Thank you all for making me loose my mind. …Okay, let me explain. For everyone who wrote in about Envy, the palm tree, in one way or another, you're probably most to blame. I think that it was because I was writing an answer to an Envy related question when someone was talking about the new XXX Vitamin Water, but for the longest time, I thought that it's flavor had something to do with palm trees (because I'm so sure that there's a palm tree flavor, so I guess a little bit of it is due to my own idiocy, though I'm sure I wouldn't have thought that if it wasn't for you guys…and Envy). It may not be palm tree flavored, but it's still REALLY good. Speaking of palm trees, I think I found out Envy's favorite holiday: Palm Sunday. And did you know about the plant called Date Palm? It makes you think of Envy on a date, doesn't it? Anyway, spring break is this week (first week of April), so I'll probably have more time to do this stuff. Unless my dad takes off of work and stays home, in which I'll be several towns away. Anyway, here's today's column(of which I snuck on the computer during Creative Writing to see the questions for…so be grateful!) :

Me again. Few more things...

To Ed:
If you can't marry me, then... (Whimpers) Fine.

To Russell:
Will YOU marry me instead? (None of the fangirls seem to go for you.)

To Envy:
I've seen guys wear clothes like that. It's not weird; I dunno why people think that.

To Havoc:
I'm not saying you should go gay, but it's really not that bad. I'm bi and I have looked at other girls (Until I first saw Ed).

To Greed, Lust, Sloth, and Dante:
Thanks for the suggestions. I'm already making plans on how to make Jordan suffer! (Grins)

To Hughes:
1. I saw this guy who cosplayed as you who looked EXACTLY like you! The resemblance was freaky!
2. Can you show me pictures of Elysia?

HisokaYukiko

Ed: Uhh…Sorry?

Russell: Really, I'm not the kind of guy looking for marriage. I'd rather continue my studies with my brother. At least, for now, anyway.

Envy: That's what I've been saying!!

Havoc: I'm not saying that it's bad or anything like that; it's just something I wouldn't do.

Dante: Glad you liked our ideas… (smiles wickedly)

Hughes: Wow! Now, as for the pictures… (pulls out a huge pile of photos) Here's when she was still a baby- Isn't she adorable?- And here she is on her first birthday- I gave her that teddy bear- And this one is when-

Ed: (With Hughes still talking in the background) Um…This could take a while, so until they finish, let's move on, okay?

I'm Back!! thunder in background
Ok, these are request for two of my friends who also read this advice column but are too lazy to post it themselves.

Ed:
1. My friend is disappointed that you didn't kiss you-know-who and asks can you at least give him a brotherly hug? She also says she'll come after you with a mob of fangirls that wanna marry you if you don't!!
2. She also asked if you would please also hug the kitty I tried to give Al. You hurt it's feelings, though it might try to claw out your eyes now.

Envy:
1. Sorry for bothering you again! My other friend asks if you could transform some kitty ears onto your head please!! It would look so cute and...sigh If you do...I won't ask you to kiss you-know-who anymore...cries
2. Can you give ME a hug?! holds out arms

Wrath:
1. I like your hair! Can I brush it??
2. Unlike Envy and Ed, I don't really like pairing you up with another boy. You're way too much like a little kid for that!!

Gluttony:
1. gives 10 slices of pizza You're so cute! XD

We'll, that's all for now!

Your loyal, not crazy fan,
Sweetkittens

Ed: If I hugged him, he'd probably stab me in the back, killing me (again), and I'm just not in the mood to die right now, thank you very much. And I can elude any fangirl. I will hug the kitten, though. It's not like I hate cats or anything, I just don't think that it's practical for Al to have one right now.

Envy: …I'll only do it so you won't bother me about the pipsqueak anymore… (transforms kitty ears on his head) But I'm not giving you a hug. (transforms back)

Wrath: Umm, thanks, but no, you can't brush it!

Gluttony: …(eats the pizza)

Okay-here we go.
Ed: You are totally freaking awesome! And I'm only 5'1" if it makes you feel any better!! (I know, I'm a girl and I'm SUPPOSED to be shorter than guys and crap...) What's kinda scary is that my older step-brother has both your first name AND your hate of milk. (One of my friends has suggested that you and her start the 'Milk Rebellion'.) Anyway, you're the best ever-and don't worry, you'll get taller! (Not that you need to, I know...;) Oh-and I have one small request: Let me help you guys kick $$ every once in awhile! It would be VERY entertaining, I assure you.

Al: You are so cute! By the way, do you have your original body back in this advice column? (Cuz if you don't, I can get it back for you! And you too, Ed!! Oh, wait a minute...I shouldn't have said that...I DIDN'T KILL MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, GET OFF IT! I just might maybe be a Necromancer/Alchemist/Dragon Rider, that's all...) You can share my adorable black cat, Al! Just don't suffocate him, please-I kinda like him too. ;)

Roy: Dude. You are so fricking cool. (Not literally, obviously!! o) My friend-the same one who suggested the 'Milk Rebellion'-is a pyro too! She thinks you're hot. (LITERALLY! )

Egyptian Alchemist at Hogwarts

Ed: Uhhh…okay, thanks. Um…yeah. Go Milk Rebellion! Okay, and thanks again…I guess you could come with us if you want for a while or something. But if you get hurt, don't blame it on us…Not that I won't try to protect you as much as possible, it's just sometimes I might not be able to. So you should sign a legal waver or something.

