Lunar Ascension

Chapter 7: Emotional Slaughter

Disclaimer: All things in the Twilight universe belong to Stephenie Meyer and her publishers. The song and lyrics belong to the band and their representatives. Any other copyrighted material included in this story belongs to their rightful owners. Cheers ma dears! Rated M.

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You'll never know if you never try to forgive your past
And simply be mine
One and Only by Adele

"Stop," I breathed out as I tried to push him away. The pull was so strong it was almost impossible to peel myself away from him and his grasp on me.

"Why?" he groaned.

"Because I am dating your brother and it's wrong."

He dug into his pocket and handed me his phone with a smirk. I knew he wasn't suggesting what I thought he was. He couldn't be. I may have slipped up, I may have realized that it would only destroy Zach if he and I to stayed together, but it didn't mean I was going to end my relationship with him on the phone, and it sure as hell didn't mean I was going to hop into Travis' arms and live happily ever after. I needed to be single for a while and make things right, which meant I would have to stick close to Travis, but it didn't mean he would have to physically see me.

I was hoping that being near him would ease his tension so he wouldn't come to find me. I wouldn't jump from one brother to another and I needed Travis to see that. I needed him to understand that Zach's feelings meant something to me. I was more than aware of his contradiction. He said he worried about his brother, that he cared about him, yet here he was making a move on me.

"Look, Travis, I'm sorry I let that kiss happen, but there can't be anything between you and I. I'm going to break it off with Zach because he deserves better, but that doesn't mean there's going to be anything between us."

"Of course my brother had to pick the one girl with scruples to fall in love with. You're not his usual type you know," he said, looking up at me from behind his fair lashes.

"I'm well aware of that. Zach's never hidden anything from me and he's never apologized for his past, I just hope I don't push him back to the way he was. He doesn't deserve that, he's an amazing guy. You probably don't see it, but I do and I'd appreciate you backing the hell off."

"I keep messing up, don't I?" he sighed with aggravation. "I know I keep fucking up, but the thought of not seeing you again almost makes me panic. I wish I knew what the hell was going on." He sat in silence for a moment, his hands spinning the phone. "My brother and I . . . We've always been close, but I find myself jealous because he has you. It's irrational because I just met you, and I can't explain the way I feel in the right way. I know you understand what I'm saying; even though I'm saying it all wrong."

"No, this is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it."

"Yes, you do," Sam said as he approached quietly. His silence had once again made it impossible to hear his approach and it didn't help that he'd come from up wind either.

Travis leapt to his feet and stood in front of me, the movement was so fluid, and his stance was defensive. For a second I simply stared at him in wonder. I was supposed to be the protector, the imprint was supposed to make me act like an overbearing tight ass. Maybe if it hadn't been Sam I would have reacted.

"You see that," Sam said quietly. "It's instinct, Leah. You can't fight it, you have to tell him the truth."

"Not now, Sam, please. We'll talk about this later."

"What truth?" Travis asked, not even turning to look at me.

I jumped to my feet and stepped around Travis ignoring the hand he use to try and push me back with. I swatted it away and stepped closer to Sam. I couldn't believe after making peace he was going to do this to me. As much as I respected him, this was my secret to tell my imprint. He was overstepping his boundaries once again.

"Let me do this my way."

"Leah, I can't watch you do this to yourself."

"You have to, Sam. I appreciate your concern, but I need to do things in order. I know what I have to do, and I will explain it to you, but not here and not now."

"Could someone explain to me what the hell you're talking about?" Travis said from behind me. I knew he was getting closer because I could feel the shiver of excitement down my spine, I could feel the way my body seemed to sing when he was close.

"Sorry, that's Leah's call," Sam said with resignation, his eyes turned to me. His dark brown eyes boring into me. "Leah, can you come around later to talk?"

"Sam, you're not . . ."

"I know I'm not, but as your friend," he pleaded gently, his eyes asking me to trust him.

I nodded, relieved that I'd managed to avert the crisis for now.

I knew I would have to explain everything to Travis eventually, but I needed to talk to Zach first, I needed to make things right with him before I did anything else. I'd fucked up but letting myself get caught up in the moment and kissing Travis, but that wasn't going to happen again anytime soon.

Sam gave Travis a nod and turned away from us, I could only assume he was going back home to Emily, and I would find him later and talk to them both, but I needed to get rid of Travis first. I could hear my phone vibrating in my clutch on the stairs, but that was something else I would have to deal with later.

"Travis, I need you to leave."

"You can't send me on my way after that. He obviously knows what the hell is going on."

"He has been in my life since I was a child," I replied sternly. "You need to go home, and you need to keep your mouth shut. What has to happen between Zach and I is between Zach and I. What happens between you and I is between you and I. Do you understand me?"

