how nervous she is, and how upset she is to leave her Mom.

If I Never See You Again

By Heather Nicole

Chapter 1

RORY: I don't know. I just don't know about just picking up and leaving until who knows when and leaving my mom -- see? I'm not ready. What reporter freaks out about leaving their mom?

LANE: The lucky kind.

RORY: It's embarrassing.

LANE: How is she holding up?

RORY: She's fine. She's not freaked out at all. She's making lists and buying fanny packs. She's not even a little bit sentimental.

LANE: Your mom?

RORY: Yeah. She's really fine.

LANE: I'm sure she's freaking out on the inside.

"Maybe," Rory answered.

"No, not maybe, Rory … definitely," Lane countered.

"I guess you're right," Rory said.

"I am right. I'm a mom now too. I'm in the know," Lane said, knowingly.

The stale, hot air of the unseasonably warm summer night seemed to weigh a hundred pounds tonight, as the two old friends reminisced, one comforting the other, as they had for so many years, through all kinds of circumstances and all kinds of weather. It seemed strange to think that this may be the last time in an indefinite amount of time that they would do this.

Looking at her oldest friend, Lane could see in her face, her eyes, her every expression, that it wasn't just her mother she was afraid to leave. It wasn't her grandparents or her father. It wasn't this town and the friends who had become family. These people … they would always be here for her to return home to. No matter what happened in her life, these people, they were concrete. It was sad to leave them behind, of course. Lane couldn't imagine the strange, bittersweet sadness that Rory must feel in leaving behind all the people who had built her up to be the amazing person she had always wanted to be … that she was about to leave to go be. But in this ironic circle of connections, of giving, of taking and of leaving behind, Lane knew that it wasn't these people who worried her the most.

Lane could however imagine the pain that she would feel if she'd turned down Zach proposing to marry her, even though they were young. She could imagine the pain she'd feel if she were getting ready to leave to embark on the result of her life's work … knowing that she was leaving behind the love of her life. She could imagine the heartache. She could imagine the doubt. Even though Logan's proposal had not at all been in Rory's plans and had shocked her to the core, what Rory had most definitely not planned for was embarking on this new part of her life without Logan. Logan was the family that she had made for herself, outside of her blood relatives, outside of Stars Hollow, outside, even of Lane.

Lane knew that never in her wildest dreams, especially after the past few months, did Rory expect that Logan wouldn't be a part of wherever she was going, or she a part of wherever he was going. The future was up in the air, and that terrified Rory, but Logan became her rock and something she depended on. Now, she had to move forward, without being able to take Logan, a piece of everything in her life that she loved – friendship, family, Yale, the newspaper, and even in some ways, Stars Hollow – with her.

Rory was a worrier. This Lane knew, and knew well. Rory liked plans. She made pro-con lists, she used a planner, she liked familiarity and organization. None of what she was about to begin involved that, and none of what had just happened involved that. Had she made the right decision? Lane knew she was wondering that. And what if she changed her mind, then what? Lane knew that that scared her too.

And so, on this last evening with her very best friend for what was quite possibly a very long time, she brought up the topic she swore she wouldn't bring up for at least another month. But she forgave herself for crossing the line she herself had set because this was her best friend, the closest thing to a sister she had, her family … and Rory was leaving in just two days. This was her only shot to bring it up … pushing the envelope was the right thing to do.

"So is Lorelai the only person you're worried about leaving?" Lane hinted, searching Rory's face.

"Well … no, I mean, I'm going to miss everyone … my grandparents … this town … you, Zach, the boys … Sookie, Jackson, Martha, Davey and little no-name who has yet to arrive … Oh, wow, I might totally miss the Sookie's new baby being born. How sad," she realized aloud.

"I know you're going to miss all those things. All those people," Lane said.

"Then why did you ask?" Rory looked at her, searching for the real question that she knew was coming.

"What about … Logan?" Lane said.

Rory stared almost immediately at her hands and began to fidget with them.

"What about him?" she said, softly.

"Does he know you're leaving?" Lane asked.

"Not unless his Magic 8 Ball happens to have a more broad set of answers than mine did," Rory scoffed.

"So you didn't call him? You could call," Lane said.

"He's mad at me. He doesn't want to know. We're over," Rory said.

"It's not like that Rory, you know that. He loves you. Just because you aren't wearing the ring doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't want to know what you're doing. And what if knowing this changes his outlook on things? What if he realizes what an amazing opportunity this is? He knows that world, he knows that field. He has to know what a great shot this is for you, and if you'd gotten his offer before he got his, look at how different things could be!" Lane tried to convince, rambling, speaking faster with each word.

"No," Rory said, flatly.

"It could be," Lane tried.

"No," Rory began. "I mean, maybe it could. Who knows? But I can't think that way now, can I? I have less than 48 hours before I start my career. Not just a job, Lane. A career. This is the rest of my life that we're talking about. And if I sit here and think, for any amount of time, that this might change things, that this might alter the course … well, it's just going to take me off my game. It's taking everything I have in me to hold me together. And what if it didn't change anything? Then I'd be even more heartbroken than I am. I would be kicking myself while I was down. How silly would that be? And the fact is that I didn't get this job offer before he got his. This is the way the cards were dealt. I played them. Now I have to live with that."

"I understand that …" Lane said, not sure where to go next.

"Plus, if I think that way … then I also have to think the other way …" Rory said, still staring at her hands.

"What way?" Lane tried to grasp.

"It's hard to explain," Rory hesitated.

