Lunar Ascension
Chapter 7: Bridging the Gaps
Disclaimer: All things in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer and her publishers. The song and lyrics belong to the band and their representatives. Any other copyrighted material included in this story belongs to their rightful owners. Cheers ma dears! Rated M.
I'm not a stranger, no I am yours
With crippled anger, and tears that still drip sore
A fragile flame aged, with misery
And when our hearts meet, I know you see . . .
Cut by Plumb
"Irish Coffee," I mumbled as the twin stepped toward me, his eyes wide with confusion.
I knew I had surprised Zach. Two steps into his house and I was calling uncle and I couldn't even explain it to him. There were no words that would make him understand. Faced with my imprint I realized that in the time I'd spent with Zach, I'd fallen in love with him. I'd ignored the signs because I'd been too blissfully happy to put a label on it. Now, I had no choice but to face the mess I'd made.
This couldn't be happening while I was so happy. It had to be some sordid cosmic joke. I was in love, and this wasn't fair to Zach or me, it wasn't fair to his twin either. I could see the confusion as he looked at me, I could see the connection we already shared when his eyes went dark as Zach wrapped his arm around my waist.
"Leah?" Zach whispered, his hand gripping my hip. I hated how wrong it felt for him to touch me now. I hated that all the excitement and exhilaration was bleeding out of our touches. I needed to get away and clear my head. I needed to be away from my imprint so I could put things in perspective.
"Irish coffee," I mumbled again, attempting and finally succeeding in stumbling away from the approaching figure.
"Leah, huh?" Zach's brother said, his eyes on mine. "You gonna introduce us, bro?"
Zach looked between the two of us and I could see he was just as confused as I was. He was well aware something had changed, that some dynamic had shifted but there was no way he could know how or what it was.
"Leah, this is my twin brother, Travis."
Travis stepped forward, his hand outstretched, and a smile that was so different to Zach's on his lips. Without even talking to the guy, I knew it had happened just as suddenly for him. He already felt that gravitational pull toward me; that he could feel the confusion of the attraction he had with his brothers girlfriend.
"Irish fucking coffee," I snapped and turned on my heel. I only made it two steps when a hand wrapped around my upper arm stopping me. I knew it was Zach, because there was no excitement in the touch, there was no fire in my belly, all of that belonged to Travis now.
"What's going on? Why are you freaking out?" he whispered, as he circled me to meet my eyes.
I was terrified of what he'd see there. I wasn't even aware of my own body anymore. All I knew was my head and heart were falling apart and if I didn't get out of here, the pull to Travis would be too much to resist, and I refused to do that to Zach. Everything in my nature was telling me to turn around and check on my mate. To make sure he was safe and out of danger. The need to be close to him was growing from a physical pain to an other-worldy one.
"Baby, you're trembling," Zach whispered, his lips pressing against my forehead.
For the first time in my life, I lost control and burst into tears. The emotional connection I had to Zach was still there, but the physical was slowly fading as I was pulled in an opposite direction. The worst part of it all was knowing what I felt for them would never go away. I'd been here before, that impervious triangle where the inevitability of pain was the only sure outcome. The game may have changed players, but it was still the same. I had moved from one position to another and I hated myself for it.
"I have to go," I sobbed, the emotions all becoming too much to deal with. If I didn't get out of there I would phase, I needed the freedom to pound out my frustration. I would be free from sharing my mind with anyone until the afternoon. They're finished their patrol an hour ago according to the text I'd got from Jacob.
"Will you talk to me?" he pleaded, his concern was written all over his face and even in the grip he still had on my arm.
"Zach, let her go," Travis said behind us, his voice filled with authority.
"Shut up, Trav. This has nothing to do with you."
"She wants to leave, let her."
Zach pulled back from me and stepped toward Travis, who was close enough that I could feel the buzz of electricity running down my spine. I wanted to turn around and shout at them both. My nature was screaming at me to protect Travis from Zach who was now stood chest to chest with him. There was so much wrong with the situation, I knew I couldn't stay, so I took the opportunity to escape. I threw open the door and took off down the drive. I kicked of my shoes as I took a detour into the trees lining the property.
