So my computer is still being a little whacky. So sorry about that. Everything is now Ed-sized (if you know what I mean) and I don't know why!!! Anyway, don't fret about putting your names at the end of stuff, it just makes it a little easier for me. And I really need that on days like today. But arigatou for those of you who are; I really appreciate the help :)

Oh yeah, this is the 50th chapter!! So who's throwing the party and when is it? Can we invite Ed and Al so I can kidnap them and…I mean…RABBITS EAT LETTUCE!!!

To Greed and Dante: Say, do you both need henchmen that are actually useful
cause if you want I can spare a few.
Here's the list:
1.Killer Moth: A nut in an insect like robot armor that flies around shooting
fireballs.
2.Electrocutioner: Big guy, Big weapon: a giant robotic arm that can shoot
wave attacks that electrocute enemies with 20,0 volts of electricity.
3.Fire Bug: An insane pyromaniac, whose weapon allows him to create fireballs
capable of melting through solid concrete. Also a good hand to hand fighter.
And Last but not least
4.Bob the Goon: Your typical everyday sacrificial henchman. Not a good fighter
and a little on the dumb side but, extremely loyal.
Besides that I plan on killing off the whole city along with FullMetal and his
dimwit brother, and of course the most the state military. How you ask? With
a big parade in honor of the State Military, with parade balloons filled with
a toxic nerve gas called Smilex (don't what Smilex is look it up, you might be
interested). I only ask you two join me in this parade or at least offer some
advice. Your choice, either way free gas mask will be distributed to you Dante
and all of your henchmen and I am giving away $20,000,000 dollars to all the
little people during the parade just to make them think nothing's wrong. Of
course when their dead I'll take back the 20 million and if you guys want you
can have a share with it and what ever the dead have among them. Oh, almost
forgot (hands out Philosophers stone). This is for you Dante. Now If both of
you would excuse me I've got a city to kill.
To Barry the Chopper: Since you're a walking suit of armor I don't think ya
need a gas mask, but I'll make ya a deal. How would you like to work for me
killing anybody how tries to stop my genocidal plans. Yes, you do get to chop
'em up all you want
To Ed: You're short, and all I have to say is I still can't see ya from up
here! Where'd ya go shorto? Perhaps you need to be put in a baby chair from now
on! Tell me something my "friend", ya ever dance with the devil in the pale of
moon light?
To Al: Your brother's so small I had to look under a microscope to see him.
Oh, and here's ya a present, It's probably gonna smell because I left the poor
cat in there with no air holes for 3 days. Ha just kidding it's a toy
cat!...whose fur was once from a real cat.
To Roy: If you survive the whole parade thing I hope the whole miniskirt thing
works out for ya.
To Envy: relax about the people calling ya a palm tree head, gay, and a mini
skirt wearer, cause they're just about all gonna die at the big parade, And IF
they still are alive, find out their location and I'll send my goons to get 'em
and bring 'em to ya. By the way good look against FullMetal shorto. Here's ya a
gas mask. Put it on when you start hearing my goons yell "Mask!"
To Wrath: God kid aren't you one bit sick for all that sugar!? Well here's ya
another chocolate bar and a gas mask.
To Gluttony: Here's ya a hand sandwich and a gas mask: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
DON'T EAT THE MASK!
Sloth: Here's ya a gas mask and make sure your kid doesn't take his off
either.
To Lust: A gas mask you too, and by the way here's a certain stone you're
looking for. Thank me later.
Pride: Here's ya a gas mask and keep up da smile...
Winry: How about you and me go on a little date huh? You and me destroying
the town! Wadda ya say? gets out BIG gun

Tartarus789

Greed: Well thanks. I'll take 'em all.

Dante: Nothing much can top a Homunculus, but I'll be there when you take out Central. Of course, I don't know where you'd get all of that money; couldn't you just evacuate them? Or you could just kill them off.

Barry The Chopper: Eheh heh heh!! Of course I'll do it!!!!

Ed: I AM NOT A MIDGET SO TINY AND SMALL THAT HE COULD BE CONFUSED WITH A TADPOLE!?!?!?!?!? And I have no idea what you're talking about with that second part.

Al: Eh!?!? 0o

Roy: Um…thank you?

Envy: Heh, Homunculi could withstand that stuff even without a gas mask.

Wrath: Of course not!! Yaaaaaay candy!!!

Gluttony? (eats mask)

Envy: It doesn't matter; like I said, we don't really need them.

Sloth: Sure thing.

Lust: I'll use it after the attack. Thanks.

Pride: …Of course.

Winry: …I don't really have a choice in the matter, do I?

