Chapter 3: Foolproof

It was perfect. Absolutely perfect! The mansion looked exactly like Spencer's old mansion. This would surely confuse and creep Chris and the others out. Wesker rubbed his palms together with an evil grin, cackling a villain chuckle. Now, all he needed to do was tell the others the plan, this foolproof plan, to capture Chris and the others where they wanted them.

Ada looked bored. Nicholai was picking his nose, and Krauser and Pyramid Head were giggling about something in the corner, probably a portrait of some cute, fuzzy animal. The tyrants were squatted down towards the floor playing jacks. Nemesis was winning; you could tell by how he was grinning…well he was always grinning. Wesker turned to face them. He frowned upon seeing his mob of henchmen doing nothing productive.

"What are you doing? Everyone come over here so I can explain on how we are going to capture Chris and the others with my new foolproof plan!"

"Foolproof?" Ada snorted. "How many times have I heard that before?"

"Shut it! Now…"

Wesker trailed off to see Hunk enter into the main hall of the mansion. He was carrying some explosives around. Wesker blinked, and so did the others. If Hunk was here with them, then who was babysitting Sherry back at Headquarters?

Flash to Headquarters…

"Steve! I want that chocolate cake now!" Sherry screamed.

"Not before your dinner young lady!" Steve countered, pointing his finger down at the young girl. He looked absolutely dumb trying to be scolding like a parent…I mean he was still wearing that ridiculous French maid outfit.

Sherry was fuming now. She kicked Steve in the nuts. The man yelped, dropping to his knees while holding himself. He glared up at the little brat.

"Chocolate cake!"

"Why you little!" Steve barked, his skin turning green.

Sherry's eyes widened as Steve was growing in size and turning green. His clothes were ripping from his growing size and Sherry screamed in fear.

"Holy crap! It's Hulk! That movie was horrible! I need some cake!" Sherry cried, running away. "Run Skittles! Run!"

The hairless cat raised its head up from its nap on Wesker's chair of doom just enough to see the girl run away and Hulk Steve roar out. The cat then yawned and went back to sleep.

"Must…destroy…cake!" Hulk Steve snarled out.

Back to Wesker and the gang…

"She's a little girl. How much damage can she cause?" Nicholai chuckled.

"Yeah, you are right. Now, let's focus here. Who makes some awesome, killer sandwiches?" Wesker inquired.

Rocko raised his huge clawed hand in excitement, grinning broadly. "Oh me! Pick me!"

"Why would I pick you, Nacho? You impaled me!" Wesker barked.

"It's Rocko, sir! And I can make a turkey and bacon club like you wouldn't believe!"

"Alright, alright. You better be right about this! If the sandwiches aren't made to perfection, then Barry will know it is a trap! Now get to the kitchen and start making those sandwiches!"

Rocko saluted, jamming a claw into his skull by accident. "Aye, aye, captain!"

The large tyrant ran off towards the kitchen. Wesker scratched his chin, turning back to the others. "Hunk, why do you have all those explosives?"

"Because every Resident Evil mission needs an explosion in the end!"

"Oh boy…alright, go get them set up. Just make sure we aren't still in the mansion when it blows."

"Yay!" Hunk giggled, running off.

Wesker rubbed his chin, studying the hall and deciding on where to put the others. Chris and his team of nitwits would be coming through the front door, and they needed to be ready.

"Okay, Mr. X, I need for you to explode through the wall in a room in the west wing…Nemesis…ahhh…you can come crashing through the roof…and Krauser, you can destroy Leon…you Bob, you can stalk one of the corridors. Make sure you drag that huge knife around so it makes a scary noise. Nicholai, don't stop being cool, and Ada…you can fetch me a white chocolate mocha with extra whipped cream!" Wesker ordered everyone, clapping his hands to get them to jump into action.

"What?" Ada snarled. "Get it your damn self, lazy bastard! Do I look like your maid?"

Wesker slapped a maid hat on her head. "Now you do!"

Mr. X clapped his hands together excitedly. "I love bursting through walls!"

Nemesis gasped. "What is it? A bird? A shadow? A mysterious rubber ducky?" He pointed to the top balcony of the main hall.

They all looked up to see a cloaked ninja leap off of the railing, using a grappling hook to swing down and around the lower level of the main hall. She was giggling maniacally. She whizzed right past Wesker, snatching his sunglasses and swinging back up to the second floor. She took off while waving the sunglasses around yelling something incoherent. She ran through a door and was gone. Wesker and the others just stood there, blinking in confusion. They could hear a cricket singing in the background for a moment.