I only had a second to phase and get the hell out of there. I could hear Zach sprinting after me, his feet dislodging the pebbles under his feet. I would talk to him when I got home, I just couldn't do it here with Travis as close as he was. I was so confused and conflicted I knew there was only one person I could talk to.
The moment I was deep in the forest by the house I stripped, tied my crap to my leg and phased. In my wolf form I could hear Zach bashing around through the trees behind me, but I took off at a full sprint toward the only place I would get the answers I needed.
I took stupid risks as I made my way southwest then north. I jumped from heights I wasn't sure would effect me or not, I ran across roads ignoring whether or not there were cars. My body rebounded from trees as I ran flat out ignoring my surroundings. I was following my inner compass, and nothing was going to get in my way. I stumbled as I barreled through the forest, my claws dug deep into the bracken as the inclines became steeper.
By the time I arrived in La Push, I was a mess. My head was a tangled web of thoughts, nothing had become clearer other than the pain in my heart. It had been so easy to place the blame on someone else when I was the one being hurt, but now, this was all my fault. I knew better, I knew what it was to be on the receiving end of this pain and yet I'd still taken the risk.
I crawled up onto the porch and scratched at the door with my claws before phasing back to my human form, and curling into a ball. The scratches I'd managed to get from stray branches stung as the briny, November air danced over them. I was barely aware of the door opening by my head, but the voice was so familiar it made pain soar in my chest.
"Lee Lee?" Sam asked, then there was scuffling. "Emily, get a blanket."
The soft material surrounded me before I was lifted from my place on the porch. The heat from the small house, made it harder to bear, and I started crying freely again as the images ran through my head like a silent movie. Travis had reacted immediately, Zach had known something was up, what was I supposed to do?
"Put her in our room, Sam. Keep an eye on the vegetables and call me if you get stuck."
I was placed on a soft surface, and the click of the door behind me had me burying my face into the comforter below me. My sobs rocked my body dramatically, and the only thing I was aware of was the small hand brushing through my hair as she let me bleed emotionally. Everything hurt so badly I wasn't sure how I would ever recover. I'd ruined two lives, as well as my own.
"I'm so sorry, Emily. I never knew. I couldn't."
"Leah, honey, what happened?" Emily asked, her hand still brushing through my hair. "I've never seen you like this before, not even when . . ."
She trailed off but I knew what she'd meant. When Sam had ended things with me, I'd stormed off and refused to talk to him, but I never shed a tear. When he told me he was in love with Emily, I confronted her, but still never cried once. I'd kept it all inside like a ticking time bomb that was waiting for detonation. I don't think I'd even cried when I realized I was different, that I wouldn't be able to bare children.
"I messed up so bad, Em. I never should have been that way to you and Sam, I've held so much anger toward the two of you for so long and it was never your fault, I know that now. I'm an idiot, I should have seen it sooner, but I was blinded by my own pain."
Her hand stilled in my hair for a second before she continued. When we'd been close, this was always how she soothed me. We'd been so close that she'd been the one person in the world I went to when something big happened. even after years of locking her out, she was still the same person she had been.
"You imprinted," she said. It wasn't a question, she already knew the answer.
"But not with the person I'm in love with," I admitted, swiping the tears from my cheeks roughly as I sat up and hugged the blanket around me. "I was so tired of being alone and when I met him, I had this draw to him. He was so sweet and goofy, he made me laugh, he made me happy . . . Em, I fell in love him."
"But you imprinted?"
"On his twin brother," I cried, covering my eyes with my hands.
"Oh, Lee," she sighed, pulling me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her and held on for dear life. I'd wasted so much time being upset with her. I was so selfish, I hadn't even taken the time to see her side of the thing. I ignored the images that Sam used to try and project when I was in his pack. Now all I could see was how stubborn and immature I'd been.
"What do I do?"
"I can't answer that, Lee, but you know who can. I wish you were spared from this pain, I hoped for you to find the one you were supposed to be with, but not at this price. We've all been through so much, I hate that this is happening again to you."