"No, I don't actually. I'll leave, but this isn't over, Leah. We need to talk about this and I need some answers. I'll stay away as much as I can, but I wouldn't count on that being very long."

I rubbed my forehead with my fingers in frustration. His method of deduction had left me nowhere to hide. He knew where to find me, and I knew he would use it. I just hoped he'd give me time to do what I had to do.

He leaned in to kiss me goodbye, but I leaned out of his reach and stepped away. It was an impossible situation because I wasn't just fighting him, I was fighting myself as well. Since I'd met him, all I'd done was pull away from him and I felt exhausted. This was a clusterfuck beyond any I'd ever been in. In the morning I was going to do one of the hardest things I'd ever done in my life and break up with Zach, and stood in front of me was his identical twin who I was drawn to with every ounce of my soul. I wanted to find a hole and hide in it for a decade.

"I'll call you."

"Please, don't," I said gently. "I'll call you when I'm ready to talk."

He nodded but stayed rooted to the spot. I could sense his reluctance to leave, to walk away when he was so obviously drawn to me, but he had to, if for no other reason than to clear his head and think about things rationally.

"Go."

"Don't wait too long."

I nodded in response and started to climb the porch steps. I'd once seen a conversation between Bella and Jacob in his head, it was the day he'd explained imprinting to her. He'd thought about it a lot after she broke his heart, but he'd told her that the imprint couldn't resist that level of adoration. If that was what they thought, everything we'd figured about imprints had been wrong. They were as drawn to us as we were to them. I'd done nothing but push Travis away since I'd imprinted on him, yet he was still persistent, he was still pushing for me to accept this thing between us.

I stopped on the top step and watched as he backed his car out onto the road and pulled away. I could see his eyes lingering on me in the rearview mirror right up until he turned the corner at the end of the street. The moment he was out of sight, I felt the void inside of myself. It was like the tether I had was cut, as though a piece of myself was leaving with him.

My phone started buzzing in my purse again, dancing along the lining as it bounced. I sighed as I made my way down to scoop it up from it's place on the porch steps. There were three more calls and three more voice mails, and I couldn't bear to listen to them. I'd been willing to fight the imprint and try to stay with Zach, I wanted that, but the moment my lips had met Travis' the incontrovertible truth had shattered the illusion. It was only a matter of time until I started to fall in love with him, we were made for one another, it was inevitable.

It would have been easy to lose myself in Travis, but I'd never been the type to cheat and I respected Zach too much to hurt him that way. I needed to do things the right way, even if it hurt to stay away from Travis for a while. When I finally had no choice but to give in, I knew Zach would find out and it would be a disaster, it would hurt him that I'd chosen his brother.

"Leah, honey?" mom said as she stepped out of the door and onto the porch next to me. "He looks different from the picture you sent."

I shook my head and bit back another round of tears that seemed imminent. Everything was so messed up. It was so unfair. I'd spent some of the best months of my life with Zach, he understood me, we had passion, and now I had to throw it all away like it meant nothing.

"That's not him, mom. That's his twin, my imprint."

There was a small surge of silence between us as we both stared at the spot where the car had disappeared. I knew she hadn't expected that, they both looked so similar in so many ways, but I could sense that small thing separating them, and it made the world of difference.

"Oh honey, come inside," she cooed, sliding her arm around my waist with a sigh.

I let her guide me into the house and push me into the couch. My body was numb so I moved willingly, thankful for the guidance. With one look at my face, Charlie kissed mom on the forehead and excused himself, explaining that he had to go to the station, which we both knew he didn't, but I appreciated him for what he was doing.

Mom and I talked for hours. She was upset for me, but she was optimistic that I would be happy once the mess was cleared up. I was so tired of talking about it I finally excused myself and went to bed. I tossed and turned for hours, unable to get comfortable as my mind churned with the facts and what I would have to do. I ran through my excuses for breaking up with Zach over and over but it never sounded right because it wasn't the truth.

When I finally did drift off my subconscious created nightmare after nightmare that had me waking up in a cold sweat. Imprinting was supposed to bring joy, but all it brought me was nightmares and heartache.

I finally gave up on sleep and headed over to Sam's. I knew they'd be up early. When I told him what I had planned, he wasn't exactly thrilled about it, but he understood. Zach and I both needed closure before I could move on. His only request was that he was there when I told Travis what I was. I knew he was being protective of me so I agreed.

When my phone rang another four times, I knew I couldn't put it off anymore. I needed to go back to my apartment and face the music. It made me sick to my stomach to think of how this would go, but I had to do it. Postponing it any longer would only hurt both of us. I'd thought my heart had torn apart before, but it was nothing in comparison to this pain.

