Disclaimer: All these characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Edward Masen Cullen. The name taunted me. I started crying once again and my hands clutched fiercely to the piece of paper that was in my hands, almost ripping it from the amount of force I was exerting on it.
Alice looked down at the piece of paper. "Oh jeezes. Come on Bells, let the paper go."
I slowly released it and she took it from me and put it somewhere out of my sight before holding me in a hug and letting my sob once again into her shoulder. Once my crying finally stopped, Alice put a movie on and I laid down on the couch and began to watch it. Our food came within the hour and I filled myself up with as much comfort the delicious food could offer before falling asleep on the couch in the living room.
When I woke up the TV was still on but the house was darker. I must have slept until the sun went down. Alice was not in the room with me anymore and I thought maybe she had gone home.
There was a light coming from the kitchen and voices filtering out. I rubbed my eyes and sat up slowly. My head hurt a little bit but I figured that it was because of all the emotion I experienced this afternoon. I always got a little headache after a daytime nap and especially the amount of crying that I ensued. I made my way slowly to the kitchen and saw Charlie sitting at the table eating some of our leftovers and Alice over by the microwave heating something up.
She turned around and saw me by the doorway. "Hey Bells, I'm heating up some dinner, do you want anything?"
My stomach still felt very full and heavy from eating so much earlier. "No thanks, I'm not hungry. How long did I sleep for?"
She looked at the clock above the stove and turned to me. "Well you fell asleep around 4 and its 9 o'clock now, so I'd say about five hours."
I groaned realizing that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again until late tonight, and I wanted to sleep, sleeping was easier. Because if I stayed awake I would have to face him and I wasn't ready for that yet.
"How you feeling kiddo? Alice told me you weren't feeling good after school." Charlie said while eating an Italian sub. I looked over to Alice and gave her a small smile for that excuse to give Charlie.
"I'm feeling a little better. Sorry I fell asleep for so long Al." I said and turned to get a glass of water.
She shrugged her shoulders. "Don't worry about it, you needed some rest."
Suddenly the phone ringed and Alice groaned. "Ughh not again!"
Charlie just laughed. "The boy is just worried about her that's all, give him a break."
I looked confusingly at the both of them waiting for them to explain. Alice put a finger up in the air telling me she would in a minute and answered the phone.
"Hello?" She was silent, listening to the caller. "She's still sleeping! I told you I would call when she woke up five minutes ago! Now stop calling here!" With that she hung the phone up and gave aggravated grunt.
Charlie spoke up. "She's not sleeping anymore. Why did you lie to the boy and not tell him he could come over now?"
Alice was about to answer when I coughed letting her know I was waiting for my explanation. "Edward had been calling to check up on you…quite frequently actually." I nodded my head knowing that this was just going to be harder.
He didn't know what was wrong and was just being a concerned friend. I had no right to be mad at him, and I wasn't…I was just broken and I couldn't see him right now because I knew the sight of him would break me further.
I just needed to recoup and put my shields up as much as I could in front of him because I didn't want to make him feel guilty about hurting me, especially since he didn't know that he was. It was only Friday night however and the incident had taken place just that afternoon so I still felt weak. I missed him so much but the pain was too strong right now to handle and I needed to gain back whatever strength I could for him. He was my best friend and I owed him that at least.
I would try to be the old Bella but I knew things would be different. For right now I couldn't have him in my bed with me anymore. He was like a drug that I needed to kick because when he was there in the moment, the high was unbelievable. I knew I would be in a extreme euphoria, but when he left or went back to her… that low would hit me and crimple me over and over and I didn't want to do that to myself.
I had been doing that for far too long as it was but at least then my lows had clung to the hope that he loved me. Now that hope was gone and the sad and ugly truth replaced it.
Alice remained quiet, probably thinking that I was about to have a breakdown and Charlie just looked on confused.
I was looking at the floor thinking about what laid ahead of me. I needed help because it wasn't going to be easy. "Alice…" I said picking up my eyes to meet her own. "I'm going to need help with this."
She nodded and took my hand pulling me out of the room so we could talk out of Charlie's hearing range. We walked up to my room and sat down on the floor.
"What can I do?" She asked showing that she would help me in any way she could.
"I…I can't see him for a while, and he's not going to understand….I just don't want to hurt him." I whispered in sadness.
Alice scoffed. "I love him because he's family but why are you being so sympathetic to him? I have never seen you so hurt before and he's the cause of it!" She was getting frustrated but I needed her to understand.
"Alice it isn't his fault that I am hurting. He didn't make me fall in love with him and he has the right to love whoever he wants, so he shouldn't be punished for it. He's so important to me still and I want to be there for him like I always am but I need time to heal and bury this side of me that's deeply in love with him because if I can't then I wouldn't be able to be near him without being in pain." Who was I kidding…it wasn't just a side of me in love with him--it was all of me.
She let out what sounded like a defeated sigh. "Alright well, I'll try to help you avoid him as much as I can but I have a feeling that this is going to be difficult, he's so damn stubborn and he isn't going to like you avoiding him."
I chuckled weakly. "Believe me I know.."
Alice clapped her hands on her thighs and stood to leave. "Alright well I guess we start tomorrow then. I'll tell him you woke up for a second to get a drink and then went right back to sleep so you should be in the clear for the night. But I'll have to start thinking about some good excuses because he's not buying the feminine issues anymore either."