I shook my head, and sat up so I could look her square in the eyes while I said what I knew I needed to say to her. So she'd get it. She was a smart woman, but she forgave to easily and I wanted her to see how undeserving I was of that.
"I deserve it, Em. All that time being angry at you, I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I should have understood, instead I locked it away and let it fester. You should be so angry at me but you're not, you've just gone back to the person you always were. I miss you so much."
"Lee," she sighed grabbing my hands in hers. "I don't blame you, and you had every right in the world to be upset. You were the only one left without a happy ending. Sam and I both hate how it worked out, we both love you so much, but we had to let you find all of this on your own. I know what you're thinking right now, Leah, but you can't fight this."
"I have to, Em. I love him."
"You'll only make matters worse for everyone involved," Sam said from the door. I was always surprised by how silently he moved. "I know how much it hurts, Lee Lee, and could I bare the pain for you I'd do it, but you have to face the facts. I fought my imprint with Emily for weeks, but you and I both know how distant we grew. I hated hurting you, I still hate it, but the longer you stay away, the more painful it will become."
I hated his logic, because I knew he was right. No matter how much I tried to fight it, the imprint it would always be there, calling to me. The only problem was, my imprint was my boyfriends brother. There was no way I could hide that from either of them. This was a bigger mess than I could have ever fathomed.
"I love him, Sam. I never meant to fall in love with him but I did and I don't want to let him go."
A look passed between Sam and Emily, and they both nodded. Emily kissed my forehead and got up as Sam stepped into the room. She pulled the door closed behind her. I could hear her walking down the hall toward the kitchen without so much as a pause. When Sam sat in her place, he took a deep breath, his jaw relaxed a little as he collected his thoughts, he picked my hands up in his and rubbed the skin on the back of my hand gently.
"This is hard for me to say, Leah, but you need to know everything."
I nodded. If I was going to get hurt by his words, now was a good a time as any I was already broken from the pain I felt in every inch of my body.
"I loved you with everything I ever was. I wanted what you wanted, marriage, a family, a future, and I wanted it with you. That first time I saw Emily and something inside of me clicked, I fought it with everything I was. My heart and soul may have wanted Emily, but all I could think about was you. When I broke up with you, I still fought it, I tried to stay away, but I felt like I was going crazy. Every shadow seemed to move and my mind started putting her in places and situations I knew she couldn't possibly be in.
"To cut a long story short, I started going insane. It became so bad that I burst into her mom's house convinced that I was going to catch her with another guy, or that she was in danger. My mind saw what it wanted to see and before I could control myself I phased in the middle of her room. What I didn't realize at the time was that it went both ways. She was just as miserable as me. To this day I haven't forgiven myself for what I did, I see those scars on her face everyday and I am reminded of my error in judgment. Don't make the same mistakes I did, Lee Lee, learn from them."
"I'm so sorry, Sam. For not making it any easier on you. For not letting you forget what happened between us. You deserve to be happy and I made that impossible by rubbing it in every chance I got. Please tell me it gets easier."
He looked down at our joined hands, and I knew the answer.
"I still think about you, Leah. I can't hide that from Emily because she knows me so well, and it gets difficult sometimes. Every time I am happy I feel guilty, because I know you're alone. She suffers from the guilt as well, you were her best friend, her sister and she knows her happiness came with a price for you."
I sighed heavily and pulled my hands from his. For a second he looked hurt, but when I wrapped my arms around him, I heard the gentle sigh coming from him. It felt good to put this behind us and rebuild the bridge I'd destroyed between the three of us. Understanding had given me some insight into things I only assumed I knew. Armed with the truth I hoped that one day I could find closure like this.
"I suck," I mused, sitting back. "I'm sorry you two have been suffering because of me, but it has to stop, Sam. I'm not your responsibility anymore. I have my own life to live, and I see where I made mistakes. I hate myself for the things I did when it came to you and Emily, and I know that this probably doesn't seem heartfelt because I suddenly find myself in your position, but I hope you know how sorry I am."
"Leah . . ."