I ran in my wolf form as slowly as I could, knowing I was procrastinating. When I got to the park close to the apartment I phased back and changed into my well worn dress, before heading across the street and parking lot and into the building. When I stepped out on my floor, I almost turned around and ran. Zach was sat on the floor, leaned against my door asleep. I stood watching him for a while, and I knew that the connection we had dulled because of my imprint. A few days ago he would have known I was there.

I made my way toward him with a heavy heart, and crouched beside him. I would miss the sound of his heart's even thud and the gentle snore he let off when he was in a deep sleep. I would miss the innocence that sleep seemed to give him, and I would miss his arms folded around me as he held me close. I loved him, but I'd realized it too late and now I'd never be able to tell him. Maybe it was easier for him this way, there was a chance he'd get over it faster not knowing the truth.

"Leah?" he said groggily. It took him a second to realize where he was, I could pinpoint the moment his memory clicked into gear because his arms folded around me and he pulled me into his lap. "Where the hell have you been? I've been freaking out, even Travis went out looking for you."

"I know, I'm sorry . . . I . . . I had to clear my head and think about things."

His hands circled my forearms as he pushed me out to arms length and examined me. I wasn't sure if he was looking for injuries or answers, but he could see something had changed.

"What's going on?" he asked, releasing an arm and letting his fingers tangle around the back of my neck. "You look like shit and you won't meet my eyes. What happened yesterday, Leah?"

"Can we go inside?" I asked, trying to push to my feet, but he was having none of it, his arms wrapped around me like a cage, unwilling to release me. "Zach, please I don't want to do this in the corridor."

"Do what?"

I forced my way from his arms and dug my keys out of my purse. The same emotional breakdown was bubbling in my stomach and I had to physically force the sob back down my throat as I unlocked the door and pushed it open. I waited for him to get up from the floor and enter before following him in. I put everything in my hands on the kitchen counter as he watched me. I didn't know what to do with myself. My limbs felt heavier without anything in them and my legs felt weak and useless. He was going to hate me. There was no question of that in my mind and it hurt to think about.

"Leah, talk to me," he finally said, stepping toward me. He was so close to me in my tiny kitchen that I felt claustrophobic. When he placed his hands on either side of me on the counter and leaned in, I stopped him with a hand to the chest.

"Zach, I can't do this anymore. I've had fun with you but we both know it's never going to work between us. If we keep going this way we're going to get hurt."

He retreated as though I'd slapped him. He didn't have much room to move away from me so he ended up leaned against the opposite counter, his eyes full of pain as he tried to capture mine. I wanted to look him in the eye and give him the respect he deserved, but I knew he'd see the lie, and the pain that was already becoming too much to combat.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Leah? Why wouldn't this work out between us? Why now are you suddenly questioning our relationship?"

"We're from different worlds . . ."

"This is about my parents fucking money?" he shouted, his hands balling into fists. "Are you really that fucking insecure? I love you, Leah, I haven't even said it to my parents before, but with you I want to scream it from the rooftops. Don't do this to me."

I snapped. All of my effort to hold back the tears and the body rocking sobs broke like a dam and flooded from me. I'd never once thought he felt that way about me. We hadn't been together that long. I'd thought I was the only one, I'd thought that my feelings were from the release he'd given me from my own prison, but it wasn't, we'd formed a deep bond and now I was breaking it.

I tried to catch my breath, but it was impossible. He wrapped his arms around me in comfort but it only made matters worse. There was no more pull in his touch, and it was killing me.

"Don't do this," he whispered as he buried his face into the crook of my neck. "Please, give us a chance."

"I have to, Zach. I know you don't understand this, but there so much I can't say, and not because I don't want to, it's because I can't. We can't be together anymore. I never wanted to hurt you like this, I wanted you so badly, I wanted to fight the . . . Fuck! I just . . . I can't, it'll kill me."

Both of us clung to one another, I was sobbing pathetically, and Zach was running his hands over my curves as though memorizing them. I was still sobbing when he sucked in air through his nose and walked away, slamming the door behind him.

I slid to the ground the moment I heard his footsteps fade, and pulled my knees to my chest. For the first time in my life I bawled, so hard that my throat and chest felt raw, and my eyes stung and grew tired from the effort. I felt as though my whole world was crashing down around me. The unfairness of it all seemed magnified somehow now that I was alone.

I didn't move from the spot for hours, I simply stayed where I was as my tears dried up and my heart shattered in my chest. I should have stayed in La Push, if I'd never ventured out on my own I could have been alone and miserable. My bitterness didn't seem so bad now that I was incapacitated with grief.