Al: Thank you! Umm…well, it depends. That's why people get so confused with Wrath sometimes, like why he can be mean and then nice again within one column. For him, it's something like a rotation, since he as well changes throughout the series, but you can't do that for anything physical. So, whatever you want  I'd love to share your cat!! (hugs cat)

Ed: As long as it doesn't come with us…

Roy: Thanks. To your friend, too.

Hey everyone! Guess who?

First off...Ed and Envy...I would never try to hook you two up! No offense to people who do, but it's just wrong. I mean, Envy...you killed Ed! Who doesn't get that!?!

Anywho...

Ed: With all honesty...your advice worked and the jerks stopped coming after me.

Mustang: I'm one step closer...I am friends with a lot more girls. But how did you get your first girl?

Armstrong: Working hard everyday! And I am vastly improving! Any more advice?

Envy: I agree with you on the clothing. But I wouldn't be caught dead in it. But...now don't get mad...have you thought about switching clothes just to throw off your opponent? And I'm not talking about transforming either.

To you all: See ya!

Vyser D

Envy & Ed: Thank you! I agree completely!

Ed: Really. Well, that's good, then.

Roy: That's the first step. I've dated so many girls that I can't really remember, but it may have been a result of a high school dare or something.

Armstrong: EXCELENT!!! I'd say to also stretch beforehand so you don't feel too sore the next day. Also, work on one part of your body a day; follow a plan.

Envy: Transforming is the closest thing you're going to get.

Dear certain people I'm addressing this to,

Envy: Does it get annoying when people keep calling you a girl, talking about your hair being a palm tree, or asking about your skort?

Greed: I don't know about Ling being an idiot AFTER becoming the new Greed, but he was acting like an idiot before hand...I think.

Pride/King Bradley: How'd it feel being the political and military leader of Amestris, all the while deceiving people?

SplitPersonalities

Envy: No, it isn't. What do you think? Of course it is!!

Greed: Which is why I'm a bit worried…Well, I just don't want him to screw up.

Pride: Excellent. It was actually fun, to be honest with you.

Ed
-If the military made a law saying that all military personnel had to get married and it had to be consummated, who would you marry?
-Try explaining more to al why he can't have a cat.

Al
-Why don't you get a stuffed cat toy? I know you can't feed it or anything, but it's still a cat. I gave you one in my fanfiction.

Marta
-You were a really cool character. Too bad Pride had to kill you.
-Some people put you and Al together as a couple. I think that you just have a maternal instinct or something for him and Ed.

Izumi
-You rock too!

Roy
-Same question as Ed

Winry
-Why don't you try getting Ed to drink flavored milk or something? I hate the taste of regular white milk, but I drink chocolate.

Alphonse Heiderich
-You need a hug, so here's one: hugs Alphonse

that's all for now!

Harryswoman

Ed: In all honesty (please don't make me regret saying this), I'd marry Winry. I mean, many of the other women are too old for me, I'm not gay, and anyway, she'd my best friend and knows me best, so there wouldn't be as much awkwardness in trying to get to know each other. As for Al's cat, do you really think that a cat would be happy being dragged all over the place? I'm not saying that he can't ever get one, I'm just saying that it won't be for a while.

Al: If I can't get a cat, then sharing one and having a stuffed toy cat are the next best things, so thanks!

Marta: Thanks for the support. As for Al…I'm sure that he's a cute kid (I never got to see him in his human body), but that's the thing; he's a kid. Also, I'm a chimera, so our kids would have snake heads or something. If those two things weren't in the way, who knows; we might have ended up being more than just friends.

Izumi: Thanks.

Roy: As I have no current girlfriend (how did that happen??) I'd have to say Riza, as we're already together most of the time and everything. If she refused (or threatened me), I guess I could go with that Julia Douglas chick. She's pretty hot.

Ed: ……ARE YOU HITTING ON MY MOM!?

Roy: FullMetal, your mother is dead, or have you forgotten, Mr. I-tried-to-bring-her-back-and-failed-and-turned-my-brother-into-a-robot? (A/N Keri helped me with this…lol)

Ed: You do realize that every time someone called Al a robot, God (who I don't believe in anyway) kills a kitten?

Al: KITTEN HATER!!!!

Winry: Please. I've tried. The only thing he eats that involves milk is stew, which I think is a little weird…

Al Heiderich: Thanks 

Hallo, FMA peoples! I have a general question and some individual ones.

General: How did you get convinced to stay in this place and answer all of these questions from crazy people? Myself included.

