Chapter 4: The Not So Secret Vacation

Wesker sat in his chair of doom going through the vacation spots he was trying to figure out. His control room of evil was destroyed. In fact, when he, Ada, and the henchmen got home, they found his headquarters in ruin with Steve in Hulk form and Sherry giggling and kicking people. She was up way past her bedtime eating snacks and watching violent cartoons. Wesker was so proud of her! Steve had to work double overtime without pay to clean up the mess he caused while he was a hulking, green monster…thing. It was coming along slowly, but Wesker hoped that it would be done by the time he got back from his vacation. He was trying to keep it a secret. The last thing he needed was for his henchmen to find out and be jealous and start whining about wanting to go.

Wesker heard a hiss and then a bark, and tore his gaze from the huge computer screen down to the floor. Skittles the hairless cat was swiping at Itchy, the zombie dog puppy. Wesker had no idea how Itchy followed them home. He could have sworn he stuffed the puppy in Chris's pack a few nights ago.

Hmm, which place sounds better? The Bahamas? Or Hawaii? I think it is gonna have to be the Bahamas!

Grinning, Wesker brought up the Bahamas page to get his tickets. He went to take a bite out his banana nut muffin, but found it gone. His eyes widened, noticing his coffee was jacked too.

"Whatcha doing?" Ada asked, munching down on the muffin and slurping on coffee.

"I am not trying to pick out a vacation spot!" Wesker defended.

"Oh me Gawd! You are picking out a vacation spot?" Ada gasped, chocking on the nut of the banana nut muffin.

"I just said I wasn't!" Wesker squealed, trying to go back on the website and found that the Internet had suddenly became slow.

"LIAR! You always admit to something you are doing! Look! There is the website for the Bahamas! You are going to the Bahamas? Take me with you!"

"This is just for me!" Wesker growled.

"But I do everything around here! And I am still sane while working with all you sociopaths! I deserve a vacation!" Ada argued.

"VACATION?"

Wesker slapped his hand to his face, glowering at Ada as Nicholai, Sherry, Pyramid Head, Krauser, and the tyrants came running over to join them. Ada grinned down at him, crumbling up the muffin cover and stuffing it into Wesker's breast pocket.

"No vacation for any of you! This is just for me! I need to get away from all you stupid maniacs!" Wesker yelled.

"Aww, don't be like Squidward, boss!" Bob whined.

"Yeah, don't be like Squidward!" Rocko, Nemesis, and Mr. X agreed in unison.

Nicholai eased over to Krauser to whisper in his ear. "Who the hell is Squidward?"

Krauser shrugged, picking his nose. "Sounds like some guy I used to play poker with."

"Wait! What time is it?" Wesker gasped, checking his watch. "No! God damn it, I missed my appointment with the gecko again!"

"You call yourself a god…does that mean you are damning yourself?" Rocko asked in confusion, scratching his head with his huge talon.

"What gecko?" Ada scoffed.

"That cute little Geico gecko!" Wesker grumbled. "Duh! I was supposed to be saving 15% or more on car insurance."

Ada rolled her eyes. "Can we just get back to arguing about vacation?"

"I SAID NO!"

The tyrants slumped their shoulders. Nemesis started sniffling, wiping at his eye with a tentacle. Pyramid Head patted him on the shoulder. "There there, pal. Do you need a hug?"

"Bob, stop asking people for hugs! It's fucking creepy!" Krauser barked.

"Oh, is someone a grumpy bear?" Pyramid Head snickered. "Let me come over and hug you!"

Pyramid Head walked over to Krauser, arms spread to grab the soldier into a big, bear hug. Krauser's eyes went wide, and he threw his arm back and punched Bob right in the helmet. The sound of bone cracking echoed through the control room.

"Fuck! Ouch!" Krauser yelped, holding his now disfigured hand.

Bob sighed. "Yeah, nice thinking there, dumbass. Let's punch the big, metal helmet out of defense!"

Krauser was muttering every cuss word in the book. Out of smite, Sherry came over and kicked him in the groin. Krauser fell to the ground and started wailing, only for Itchy to run over and start eating his ankle.

"Wow, someone should get him to the infirmary!" Nicholai called.

"Oh me! I will! I have great bedside manners!" Mr. X giggled, running over and picking Krauser up. The tyrant was quick on his way to go deliver the crying man. Itchy was still dangling from Krauser's ankle.