"No, let me finish," I exhaled. "Sam, I don't pretend to be something I'm not. You know as well as I do, how hurt I was when everything went down, I was so mad at you both, and even when you tried to apologize and explain I shut you down. That's not your fault, it's mine, and I will make this up to the two of you eventually."
"You're going to fight it aren't you?"
I laughed and shook my head at him. Years of being apart and he still knew me well enough to see between the lines. There were so many times that I fantasized about how it could have been if the shifting hadn't come about, and all of the endings had been happy. We'd made a good couple, we loved one another, and he was possibly the only person that knew how to handle my temper, and me. The impossible truth was, it was never going to be and was never meant to be.
"I have to try. We had a connection, Sam. It was nothing like the imprint but it was strong. He has the same genes and the same face, maybe I could trick my body into . . ."
"It doesn't work that way, but you know Em and I are here if you need us."
"Thanks, Sam."
He sat back, putting some distance between us as he untied the leather cord around my ankle. Handing me my dress and the small clutch I'd somehow managed to keep a hold of, he got up from the bed.
"Get dressed, and join us for dinner. Emily's made enough to feed an army."
"What's new." I laughed weakly. I looked up at him and matched his kind smile. "Thanks, Sam."
He nodded, stood up and opened the door, before stepping out and leaving me alone in his and Emily's room to get dressed. I pulled on my dress and checked my phone, wishing that I hadn't, there were several messages from Zach asking where I was and whether or not I was safe. I knew I needed to answer him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not yet. I needed time and a game plan.
The afternoon passed by slowly, but I was glad of the company and the opportunity to be bridge the gap I'd forced between the three of us. Emily was concerned about me and kept piling food on my plate as soon as it was emptied. She hadn't changed a bit, and I missed her. It was nice to be able to spend time with her without all the aggression bubbling inside of me.
When the guys started dropping by for leftovers, I got myself ready to leave. I was going to spend the night at my mom's and deal with the mess after a decent nights sleep. I figured it was the only way to go. I could face all of it with a clear head, though I wasn't actually convinced I would be doing much sleeping. I made the walk slowly in bare feet trying to avoid the pack members by taking the long way around. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten that this was the exact route Embry took.
"Leah?"
"Hey, Embry," I sighed, trying to hide the emotions that were crushing me.
"You look like shit. You okay?"
Embry never had been one for subtlety. He said what he thought, and it was the very reason that I respected him as much as I did.
"Not really, but I'm not in the mood to talk about it, either. If you're going for leftovers at Sam's, you better hurry, the boys are already over there."
He didn't move. He stayed stuck to the spot he was in, his eyes trying to penetrate the wall I'd put up around myself. It was something I knew well, he'd done it while we were sleeping together. It was only a matter of time before he figured it out, but I wasn't in the mood to bring it all up again.
When my phone rang and I didn't answer it, he raised his eyebrows.
"Leah . . ."
"No, Embry. Please, just give me some space. I'll catch up with you later, okay?"
"Okay, you know where I am if you need me."
I nodded and started walking again, when I got to my mom's house, I almost wished I'd stayed and talked to Embry. The sight before me wasn't encouraging. I saw the car before I felt the draw to him. I wasn't sure how he found me, but there he was, stood talking to my mom on her porch.
Not even Zach knew where I'd lived before I moved to Seattle, so how he'd managed to find me was beyond me. Intrigued and annoyed, I made my way to the base of the porch steps and waited to be noticed. It didn't take long.
"Oh, there she is," mom said, drawing both of their eyes to me. I wanted to run, but the moment my eyes met with his I was rooted to the spot. Imprinting meant I would be anything he needed me to be, and something in his stare told me he needed to talk to me.
This was going to be a pain in the ass.
"Thank you, Sue," he said casually, as he headed down the stairs. How he'd found me and discovered my home and mothers name was beyond me, but I was going to find out. She waited and watched, giving me an opportunity to use her for escape, but one nod from me and she retreated into the house, leaving me alone with a fast approaching Travis.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, finally finding my feet and stepping away from him. "How the hell did you find me?"
"You're a Quileute, Wikipedia told me that this was the main residence for Quileute Indians. Unlike my brother I use my brain. The question is, how did you get here so fast with no ride and bare feet?"
