Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I have five reviews and three chapters. DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS MEANS.

It means that there's more than one review a chapter! YES! Anyway, I've decided to tune this chapter down a bit, since writing such things as in last chapters made me feel awkward. xD So, let's go with the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I don't even know three words in Japanese. So I don't own it. Sadly…

It was supposed to be a normal day.

At least, this is what Colonel Mustang thought when he asked Ed if he wanted to go to the petting zoo.

"What?" the ignorant teen had shrieked, "What do you think I am, nine?" He then decided to flip his chair over and kick the desk Mustang was sitting in. He then crouched over in pain, as he kicked the desk with his right foot.

"Not at all, Fullmetal!" the officer countered quickly. "I just thought you need a break, that's all!"

"More like you need a break!" Ed huffed. Okay, so he had caught him there. In all honesty, he needed to get out of the monstrous pile of paperwork he had been assigned to by none other than First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Paperwork was one of his biggest (and most annoying) enemies. He would not be defeated today!

"Oh, but Fullmetal, I heard they just built a new llama exhibit," spoke the Colonel, trying to sound as excited as possible. Ed froze at the word 'llama'.

"Oh no," Al whispered, "Here he comes…"

Ed was suddenly interested in the window. "Carl…"

"Carl?" Mustang wondered aloud.

"Yes, Brother had a pet llama named Carl once, but then he bit Brother's hand and ran away. He doesn't like to talk about it," Al answered for his brother, who was staring nostalgically outside.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" asked Ed impatiently. "We're going to the petting zoo!" The door opened (as if by magic), and Lieutenant Hawkeye stood in the frame, tapping a military boot.

"Petting zoo?" she sighed. "What are you up to this time?"

"Ed wants to go to the petting zoo!" Mustang exclaimed.

"To find my llama!" Ed followed up.

Hawkeye sighed. "I better come with you in case you decide to blow something up…"

Mustang pumped his fist and kicked his leg. "Let's go!" Everyone stared at him weirdly, but walked outside to the car.

During the car ride, there was one helmet knocking on the head, at least fifty short jokes, following fifty loud screeches and tantrums, and at least one bloody nose when Mustang noticed Lieutenant Hawkeye stretch as she took off her military jacket, commenting how it was hot. The car almost swerved and hit a tree, but Mustang blamed it on allergies. Ed almost crawled into his brother's armor out of fear.

"Allergies my ass," he murmured, looking out the window. "… Hey! We're here!"

Al shouted in glee and opened the door… forgetting that the care was still going, and at a fast speed at that. The cheap door was ripped of its hinges and probably rolled off into an alleyway somewhere. Al sweatdropped, while Ed screamed like a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber concert and held onto his brother's arm for dear life. "Oh, Colonel! I'm sorry…"

The Colonel chuckled nervously. "It's okay, the paint job sucked anyway…"

If armor could blush, Al's entire face would have been red. A rushing noise was coming from the gaping hole in the car, as Mustang was still driving. He turned a corner and parked the car near the petting zoo. Al and Ed stepped out, with no need to open a door. Ed was about to fix the car with his alchemy, in a pose to clap until Mustang stopped him.

"What are you doing, Mustang?" Ed peeved. "I'm actually trying to help you for once! What if someone stole the car?" Al whimpered at the thought.

"It's okay," the colonel reassured. "It's the military's; I'll just get a new one!"

Hawkeye grabbed her military jacket out of the passenger seat and was about to slip it on when her superior asked, "Hey? I thought you said you were warm, Lieutenant."

"Yes, well, I've changed my mind. It's getting chilly." Mustang pouted while Ed snickered. Mustang then proceeded to give Ed his best death glare, but it looked more pathetic with a pouts on his lips. Ed laughed harder. Mustang sighed and grabbed Ed by the sleeve of his red jacket.

"Come on," he muttered. Al and Hawkeye followed.