I laughed a little and then realized that I wasn't exactly "clear" for the night like Alice said. Edward slept in my room, even worse…in my bed….every night with me and was probably waiting for Alice to come home so he could sneak on up through my window.
The anxiety must have shown on my face because Alice was looking at me cautiously. "What's the matter?" She asked.
I was debating what I should tell her the whole truth about Edward and I. She knew how close we were but she didn't know that he had been sleeping in my room since we were eight and the past month upgrading to snuggling up in bed with me. I thought that telling Alice would make the situation ten times worst because Alice would just get angry at Edward for "leading me on" or something like that when in actuality I think that he slept with me because I gave him a certain type of peace and comfort that no one else could.
No one would ever understand it and would just assume that we must be having sex or something. Alice had assumed I would have sex with James after inviting him over for dinner! I don't even want to think about what she'd say if she knew I invited her brother into my bed each night. Another reason though that I wanted to keep it a secret was because it was between Edward and I. I knew it would just hurt me in the end but I just wanted to have that little something between us, something about our relationship that only him and I knew about.
I couldn't close my window on him though because I wasn't selfish enough to take away the comfort I had been providing for him since he moved in with the Cullens. He never had missed a night before and if I had slept over his house he would always some how fall asleep on Alice's floor next to me or in the family room if that was where everyone was sleeping. So no--I wouldn't end that arrangement between us--but he couldn't sleep in my bed with me anymore.
As I said that to myself my body screamed at me and I felt that pull to not give up his warmth, smell, touch, and embrace that I had been getting night after night but I needed to…it would be too much to handle now. Things just had to go back to the way they were. I would be by his side whenever he needed me but I had to protect myself and grow that shield to try and block out those strong emotions that I receive just at the mere sight of him.
As I was thinking to myself about what to tell Alice, she was getting frustrated that I wasn't answering her. How could I avoid him tonight without hurting his feelings? I could pretend to be asleep and hopefully he would sneak back out by the time I woke up. But there was a problem in this because I knew that if I was pretending to be asleep when he came to my room tonight, he would simply pull over my blanket and scoot in next to me. He had done it before so why would he stop now.
The fear of getting my "illness" or what he believed was my issue today would not hinder him into climbing into bed with me, I was positive of that. He use to drink out of the same water bottle as me even if I had a cold.
I'll never forget the time when we were eleven and I had some how contracted mono….I was laying down on the couch with a blanket wrapped around me trying to get comfortable. I had just returned home from a doctor's appointment and the doctor had said from the physical signs of my enlarged spleen and glands, as well as my constant exhaustion, it looked like the diagnosis was mono. My blood test results later that day confirmed it and I was told to stay out of school for a few days to rest. Being a naïve child and not really knowing exactly what mono was, I exaggerated the illness to an extent.
When Alice called the house to find out what the doctor said I told her I had a very serious sickness that caused a person to sleep forever and made my spleen swell up which could result in death if it exploded. I suppose I exaggerated everything just to make it seem more interesting. I snickered when Alice gasped on the phone and I knew the whole school would hear about it tomorrow. Edward had been out for the day with Carlisle and Emmett so I had planned on telling him later how a few pills and some sleep should take care of everything. I didn't know Alice would call Edward while he was on his day trip with his brother and Dad and tell him in even worse overblown details about my life threatening illness.
An hour went by and I must have dozed off because next thing I knew I was awoken when a very distraught and panicked looking eleven year old boy threw my front door open. Edward looked around the house frantically until he found me on the couch--he running over to me and hugging me tight. "Bella is it true?" He said with his voice cracking towards the end.
His embrace was so tight I just squeaked out my confusion. "Is what true?"
He pulled away but held my face. "That….that you are sick.." He asked in a shaky voice. Now at the time I didn't know that Alice had told him everything I had said. "Yeah I have mono unfortunately." I said like it wasn't a big deal, because in reality it wasn't.
He closed his eyes tightly and didn't let go of my face. I saw a single tear escape down his cheek and stared in shock. I really didn't understand why he would become so emotional about a little illness that I would be over in a week's time.
I opened my mouth reassure him- "Edward its ok-" -but I was cut off by what would be my first kiss that I had ever received. His lips met mine hard and forcefully. My eyes widened in surprise while his remained closed. When he pulled away and opened his eyes I didn't know what to say. I was only eleven after all and had just been kissed by my neighbor best friend.
"What was that for?" I asked still shocked.
He dropped his eyes to his lap. "When Alice told me about how you had mono I asked Carlilse how to catch it and he joked and said it was the kissing disease….you catch it by kissing…." I stared at him trying to understand why he kissed me then and that's when it hit me…he was trying to get sick too.
"Why are you trying to get my sickness Edward?"
He looked up now with his sad little green eyes. "Bella, I go where you go…and if this sickness is taking you away from me…while then it's taking me too."
I was still confused by his words and wondered exactly where he thought I was going, until finally I realized that he meant death. He wanted to die if I did.
"EDWARD! Don't you dare talk like that! And I'm not going to die you idiot! I just have to take some medicine and rest and I'll be fine. It's not serious at all."