"Don't you dare talk like that about Zach. Why are you here? What do you want?"
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as his tongue flicked the viper bite on his lip. I could feel myself leaning toward him but fought the inclination. He wasn't Zach, and even though my body was screaming for me to reach out I knew I had to fight it. I'd made my decision to fight the imprint.
"I'm sorry, Leah. I just . . . I needed to see you. I know you felt it too. I love my brother, and I don't want to hurt him, but I haven't been able to think about anything but you since you walked out that door. I offered to help Zach find you, and I lied to him telling him that I was having no luck."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I could see it in your eyes. You felt it," he said stepping closer. "I'm not like my brother, Leah, I don't throw myself at women looking for affection, I never have. I hate talking about him like that, but what I'm trying to say is . . . Shit, I had a fucking speech all planned out in my head and I can't get my fucking words straight."
"You had a speech planned?" I asked lowering myself to the porch steps and arranging my dress.
He sat beside me and hung his head while he picked at the wood step between his legs. The longer we sat together, the more I felt comfortable and I hated myself for it.
"I find myself in a bit of a jam, and I think you know why."
"Do I?"
"Don't be facetious, and don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I saw the way you reacted to me. I don't know what it was that passed between us, but you can't pretend it didn't happen."
He was so direct I found myself taken aback. No one had ever spoken to me like that in my life. Even Zach sometimes danced around subjects fearing my wrath, but Travis just held my eyes and went for it. He was calling me out on my lies and we both knew it.
"It's not real, not like you would think anyway."
"What the hell does that even mean?"
"It means I'm your brothers girlfriend and you need to back off."
His head snapped up and his eyes captured mine and I could see the longing there; the confusion and I knew he could see the same reflected from mine as we stared one another down. He was infuriating and making it impossible to think. Being this close to him had my body in a state of flux, it longed for a touch, a confirmation that this was the person I was supposed to be with, but my head was fighting the rest of me, reminding me that I had been happy with Zach, that this was his brother.
"Go home, Travis. There's nothing here for you."
"You know that's not true. Talk to me."
"Fine, you want me to talk? I am drawn to you so badly it physically hurts me to even think about not being around you, but I'm in love with your brother and I don't want to hurt him. The only outcome is someone getting hurt, I can't and I won't do that, Travis. So whatever you're feeling you need to process it and put it away because it's never going to happen. It's just biology."
"Biology?" he asked, turning to face me.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him what I was and what was going on between us, and I knew I would be free to do so because he was my imprint, but I couldn't. If I told him, it would be opening a can of worms I would never be able to close again, it would mean I'd accepted who and what he was to me and I couldn't do that.
"Forget it. Just go home."
When I moved to get up, he pulled me back down, his hands cupping my cheeks as he leaned in. I knew what was going to happen and I knew I should stop him, but my whole body sang with the contact.
When his lips touched mine, our bodies took over. I fell into his lips as my hands gripped his shoulders and pulled him closer. My mind shut down completely as my body buzzed with my reaction. Everything in my body shivered in excitement as the feeling of completion washed over me. Nothing had ever felt this right in my life, and as my body exploded into life; part of me died inside.
I knew what I had to do.
A/N: After everything she and Zach have been through she really shouldn't have kissed Travis, but I guess that's the thing about the imprint, it pulls you in and consumes you! I know it's unfair to Zach, and believe me, Leah doesn't want to hurt him, she doesn't want to hurt anyone, she's been in the position he's in. Hopefully she can work things out soon.
Thanks so much to all of you who read, alert, add the story to your favorites, and of course review. Your comments always keep me smiling and thinking and your encouragement is priceless and appreciated. You guys are amazing!
Hev99, I know you've been busy (Hence the mistakes in Grammar and such you've been seeing) but thank you for the chapters you've been editing to catch up with me! Love you bobbleBear!
Sabi'sSookie, you're an amazing BFF and Twinnifer and I just don't know how to thank you for all of your support and faith! You're amazing! I love you!
PinkIndeed, thank you for being you! Keep knitting and congratulations on your new pup! MWAH! Loves ya!