Wesker's eye twitched in annoyance. "Was…that just a random ninja that stole my sunglasses?"

"It looked like it!" Ada chuckled.

"My eyes! They burn from the light!" Wesker cursed. He reached into his inner jacket pocket and removed another pair of sunglasses. He placed them on his gorgeous face and grinned evilly. "Hah! I always keep a spare! Now…uhh, Mr. X, get that random, nameless, ninja chick!"

Mr. X punched his knuckles together. "Ninja attack!"

The tyrant took off up stairs to follow after the runaway ninja. Wesker heaved a sigh, rubbing his temples because he could feel a headache coming on.

"Let's just get to our places everyone!"

"So, is this like a slumber party or something?" Bob asked, scratching his huge pyramid shaped helmet.

Wesker slapped himself in the forehead, growling in annoyance. "No, this is a mission of annihilation!"

"Oh…that sounds pretty serious."

"Ahhhhhh! It's a ZOMBIE!" Nemesis cried, pointing over at one of the doors. A zombie had just wandered into the main hall, moaning and walking like a drunk. The large tyrant dove behind a tall ceramic vase to hide himself.

Ada, Krauser and Nicholai took off running away from the rotting thing. Ada kicked out her leg and tripped Jack, who crashed to the floor and then the Russian tripped over his body and slammed to the floor as well. She started laughing at her evil success, but then tripped on her heels and fell face first to the floor.

"Hah! That's called karma!" Krauser yelled out.

The zombie was trying to chew on Pyramid Head's helmet. Bob just shook his head in annoyance. He tried to shoo the zombie off like it was a starving stray pet.

"Why are all the monsters out already? I told that strange, girly man to keep them locked up until Chris and the others arrived!" Wesker shouted.

More zombies were coming out, along with zombie dogs, Hunters, Lickers, and other BOWs. Wesker, Ada, Krauser and Nicholai took off through a door, running down a corridor to find a safe location, and leaving behind Bob and Nemesis. Wesker opened a door, and he was shoved forward by Krauser, Ada and Nicholai. They slammed the door shut and grew quiet.

"Holy moly, that was close!" Nicholai sighed.

"Wesker! You are a damn superhuman! Act like one! Rip the zombie's head off or something!" Ada scolded.

"That is incredibly too dirty for me to do. Besides, I need every zombie alive if I want Chris to fall into my trap!" Wesker chuckled. "Krauser, why don't you do it? You are evil and badass too!"

"You said destroy Leon, not kill zombies!" Krauser barked. "Make up your mind! I can only do one thing at a time!"

"Well, I have too many other things I have to do. I am the master manipulator, you know," Wesker stated.

"You are just too lazy, I think," Ada grumbled, looking away.

"I'm lazy? You sit around all day and drink my coffee and steal my muffins!" Wesker retorted, folding his arms.

"I can't help it! I like banana nut!"

"Control yourself woman!"

"At least I know how to take care of my arch enemies!" Ada argued.

Nicholai shook his head. "Oh boy…here we go…"

"That's it!" Wesker growled, stomping over to her.

"Hey! What are you doing, Wesker? I demand you put me down right now before I use my awesome lipstick missile to blow you up!"

Wesker was holding Ada above his head, looking as if he was going to throw her out the window or something. They heard more groaning, and realized the zombies were getting closer.

"Crap! They found us!" Nicholai grunted, biting his nails.

"They are gonna eat us!" Jack yelled.

"Relax, you two!" Wesker said, dropping Ada like a rag doll and walking over to the door. "Don't you hear the soothing music playing?"

Ada was grumbling dark words as she glared at Wesker's back, getting to her feet. Nicholai and Krauser listened for a moment, and then realized they could hear a soothing tune playing throughout the room.

"It's a save room! Yay! No enemies allowed!" Nicholai chortled, clapping his hands together excitedly.

"Exactly!"

The door was ripped open, and they all jumped. They realized the ninja had slipped in and slammed the door and was now breathing heavily while leaning against it. She suddenly perked up, noticing she wasn't alone. Wesker glared at her.

"Thief! You shall pay dearly for stealing my favorite pair of sunglasses!"

Before Wesker could move forward and snatch the female ninja, the whole wall exploded and Mr. X tackled Wesker to the floor in the ultimate sumo hug. The ninja's eyes grew wide, and then she was gone like the wind, yelling something about having to go to the bathroom.

