Simply Put
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The shortest Snape/Hermione ever. By request, once more, of Amy-the-rat. You have the rare talent of requesting the ships that I secretly fantasize about parodying.
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Professor Snape was feeling randy. He decided to grab the first student who entered his classroom and ravish them.
Just then Neville Longbottom walked into the room.
"Scratch that," Snape said hastily. "I'll go for the second student."
Just then Hermione Granger skipped merrily into the room.
"Are you ready for the tutoring session, Neville?" she asked happily.
Snape grabbed Hermione and threw her over his shoulder, ready to enter his bedchamber.
"Leave us, Longbottom! You're not wanted here! Miss Granger's doing extra credit," Snape said silkily.
Turning, he brought Hermione into his chambers.
"But, Professor! I'm still a student!" Hermione protested.
"It's not my fault that Rogaine makes my hair greasy!"
"That didn't have anything to do with anything, but ok!"
And so they snogged.
Ew.
The End.
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Snape/Hermione is possibly the most disgusting ship to ever hit the fanfic scene. But that's just my opinion. Oh and one more thing, why is Snape always talking silkily?