Footnotes
Entry #17: March 13th
Emma's cancer had indeed gone into remission and to help St. Mungo's sent over a new potion they were working to help effectively get rid of cancer for good. It was different than most, because instead of drinking it, it was injected into the blood stream daily. So every morning I helped give Emma her treatment in the Hospital Wing before we went to breakfast.
"Thanks Padfoot, for being here for me," Emma whispered to me one day as we walked to Potions class. I nodded and kissed her forehead a soft smile on my face. She squeezed my hand as we took our seats and class began. I couldn't wait for it to be lunch already; I was so getting sick of school work. Then again so were all the other 7th years, it was catching like wildfire. Everyone except Emma and Remus wanted to get out of here. The two continued working on stuff for the Order and kept their concerns on the movement of Voldemort and not of what the school was doing. Today, Emma was compiling a list of new meeting places for the Order while we worked on a very interesting potion that gave a person vampire like abilities for up to an hour. Of course she multitasked perfectly.
"You disgust me sometimes, I hope you know this," I said. "But I mean it in the most loving way possible." I quickly added when she frowned. She wasn't even paying attention as I began to gingerly chop what looked like celery (but I knew for sure it was far far worse). As I tipped the gross stuff into my potion I watched as it started to glow.
"Oh get over it," She joked still writing. I noticed hers wasn't glowing and I panicked thinking I did something wrong.
"Why isn't yours glowing…did I…I…mess up? Why won't it stop glowing?!" I asked getting even more worried I had done something wrong. Nonchalantly she dumped her roots into her cauldron and it started to glow. I let out a sigh. Emma then shot me a look and I pretended to be studying her list.
"You know, Grimmuald Place is empty, sorta. Once Regulas is done with school I'm kicking him out because I don't want anything to do with him or his stupid dark powers. SO we could always just have meetings there…" I told her changing the subject. This got her mind off of me and my freaking potion and her eyes lit up. She moved to give me a quick kiss when Slughorn came by to check our Potions.
"Very good Mr. Black, let me guess, you were cheating off of Miss Potter like usual…"
"Actually sir, Sirius is quite a bit ahead of me, I've been busy…"
"Trying to snog your boyfriend in my class, yes I see that. Please just wait till after the bell rings I think you can go that long without smothering each other," He said walking past. Emma blushed and I tried not to laugh. I still got hit. Once the bell rang and we were dismissed Emma began telling me about her list of places.
"I have a great list of places to meet for the Order…"
"It's always the Order with you; can't it be about me for once?" I joked kissing her on the lips. She kissed back lightly, but I could tell I had said something wrong.
"Em, I'm sorry I was just teasing, honest."
"No Sirius, it's okay, I know you were merely joking," she replied. "Really, it's okay." She then gave me a big kiss before we went to lunch. At lunch she was quiet and hardly talked, but insisted she was fine when I asked her what was wrong. She still seemed slightly off as we parted for afternoon classes. I didn't say anything to anyone else as the day went on and soon dinner had past. Emma was talking over the list with Albus and James and Lily were cuddling. Remus was doing homework so that left me by myself. I decided to call it a night early and went up to my room. There on my bed was a letter addressed to me.
Dear Sirius,
The three past months have been some of the best in my whole life, and I know that somewhere in there, I fell in love with you. But with my cancer coming back I've started to realize my life might be one that isn't as long as others. This being said I'm afraid I have to say goodbye. I love you too much to put you through the suffering and pain of losing me if I am to die early. I'm sorry we can't work this out, and I wish you have a great life without me. Again, I'm sorry, I really am. I love you, with all of my heart.
Emma
The din from downstairs became faint almost as if they all knew I was reading this awful letter. I glanced up from the letter, shock running through me right as Remus walked in. He knew something was up and he came over to where I was sitting on my bed.
"Padfoot, Padfoot? Sirius, what is it?" I could only hand him the letter. He read it fast and then gave me a pat on the shoulder and left; no doubt going to talk to Emma.
"I can't believe it's over…" I said to myself. I let the letter fall to the floor and I crawled into bed, all of my clothes still on. I laid there awake thinking the whole time : why did she have to say goodbye?