"I've got all night. And if not now, when?" Lane said, growing more and more aware of the time.

"Well … if I think that way, then I have to think about whether or not I made the right decision. I mean, if I had said yes to Logan and then got this job offer, we would probably be engaged, we would probably still go through with it, and I may or may not have taken the job. Probably not. And then I have to start wondering if I made the right decision saying no to him," Rory said. "I hate thinking about that. I hate thinking about whether or not I made the right decision. I hate thinking about the look on his face. I've never seen him look so hurt."

"Well, he really loves you. He knew what he was losing – you gotta give the boy major points for that," Lane encouraged.

"I know. And I do give him major points. So many points," Rory said. "Logan has been amazing to me. I've never been in love with someone the way I've been in love with Logan. The way I felt about Dean could never compare to the way I felt about Logan. And I loved Jess … which is something that I've never really admitted too often, but I did. And that love was so unfinished that it was almost traumatic. We both loved each other, and we fit so well … except that we never had the right timing. Logan came along and into my life when I wasn't expecting it, when I'd honestly given up a little hope. I didn't expect it to go so well. I didn't expect it to be so … spectacular. It's like air to me."

"I know that kind of love. It's powerful," Lane said, peering through the window only briefly before refocusing on her best friend.

"Right. It is. And the thing is, I'm not used to powerful love that works. I'm used to mediocre love that the lasts but bores me, or amazing love that fails me," Rory began. "And forget just me – look at how many times it's happened to my mom."

"You're not your mom, Rory. And Logan is not Dean, or Jess, or Luke, or Christopher, or Max. You two are a whole separate couple. Your history, your future … it's yours and yours only," Lane tried to reason.

"I know. Part of me knows that. But part of me wonders what would it say about everything I've tried to do and learn in life if I said yes to this, and went down this path before seeing what was out there on the career path, which has been my goal since I could talk, who is that? Is that me?" Rory asked.

"I think … that both of those girls are you, Rory. Rory the career driven woman who has had her eyes on the prize her whole life … and Rory who is capable of having a successful, adult relationship, too," Lane said.

"I know I'm capable. But I'm so young. I don't feel like this should have happened yet," Rory explained. "It could turn out so badly … I've seen it. My mom and my dad were never able to get it right. Dean and Lindsay. Past precedent doesn't make me feel good about this."

"Young love can work," Lane said. "Look at your grandparents … they married straight out of college, and for the most part, have been a strong, albeit slightly strange couple their whole lives. And Paris and Doyle – you told me just a few weeks ago that Paris broke up with Doyle because they were 'too young' and this 'wasn't supposed to happen yet.' But it did. You gave her the same advice I'm giving you, and they worked it out. And … well, let's not forget me and Zach. We're young – we've been married a year, and we are the same age as you, with kids. It can work. The road of young love and young marriages isn't just littered with failures. There are some successes."

"I know. I just want to know that I could be one of them. And I mean … at least when Paris pushed Doyle away, he came back for her, he forced her to reason … Logan hasn't made a move," Rory said.

"Do you want him to make a move?" Lane asked.

"Of course I do. I love him. If he made the move, then I wouldn't feel so silly about the one going back on what I said. I wouldn't feel like the girl who was considering a boy over her job willingly," Rory said.

"I don't think Logan will make that move on his own, Rory. And it has nothing to do with loving you or understanding you. Logan wasn't prepared to want this kind of life – love, steadiness, honesty, monogamy. This was a blow to his ego. Of course he's hiding. If you want him to come out … I think you're going to have to do something," Lane said.

"I just … I can't." Rory said, blankly. "I want to. But I can't. This is what I'm doing now. I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing. I'm not sure that I will ever feel better. But I just feel like I have hurt and ached and stressed so much over the past few days and weeks. I just … need something to work. Even if it means that I am, possibly, running from this."

"I understand …" Lane began, wondering whether or not to say anymore.

"But?" Rory could tell from the tone in Lane's voice that there was something that was going unsaid.

"Well … I just think – and this is the last thing I'll say, I promise – that you have a limited window of opportunity here when you could change the outcome of things. And if you do really believe that Logan is your soulmate … and if you do really think that you aren't going to be happy without him … then what is this job really worth to you? So I think you should call him … I mean, odds are he'll find out anyway that you got a job. He's part of the dotcom world now, and if you're writing on the Internet for a man Logan introduced you to, he's bound to find out," Lane said knowingly, "But I think a call from you, telling him what's going on might mean a lot. It might break the ice, it might eliminate some of the fog. And I think he'd rather hear it from you than someone else."

Rory hesitated and thought. Then softly said "Do you really think he'd want to hear from me?" in a voice so low it was barely a whisper.

"I know he would," Lane said. "After all … Logan doesn't really seem like a Magic 8 Ball kind of guy to me."

Rory smiled, finally meeting the eyes of her best friend, for a split second, and then hugging her, gratefully.

It was hard to whether or not what Lane said would make a tangible difference. But she was glad that on this one night, when Rory seemed more lost than she had in awhile, that she could hopefully give her some direction. After years of love advice being given to Lane from Rory, the tables had turned. Lane could only hope that sometime soon, Rory would find someway to ease her own pain. And as they sat on the front porch, sipping tea, listening to the very soft sound of the crickets and looking at the stars, Lane saw Rory hold out her left hand, briefly, and stare at her ring finger. And if Lane had to put money on it – not that she had any money to gamble – she would guess that Rory was feeling that maybe, just maybe, something was missing that should be there.

If only she had a Magic 8 Ball.