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The shortest Blaise/Hermione ever. Because I wanted to do it!
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Blaise Zabini was a confused individual.
Despite the fact that canon had revealed that he was male, there were still those who had their doubts about him. Or her. "It," really.
And then there was It's appearance…. He/She/It was either a tall black boy or a tall sexy Italian boy with gorgeous olive skin or a tall sexy Greek boy with curly dark brunet hair or a short girl that no one bothers to describe.
But Hermione Granger was never confused. And besides that, she couldn't stand for anyone else to be confused either. But that was the nice part about being Hermione Granger: there was always someone to be enlightened.
So she brought Blaise Zabini to the library—the place where everyone goes to be un-confused.
She searched through stacks of books before crowing in triumph.
"Blaise!!! It says here in the canon that you're a tall black boy!" Hermione squealed.
"YES!" Blaise the boy said. "I HAVE AN IDENTITY!"
And so they snogged.
But that's not the end of this story. Oh no.
The fanfiction writers were far from pleased with Hermione's revelation. So they retaliated by writing loads of nondescript-girl!Blaise and sexy-Italian!Blaise because, they argued, he just wasn't hot enough otherwise.
"WAIT!" Hermione yelled. "You're saying that nondescript-girl!Blaise is hot?"
The fanfiction writers were indignant.
"Some of us have problems!"
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There's medication for that.