Chapter 22

Clary met Damien and Anna twice more that month. She was gratified when Anna cried at the end of the first visit for being taken away from Clary. Damien warmed up to Clary, and once his shyness was overcome, he had so much to say. He seemed to understand why they could only meet at the park, though he didn't say anything about it. No one mentioned Chris at all.

As Clary got to know the children better, she couldn't deny that they had taken a spot in her heart. She wondered how Sarah and Michael could allow Chris to be in the same home as Damien and Anna; weren't they worried at all? She didn't dare ask Jace, unsure of his reaction if she brought Chris up.

In the end, her curiosity bubbled out in front of Sarah. As Jace entertained Damien and Anna, Clary and Sarah sat on the bench and watched the display with small smiles. Though they looked happy as always, Clary still couldn't reconcile the thought of these children being near the hulking criminal at home.

"Sarah? Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, honey," Sarah replied, her eyes flicking once towards Clary.

Clary decided not to voice her most pressing question first and offend Sarah. Instead, she asked, "Why does Jace call you Mom and Michael by his first name?"

Sarah sighed. "Foster children have complicated relationships with their foster parents. Jace came to us not too young, at 12 years old. But he'd already been in many homes before, and liked none of them. He didn't like Michael at first; I guess he reminded Jace of another 'father' that hadn't been so kind. So he spent a year or so stubborn and refusing to call him Dad. Michael eventually earned his respect, I think. But it's just a habit of his, and inside, Jace still doesn't trust Michael completely."

"But he trusts you?"

"I hope so. This is the hardest part of being a foster parent; it's not finding the money to feed them and clothe them, it's getting them to think of you as a parent at all."

Clary nodded, thinking this over. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Of course."

"Jace said that there was another boy here, but he left because of Chris. Why did he leave, and not Chris?"

"Well, that's more complicated. Do you know what happened?"

"No, Jace didn't tell me."

"Well, the police couldn't pin anything on Chris, and they only suspected him because of Chris's record. The girl didn't tell the police anything, but John was so angry and he said he knew it was Chris."

"Was John the boy who left?"

"Yes. Anyway, the girl ended up breaking up with John, which made everyone think that more was going on than she was telling. John was the one who decided to leave, but Jace believed John and hated Chris for making John leave. Chris stayed because there were no charges against him, and we didn't want to throw him out based on something that wasn't proven."

"But things had been proven before," Clary objected.

"Yes, but Chris is being given a chance to change. And he hasn't been arrested for anything in over a year. To make him leave because of his prior record would be giving him unfair treatment he didn't deserve, no matter what he's done in the past."

Clary frowned. "But still, having a killer in the same house as Anna and Damien?"

"Did Jace tell you that?" Sarah asked, her forehead furrowing.

"Yes."

"He shouldn't have. He's being overly dramatic."

"Are you saying it's not true?"

"It is true, but Chris isn't all bad. Jace can't get over John's leaving, and he's blaming it all on Chris."

Clary glared. "Don't blame Jace. Even if he was a little overprotective, he did have a reason."

"I didn't think you were the type of girl to let her boyfriend treat her like she's as fragile as glass."

"I'm not. Jace and I have already discussed this. He'll back off, and I won't get annoyed by his hovering."

"Really? That's good," Sarah said, but Clary could hear the skepticism in her voice.

She was about to retort when Jace came up to them, Damien and Anna hanging off his limbs. He took in the tension between Clary and Sarah with a small frown.

"Clary?"

"Hi, Jace. Is it time for them to go?"

"Yeah. Is everything okay?"

"Of course." Clary turned to Anna. "Sweetie, I have to go now."

"Bye!" the tiny girl crowed. Clary laughed.

"Bye, Damien," she told the boy, who ran up to her and hugged her around the waist.

Jace took her hand. "I'll see you later, Mom. Damien, Anna, be good."

The children giggled as Jace and Clary turned to leave. Jace waited till they were out of earshot before asking, "What was that?"

"What?"

"That. You and Mom. Is everything okay?"

"Of course it is," Clary said, looking away from Jace.

"Clary, I can tell you're not happy." Jace held her to him when she tried to open the door to the car.

"Jace, I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't want to talk about it with me? Or at all?" Jace's eyes locked hers in place, and Clary's resistance weakened.

"I don't want to hurt things between you and your mom."

"Don't worry about it."

Clary laughed shortly. "Well, I just got irritated at her for blaming you for being overprotective and telling me about Chris."

"You were talking about that?"

"She told me everything that happened to make John leave."

Jace's expression darkened.

"Don't, Jace. I asked her," Clary said, trying to defuse his anger.

"I'm not going to do anything, Clary. But she's meddling." Jace opened the door for her before she could protest, and Clary slid in with a quick glare.

"She told me a little about you, too."

Jace remained impassive. "Really?"

"But not a lot."

"Oh."

"And I'd like to know more," Clary pressed.

"Do you really, Clary?" Jace stared out at the road. "It's not a great story."

"I want to know."

