The characters don't belong to me but to the creators ofCSINYtv series.

And, as every time, thanks to Lily Moonlight for her help with the translation.

I Can't Say Goodbye

Chapter 4

Mac arrived at his office when the Lab was still deserted. It was too early. He adjusted the blinds to see without being seen. From his chair he was able to control the long corridor and the elevators landing where the doors opened. He wanted to spy on Stella when she arrived, see her face and guess her mood.

He saw Lindsay and Danny arriving, they greeted him with a movement of their heads when they passed in front of his door. He saw Hawkes leaving the elevator, and before the door was closed he thought he had seen Stella inside, continuing to the upper floors. It was absurd, Mac thought, he was obsessed. She was probably any other woman employed in the building. He also saw one of the security guards accompanying a delivery man carrying a precious bunch of a dozen white roses. They went towards Stella's office and the boy left the bunch on the table. Mac suddenly remembered. They were his flowers, which he had ordered the previous day to be delivered today, Stella's birthday. It was supposed to be a gift from her friend, her colleague… He reminded himself of what he had written in the card, in his better handwriting, trying to do it perfectly legible. It was a poem by the Cuban Jose Martí, which he liked very much and he knew by heart, The White Rose.

I have a white rose to tend

In July as in January;

I give it to the true friend

Who offers his frank hand to me.

And for the cruel one whose blows

Break the heart by which I live,

Thistle nor thorn do I give:

For him, too, I have a white rose.

Multiplied by twelve for you

Mac

He knew white roses were Stella's favourite flowers, and when he had found out, many years before, he had recited this poem for her. Stella had been moved, she had loved it. Nevertheless, today… Mac didn't know what interpretation she would give to the verses. Would she consider him to be the sincere friend, or the cruel one who breaks her heart? For a moment he was tempted to go to her office and recover the card. But then he thought it better to leave it. This poem would take them back in time, when their solid friendship was in the beginning and they were still starting to know each other and what things they liked more and less… According to the words said the day before, they already thought then that their relationship could blossom into something more than a simple friendship, but they never had admitted it, keeping instead those feelings hidden deep.

Hawkes was now working on fingerprints, with Danny and Lindsay. Mac could see them, the Messer couple were listening to Sheldon with worried faces. In a moment, the three of them turned their sights towards his office. When they saw that he was looking too, they lowered their eyes and each one went away separately. Mac knew they were worried, because the argument between the bosses the previous day had undoubtedly surprised them, but... it seemed they had something more to worry about.

And there was something more, or the CSI team suspected so. Hawkes had met Stella when both were entering the building. He had embraced her to congratulate her on her birthday. He was the first one to do so and Stella had almost wept, surprising her friend. They had celebrated her birthday for several years up to the present and she had never been so moved. Stella used to take this day happily, saying that it was her day, and the rest of the team had only the task of making her feel that she was a queen. But this time Sheldon had noticed something different in her. The tight embrace, retaining her colleague for an instant longer that what was normal, the sigh she released when the hug broke... but especially the lack of that overflowing happiness that characterized her, because, in spite of her wide smile, this time the shine didn't reach her eyes as it always did.

And then, she had stayed in the elevator when they arrived at the Lab's floor. She told him she had something to resolve, surprising Hawkes. He managed to see the floor she picked, 36. It was Chief Sinclair's office floor. What was the matter here? Nobody went to the Chief's office unless called, and even then everyone tried to find an excuse for not attending. So... Why was Stella heading there, first thing in the morning, before even going to her own office? Chief Sinclair wouldn't have had the opportunity to claim her yet. How was it possible Stella wanted to meet him of her own will? Something strange had happened.

Hawkes shared his worries with Danny and Lindsay, and the three of them were wondering if Stella's acts had something to do with the previous afternoon's events, the bitter argument between her and Mac. When they simultaneously looked towards Mac's office, he was watching them. They parted in different directions without finishing their talk.

Lindsay went to Stella's office, in order to leave on her table the folder of the last solved case, awaiting Stella's signature as the officer in charge, and then Mac's signature to finally close and file the case properly.

When she entered, she saw there was a bunch of white roses on the table. Mac's roses, the roses he sent Stella every year on her birthday. That calmed her a bit. What woman could reject a man who gives her a dozen of her favourite roses, no matter the argument she had with him? What could be more romantic than to give something precious and perishable, almost as ephemeral and beautiful as a smile?

Stella left Sinclair's office, smiled at his secretary and went down two floors to her office. She took the staircase, without waiting for the elevator. She remained a bit in the desert landing, before descending to the Lab floor, trying to calm herself down. Everything had been OK, even better than she had hoped.

Sinclair had just arrived when Stella appeared requesting an interview. He was attending to a telephone call, but he had asked her to enter immediately without waiting. Something in Stella's face said to the Chief that what she wanted to speak with him was important. He never would admit it, but he had a certain weakness for this woman and what could happen to her was important to him. Not only because she was an extremely efficient agent, with an extraordinary capacity of work, resolution and courage, showed every day, but also because of her character. She was expressive and happy, she matched perfectly with her colleague Mac Taylor, who sometimes exasperated him with his stubbornness. He had thought about it frequently, the Bonasera-Taylor tandem was very useful to the CSI New York department, but, in the long term, it would slow down Stella's career. With Mac Taylor one step above her on the rank, Stella's aspirations of promotion always were going to have that ceiling.

Sinclair was sure about Stella's capacity and her skills to be able to manage her own department and be the boss. Because of that, when this morning Stella Bonasera had turned up so early and with such a long face in his office, Sinclair had known that something transcendent was happening, and that probably, probably, it was time to allow some things to move in the CSI Lab of New York, starting a new order. All this had been turning in Sinclair's head since months before, when the possibility of extending, reinforcing and improving the CSI departments had been seriously considered. It wasn't an urgent project, but probably it was time to define proposals more accurately.

Stella accessed her office from the corridor, coming from the stairs, without giving Mac the opportunity to see her coming. He saw her suddenly there, entering her office with resolution, with her cheeks a bit redder than normal.

Her steps stopped when she saw the roses on the table. She didn't approach, she was stopped for what seemed to Mac an endless time... until she recovered and in a quick motion she went to the table, took the flowers and threw them in the wastepaper basket. The card had fallen in the short way, because of the abrupt action, and she took it and threw it also over the bunch. Then, she sat down and opened the folder that Lindsay had left, ready to begin her work, without raising the sight, without looking at any side.

Lindsay had also followed her movements, open-mouthed, and immediately her eyes went to Mac's office. She saw he also had been looking at Stella, and his face became paler than usual, if possible. The young woman sat down, desolated. What had happened the previous evening was more serious than they had thought. She had desire of crying, she couldn't think that Mac and Stella were so fiercely angry. No, for God's sake, those two... They were Mac and Stella, the reference of stability for the whole Laboratory, the two strong pillars in which everything was supported... The godparents of his daughter, hell! Those who took Lucy for a walk in the park almost every weekend as a happy couple... A couple that Lindsay had always secretly hoped that they ended up making themselves their own mini-Taylors.