"Why did that sound so wrong?" Ada sighed.

"All of you are giving me a headache! I am the only one getting a vacation so shoo! All of you!"

"Albert Eliot Wesker! If you don't take me with you to the Bahamas I will use my awesome, sexy spy skills to find you down there and make you miserable!"

Wesker winced at hearing his full name.

"Oh my God! You're middle name is Eliot?" Bob howled. He started busted out laughing along with Nemesis, Rocko, and Nicholai.

"I can fire you! So, don't you try and threaten me, woman!" Wesker retorted, glaring at Ada and standing up from his chair. He puffed out his chest. "Besides! I am one badass super villain with superpowers, and I can snap you in half!"

"Damn it, Wesker! I had to work with Luis in Spain!" Ada snarled.

"Well, you do have a good point…poor sap got killed by a penis…and you had to witness it…not that it was all that horrific…more funny than anything…I really need to pick up some peanut butter…what was I saying?" Wesker scratched his head. "Oh yeah, I guess you can tag along so long as you stay out of my business…unless you know…we will be mixing pleasure with business, yes?"

Ada glared at him. "Did you just hit on me?"

"No…."

"What about us?" Rocko cried.

"Uncle Albert, I demand you to take me to the Bahamas or I will kick you in the nuts!" Sherry wailed. "I want to swim with the DOLPHINS!"

"That's my girl! You always threaten to get what you want! You can come, sweet pea!" Wesker laughed.

"Ahem!" Bob snorted.

"I can't take you monstrosities with me! You will attract the X-Files, damn it! Sorry, but no can do!"

"Dummy, you can just say that we are out there for a ahh…a convention! Yeah, a convention!" Nemesis suggested.

"COSPLAY!" Bob squealed, clapping his hands together.

"Will there be goats?" Nicholai asked, and then quickly shook his head. "I mean…uhhh…babies to steal candy from?"

"What is it with you and goats?" Bob asked, shaking his giant, metal helmet.

"What is it with you and hugs?" Nicholai growled.

Bob spread his arms. "I give the greatest hugs, I am telling you! If you guys would just give me a chance, you will just love getting a hug from me! It's like Barney! Only I'm not a purple dinosaur on crack!"

Nicholai slinked back. "Russians don't do hugs!"

"Oh, yeah! You guys like to kiss the cheeks! Well, sorry, my lips are buried underneath this pyramid helmet."

"That's fine, really…thank God," Nicholai mumbled.

"But I can do this!" Pyramid Head laughed. He went over to the Russian, his helmet slamming home in Nicholai's face and knocking him out cold. He crumbled to the floor, and Bob stared down at him. "Oops…I came on too strong…I was just going to tap him with the edge of my helmet…you know like a peck or something…wow, I do not know my own strength!"

Carlos came out of the shadows, running over to the out cold Nicholai and started slapping his face. "Yeah! In your face, asshole!" He then disappeared into the shadows and was gone.

"O….kay…where were we?" Ada mumbled, scratching her temple.

"Where's Skittles?" Wesker gasped, looking around.

"Meow!" Skittles called, prancing up to his owner.

"Holy crap! That rat just sounded like a cat!" Rocko gasped.

"Really? I thought snails meowed?" Nemesis asked, scratching his disfigured head.

"Alright, all of you…except Steve…"

"DAMMIT!" Steve wailed from the shadows while scrubbing the floor with Wesker's toothbrush.

"Can come along on the trip." Wesker hushed them before they could cheer out. "You will still act as my henchmen and do as I say! You follow my rules, as I am the supreme ruler here, and stay out of my "me" time…except for Claire I mean Jill I mean Ada on occasions…Do I make myself clear?"

"YES!" They all yelled in unison and then started cheering.

"Wait…did you say Claire's name? And Jill's?" Ada asked.

"NOPE! I did not! I will order the tickets right now!"

Ada glared at him suspiciously as he sat back down in his chair of doom and ordered the tickets.

"Boss! Why do I have to carry everything?" Rocko whined.

"Because you stabbed me through the gut and I hate you! Don't make me get the whip out, now move along!"

"Why are we riding on a normal plane when you have like three personal jets?" Ada grumbled.

"Because I didn't want all of you hooligans eating peanuts and spilling wine on my luxurious upholstery!" Wesker snapped. "Be happy that you are even coming along, wench!"