"Grewt oofiu imfesule!" came the muffled words of Wesker under the huge tyrant.

Mr. X blinked in confusion, glancing up at Ada, Krauser and Nicholai. "What did he say?"

No one had time to answer the tyrant before Wesker used his superhuman strength to pick the tyrant up off of him and throw him through another wall. "I said get off you imbecile! You tackled the wrong person! Go get her now!"

"Yes sir! Sorry sir!" Mr. X cried, taking off in a hurry.

Meanwhile…Chris and the others show up…

"What is this?" Barry asked, scratching his head.

"Wow! What a mansion! It looks so darn familiar!" Chris laughed.

"Maybe I should check outside one more time," Jill sighed, reaching for the door.

Chris almost exploded. "Stop it! Don't open that door!"

"Why?" Jill asked, opening it.

Leon came rolling in 007 style, aiming his gun here and there. He was in a black suit and his hair remained perfect. "Duh duh dee duh!"

Rebecca came in afterwards, carrying a zombie dog puppy. Her eyes were wide, and cheeks tinted. The zombie puppy whimpered and was trying to chew on her arm. "IT'S SO CUTE! CAN I KEEP HIM? I will name him…Itchy!"

"Rebecca, how many times have we told you? We are not taking monsters home as pets!" Chris ordered.

"But Itchy is so cute! Look at him!" Rebecca defended.

"Ouch! That's my ankle!" Leon cried as the zombie puppy was ripping away at his leg. "But you are so freaking cute, I love you anyway!"

"Oh boy…" Jill heaved.

"Uhh…guys…this looks highly suspicious," Chris mumbled.

The team came to focus. Chris wasn't talking about the destruction in the main hall or the dead zombies. Nope, he was talking about a yummy looking sandwich that was attached to a fishing line. Barry's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and he dove for it.

"SANDWICH!"

He bit down on the sandwich, and the line was starting to draw him in. The group yelled out, grabbing Barry and fighting the reel of the line, but Barry would not let go of the sandwich.

"Barry! It's a trap! Let the sandwich go!"

"Nwerver!" came Barry's muffled voice as his teeth kept a tight hold on the sandwich.

"Somebody cut the line!" Jill called.

"Wait, wait…hold on a second," Rebecca grumbled, following the line to the set of double doors. She kicked the doors open. There was Rocko trying to reel Barry in with a fishing rod. The tyrant looked absolutely surprised and embarrassed. He dropped the fishing rod and started laughing.

"Hey guys! I wasn't doing anything evil! I made sandwiches! Go ahead! Have some!"

A belch was heard echoing throughout the main hall. The group looked to Barry, who was brushing crumbs off of his beard. "Don't mind if I do!" the older man laughed as he strolled into the dining room.

Chris stroked his chin, glaring at the dining room and the tyrant. "I don't know about this…something tells me it is a bad idea."

Leon came walking over, tears streaming down his face even though he was smiling broadly. Itchy was still eating on his leg, and Leon was forced to drag his leg along from the puppy's weight. "Relax! How bad can it be?"

They joined Barry in the dining room, each having a plate with a sandwich on it. Barry was already sitting down, and his sandwich was already half-gone. The others joined, Leon still trying to kick Itchy off.

"These are some awesome sandwiches…uhhh, what's your name?" Barry asked.

"Rocko!"

"Hey…aren't you the tyrant that impaled Wesker in the last huge mansion?" Chris grumbled.

Rocko's eye twitched and he started messing with his claws nervously. "Uhh, no…yes…I don't know…"

"Didn't we blow you up…with a Rocket Launcher?" Jill grumbled.

Rocko sighed. "Man, that was my cousin Philip. Don't you two know there were two tyrants? Duh!"

"So you were the tyrant that impaled Wesker!" Chris gasped.

"Meep!" Rocko gasped. "Wait I-"

"Cheers to Rocko for impaling Wesker!" the group cheered, raising up their glasses full of random, unknown drinks.

"Hip hip hooray!"

They started downing their drinks, and soon they realized their sandwiches were already gone off of their plates with only a few crumbs left behind. They blinked in confusion, looking all over. Barry belched again, smacking his lips with a napkin and patting his belly.

"BARRY! Those were our sandwiches!"

"I'm sorry! I have a disorder!"

"Wait a minute," Leon growled, growing serious, forgetting about the zombie dog pup that was still chewing on his bloody leg. "Why are we cheering for Rocko? When he impaled Wesker…he killed Wesker…thus awakening the virus that brought him back to life and giving him inhuman strength, speed, and senses."

