Chapter 7: Ashleyzilla

The grueling, dangerous quest through the jungle to find the monster with chocolate milk took the rest of the night and well into noon. William would not shut up, sounding like a sixteen year old girl on a telephone as he blabbed and blabbed on his newest inventions and crazy moments. Wesker and Chris led the team of men…and Sherry…towards their goal at beating the women to the monster.

"I bet the women have already won the battle! I mean we are freaking lost!" Pyramid Head whined.

"Or maybe they are all dead and we are next! DOOMED!" Brad cried. He was being dragged along by the Tyrants so he wouldn't run away.

"Can we take a break? Please?" HUNK asked.

"Alright, fine!" Wesker snapped.

The group immediately crumbled to the ground to rest. They had been going nonstop since last night. Albert was bent on beating the women to the monster. Hearing the men…and Sherry…argue on where they should go next, and that maybe the women had beat them, drove him over the edge.

"Why can't I be in the Bahamas right now? This isn't fair! I'm a good bad guy! What did I do wrong?" Wesker wailed, dropping to his knees. The group was staring at him oddly. "You guys are driving me insane!"

"Maybe we should ask for directions!" William suggested.

"Oh yeah? Like what? That squirrel up there? Or that flower? Or maybe that snake right over there eating that lizard?" Barry scoffed.

"How about that polar bear right there?" Sherry said, pointing.

"Polar bear?" the group grunted, turning around.

The massive white bear was standing not too far, and stood all the way up to roar at them before rushing them. The men screamed like babies, scattering like rabbits. Wesker tried to yell at them to stay calm and use their weapons to kill the bear, but they weren't listening. Wesker slapped his palm to his face, and went to go save the day. He punched the polar bear right in the nose.

"Knock it off! You are scaring my team and we need to beat the women to the monster with chocolate milk!" Wesker yelled. "Don't make me turn you into a stuffed animal!"

"Ouch, that really hurt dude," the polar bear grumbled, sitting on his haunches to rub his nose with his paw.

"Holy shit it can talk!" Nicholai exclaimed and then fainted.

"I just wanted the chicken man! He smells like chicken, and I'm hungry!" the polar bear sniffled sadly.

"Oh, you mean Brad? Sure, you can eat him! Just tell us where the monster with chocolate milk is!"

"Just follow this trail you are on and over this hill, he is in a cave at the base of the mountain! You can't miss him!" the polar bear answered.

"Great!" Wesker rubbed his palms together. "Rocko! Through Brad to the polar bear!"

"WHAT? No!"

Rocko and Mr. X picked up the flailing Brad and threw him at the polar bear. As the polar bear started mauling Brad, the group of men…and Sherry…started heading off again. Brad's cries of agony eventually died away, and they found themselves getting closer to the cave.

It was then that a man jumped out in front of the group with a large scythe-like arm wearing army pants and a beret. "Give me your lunch money or I…ohhhh…"

"Krauser! Where the hell have you been? We missed you last chapter!" HUNK shouted, walking over.

"And what happened to your arm?" Wesker asked.

"It looks disturbing!" Chris cried.

"It looks like a…never mind," Leon giggled.

"I got tired of all of you, so I went off on my own to try and find a way off of this island!" Krauser answered.

"Did you succeed?" Wesker asked, folding his arms and glaring.

"No, sure didn't! But I got worms from something I ate, and this is what happened to my arm! Cool huh?"

"Don't you see what is happening here?" Leon gulped. "Our strange, sudden plane crash to an uncharted island? No escape? No time to repopulate? A polar bear in the jungle? A bird in the sky? A monster with chocolate milk? And time traveling friends?"

"Yes, yes, we get it! Where are you going with this?" Chris grumbled.

"Maybe we are in some kind of alternate dimension! Like maybe, we all really died in that plane crash, but now we are in like a ten second dimension between life and death where our lives are flashing before our eyes, but since we are dying together, it's all flooding together to create this crazy adventure that we think we are happening but we are actually dying and-"

Nemesis slammed his fist into Leon's face, knocking him out cold.

"Thank you, Nemesis!" Wesker yelled. "Let's move on!"

The Tyrants carried Leon as the group headed forth once more with Krauser tagging along now. When he flexed the scythe-like arm, it would turn back to normal. Krauser talked on and on about the worms in his system. The others tried to ignore him, as it was very gross.

They came across the cave, where they found that the women had already beat them. The men were appalled. Instead of destroying the monster, the women were joining it for cold glasses of chocolate milk. Wesker even saw the mysterious female ninja among the group. The monster was actually just Ashley all along. Wesker and the other men were upset that they didn't beat the women, and weren't excited to see Ashley.

"Oh boy, not this girl!" Krauser grumbled.

"Hello! Come and join us!" Ashley called, waving them up to her lair.

"There you men are! We were wondering if you guys were ever going to show up!" Jill laughed.

"Well, it is good to see that we didn't have to come to your rescue. It's only Ashley," Wesker answered.

The men sat around the lair while Ashley handed out chocolate milk. She hummed a happy tune and seemed so happy. She gasped when she saw Leon lying unconscious next to Pyramid Head.

"Oh no! He's not breathing! Leon! Hold on, I will give you CCR!"

"It's CPR!" Nicholai snapped.

The girl smothered her lips to Leon and started making out with him, forgetting all about pushing on his chest. The women started to laugh while the guys grew green from sickness. Leon was stirring around, and he slightly giggled at the lips on his face.

