The main characters don't belong to me but to the creators of CSI NY tv series. But Maria Kostopoulos is totally mine!

Thanks again to Lily Moonlight for the help. She has that touch to make the text to seem better.

I Can't Say Goodbye

Chapter 12

The astonishment in Stella's face and her jump back also scared Maria.

"You're pregnant, right?"

Stella had been paralyzed, the glass in her hand and her mouth opened. Maria took the glass before she spilled the juice left, and made Stella sit down. After that, she couldn't stop walking around the spacious kitchen.

"Don't tell me you didn't know it... Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You didn't know it! But my girl... The vomiting, the tiredness and now the loss of your waist... And look at your breasts, my baby... Besides, how long ago haven't you had your period? Not since you're here! Remember that I clean your bathroom! How is that you didn't notice?"

Stella couldn't say anything, she only began to cry. Maria went to her, and hugged her as she was, standing in front of her. Stella buried her face in the woman's belly, and Maria wrapped her with her arms, stroking her hair.

"Hush sweetheart, hush, kardia-mou(*). Don't cry, my princess, this is a great joy, the greatest thing in a woman's life. Don't ever be sad."

A few minutes passed like this, Maria gently rocking a tearful Stella. When she calmed, the older woman tried to downplay the issue.

"What have I said, you have to eat!" She put the milk to heat, while Stella finished the orange juice. It was useless to protest, so she nibbled at her toast, then a bowl of homemade yogurt whose secret recipe only Maria knew, and which was something delicious.

Stella was unable to stop thinking. How she hadn't realized? The work had been very demanding, and she was putting her five senses to do it better than good, but still... God, if she hadn't had her period since she was inGreeceand she hadn't even noticed! She had always been very irregular, but so much... It seemed as if her mind had refused to heed the signals her body sent it.

A baby! A child of her and Mac, maybe a little girl... She couldn't help but smile. Maria sighed at her, finally a smile that had reached Stella's eyes and had lit up her entire face. She couldn't be more beautiful.

"You'll have to do a test to confirm it, and then go to the doctor. Now, with those modern pregnancy tests that they advertise on TV, you only have to pee and it tells you in a few minutes if yes, if not, how far along you are and the father's name and surname, if necessary..." Maria stopped suddenly, regretting her words. "It's a joke," she said, quietly. Stella laughed at Maria's scared face.

"Don't worry, that last bit of information I know well. And how much time, too. The farewell toNew Yorkwas big," She stretched and couldn't help but look at her chest. "God, I'm getting huge... How could I not have noticed?"

"Huge? Is that what you call huge? It will be better to keep huge as a description for a few months' time. By now you're lovely, you're just taking back what you lost after the first weeks of vomiting... I already knew that it wasn't my food that made you sick! What do you feel like today? Take advantage I'm touched by the news and now you can get from me whatever you want..."

"María, how would I think about eating now seeing as I just had breakfast... In addition, you always do what I want."

"That's true, you rascal, with that angel's face, I can't deny you anything" She came over and hugged her. "You'll have a cute baby... unless the other half involved in this affair is ugly ugly... "

Stella smiled, knowing where Maria was going. Sure she was dying to know the person responsible for this.

"In fact he's pretty handsome, at least he is to me." She went to the bedroom and returned with the framed photo she kept in her bedside table, which Maria had already seen. Stella showed it to her. Maria put funny faces like doubt, twisting her mouth, raising eyebrows...

"Hmmmm... Well... He isn't as handsome as my Kostas, not by far... So pale... The hair seems that it's getting scarce, and he isn't exactly a kid anymore..." She looked at Stella and suddenly she burst out laughing. "No, princess, I find him gorgeous! You will have a beautiful baby, guaranteed! And surely it will be big, you both are... Sweetheart, I don't envy you when you have to give birth!"

Stella, not concentrating fully on what Maria was saying, ran her hand over Mac's face on the picture. Now she had to think how to deal with all this, how to tell him and when. She still had to stay inAthensfor three more months, until Christmas. Should she expect to return to tell him the news, or it would be too long? It was so great that she didn't want to tell him by the phone or in an e-mail, but so important that she couldn't deprive him of that information. And being pregnant she couldn't go toNew Yorkfor a weekend and back only to tell him personally, a trip so heavy wasn't convenient. What to do?