Her evilness is back!
Envy FINE THEN! I will set Sylvester my evil cat on you!!
Kimbley I don't really understand what you said...
I have given up on weird nicknames...for now...
Dante I don't believe in hell but you can have fun burning in it and just so
you know you have given my friend Perri and I a lifelong phobia of elevators
you suck
Mei-chan one of my online names is Mei-san and well you have a really nice
name! Xiao Mei is very cute as well
Ling you are cute but I don't like it when you are Greed
RanFan you are cool but I don't really like you no offence
I will return do not doubt it...
happy birthday Trevor!

roxie-san

Envy: I'm not afraid of any damn cat!!!

Kimbley: Sorry, I misread your comment. What I meant to say was hell yeah I'm gonna kill you!

Everyone: GOOD!

Dante: Oh, boo-hoo. Do you really think that I care what someone as pathetic as you think?

Mei-chan: Oh! Thank you very much :)

Ling: Heh heh…well that's too bad, I guess.

RanFan: …It's okay, I understand.

Ed: Who the hell is "Trevor"!?!?

Havoc: I'M CALLIN' YOU CHAN! But are you the jolly green giant?

Roy:...you're still a jerk.

Greed: I STOLE YOUR CAR! Will you kill me?

MeanFangirl

Havoc: (sweatdrop) What are you talking about. AH! NO! CHAN IS FOR GIRLS!!!

Roy: …So are you.

Greed: Yeah, pretty much.

Hello peoples, I'm back.

Okay, I'm going to skip the usual Envy/Dante insults and go right to the
question... at least for a little bit.

Ed, Al, Scar, Kimbley, Greed... and Mustang:
I need some help. I have a guy that likes me and keeps insisting that we
'dated' even though we never even went out, and he still won't let go of the
fact that I told him to leave me alone. He keeps calling me and trying to get
'back together', and it's driving me insane! I even resorted to letting my
brother answer the phone, and that still didn't work. What should I do? Oh,
and after I 'dumped' him, he started saying how big of a b#& I was to a
bunch of my friends.

Kimbly:
1. If my 'friend' calls me again today, will you please blow him up for me? I
would REALLY appreciate it.

Ed:
1. You rock. End of story.
2. Again, I feel your pain as to being the older sibling and being shorter
than the younger one. I'm 19 fricken years old and I'm only 5'4! My friend
Rin tells me that I'm as tall as you are in the movie when you're 18, and that
means that we should be a perfect match, since I kind of lose it when people
call me short as well.
3. If you were traveling with a girl, and she found a puppy while you were
traveling and hid it from you, how would you react when you found it? (She had
it in her backpack.)

Al:
1. If you really want a pet, and Ed won't let you have one, try one of those
NintenDogs. I think they have a cat version too. (Hands over Nintendo DS with
games.)

Mustang:
1. You're how old, thirty? First of all, you look way younger than that, and
you have the emotional maturity of a fifteen-year old. Maybe that's why girls
like you, because they want to date younger men. My friend's grandmother,
who's eighty, says you're hot by the way.
2. STOP STEALING HAVOC'S GIRLFRIENDS! Let the man date for Kami's sake!

Envy:
1. You knew it had to be coming, didn't you? Actually, I have a civil
question to ask you for once. Why do you hate Ed so much? He wasn't the one
who transmuted you, and it's not like he even knew who you really were until
you told him. I partially agree with you on Hohenhiem; that was totally
uncalled for on his part as to how he deserted you.
2. As much as I really don't want to say this... my friend Emi-chan thinks
you're hot and wants to date you. She is currently standing right next to me
while I'm writing this and is begging for all that she's worth. I leave that
up for you to decide, but remember this; if you break her heart, I'll kill
you. I know where your human remains are.

Hawkeye:
1. Is it hard, being a female in the military, and being a sharpshooter to
boot?
2. You are my favorite female character in FMA! You rock!

Wandering Hitokiri

Ed: Just punch the guy in the face and tell him to leave you alone!

Roy: Just go out with me and tell him you already have a boyfriend ;)

Al: U-Um, well, if he keeps bothering you like that, then I think it's considered harassment, so you should tell someone about it. You should also try talking to him, and telling him to stop it. But maybe you could have your parents talk to his parents; that usually works.

Kimbley: Heh heh…no problem-o.

Ed: Thanks. Um…I dunno…Well, I mean, we really can't care for pets like that, but if it's been with her for a while I wouldn't wanna tear them apart…maybe I'd leave it with Riza and Black Hayate to take care of so she could pick it up when she was done traveling with us.

Al: Yay!! Uh…Oh no!! It died!! Brother, what do I do!?!?