Ed: Why won't you let Al have a cat you meanie?! I mean, honestly! And don't give me all that 'It would be hard to take care of' crap, I wanna know the truth! And why do you hate milk? 'Tis good with peanut butter waffles, you should try it. I'm sorry people pair you up with Envy and Roy. I almost puked when I first saw that.

Al: You're awesome! You're the only person that can still be cute as a suit of armor, I bet. I think you'd be really good friends with my best friend, she's a cat person too. Did you ever get used to being in armor and was it weird suddenly having the increased strength and speed you must have received since you couldn't feel anything?

Roy: Ohemgee, YOU'RE MY HERO! I love how you can so easily manipulate people. And you should stop being a playboy and go for Riza. The love is canon, you can't deny it! Oh, and also, I've watched the last eppy of the anime, but I never saw when you messed up your eye, so how did that happen? Are you secretly a pirate in disguise?

Riza: You're my other hero! It's awesome how you've got such great aim with your guns, it great that you can show bad guys that you don't need alchemy to kick their $$3$. How did you and Roy first meet?

Dante: Go drown yourself. Or fall into a wood chipper.

Hughes: Your death was honestly the first thing that has ever made me cry in an anime. I feel so bad for my best friend because she just started watching and you're her favorite character, she'll cry I just know it. YOUR KNIVES ARE AWESOME! Elysia is adorable! Can I see some pictures please?

Envy: You are that artsy and creative so CROCHET ME A BLANKET, KNAVE!

That's all for now, but rest assured, I will be back. (Mwuahahahaha!)

Neassa-chan

Ed: Because we have nothing better to do with our lives. Just kidding.

Al: Because it's fun.

Winry: Because we want to help people with their problems.

Riza: Because we want to clear up any questions any fans may have.

Roy: But most importantly, we wanna see Ed and Envy make-out.

Ed & Envy: HEY!!!

Roy: (smirking) Kidding, kidding…

Ed: I explained the cat thing, and I just personally think that milk is disgusting.

Al: Thanks so much! I'd love to meet your friend  It was a little weird, but mostly because I'd lost my memories from the past several years.

Roy: Thank you, thank you. Please, hold the applause.

Ed: You're so full of it…

Roy: HaHa…Anyway, it's not exactly shown in the last episode, but once I leave the "Fuhrer's" house, Archer comes and shoots my eye. I pass out, Riza shoots Archer to death, and I get a sexy patch for my eye, end of story.

Ed: He's not a pirate, he's a piro.

Riza: Thank you for the compliments. We've known each other for many years; I joined the military shortly after he did because, knowing what an idiot he is, I needed to protect him.

Roy: Hey, I'm not that much of an idiot!

Dante: That second one is pretty violent…Instead of being in the next Stone, I think I'll turn you into a homunculus.

Hughes: Awww, thanks! I'm still showing a whole bunch of pictures to HisokaYukiko right now, so why don't you join us? Ed: I told you this could take a while…

Envy: Even if I could make blankets, I wouldn't!!!

A/N No problem!!

:) Yay! Ed and Winry aren't in denial anymore!

Al: have you ever felt like Ed's "sidekick"? I know that I would get fricking annoyed if my sister was some high-up official and I had to tag along with her. (it doesn't help that she's younger than me.)

Envy: have you ever considered anger management classes? They could help you release your anger and Ed and Hohenheim in a much more healthy way than killing...how about knitting?

ed and al: did you go to school in Risembool before meeting Izumi? Where did you learn to read and write?
i realize now that during this advice column's lifespan, all I have been doing is mercilessly bothering everyone and asking dumb questions. Now I will use the advice column for what it was invented for: advice!

Ok. I am making an AMV and I don't know where to get footage of the episodes (of FMA.) does anyone have any ideas?

Also, I have weird main-character-death fetishes. Should I be worried? (sorry Ed, that means you.)(see what I mean about the sidekick thing, al? if my sister was the main character of an anime, and I was the sidekick, I'd be seriously p. o. -Ed!)

HughesHanajimaHilariaHypocrite

Al: Um…no, not really. We're a team! He's just kind of the leader…ish, while I'm more like the voice of reason (sorry, Brother). But I can do pretty much everything he does, unless you need to be a human or in the military to do it.

Envy: I don't knit, I crochet LIE, NO, I DO NOT. NOR AM I GOING TO ANGER MANAGEMENT, BECAUSE I OBVIOUSALLY DO NOT NEED IT!!!

Ed: Yeah, we went to school for a while. But, as Risembool consists mostly of farms and such and after a short time most kids drop out to help their parents out at home, we only went to learn the basics.

Al: Then we studied Alchemy at home. School wasn't that long each day, usually only four hours (are you jealous?), so we had plenty of time for that.

Ed: … "main-character-death fetishes"…? That makes me feel good…Anyway, I think that Winry is most qualified to answer the AMV question.

Winry: We don't have computers here, so I don't really know, but I'd bet that you could search for it, right?

That's all for now; I've gotta go to TaeKwonDo and I don't wanna get in trouble!!! Plus, there are no more questions, lol.