His eyes lit up and he hugged me again realizing that I wasn't going to perish from mono after all. Edward ended up getting mono with me surprisingly like he had wanted and he seemed cheerful about it. We didn't talk about the kiss because it was a means to get something, not a symbol of love, but I'll always remember it…
"BELLA!! Hello?!! I'm waiting for your answer! What are you nervous about?" Alice's voice pulled me from my reminiscence and I realized I never answered her.
"Oh yeah sorry about that…. Do you think that I can sleep over your house tonight?"
She stared at me baffled. "I thought you said that you wanted to avoid Edward. How would sleeping down the hall from him help that?" Because he won't expect me to leave my house if I'm sick so if he thinks I'm home that's where he will look. Besides I would take some Tylenol PM so I could go to sleep at a decent hour. I never do this but I slept to much today and was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get to sleep.
"Just sneak me in and he will have no idea I'm there." She still looked like she didn't understand.
"Listen Alice, you don't know what he will do if I sleep here. I'll wake up to him hovering over me to check to make sure I'm still breathing. You know how protective he gets."
She nodded knowing exactly what I was talking about. The death of his parents had really impacted him when he was younger and shaped him to be very concerning and anxious about the safety of his loved ones. He really couldn't handle losing anyone else.
"He is going to think something is up when he comes over your house and you aren't sleeping in your bed though you know." She said stating a point.
"I know, but there's nothing I can do about that. He'll probably want to face me in the morning so that's why we are going to wake up early before he does and sneak out for the day." Alice's eyes lit up and her face erupted into a giant grin.
"Really! Where are we going?" She asked eagerly.
"I don't know, anywhere you want, my treat. We just need to avoid this general area."
"Ok we are going shopping then. Who's car are we taking?" She asked excitedly. I had to hold in my groan at the idea of shopping but thought that she deserved my cooperation for helping me.
"I'll take my red truck, I haven't driven it in a while." Alice grimaced but didn't say anything. I knew that she didn't like driving around in my old heap of a truck but she didn't want to make me feel bad.
"Ok, but my birthday is coming up and I have a feeling that I'm getting a car, so when I do, I'm doing the driving from now on."
"Alright, Alright, you have a deal." I said shaking her hand.
I quickly ran to my dresser and pulled out some essentials and then went quickly to the bathroom to get some toiletries. When I went downstairs Alice was talking Charlie into letting me sleep over. She really didn't have to do that much persuading because Charlie trusted and treated Alice like she was his other daughter.
He was just only concerned about me getting better from my "illness". I assured him I was feeling fine and he knew I would only be next door so he agreed. Alice and I quietly made our way to her house, walking around back to enter through the back door leading into the kitchen.
The house seemed pretty quiet and empty when we entered. The only signs of inhabitants was the opened bread bag and lunch meats on the table that Emmett had probably left. It was only ten o'clock so I knew that Esme and Carlisle were probably awake watching TV together in their bedroom and Emmett was probably upstairs playing call of duty if he was staying in tonight.
The only person who I was worried about running into was Edward, but so far the coast was clear. We headed up the stairs towards Alice's room and passed by Edward's closed door. The only sound coming inside was the low sound of music.
I tiptoed along to Alice's room and quietly closed the door once we made it into safe territory. Alice handed me a few extra pillows and blankets she had in the closet and I made myself a nice little bed on the floor.
Alice went and brushed her teeth as I laid down getting ready to go to sleep, the Tylenol Pm starting to make my drowsy. I wanted to wake up early to get out of Forks so I wouldn't have to face him. Just when Alice came back and closed her door, a knock sounded on the other side. My body froze up hoping it wasn't the person that I did not want to see. I knew though that whoever it was would not be able to see from this angle from the door unless they entered the room.
Alice opened the door as small as possible, revealing the least she could of her room.
"Oh, hey I just wanted to see if you were back." Sounded the voice from the hallway, immediately making my heart clench.
"Yup, I'm back" Alice said a little tartly. Edward seemed to not notice it however.
"So how is Bella doing? Did she wake up?" He seemed a little anxious.
"Yes she woke up for a little but she was really tired so she went back to sleep. She's fine though you don't have to worry." Alice reassured him.
"Did you tell her I called when she woke up?" He asked, seeming a little irritated now.
"Yes, I didn't forget since you made that impossible by calling every five minutes!" Alice fumed.
"Well if you didn't forget then why didn't Bella call me?" He challenged.
"She was only awake for a little and she didn't feel like talking I guess."
I didn't hear anything for a minute and I knew that Edward was probably thinking about why I didn't call to tell him I was fine. I always did and it wasn't like me not to talk to him if I had a problem. He would have to get use to this though because that's how things were going to be from now on.
"Ok.. Well that's all I wanted to know, so good night." He said in a low voice.
"Yeah night." Alice said before she closed the door.
"He acted weird." Alice stated as she turned off the lights and flopped onto her bed.
I didn't say anything but stared up at the plain white ceiling above. Edward was probably climbing through my window, discovering my absence now…..
I woke up early in the morning on impulse, subconsciously knowing that I should go home and get ready before Alice and I leave for the day. I had to let Charlie know as well that I would be gone.
Alice was still sound asleep in her bed so I folded up my blankets on the floor and took my bag of toiletries that I had brought. It was more reasonable to just shower here but I didn't want to take the chance of running into Edward like my last shower encounter the night of formal. I had to push that memory and that night to the back of my head because the stingy ache to my heart when I thought about it hurt.