Ed: How the hell should I know!? What is that thing, anyway?

Al: Um…Ninten-something?

Ed: It's probably dangerous! Get rid of it!

Al: Eep!! O-okay!!

Roy: …I just don't have anything to say to that first comment. I really don't. As for the second, it's their choice who they want to date; I'm obviously the better man.

Havoc: D: Come on, Colonel, gimme a break!

Envy: While that may be true, his bastard of a father actually cared about him, unlike me. And I can't forgive him for that. Besides, he looks too much like that man for my taste. I'd never date a human, and you have no idea where they are.

Riza: At times it can be difficult, yes, because there aren't many women there. It's very exhausting to be working with men all day. Thank you.

Ed: Have you ever thought of taking calcium supplements instead of drinking
milk?

Roy: Instead of a miniskirt why not try getting Riza to wear hot pants? (Which
it looks like Envy already wears them but that's probably not true.)

Winry: This is probably out of place but you're a normal girl who may know
what I'm talking about. I like this guy but he doesn't know that and we don't
talk a lot but other people think he's gay so I'm not sure I can tell him how I
feel. Advice please.

Envy: Where did you learn to fight? (I tried to copy you but my brother
punched me in the stomach for it.) But still you are awesome!

P.S. Roy I made a reference to you a couple of days ago to a friend and ended
up explaining to her who you were! It just goes to show that you are not
popular because she knew who Ed and Al were just fine.

Akanami Kokorime

Ed: What, are you implying something with that comment?

Roy: Nah, I think I'll stick with miniskirts. I mean, "Hot Pants Army" just doesn't have that ring to it.

Winry: Hmm…well, in this day and age, "gay" is often used as an insult, so he may not be. What you can say is "I'm not sure if you feel the same way about me, but I really like you," or something along those lines. Chances are, if you don't talk a lot, he may not like you back, but if you're friends you can not only find out the truth of his sexuality preferences, but you'll have a better chance of going out with him if he is straight.

Envy: I've been alive for hundreds of years, so I can't say I remember where if there was a place, but mostly it's just stuff I've picked up. You should punch him back!!!

Roy: …One person doesn't mean anything!!

BakaKonakoRKL,
this story thing makes me giggle, good job! WOO!

Ok so,
Edward-you are NOT short. But just so you know, people will continue to say
you are if you keep spazzing out.
Al- all I have to say is your freakin adorable.

Tetsu-chan

BakaKonekoRKL: Arigatou! This is really the only humor story I've done, besides Clash of T3h Animes and Retreat, but the first is kinda…random (but still funny) and the second was just used to help me survive a horrific experience. So thanks!

Ed: Well…I can't help it! It's just something I do, almost subconsciously.

Al:) Thank you!!

Tigerlily's questions
To all the homonculi- if you were turned human, what would you do first?
Envy - you're not wearing a skirt during the anime, coz in the one of the
last episodes there's a shot of you and you're wearing a pair of shorts, so
tell people who say you're wearing a skirt to suck on that. You're also very
hot!

Hummingbird's questions:
Greed - My sister thinks you are the coolest because you have minions and a
bar. Do you serve Absinthe?

Roy - 2 things.. 1) buy an umbrella, then your gloves won't get wet. DUH

2) Kind of applies to both you and Envy - would you have a miniskirt army?

Envy - would you join said Mini-Skirt Army? And also, your hair isn't a palm
tree! More an Aloe Vera plant. From now on, you will be known as... VERA!
ALSO (sorry to bug you, mate) but ARE you a ninja? Come on, there's no need
to hide from it! Are you?

Ed - let Al have a damn kitten! Why won't you let him have one anyway? Are
you worried it'll chew on your Automail or something? Get over yourself!

Al - looks sheepish for a second You're so cute and adorable and... e!
hugs human Al and ruffles hair Aw!! Here, have a kitten produces small
blonde tabby from pocket

TigerlilyandHummingbird

Lust: I don't know…find a house to live in, probably.

Gluttony: All you can eat buffet :)

Greed: Why would I want to become human? I want to become immortal, remember?

Envy: Kill the Elrics. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!!! Finally someone gets it…

Greed: Even if I knew who that was, I don't serve anyone but myself, got it?

Roy: It's a bit difficult to fight while holding an umbrella. OF COURSE!! HAVING A MINISKIRT IS MY TOTAL MOTIVATION FOR BECOMING FUHRER!!!

Envy: …Do you want me to kill you or something? And no, I'm not!!

Ed: No, I'm not! It's just that we don't have the means to care for it, and anyway, I wouldn't want it to get killed and for Al to be traumatized!!