Maria left shortly afterwards, once she was convinced that Stella was good and lively. Every Saturday her son took her to have lunch in a restaurant, and she had already to get ready. Spending money foolishly, she always said, in expensive places where the food wasn't better than what she prepared at home... but her son wanted her to feel like a queen, and, at least once a week, have other people serving her. He really was a great kid.

Stella went to the city shortly after lunch. She wanted to buy the pregnancy test and do it for safety. Then she had to ask someone who could recommend her a good gynaecologist... She thought about her neighbour Betty Connors, the wife of the embassy attaché, who was pregnant and already quite advanced. She was a lovely woman whom she saw often, because she lived close enough and she probably could give her a name. After asking her, surely all the embassy would know what was happening, but she didn't care. In a matter of weeks it would be more than obvious anyway... She sighed. How she wished that Mac was with her, to accompany her to her appointment with the doctor, to be there for the first ultrasound, to be here even when in a few hours she knew the test result.

In New York, Mac Taylor had a sacred obligation on Saturday afternoons. Since he had dared to take his goddaughter Lucy Messer for a walk, he had done it every Saturday, always with Stella until she had gone from their lives. Both of them and the baby had gone through all the city parks, had visited children's fairs even when the baby just didn't realize anything, and had had fun when so often people thought they were a beautiful little family. Mac hadn't stopped the habit, because the time with Lucy was now the only event truly dear to his heart, the only thing he looked forward to with joy each week. Lucy was able to walk now, she ran, in fact, so Saturday afternoons were an adventure that left him exhausted but, for one day, happy.

Lindsay saw the sadness in Mac's face every time he went to take the little girl to share those hours. She knew he remembered all those evenings he and Stella had come for the same reason, always laughing and making continuously jokes with the "godfather" - "godmother" thing. Lindsay knew Mac knew she guessed who he was thinking about, and that it was the same as she thought, but they didn't mention Stella. Only Mac's smile seeing his goddaughter made up for the sadness of those times. How could Stella do that to them? Lindsay had received just one message from her, apologizing for the delay in answering to the one she had sent her. She said she was fine, and asked Lindsay not worry about her, that someday she would tell her everything. She said also that she wasn't gone forever, that she loved and missed them and asked her to continue sending Lucy's pictures. Before Mac came out with the baby this Saturday, Lindsay took them a couple of snapshots, two smiling faces looking at each other adoringly, and the same faces looking at the camera, smiling too. As they left, Lindsay went to her computer, copied the photos and sent them to Stella. She wanted her friend to see images of what she knew Stella wanted most in the world, despite the weird turn in her life in the recent months. That discussion Mac and she had... How was it possible that the consequences would have gone so far? When she pressed "send" she tried to imagine where the pictures with the smiling faces of her daughter and Mac were travelling, and what effect it would cause in Stella when she received them. When she had received Stella's message, she had commissioned Adam to track it, but his attempt had been thwarted again. The server that the message came from was inaccessible and opaque to achieve results about it. It was clear that they would know about Stella when she wanted them to.

Back at home, Stella had become extremely nervous. What if, after all, she wasn't pregnant? She read the instructions carefully and prepared herself to follow them correctly. Well, it wasn't so difficult. Once done, she left the test stand in the bathroom and she sat down in the living room, trying to relax. She took the music player remote control and pressed the play button. A couple of songs would be the equivalent to the time she had to wait. Suddenly, her heart sank.

There's a somebody I'm longing to see... Began the song. Why right now, at this very moment, did fate chose that song? Tears began to stream down her face as Ella Fitzgerald continued singing.

I hope that he turns out to be

someone who'll watch over me

Stella tipped her head back, breathing deeply.

Although he may not be the man some

Girls think of as handsome,

To my heart he carries the key...

Why had she loaded all those old songs that could only make her feel nostalgic? Still a tear slid with the last verse "Someone to watch over me", when she recognized the opening notes of the following song. Stella's smile preceded Rod Stewart in his soft entry. God... Was she going mad or did all in this day seemed to be connected?

Smile,

Though your heart is aching…

Smile,

Even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky,

You'll get by if you…

Smile

Through your fear and sorrow

Smile

And maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun

Come shining through

For you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time

You must keep on trying

Smile,

What's the use of crying?

You'll find that life

Is still worth-while

If you just…

Smile

With a smile, Stella went to the bathroom, hoping to confirm what she now wanted more than anything in the world. "The greatest thing in a woman's life" said Maria, "Is for you to carry the son of the man you love as your own life."

(*) Kardia-mou means sweetheart in Greek

To be continued...