"Wow Ada you are-AHHHHHH!"

Leon slammed his fist into Ashley's face, knocking her out. He was on his feet, spitting out his mouth and slapping at his face. "No! I'm diseased! Someone put me out of my misery!"

"Hey, look at this map guys!" Chris pointed to a map hanging on the cave wall. It showed the island. On the other side of this mountain they were by, was a town with a port, and it was a short boat ride to the Bahamas.

"Well, let's get a move on before Ashley awakens!" Claire yelled.

"Not before I get my revenge on the ninja girl!" Wesker called,

He got to his feet and ran after her. "I am gonna beat you up for stealing my favorite sunglasses!"

The female ninja's eyes grew wide, and she splashed her chocolate milk in his face just as he reached her. Wesker chocked on the liquid, having accidentally snorted it up his nose when trying to grab the ninja to strangle her. The female ninja grabbed Wesker's belt and tore it off, and then like a stealthy…uhh ninja…she hightailed it out of the cave and was gone.

"Damn it! She got away again!" Wesker yelled, wiping chocolate milk off his face and shirt.

"Uhh, boss? You're pants are on the ground," Rocko stated, blushing.

They were all laughing at his boxers. His white boxers had sunglasses and umbrella symbols all over them. Wesker immediately grabbed his pants and pulled them up, glaring at everyone.

"That's just great! Now I am going to have to hold my pants up until I find another belt!"

"Oh shit! Ashley is waking up! Bail for it!" Leon called.

Ashley was angry. Smoke was coming out of her ears and nose. Her eyes started growing red and she opened up her mouth and let out a monstrous roar that also spit out fire. She was growing rabidly, claws extending, along with a tail and massive spikes on her back. Everyone ran out of the cave, following the map to the mountain trail to take to the port town on the other side. Ashley was giving chase now, roaring and blowing fire.

"It's Ashleyzilla, run for your lives!" William cried

Jill had jumped onto Chris's back, smacking him hard in the ass. "Giddy up! Yeehaw!"

Leon tried to do the same thing to Claire, but she bucked him off. Ada jumped over his body, running gracefully in her heels and grinning as she came up next to Wesker. He looked absolutely ridiculous having to hold his pants up while he ran away from the monster.

"I am going to strangle that ninja when I get a hold of her!"

"Ashlyzilla is gaining on us!" Mr. X hollered.

"Bob! Offer her a hug!" Nicholai yelled.

"Hell no! I'm not getting eaten!"

"She won't be able to digest your helmet and will die of internal blockage!" Rocko yelled.

"Sacrifice yourself for us!" Nemesis cried.

"No more hugs for all of you!"

William pointed towards an upcoming cliff to the right of the trail they were running on. "A cliff! We can jump!"

"And fall to our deaths? Are you insane?" Ada yelled.

Ashleyzilla roared, crushing trees and rocks as she pursued them with thunderous steps. William grabbed a hold of Sherry and broke off from the group to head for the cliff.

"C'mon, son! I know you can fly!"

"I'm a girl!" Sherry yelled as she and William leaped off of the cliff and fell.

"Well, they're gone!" Krauser yelled.

A large green military truck came out of the brush, driving up next to the running people. Carlos was in the passenger seat waving at them.

"Get in!"

"Carlos! Where the hell have you been? We thought you died in the plane crash or something!" Jill yelled, slapping Chris again to gain more speed.

"I went off to try and find a way off this island! I found the port town, and was going to come back and find ya, but I totally got distracted with this Mexican girl!"

The truck went ahead to pull to a stop. The large group only had seconds to jump in and take off before Ashleyzilla was on their tail roaring. It was a scene right out of Jurassic Park

"Release the jars of honey!" Carlos called.

Men from inside the truck started tossing out jars of honey. They crashed and broke open on the ground as the truck kept speeding for town. Ashleyzilla slid to a halt, roaring out one last time before bending over to lick up the honey.

"Phew, that was close!" Rebecca exclaimed, wiping her forehead.

Their trip into town was short and terrorizing. The truck pulled up to the large cruise liner that would take the group across to the hundreds of islands that made up the Bahamas.

"Yay! We get a nice cruise before settling into our beach houses!" Chris yelled.

"Not so fast!" An officer had walked up to them with some reinforcements. "Carlos Oliveira is under arrest for stealing cigars!"

"What? That girl I was hanging with gave them to me!"

"Tell it to the judge!"

They were hauling Carlos off, who was giving his group puppy dog eyes and crying. "Please help me! I don't want to miss my vacation!"

"Sorry Carlos! We got to save our money to have fun!" Rebecca called.

They all started loading up onto the huge cruise ship. Wesker was receiving lots of stares from him having to hold his pants up.

"Does anyone have a belt?" Wesker asked, sighing.

"What kind o' belt are ye lookin' for, stranger?"

The Merchant walked over them. He pulled open his cloak only for there to be nothing but the strange man's own boxers. They were pink with faces of Leon and typewriters on them.

"Uhh…never mind…"

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, but I want the cruise liner to be a full chapter in itself lol. So, what will happen next you think? Will they get to the Bahamas finally? Or will the cruise ship sink or something? :D And who knows if William and Sherry will come back! And poor Carlos is in jail, but he could bail out! And hopefull Wesker will get a belt so he doesn't have to hold his pants up anymore! XD Thanks for reading and reviewing! Hope you enjoyed it!