I slowly made my way over to the door and opened it quietly so that I wouldn't make a sound. It was six o'clock in the morning so it was still dark outside. As I opened the door I came face to face with the one person I was avoiding.
He was sitting in the hallway with his back up against the wall just outside of Alice's door--fast asleep. Edward's arms were crossed and his head hung down and off to the side in an uncomfortable position. I knew that he would probably have a sore neck after a night sleep like that. Why was he outside Alice' door sleeping in the hallway when his room and comfortable bed was just a door away? He must be catching on.
His facial features were so gentle looking in his sleepy state, and his hair was messy and unruly, looking like the way it did when he would run his fingers through it repeatedly when anxious or nervous about something. I didn't like the way he was uncomfortably sleeping. Hopefully he had just came outside Alice's room in the morning to catch me and had accidentally fell asleep. I stood and watched him for a minute longer until it became too much and I had to go home. I snuck into my house and Charlie was surprisingly up, drinking a coffee, and reading the paper. He was always an early riser.
"Bells? What are you doing home so early?" He inquired when he saw me enter through the back door.
"I just wanted to come home and get ready because Alice and I are going out for the day and we are leaving early."
"Alright well, just call to check in and tell me what time you'll be home if you are staying out late."
"Alright thanks Dad." I intended to stay out as late as he would allow.
I hurried up the stairs and immediately took my clothes off to throw in the hamper and grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and walked back to my room with my towel wrapped tightly around me. I opened my door quickly and shut it, not really paying any particular attention to anything until I raised my eyes and saw Edward standing in the middle of my room with a forlorn expression on him face. He was in the same clothes that I had seen him sleeping in outside of Alice's room, meaning when he woke up he must have came right over when he saw I left his house.
We stood there staring at each other until he broke the silence. "What's going on?" He said in an aggravated tone.
My mind was blank, just looking at him and hearing him speak to me, forgetting for a moment the events that had happened the day before. But now the pain came seeping back and I knew that I had to start building my shield up and I had to start now. I couldn't look at him in the face though and pretend that everything was ok so I turned and got the hairbrush off of my dresser and began to brush out my wet tangles, facing away from him.
"Nothing is going on. I don't know what your talking about." I said in an even tone.
"I'm not stupid Bella. After I dropped you off at school yesterday, you have been avoiding me like the walking plague." His voice sounded bitter and frustrated.
"I wasn't avoiding you Edward, I started to not feel well in school and Alice took me home." I still had my back to him and was still unwilling to turn to meet his eyes because the second I did I knew that Edward would know that I was lying. He knew me better then anyone else did and sometimes could pick up on my feelings before I could. Suddenly I felt his body closely behind me and his hot breathe breathing on the back of my neck making me shiver and the hairs on my arms raise.
The familiar electric current that I felt whenever he was near coursed through my body and I needed to get away fast. My body however was betraying my mind, keeping me in a paralyzed state.
"That's bullshit Bella…" he whispered into the back of my neck, feeling him at an even closer prominently then before.
"You were avoiding me… I know it because you didn't come to me when you needed help like you usually do…you went to Alice….and then you avoided seeing me at your house when I stopped over….you didn't even tell me that you were sleeping over my house in Alice's room…I had to find that out on my own."
Suddenly I began a little angry that he was paying so much attention to my whereabouts and obviously spying on me. I turned around now feeling brave and deviant.
The image of Victoria and him kissing flashed in my head which increased my anger at his obsessive concern for me. I hadn't seemed to be a concern for him yesterday when he had his tongue jammed down Victoria throat.
"What do you mean-"Had to find out on my own"? Did you spy on me when I was sleeping in Alice's room?" I said in a irate tone.
His face was at a closer to mine than I had thought. He had a look in his eyes that I couldn't quite decipher but he didn't step away from me and distance himself, he kept his face and body closely to mine.
"I wouldn't of had to if you had at least called to tell me you were fine." He said sharply.
"You aren't my father. I don't have to tell you anything." I said in an equally angry voice.
His eyes narrowed at me and he finally stepped back a step, suddenly looking almost suspiciously at me. "Were you avoiding me because you didn't want to have the talk with me that I wanted us to have after school yesterday?"
I looked at him bewildered about what he was talking about then remembering our last conversation. He had wanted to tell me something and I suspected what that was… he wanted to tell me about his relationship with Victoria finally. The memory brought back the pain of yesterday and I had to look away from him so he wouldn't see the sadness in my eyes.
"No that had nothing to do with it." I said as I turned around to get clothes out of my dresser, since I was still wrapper in only a towel.
"Don't lie to me Bella." Edward said as he quickly moved in front of me so that I was face to face with him again and couldn't look away.
"Move out of the way Edward." I said annoying.
"No, not until you tell me the truth." He replied sternly.
"I just did now move!" I said as I started to try and get around him. He stubbornly crossed his arms and wouldn't budge. I didn't know what to do and I could feel the safety of my shield slipping, know that at any minute I would break in front of him. I had to find a way out and I had to find it fast. I chose the quickest one that I could think of but also a cheap shot as well.
"CHARLIE!!!!!" I yelled as loud as I could. Edward's eyes widened in shock and his gaped at me.
"Shh! Why would you--" he asked frantically with hurt and frustration on his face. But I cut him off again. "CHARLIE!!!" I screamed even louder than before.