Al: Aww, than-

Ed: GIVE IT BACK, AL!!

Al: …(silently gives kitten back)

Oh...

Roy: What if I were to 'borrow' you're gloves temporarily and then burn down
my school?

Winry: When you're older. Duh.

Alphonse: Oh yeah...

Erm, she's really sweet, and loves to pick on Edo-kun, but she really likes
him like a friend. Even though you're armor, she says she's willing to wait
all eternity for you to get to normal, and even help you two out.

Ed: Ed, I'd like you to meet Mike. He taints you're mind and makes you drunk
in my fanfic, but you make him a good-guy later. -pets-

Hughes: -watches older Elysia sneak into boyfriend's car- Herm, is that so?
And if she was to do this dating thing secretly?

Riza: It goes good, but he has his pervert moments. Then again, what fun
would Roy be if you couldn't shoot at him, right?

Lust: -grins- You're my favorite villain, I hated what Dante did to Gluttony.
You should beat her up for that.

Scar: -backs away and chucks rope out window- Ok then, that's out of the
question. 'nother question.

If you were to fall deeply in love with someone for their kindness only to
find out a year later after being with her that she was a State Alchemist,
what would you do? Would you kill her and be sad? Or would you just kill her?

Havoc:
I have a girlfriend for you. She's wonderful, rich, and smexy just for you.

Oh yeah. She's got like...8 kids...
Mike
Amy and May
Kylie and Carrie
Crystal
Sam and Sarah

Yuppers, and they're all insane. But remember, she's rich and smexy.

To the Host: -glomps- I think you deserve a cookie. -hands cookie-

Envy: You can't DIE, but I can still HURT you. And find your remains...

Hohenheim: Where are Envy's remains?

Onna-san

Roy: …It doesn't work if you tell me about it!! (sighs) Now I've got to get some of my men to keep an eye on you…

Winry: Eheh heh…of course……Maybe I'll answer if Ed leaves.

Ed: Like hell!! Why can't you just say it while I'm here?

Winry: …You just don't get it do you!?

Ed: Get what!?

Winry: (hits him with wrench) Maybe. But it's not like he's gonna propose to me or anything.

Al: Aw, that's so sweet :) Well I guess I could go out with her…once I get my body back, of course.

Ed: What the hell!??!

Hughes: Noooooo!! Elysia!!!!!!!

Riza: Right

Lust: I would, if I wasn't already dead myself.

Scar: To answer your question, I honestly don't know. I suppose I'd have to find that information out before I started going out with her. Though I'm not so sure that I could ever fall in love again…

Havoc: Uhh…thanks, but I'd rather go out with someone with a slightly…smaller family…

BakaKonekoRKL: YAAAAAAAAAY THANKS!!! Man, I haven't had a cookie in forever!!! (glomps)

Envy: Yeah, yeah, do what you will. But you'll still never find them.

Hohenheim: Sorry, but I honestly don't know; Dante hid them, and I don't think she'd ever tell you…

Dun dun dun...

The 4th of July is OVER! And I missed the fireworks! Including the illegal
ones that some guys in my city got arrested for! NO! NO! NO!

To Envy:
YouTube has some great videos... There was one about you and Ed singing the
song 'Anything you can do I can do better' and you were WINNING and you got to
beat up Ed in the end! Of course... the song DID portray you as a girl...

-HisokaYukiko

Envy: That's what I'm talking about!! If they had some of me without insulting me, then that would be fine, but most of them trash me! So either someone has to make a crapload of videos that don't make me look like a girl or a sissy, or your precious little website is gonna be destroyed!

Ed: Shut up shrimpy... -glares at him-

Barry: Oh... okay then... -takes off his head, starts tossing it around like
a ball-

Envy: Feh... you can't kill me…

Wrath: It wasn't my fault!

Lust: How did I you off? -my wound heals- YAY! I'm healed!

Scar: You two didn't warn me at all!!

Shoushin

Ed: WHY YOU LITTLE- YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!!

Barry The Chopper: AAH!! No! My head!!! Give me back my head!!!!!

Envy: Don't temp me.

Wrath: Riiiiiiiight.

Lust: Just don't pet us like that anymore.

Scar: Though we didn't actually say anything, you could easily tell that we were getting annoyed. It's really your own fault.

Well, I'm wiped. If my computer's still working, I'll get another column up on Friday. Oh! And I just got some pictures from AnimeNEXT up on my LiveJournal; info is in my profile, so check it out :) Oh, and here's my final piece of advice to everyone: never attempt to clean a freezer that hasn't been cleaned in over 3 years shudders