"Hey! You gotta point there, Leon!" Rebecca gasped.

"Shh! What's that sound?" Jill asked. They all grew silent. They could hear some kind of rusted metal dragging along the tiled floor.

Their eyes widened. Chris screeched, jumping into Jill's arms. "It sounds scary!"

Itchy finally let go of Leon to run over to the closed double doors of the dining room. The Cerberus puppy barked madly, each bark making him hop off of the tiled floor like a toy poodle. The door burst open, missing the puppy and revealing the great Pyramid Head.

"Holy crap! What is that thing?" Leon grunted.

"Hello friends! I give free hugs!" Bob cheered, dropping his huge sword to open his arms.

"I LOVE HUGS!" Leon giggled.

"No, Leon! It's a trap!" Jill called.

"That's right! It is a trap!" Wesker cackled, walking into the dining room from behind Bob. He had Ada, Nicholai, Krauser, and Nemesis with him. "Any second now, all of you are gonna pass out from the drugs I had Rocko put in your drinks and sandwiches!"

"Auughhh…guys…I don't feel too good," Barry mumbled, turning green and sweaty.

"I knew you would be the first to fall for my master plan, Barry! You just cannot ignore a sandwich!"

"But what about our drinks? We drank our drinks! We are gonna die!" Rebecca cried, slapping her hands to her face in horror.

"Ahhh…boss…I have a confession…I forgot to put the drugs in their drinks. I figured there was no point since they would be in the sandwiches…Well, Barry ate all of their sandwiches."

Barry passed out, his head hitting the dinner plate and he started snoring. Wesker slapped his face with his hand, growling out. "You idiot! You know Barry is a freak when it comes to sandwiches! Alright, time for plan B!"

Jack's eyes widened. "ATTACK!"

"No, no! That is plan F!" Wesker called.

"No way, it was plan C!" Ada retorted. "Plan F was escape unharmed with our underwear intact!"

"Geez, Ada that was plan Q!" Nicholai put in. "Plan B is take them hostage!"

"I'm confused! I thought plan B was trick them into a room with a moose?" Nemesis asked, scratching his bald head.

"What does a moose have to do with anything?" Bob asked. "I need to hug something or I am gonna start killing everything!"

"Forget about the hugs!" Ada barked. "If we combine plans B, C, Z, S, and Y we should surely succeed."

"What's plan Z?" Wesker growled. "I never planned plan Z!"

"Well, I did because I knew you were gonna screw up!" Ada replied, smirking and folding her arms. "That's right! I'm the shit!"

"You took a shit?" Rocko grumbled. "What are you talking about?"

"Everyone shut up! They are getting away!" Wesker yelled.

Chris and his team had left the dining room and were running for it; well save for Barry who was still snoring loudly. His henchmen leaped into action, running into each other and then splitting up to go after them. Wesker stayed behind with Ada in the dining room. He heaved a sigh. "So much for my foolproof plan."

"Woof woof!"

Wesker looked down, seeing the Cerberus puppy looking up at him and wagging its decomposed tail. Its tongue was hanging out and the zombie pup just looked so happy staring up at Wesker.

"Shoo!"

"Aw! The little zombie puppy likes you!" Ada laughed. "You know, maybe he could be some used to us. I mean, he was chewing on Leon's leg."

"I deal with enough crazy animals…namely Krauser and the tyrants. Now shoo you little mongrel!" Wesker used his boot to push the puppy across the floor. The zombie puppy whimpered as it slid across the tile.

"Chris! Where are you?" came a female voice.

Wesker and Ada spun, as the doors to the dining room were still open and they could see into the main hall. Wesker smirked evilly as he saw Claire looking around the main hall. She scratched her head, looking confused.

"I swear if he is partying with the others without me I am gonna stuff him in the washer machine!" she grumbled.

"Dear heart!" Wesker yelled happily, making Claire jump and spin around. "I can kidnap you and lure Chris! My foolproof plan is back in action!"

"What?" Claire asked. "Ada? What is going on?"

"Oh the usual. Wesker has evil plan, Chris is in the process of thwarting it, and soon Wesker will be plotting again and throwing evil temper tantrums."

"So…where is my brother?"

"He is being chased by Bob and Rocko!"

"…Who?"

Wesker heaved a sigh. "Evil Executioner of Doom and Tyrant Number 1."