Edward quickly covered his hand over my mouth, knowing that he would have to leave the room when Charlie came up and our conversation would be over--leaving him just as answer-less as he had been.
I didn't need to scream a third time however because I heard Charlie's hurried footsteps downstairs. "Bells? What's wrong?" Charlie called up.
Edward gritted his teeth at me and quickly ran to the window, opening it and stepping out, not before shooting me a narrowed and angry glare. Charlie bounded into the room a few seconds later.
"What's the wrong!?" He asked out of breath. I felt bad that I probably scared him since I usually didn't call out like that for him ever.
"I thought I saw a huge spider.." Was the only thing I could come up with at the moment.
He looked at me agitatedly. "Bells don't yell like that unless it is a real emergency. You almost gave me a heart attack."
Now I did feel bad about it. I didn't like worrying Charlie like that. It was a cheap way to get away from Edward but I was desperate at the time.
"I'm sorry I won't do that again." He just nodded and left my room. I quickly picked out a change of clothes and ran to the bathroom, just in case Edward came back. I avoided going back into my room and called Alice's phone to see if she was ready. She said she would meet me outside in a few minutes so I made my way to my truck to wait for her.
As I walked to the truck I saw Edward sitting on his porch. When he saw me he stood and headed over to me.
"What the hell was that?" He said furiously as he approached.
"Just leave me alone Edward. I'm not in the mood to talk right now." I said as I scurried into my truck and waiting for Alice. I made sure to look straight ahead. He stood outside my open driver's door window, still relentless to end the conversation.
He put his hands in his hair and seemed to be pulling at it is frustration. "What the hell is going on Bella! You won't tell me anything. I don't know why you are acting this way."
"You didn't do anything, but please just go." I said still looking ahead and trying with all my power to keep my face blank and hold my shield up. It was getting harder by the second.
"Where are you going?" He asked quickly, as if it just became apparent to him that I was sitting in the drivers seat of my truck.
"Alice and I are going out for the day…just the two of us." I added at the end so that he would get the hint that he wasn't invited. He was silent and I almost looked to see if he had left the side of the car.
"So are you going to lock your window on me tonight too?" He asked in a small voice that made my heart break. I couldn't bear it when he sounded like that so I unwillingly turned to look at him.
"I'll never lock my window on you, you'll always have a place to sleep." I said in a soft reassuring voice to try to raise his spirits. His face softened and his furrowed brows started to relax.
I knew though what I had to say next would agitate him again but I had to get it out of the way. "If I'm not back in time tonight, the pillow and blanket are in my closet for you to make your bed on the floor."
At my words the furrow came back to his face he looked confused again. "You want me to sleep on the floor?" He asked, the sound of hurt back in his voice. I just nodded my head and looked straight again.
"Why might I ask?" He said annoyed again with a little bit of anger laced in.
I took a deep breathe and pulled the shield tightly to me so I could be strong, because my next words were going to sting. "I just think that we shouldn't sleep in the same bed together, its weird… You wouldn't sleep in Alice's bed would you?" I added sarcastically.
The stab of my words hit me hard and I almost choked up at the end. Edward was silent and I was about to break again. How could I have said that to him? Argghh it was for the best… I needed to distance myself. Its too painful to have him hold me in his arms every night. Alice thankfully opened my passenger side door at that exact moment and climbed in.
"Alright! Lets get a move on." She said enthusiastically. I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked back my tears as I turned the ignition and backed out of the drive way. I saw his body still standing there in my peripheral vision but I couldn't look at him directly. My eyes betrayed me however and I stole a glance at him in my rear view mirror as I drove away. He was still just standing there motionless watching me drive my truck down the road. He looked almost broken or defeated. I diverted my misty tear filled eyes back to the road.
"What happened to Edward? He looks as if someone told him that someone died." Alice commented.
I just shrugged and quickly wiped my eyes so that Alice wouldn't see the tears I couldn't hold in.
The whole day was like a blur to me. I went through the motions but I was so drained and exhausted that I couldn't really give Alice the enthusiasm that she deserved. I think she understood though and didn't pry or ask to talk about it. She might have even liked my subdued nature because I didn't object to the clothes she threw at me to try on, or whine about getting our nails done, or say anything to her about making us appointments for full body waxes. I wasn't complaining or excited…I just a void. There was no other way to put it. Almost like my body was a robot going through the motions.
I even liked the waxing because it made me feel something, even if it was pain. We spent the whole day going all over Seattle. When we finally made it back home is was close to two am and I was exhausted. I trudged into the house and found Charlie snoring soundly on the couch with the TV on. I clicked it off and threw a blanket over him and made my way upstairs.
I avoided my closed room door dreading to have to see him if he was there but also praying silently hat he would still come. The opposing emotions confused and tormented me. I took my time in the bathroom washing my face and brushing my teeth. Luckily I had a pair of pajamas to put on in there. When I finally made it to my door I took a deep breath and slowly cracked it open. The night light in the hallway that Charlie bought to make sure I didn't injure myself in the dark, shone into the room ever so slightly when I cracked open the door.
When I opened it further I saw his body laying on the floor, blanket draped over him and facing the window so that I couldn't see his face. I entered in silently and closed the door to the now dark room with only the light from the street lamps outside filtering in through the window. Everything was silent except for Edward's even breathing.