"Did you just call me a wench?"

"I said honey!"

"At least we get first class!" Nicholai chuckled, as they moved to get their seats.

"Damn it, my head can't fit through the door!" Bob wailed, his helmet stuck between the door frame to their section.

"Sir, why don't you just take the helmet off during the flight?" A pretty flight attendant asked.

"Because this is a torture device you moron! It's been stuck on my head for an eternity! Besides, if I somehow was to get it off, I have the face of a demon that would make your boobs explode!"

The flight attendant fled for it. Wesker rolled his eyes, sitting down next to Ada. "Nemesis, give him a nice shove will ya? And Bob, please be discreet on why your helmet must stay on."

"NFL TACKLE!" Nemesis boomed, and slammed into Bob's back.

The helmet broke through the frame, and both Pyramid Head and Nemesis fell to the floor. They got up, brushed themselves off, and found their seats.

No sooner had Wesker and his gang found their seats, did more people start to enter into the first class. Wesker smelled sandwiches…and stupidity. Groaning, he looked over to see Chris and his followers.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Wesker snarled.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" Chris grumbled, stomping over to Wesker.

"I am trying to go to the Bahamas to have a nice, relaxing vacation! Stop stalking me, Chris!"

Jill popped up on Chris's other side. Barry was with her, munching on a hoagie sandwich. Jill beamed down at him. "Bahamas? No way! We are taking vacation there!"

Wesker slapped himself in the forehead again. "I knew I should have picked Hawaii!"

"Well, I guess this means we will have to be civil with each other for now, huh? Enjoy our vacations and ignore each other and then after it is all over we can kill each other!" Chris exclaimed. "Super exciting!" He then saw the flight attendant coming out with a rolling tray of hot food. "Food! And booze! Yes!"

Chris was gone in a heartbeat. Wesker rolled his eyes, watching as Chris's followers found their seats. The dumb agent, Leon, walked by him, talking about Bigfoot, and then was closely followed by Claire.

Wesker leaned his head over to get a better view of Claire's behind, only to be knocked in the head with a stiletto heel. "Ouch! That freaking hurt! Look! I'm bleeding…oh wait…never mind it healed."

"I saw that!" Ada snapped briskly.

"What? She had the nicest pair of American Eagle jeans on!"

"Oh yeah, jeans compared to me wearing skimpy dresses all the time!" Ada retorted. She rolled the magazine up that she was reading and swatted at him like a naughty puppy. "You better knock it off, or pray that your balls can heal like your wounds can!"

Wesker gulped. "You can't intimidate me!"

"Attention, passengers! We are about to take off. Please enjoy your flight to the Bahamas. I hope it will be nice and relaxing, but knowing that the pilot is drunk, it might be a little bumpy! Let me quickly remind you of the rules one more time. No bombs, no shampoo, no gum, no cell phones or laptops on if we end up crashing into the ocean, no pets, no fighting, no food fighting, no sexting, no flirting with me, if we end up crashing onto a strange, uncharted island let us be wary of black smoke monsters, no drugs, and no snakes on the plane! That is all, thank you!"

"Black…smoke…monsters?" Wesker chuckled. "How absurd!"

"It sounds menacing!" Mr. X cried, chewing on his nails.

Wesker plugged in some earplugs to tune out all the noises. He didn't want to deal with Chris and his gang, let alone his own annoying henchmen right now. He just wanted to get to the Bahamas so he could start enjoying his vacation.

"I'm so lonely…Mr. Lonely…I have nobody…" Steve sang, letting his voice echo through the empty rooms. He sighed, growing quiet. He then perked up. "Wait! I got Skittles and Itchy! Hey, come here guys!"

There only came chirping from a cricket. "Ah man! They somehow snuck into Wesker's bags and went with him! I really am all alone! I won't be able to clean up this mess I made by myself before they come back! So…what am I going to do?" He stood quiet thinking for a really long time. "Oh hell yeah! I get the computer and the TV all to myself! Action League NOW is on! Yipee! I should go watch!"

A/N: Sorry for the delay on this chapter, lol. And sorry for it being kind of short! So now we are heading to the Bahamas! Yay! There were, again, many things from other shows like Lost...that's the black smoke monster haha. Anyways, hope all of you enjoyed this short chapter! Next chapter should be much longer! :) Thanks for reading and reviewing! XD