Simply Put
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Interlude
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The Death of Harry Potter, an Interlude
By Draco Malfoy
Harry Potter is, in short, a pain in my arse.
If I were to have my way, he would have been killed a long time ago. But no, the 'wonderful' Mrs. Rowling decided that her little Hero needed to live out all seven books. Not even Lord Voldemort, the supposed most powerful wizard of our time, could defeat the bugger!
However, I have concocted a foolproof plan—one that not even Ron Weasley could mess up.
Step one: create port-key. Potter proved in our fourth year that even he can't detect port-keys one hundred percent of the time.
Step two: give Potter the port-key. Being undetected, the port-key shall bend time and space to do my bidding.
Step three: Potter is transported to Tasmania. Tasmania, being an island, shall prove impervious to Potter's escape techniques.
Step four: send killer chimpanzees after Potter. Step four is self-explanatory.
Step five: laugh evilly.
And thus, the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Irritate-Me shall be no more.
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Even by my standards, that was really weird. And no, Harry can't simply Apparate off of Tasmania—it's against the rules of fanfiction deaths.