I looked down at him and so badly wanted to wrap my arms around him and nuzzle my face into his chest, soaking in his warm delicious smell that no other person had. I made my way over to my bed however knowing that I could not act on impulse and laid down in bed. It felt empty and cold, as if something was missing from it. Because there was something missing….him. Needless to say that night was one of the worst nights sleep I had ever had.
From that time on Edward and I were standoffish with one another. He always appeared to be somber and distant and I was the same way. I just went through the motions. Wake up, school, home, homework, dinner, sleep…repeat cycle. The only time that there was a change in this was when Alice and sometimes even Emmett would come over to see me and make me laugh.
Once in a while in school I would feel his eyes on me, that little tingly feeling on the back of my neck letting me know he was close. When I would turn to meet his eyes however, I would never find them.
I had even forgotten about the whole James disaster until Alice had mentioned one day how she never saw him near me anymore. I hadn't really been paying attention but it was true, he acted indifferent to me now after what happened at Winter Formal. I honestly didn't care at all. One less thing to worry about or deal with.
It was already March now and the past month had gone by in a blur. I didn't even remember that much about it. The days seemed to blend together since it was such a consistent routine- the same routine, day after day after day. I did not go to lunch anymore and opted instead to have a free period in the library. Alice would join me on some days to keep me company but I understood that I was a downer.
One Wednesday afternoon Alice slammed her books on the table to break me from my blank trance I had entered while staring at my homework.
"BELLA! Enough already!" She yelled.
I looked up confused and startled. "Huh?"
"I want my friend back! Is she even in there?" She asked aggravatingly.
"I don't know what you mean." I replied even though I did.
"Do you even know what is in three days?" She asked while staring at me intently.
I stared back at her at loss for words trying to figure out exactly what she was referring too. "Umm it's a Saturday…March 28th I think?" I said.
She looked down at the table then and whispered in a hurt tone. "See… its not you anymore…the old Bella would have remembered her best friend's birthday…"
My eyes widened in shock and a wave of guilt hit me full force from the look on Alice face. I was such a bad friend. She had been there countless times for me and I couldn't even remember he freaking birthday. "Oh my God Alice I am so so sorry." I said with as much remorse as I could.
"It's okk.." She said looking away still visibly hurt.
I suddenly knew that even though I wasn't myself anymore I couldn't keep hurting others like this. Alice needed me as a friend too and I could not just shut out everyone because of my own issues.
"Alice let me make it up to you. I swear anything you want you got it." She turned her eyes back to me and a small smile started to creep up onto her lips. "Anything?" she asked hopefully.
"Yes Anything" I agreed, trying to make it up to her.
"Ok well then I want you to come with me to Mike Newton's house party this Friday night for my birthday. That's what I want to do and I want you there too."
I groaned internally at that. I hated these parties. I never actually went to one, only showed up at the end them with Edward to pick up Emmett or Alice sometimes. I really, really did not want to go, but Alice looked so excited at the thought of me going. It was her birthday after all and I needed to make it up to her for forgetting.
"Ok yes, I'll go". Alice squealed and then immediately started planning our outfits for the night.
Of course the day of the party came fast and just like Alice had suspected she woke up that birthday morning with a new sparkly white Volkswagen beetle. She insisted on driving me to around town all day. Emmett joined us for part of it but Edward however stayed home, just wanting to be by himself.
It wasn't exactly how I had planned our relationship to be now. I knew I had to distance myself a little bit but I never expected him to do the same. If I ever would make eye contact with him he would look away quickly. I even stopped going over the Cullens as much as I use to only choosing times when the silver Volvo was missing from the driveway to go hangout with Alice or say hello to Esme. Both of his parents knew that something was wrong between us when I would come over for dinner and Edward would look down at his plate the whole time, ignoring the conversation around him and remaining silent. He then would go up to his room early and stay in there for the remainder of the time I was over. Even with his avoidance of me, he still came into my room each night without saying a word and slept on my floor facing away from me.
The smell of new car filled my nose and my eyes looked out at the blurring green shapes passing by. I wondered if Edward was going to this party tonight too.
"Hey Al is Emmett and Edward going tonight?" I asked trying to sound indifferent.
"Um yeah I think they are actually. Edward is going to be the DD I think." That caught me off guard.
"Wait? We are all going together?" I asked nervously. Edwards behavior now made me very uncomfortable because I felt as if I myself made him very uncomfortable.
"Well yeah why wouldn't we?" Alice asked as if it was a no brainer. I just shrugged pretending that I didn't care.
"So you should come over for my birthday dinner at like 6ish and we will leave for Mike's at 8."
I just nodded knowing that I couldn't back out of her dinner. When I suggested that it should maybe just be family Alice became very angry and said that I was family.
As we drove home through town I suddenly realized that I had to get something before going home. As embarrassing as it was, it was just convenient to stop since Alice was going to pass it anyway.
"Hey Alice could you just stop at the pharmacy real quick." She looked at me curiously waiting for an explanation.
"I need to just get a prescription refilled." I quickly mumbled under my breathe.
Alice pulled into the pharmacy parking lot and waited for me to continue. I ignored her eyes and just ran in there fast coming out with a brown paper bag under my arm. Unfortunately as I sat down in the car, Alice quick hands snatched it from me and peaked inside while I fought to grab it back.