With a sleepless night and exhaustion from my emotional break down I feel asleep curled on my kitchen floor. I didn't want to sleep in my bed because it's where I'd slept with Zach, I couldn't even look at the couch because it's where we'd made love the morning before.

Love.

He loved me.

I knew what it was like to be rejected like that out of the blue and I prayed that he wouldn't turn into the bitter mess I'd been. There was something amazing about him buried under the masculine jock, and I had been lucky enough to catch a glimpse of that. I couldn't imagine him never being that person again. As conceited as it sounded, I hoped I wasn't the exception to his rule. My future, whether I liked it or not, was rolled out in front of me. I had someone I would love, I would spend my life with him, it killed me to think there was even a chance I'd robbed Zach of that.

For a while I was trapped in my own dreams. I clawed at the walls of my own mind looking for an escape but it never came. I willed myself to wake, but there was no result. I was trapped in a never ending play and rewind of my pathetic speech. He hadn't even asked for a reason, he'd made an assumption and I'd let him have it. I couldn't tell him the truth. I saw a hundred images of his face crumpling to sadness, I heard thousands of draws of breath through his nose followed by thousands of slams of my door and I still couldn't pull myself out of the nightmare. I screamed and screamed for release from the nightmares, clawing at my dream self as I tried to escape.

Just as I started another cycle all of it disappeared and serenity seemed to find me. For a second I was confused, but as consciousness found me I realized exactly what had offered me the peace I'd so desperately needed. My front door was stood wide open and two strong arms were wrapped around my body holding me.

"Travis?"

He rearranged me in his arms as he slid to the floor. I could see the panic written clearly on his face. I could only deduce that I'd been screaming out loud.

"You're awake," he mumbled sighing with a sense of relief. "I heard you screaming in here and I've been trying to wake you up for five minutes. What the hell happened?"

I shook my head, and covered my eyes with the heels of my hands. I couldn't do this yet. It was too soon.

"What are you doing here?"

"I saw Zach. He's a hot mess and I could only assume you were fairing worse than him. I wanted to make sure you were all right."

"Peachy keen," I sniffed, rearranging myself out of his arms. When his face fell, another surge of guilt rocked through me. It wasn't his fault that I'd imprinted on him. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little confused. He told me he loved me."

"Zach?" Travis asked, leaning back against the cabinet after he kicked the door closed. "I don't think Zach's ever said the word out loud."

"That's really not helping."

"Right. Sorry," he whispered, scratching the back of his head and tonguing his viper bite. "I feel useless. This . . ." he said moving his hand back and forth between us. "Is really fucking with my head. I've never believed in love at first sight, I though it was complete bullshit made up by people who misjudged their sexual attraction for an emotion. Then you walk into my life."

"You're blaming me? I was perfectly happy . . ."

"Shut up and let me talk," he snorted, putting his hand over my mouth. "It's hard enough to get my thoughts in order around you without your constant commentary. I'm not blaming you for anything, I'm making an observation. Did you not hear a word I said to you?"

The moment he pointed it out to me it was like a neon sign. He'd alluded to the fact that he too was in love me. It was like a fucking three ring circus and I was the one holding the whip with the top hat and coat tails.

"Listen, I know it's weird, I know I am probably freaking you the hell out, so I want to propose something."

"Right now?" I asked, wiping the tears from under my eyes. I appreciated what he was saying, it wasn't as though I didn't feel it under all of this mess, but the timing was, quiet honestly, shitty.

"Can we just be friends? I mean I know you need time to sort through all of this, but at least get to know me before you push me away again. I'll stop being pushy and we can just hang out."

"He's your brother."

Travis looked away from me, his eyes lingering anywhere other than on mine. I wasn't sure what the deal was considering how direct he normally was, but I wasn't in the mood to find out. Something told me it wasn't going to make me feel any better.

"Okay, but friends is it."

"That's fine," he smiled, leaning his head back against the counter and staring at my ceiling. "Maybe one day you'll trust me enough to tell me what your tall friend was talking about."

"Maybe," I whispered, resting my cheek on my knees. I already knew I would.

A/N: Lines are blurring and there's nothing poor Leah can do to stop the changes that are coming. I guess she'll have to wait to see how badly Zach took it all, but something tells me he's not going to bow our gracefully. Thanks so much to all of you who read, alert, favorite and review the story. You're all amazing and I just wish I knew how to show that appreciation other than in words! You guys are all amazing!

Thanks to my Beta, Hev99 for being a great friend. Thank you to Sabi'sSookie for being my best friend and twinnifer, and for giving me feedback, and thanks to PinkIndeed who is a great friend and prereader! Love you guys! MWAH