"Fine. I was a kid in a messed up home that had to leave and ended up here. End of story."

"Seriously? You're going to do this now?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Jace mimicked Clary's earlier tone and words.

"Stop being scared."

"I don't think you understand how I feel about talking about this, Clary."

"Why don't you tell me instead of hiding it like you always do?"

"Are we going to have this fight now?"

"I don't want to fight. I just want you to let go of the wall you put up, at least with me."

"Clary, you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I know that."

"Then don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not going to tell you this." He got out of the car and came around to open her door, but she opened it before he could get there.

"I can't believe you, Jace." Clary crossed her arms as she stood in front of Jace, watching his face twist.

"Clary, it's not that I don't want to-I just can't do it right now. I've never told anyone about this. Not even Michael and Sarah."

A sigh escaped from her lips. "I'm sorry, Jace. I shouldn't have pressured you. But will you tell me someday?"

"You're the only person I want to tell."

"Thank you," Clary said with a smile. She placed her hands on his shoulders and went up on the tips of her toes to kiss him chastely.

Jace's hands came up to press her into him. Clary laughed and pulled away. "Not here. My mom is home."

Jace smiled and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I guess I should go."

Clary let go of his hand reluctantly as he pressed one last kiss to her forehead and jumped into his car.

Isabelle bounced happily on the bed. "I haven't seen you in forever! How have you been?"

Clary smiled; she'd missed Isabelle's effervescent excitement. "I've been...good. What about you? How are things with you and Simon?"

Isabelle's face brightened even further. "Oh my god. He is so sweet."

Isabelle launched into her typical gushing about something she loved, detailing every moment with Simon for the past month. Clary listened contentedly, not eager to talk herself.

But eventually the inevitable question came: "What about you and Jace? How have things been?"

Clary could see Isabelle's puzzlement in the pause that followed while she tried to find the words to describe her time with Jace without revealing anything Jace might not want her to tell others.

"Well-it's been interesting. I met his family. His little sister and brother are adorable."

"Oh, he has siblings? I didn't know. That's cute. Of course they love you."

"Yeah, of course," Clary joked. Why was it suddenly hard to talk to her best friend about this sort of thing? Keeping secrets for other people was not Clary's strong suit, and this was something she dared not reveal without permission.

She definitely hadn't expected to have to juggle these secrets around other people.

Clary changed the subject quickly and managed to have some unrestricted time with Isabelle, despite her secrets.

Almost a month passed, but neither she nor Jace brought up his past. Clary felt guilty for pressuring him and didn't want to push him further, but she couldn't deny her curiosity.

They tiptoed around the topic in conversation, didn't bring up foster care even around Sarah, avoided what Clary wanted most: to understand Jace better. Why was Jace even in foster care? What had happened to make him reject his feelings and hide them deep down so no one could see? She was sure it had something to do with his childhood.

She even stooped to asking Sarah if she knew about Jace's past. But Sarah merely replied, "It's something he should tell you. I learned some of it from his file, but I think you'd want the more personal tale."

No luck there. Clary tried to forget it, but it cropped up in her mind whenever it wandered.

Jace fingered the frame of a picture at her bedside, his other arm around her waist. "You and your mom really look alike."

"Everyone says that," Clary responded, winding a curl of his silky hair around her finger.

"Someone told me that I look like my dad."

Clary covered the involuntary smile at this detail from Jace. "Really? I don't know if I look like my dad. My mom never told me."

Jace's arm tightened around her. "Did you never know your dad?"

"No, I've never seen a picture of him or met him or anything. My mom doesn't like to talk about it. They separated before I was born, that's all I know."

"At least you didn't have to miss him." Jace looked down as he spoke.

"Do you miss your father?" Clary asked softly.

"Yes. Even though I can only remember one thing about him, I still miss him."

"One thing?"

"All I can remember is him picking me up when I was a baby, his arms around me. I can't remember his face, or how tall he was, what color hair he had-no matter how hard I try."

"What about your mom?"

His jaw tensed. "I remember my mom well enough."

Clary was quiet, but she squeezed his hand gently.

After a moment, Jace blurted, "She's the reason I had to go into foster care."

"Jace, you don't have to tell me-"

"Yes, I do."

"I mean, not right now. If you're not ready."

"I-I don't know. If I'm ready or not. It's just-god, I can't seem to let go of the wall I've put up to keep from thinking about this."

"Why don't you start small? Tell me, who told you that you looked like your dad?"

"My case worker when I was a kid. She started out as a social worker helping my family, but specialized in child protective services by the time I had to leave."

"Okay, that's enough for today. We don't have to talk about it anymore."

"No, I want to do this now. Please."

"Okay," Clary whispered.

She shifted away from Jace to give him room and so she could see his face, but Jace's hands wouldn't let her move an inch.

"No! Don't-don't move." Jace pulled her to him until even their ankles were touching. Clary leaned her head against his shoulder as he began to speak.

A/N: As always: Anonymous reviewers, thank you!

Thank you for reading and please review!

~Sami