Her wide eyes looked up at me after seeing what was inside. "OH MY GOD BELLA! You're having sex!"
Of course seeing my prescription for birth control would make her assume right anyway that that is what it was for but in reality it was prescribed by my dermatologist to clear up my skin when I started to breakout randomly junior year.
"Its not what you think its for. I have it for my skin." She laughed at that and I didn't get the joke but I ignored it. I had only been on it for about a year now and my skin was crystal clear.
When Alice came over we threw our stuff down on the bed and I jumped in the shower. She helped pick out an outfit for me before heading home herself.
It was a mild temperature that night so I chose to wear jeans and a long thin v-neck shirt in midnight blue.
When I made it over to the Cullens, Esme was making her famous lasagna and a birthday cake was sitting on the counter. I talked to her for a few minutes and then headed up to Alice's room before dinner.
As I rounded the corner, I collided with something fast and hard. An "Omphff" sound escaped my lips and I began falling back until two strong arms encircled my waist and pulled me in. I slowly tilted my eyes up, already knowing exactly who it was that I had collided with. I knew the feeling of his embrace better than anyone's.
"Bella….." he breathed as he stared down at me. I was flustered by the look on his face and the fact that he acknowledged me. I was still in his arms breathing, almost panting heavily from the shock of running into him and being so close to his body again-- it had been too long. His eyes were so warm and inviting, and he looked so relaxed and content, like my old Edward.
My hands were against his chest and before I could even think about what I was doing I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him down into the tightest hug I could give him, wanting to be as close to him as possible and never wanting to let go.
He responded by pulling me in tighter against him as if he missed my embrace as much as I missed his. Then all too soon his grasp loosed until his arms slipped from my back to his sides. I stepped back and walked quickly past him to get to Alice's room. I look to see his face and kept my head down, knowing that he was back to his distant self again and my Edward was locked back up inside.
Later when dinner started, Edward kept his eyes down at his plate forking around his food. I watched him intently because I desperately wanted to see my Edward, like I had in the hallway. I didn't realize how much I missed our old relationship even though I had wanted more, it was better then the way things were with him now.
"So what time will you kids be home at?" Esme asked no one in particular.
"I don't know, not too late though, Bella told Charlie she would be home before 2 am." Alice answered nonchantly, while Esme just nodded in return. The Cullen children didn't really have a curfew since Esme believed her children stayed out of trouble. Charlie was more suspicious of teenage activities.
"Wait. Bella is going to the party?" Edward suddenly asked looking up from his plate at Alice. This was the first time during dinner he had spoken and he acted as if I wasn't even there. Everyone turned to look at the boy who finally spoken, as if he had been mute his whole life.
"Yes of course she is." Alice said straightforwardly.
Edward pursed his lips and slightly shook his head. "But she doesn't like these kinds of parties."
Esme and Carlisle both looked around at us very interested now. "What kind of party is this exactly?" Esme asked.
Alice shot Edward a warning glance telling him to keep his mouth shut and Emmett coughed. Edward seemed at loss for words realizing he almost just slipped and now his parents were suspicious.
"He means just parties in general. I'm not too fond of them, but its Alice's birthday so I am sucking it up for the night." I replied quickly trying to help the situation. The Cullen parents seemed to be satisfied with my response and went on to talking about other things.
I tried to glare at Edward to let him know I didn't appreciate him talking about me as if I wasn't there but he wouldn't meet my eyes.
Edward drove to the party and I sat in the back with Alice. Once in a while I would catch his eyes in the rear view mirror watching me. For some odd reason I felt as if he was calculating me, trying to figure me out as if I was a math problem he was trying to solve.
When the car pulled up in front of Mike's house, music was blaring from the inside and a few people were sitting on the front steps smoking cigarettes. We all filed out of the car and made our way to the house. Inside the house, the bodies of almost everyone in our grade were crammed together dancing and drinking.
I started to feel a little claustrophobic as we tried to squeeze our way through the crowd of people towards the kitchen where the keg and other drinks were situated. It felt like a sauna in there with all of the body heat in the little house. Emmett was leading the way through the crowd followed by Edward, me, and Alice.
As I was trying to move through the crowd and politely asking people to let me by, Edward's hand swung back and grabbed mine to help lead me on. He didn't once turn to look back at me, but sauntered on with a firm grip on my hand. Passing through the living room, I saw Mike the party host with his tongue crammed down some blonde's mouth. Hopefully for his sake his sloppy looking kiss was the affect of the alcohol, not his own skills.
When we finally made it into the kitchen, Emmett grabbed a cup and cut to the front of the keg line. No one dared to say anything to him though in fear and I couldn't help but smile knowing that on the inside he was just a big teddy bear. I looked up at Edward and saw him looking down at me with a blank expression. I suddenly remembered that we were still holding hands. My eyes traveled down to our enclosed hands and as I did this he let go of me quickly.
"So are you going to drink tonight." Edward asked me looking around the room as he said this, avoiding my eyes. His voice sounded cold and detached.
"Come on Edward, you know me too well to ask a question like that." He green eyes flickered to mine and a crooked smile adorned his face. Slowly he leaned in so I would hear him over the music. I felt his breathe on my ear and a chill ran through my body.
"Well than we should stick together since we will be the only sober ones here." I smiled up at him and was so happy to see my old Edward looking back at me.