"Oh, okay," Claire said, nodding.

"So, please let me take you easily or I will be forced to…taking you forcefully!" Wesker called. He started walking over to Claire.

His leg was caught. Wesker felt teeth bite down on his ankle with muffled growls. He yelped, looking down to see Itchy gnawing on his leg. He kicked the puppy off and kept towards Claire, who got an umbrella and whacked him in the head.

"Stay away from me!"

"Oh an umbrella! The irony!" Ada laughed from behind Wesker.

Before Wesker could snap something at his sidekick, something slammed into his back, throwing him face first onto the tiled floor. Claire had jumped out of the way in time, and was gaping in surprise.

"It's that ninja girl!" Ada called.

Wesker got to his feet just as the ninja jumped off of him. She withdrew a secret weapon. It was a ball of yarn. She tossed it up and down in her hand, smirking at Wesker with twinkling mischievous eyes. Wesker had no idea who the ninja was; the partial mask covered most of her face.

"No! Don't do it!" he called. "You took my sunglasses! What else do ya want?"

She tossed the ball of yarn, and then turned to Claire. "Run for it!"

"But what about Ada?" Claire gasped. "She is gonna come after us…never mind; she is just laughing at Wesker! Let's go!"

The ninja and Claire escaped. Wesker dove for the ball of yarn, giggling like a kid. Ada shook her head, sighing out loud.

"Dammit! She distracted me! Ada, why didn't you do anything?" Wesker grumbled.

"Yeah, you get to dive after a thrown ball of yarn, and you expect me to go after them?"

Hunk came running out of nowhere, rushing around them and screaming. Wesker and Ada watched him for a moment as he run around in circles. Itchy barked and chased him.

"Hunk! What is the matter?" Wesker asked.

"It's gonna blow!" Hunk cried, and then rushed out of the mansion

"Good! Then Chris can get blown up!" Wesker cackled.

"You fool! We are gonna get blown up too!" Ada yelled. "Let's get out of here!"

Ada got on her walky-talky. "Everyone stop the madness! The mansion is gonna blow! Get out!"

Barry suddenly rushed past Wesker totally naked and giggling madly. He busted down the front door and was gone. Wesker went to follow Ada out of the escape, but his leg was caught by the zombie puppy again.

"You cur! I'm not gonna get blown up!"

Boom! Dramatic explosion scene ensues…

Wesker was still standing, completely black from fire and debris. He was smoking from the heat. His sunglasses were broken, and his red eyes were twitching in annoyance. He coughed out a black cloud of smoke. He glared down at the zombie puppy, who was on fire. Itchy barked sweetly up at him, hiking his leg and peeing on Wesker's leg.

Wesker left the ruins, Itchy following right behind him with a wagging, burning tail. He found his henchmen, Chris, and the others all sitting around a campfire having some roasted marshmallows and beer.

"Alright Boss! You made it!" Bob laughed, grabbing Wesker and crushing him into a hug.

"Let me go!"

Pyramid Head sat the superhuman down, shaking his huge helmet. "Tsk, tsk…somebody is grumpy! Have a beer and some marshmallows!"

"I got blown up! How can you be surprised that I am grumpy?" Wesker growled.

"That's another point for Team Chris!" Chris cackled, giving Jill a high five. "How long has it been since Team Wesker got a point, hmm?"

"I will destroy you!" Wesker yelled, pointing at Chris. "But not right now, I want a beer."

Bob used his helmet as a bottle opener and handed his boss a beer. Wesker sat around the campfire with his henchmen and enemies. "Oi…I need a vacation," he mumbled.

"Hey…what happened to that random ninja chick?" Nicholai asked, scratching his head.

"She just…disappeared!" Leon yelled. "She was like…like a cat!"

"I have a feeling she will be back," Ada sighed, folding her arms.

"Can somebody please get this puppy off of my head?" Nemesis sighed, watching as Itchy chewed on his skull.

Wesker felt his eye twitched again. Always…surrounded…by…idiots…need…vacation!

A/N: Now that was a much longer chapter! I had so much fun writing this chapter as well! :) There were many parts that came from other shows...like the room with a moose came from Invader Zim, hahaha I wonder if you all can find them! Ultimolu that was you as the random ninja chick! I hope I portrayed you well! If you want me to add anything else, just PM me! If anyone else wants in on this fic let me know! ;) I hope all of you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did! Thanks for all that have reviewed so far! I really appreciate it! Thank you! XD