Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, more important people than me do. I make no money out of this.

A/N: Minor differences when compared to my lj entry of this fic. Hopefully less mistakes. More G1 references...

Musings of a Confused Squishy

Frigid, he'd called her. Because she couldn't bring herself to touch him anymore. At least not touch her like he wanted to. It made her feel guilty. She could still remember that Ron was supposed to be funny. He had to be, she spent half of her life laughing at the things he said or did. She still remembered that he mostly knew how to take care of things. Oh, she wasn't a helpless little girl, but she always let him try things first. And she could still remember he used to be interesting, smart and romantic. She was sure her memories weren't wrong. She had twenty years of her life invested on him. She loved him… she still did, right?

Then why was it so hard to laugh now? She found herself yelling at him to shut up and stop those tasteless jokes of his. Why did it bother her now so much that he wanted to be the one in charge? Why was he now so dull, boring and corny? They didn't talk anymore and the situation annoyed her. How could twenty years, once so cherished, could suddenly weigh on her like a ball and chain? She loved him.

Loved…

Not anymore.

But how could she when there was another? Oh, she knew what he was, what he'd done, but if that sweet girl Mikaela could repair one and the Autobots could have that police car tied down, she could befriend him. He could be her secret.

He hadn't hurt her. He'd actually let her stay with him. humoring her by answering all of her questions. And when she opened her eyes in the morning to find him gone, she had honestly believed it was over. A thought that hadn't bothered her in the least. She wasn't a young girl anymore. That one meeting would've been enough for the rest of her life.

Two months passed with no eventuality. True, she constantly thought about him and she actually paid attention whenever Sam was talking about his day for news of the flier. And in two months there was no word from him. And as the two month mark came; he appeared.

He looked even more intimidating now. She figured it was because he was fixed now. She didn't know if she had to run for her life or not. She debated what to do while he studied her silently. She was about to run away screaming, when he spoke.

"Do you still want to fly, human?"

And she said yes. Oh, it was amazing! Everything looked so small. And he showed off, speeding up until she was sure he'd take her to China only to slow down until she feared they would fall down. He tried to do pirouettes, but she screamed at him threatening bodily malfunction on him to get him to stop. To her, he seemed to have been feeling very playful, as he ejected her, transformed, catched her, let himself fall only to throw her in the air again and let her fall on his now open cockpit. He'd laughed the entire way back while she cursed him and his creator all the way up to the mythical Vector Sigma, including six generations that she completely made up. But it had been worth it. She'd flown. She'd actually gotten to feel the air rushing around her, even if she'd been falling at the time. He didn't say a word to her that day beyond what was necessary. She didn't mind. And if the next day she had to pretend sickness because her whole body ached, well it was worth it.

Two months after that, he was back. This time he didn't ask and she didn't hesitate. He brought her to this cliff with an amazing view and talked. About the base that he started. About his wait for reinforcements. What he learned after arriving to this planet. And she talked too. About Sam and how that girl, Mikaela, broke up with him for another. She briefly talked about the Autobots. And by the way he flinched and hurried to get her home, she knew it would've been better to not even mention them.

She'd been so sure he would not return anymore. Yet, this time she didn't have to wait two months. He appeared after one month. His next visit came after only two weeks. Now they saw each other almost every day. It worried her. She didn't want him to be found and killed, yet she eagerly awaited his visits.

Starscream was an enigma. Some days easily amused, others easily angered. She once labeled him as a walking temper tantrum. He was moody, liked to belittle the humans, and was ridiculously smart and sarcastic. Even his sense of humor was skewed. It was surprising to realize she liked all of this.

Missed it.

Needed it.

Needed him…

And when she closed her eyes, she could feel the air around her as she fell; and cold metallic hands catching her. When she closed her eyes, she could hear his metallic voice as he laughed, or shrieked, his amusement to the stars. And every time she closed her eyes, she found herself wanting him… loving him more. Frigid, Ron had called her. He couldn't have been more wrong.

Edited:2/16/09