They entered through an arch, spread across were the words, "Central Zoo" in wood-patterned text. Al wanted to stop by the cats' section, but Ed pleaded and all of them were dragged off to where the llamas were. When they got there, everyone but Ed noticed the strong smell of manure. Well, Al couldn't notice it either, but he had to lift his ignorant brother up from stepping in some.

"Hey!" he'd screamed, "Stop picking me up like I'm a baby or something!" The younger sibling sighed and let him down. Ed ran to the nearest crate and looked around. "Carl?" he called. "Carlll!"

Mustang rolled his eyes. "You really think a llama will just reply to you?"

"He always came when I called, for your information!" Ed huffed. "Carl!"

Mustang made a 'pffft' noise and decided to ignore the brat. He took out a phone number a girl had given to him when he met her at the bar a few nights ago. Ed saw this and said, "So, you got another number from a slutty girl who only likes you for power? You know, she doesn't really like you."

Mustang was surprised how deep Ed had been, but brushed it off and retorted back, "Stop calling the girls I date that!" He was waving his hands in the air, and it caught a goat's attention span, so the goat put his mouth on the Colonel's hand and ate the sip of parchment he had been holding. Slobber consumed Mustang's arm. "Hey!"

"Looks like the goat agrees with me!" Ed laughed. Then he became serious. "You, know, Mustang… Haven't you ever considered being with the Lieutenant before?" The question brought a slightly darker hue to Mustang's face, and he dared to look at the woman beside him. She had taken her gun out and was pointing at Ed. The expression on her face looked like she would mentally face palm for eternity.

"Ed, I suggest you let the topic go." Her stoic voice made Ed flinch a little, but he ignore it.

"But I think it'd be-"

"Don't make me use my gun, Ed."

"You wouldn't-" The blast of a lead bullet clinking onto the automail arm of Ed made him scream.

"Next time, my shot won't be for metal."

Ed swallowed. "Yes ma'am!" Mustang snickered. A bullet shot near his foot and he squeaked. Ed almost laughed at him, but decided quickly not to. He went back to his search.

"Carl? Carl! Where are you, Carl?"

Mustang sighed and grabbed Ed by the collar of his red jacket. "You know, if all we're going to do is sit here and watch you come for a llama that won't come, we're going back to Central!"

"To do paperwork?"

"…" Mustang was silent. He started to grumble words under his breath and drag Ed out of the section where the llamas were.

Ed realized Mustang was serious about leaving, and cried out, "No! I have to see Carl! You can't do this to me!" All of his words were spoken to the wind. They got back in the car, Al shielding the gaping hole he had created, and they rode back to Central in peace.

"I can't believe you would do something like this to me you bastard! Get my hopes up and then crush them! And now we have to go ba- AHH! Lieutenant! Please don't try shooting there! That's the only thing I live for!"

"You should stop you complaining. And if your manhood is all you have to live for, I suggest getting a new life plan."

"Haha, Fullmetal Shortstack got bur- Ah! Don't shoot me there either! Mine's actually more than an inch long!"

"How would you know how big my thingy is?"

"…Thingy? And I just assumed, with you being short and all."

"Bastard!"

Well, almost.

That was a lot of words! Yay! Anyway… I promised I would put this in for a friend (Well, more like she said, "You should put this on Fanfiction! Say it reminds you of Mustang because of fire or something!"), but yeah. Enjoy.

So this was a couple years ago, and my friend was turning 10/11 (can't remember which), and she invited us to go to an Olympic Gold place thing. A gymnastics party. The foam cubes were fun! But my friend's mom had just met me for the first time there. And me, being high on cake and punch, told her step-by-step of how to burn a house down. Actually, now that I think about, we had food after the playing… Well, let's just say that I creped her mom out. She said that when I let, her mom gave her a confusing look, so she pointed at me and said, "Yeah, that's Lauren."

So. There's one of my life stories. Yippee! Remember, R/R! (By the way, R/R means review :D)