Just as I was about to agree, a drunken mess of a girl came tumbling forward. "EDWAARDD!!" An intoxicated Victoria squealed. She threw herself around his neck and I turned away quickly, not wanting to see the them together since the pain was still there.
Alice waved me over to the island in the kitchen. She was pouring a concoction together.
"What's wrong Bella? You look miserable."
I was miserable, but I didn't want to put a damper on her birthday so I put on the best smile I could. "Nothing at all, just had a Victoria all over Edward sighting."
"Ew yuck, you need a drink then." Alice said in a disgusted scrunched up face that made me laugh.
"Oh no, I don't-" but I was cut off when Alice put a cup in my hands.
"Here drink my beer, I decided I want a fruity drink instead. It's a waste if you don't."
I looked down at the liquid in the cup, contemplating if maybe one drink wouldn't hurt. Who was I kidding, I didn't want it. I about to toss it when I saw Edward scowling at me from across the room.
What the heck did I do? He was the one that took my hand and wanted to "stick together" until Victoria came along. I should be the one pissed off. Screw that and screw you Edward Cullen. With that I brought the drink up to my lips, never breaking eye contact and took a sip. Ew yuck, I did not like the taste at all. I held my face composed however because I didn't want him to see my distain to it. Alice did a happy hand clap at my side and made a drink for herself.
When nobody was looking I dumped the beer in the sink and filled my cup with cranberry juice. That's right…. straight cranberry juice because I'm a badass like that. I chuckled quietly to myself. The rest of the time I mingled as best I could. It was honestly entertaining. People seemed to be braver and more outspoken when they had a few drinks in them.
Edward seemed to be always keeping an eye on me the whole time.
Whenever I met his eyes though, he gave me a condescending look when seeing the red cup in my hand. I was the only one who knew it was just plain juice and he probably assumed I was still drinking. Alice was having a good time and I hadn't seen Emmett in a while. The last time I saw him he had his arm draped around a pretty blonde.
The time seemed to be going by pretty fast and Alice was already pretty drunk. Being petite and drinking hard liquor seemed to affect her fast.. I cut her off by taking her drink and emptying it into the sink.
"Come on! One more Bella! Its my birthday! Don't be a party pooper!" Alice slurred and wobbled in her posture. When Alice begins to wobble, that's when you know she's had too much because she is the epitome of gracefulness. Another reason why its good I don't drink--my clumsiness when sober would be escalated to disastrous potential alcohol was involved.
"Alright, I'll make you a drink." It wasn't a lie entirely, I did make her a drink--I filled her cup with sprite. She probably couldn't tell the difference now anyway. When I turned back around to give it to her however, she was no where in sight. I craned my head up over the sea of people to look for her short brown hair but she was no where to be seen.
I slowly slid my way through the crowd to the little hallway off of the kitchen to check there. The only thing I found was an empty laundry room holding a tapped keg and a bathroom with a line of about ten people waiting outside. I asked if anyone had seen Alice but they all just shook their heads. When I turned around to search the rest of the house, I came face to face with icy blue eyes.
James was standing before me with a smug look on his face. "Hello Bella. Surprised to see you here."
I sneered at him and tried to look around his body in search of Alice. "Not now James, I'm looking for someone."
His eyes widened and his smile grew bigger. "Are you looking for Alice?"
This got my attention and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yes…why? Do you know where she went?" Suddenly a new song came on and the volume in the house went up from the music and the drunk voices trying to talk over it. James leaned down so he could whisper in my ear. I wanted to step back because I was uncomfortable with him so close in my personal space but the bodies around us made it hard to do that.
"I saw her when I was upstairs just before. Come with me and I'll bring you to her."
This shocked me that he wasn't being his usual egotistical bastard self and was trying to be helpful. I'm sure the shock showed on my face when he pulled back and looked at me. I gave him a grateful smile and nodded.
He turned and started to guide us through the crowd. More people had definitely arrived since we first got here and it was even harder to navigate through to get to the stairs.
James grabbed my hand just like Edward had done at the beginning of the night except his touch wasn't welcomed or comforting. But he was bringing me to Alice so I just hung my hand limply in his while he tugged me forward, almost in a hurried sort of manner.
When we finally headed upstairs it was definitely less crowded. The only people I saw was a boy whispering into a girl's ear outside of the first door in the hallway.
"She is just through that door at the end there." James said with a smile, still holding my hand even though it wasn't necessary. I tugged my hand out of his and nodded.
We arrived at the door and James opened it to let me step in first. It was pitch black when I entered.
"Alice?" I called into the darkness. The door shut behind me and the lights flickered on. I observed my surroundings and saw that I was in a bedroom, with different posters of scantly clad women and centerfolds on the wall. This must be Mike's room. But on a more important observation, there was no Alice in here either. I turned to face James who was leaning against the door with a dark look in his eyes.
"What's going on James? I thought you said that Alice was here." I said, crossing my arms but starting to become nervous at the way he was looking at me, eyes roaming up and down my body, as if he was a predator sizing up his prey.
"I'm sure she's up here somewhere, you can deal with that later. We have more important business to attend to right now."
"No we do not. I don't have anything to say to you. Now please move so I can go find Alice."
James seemed to shake his head while he let out a chuckle. "Bella, Bella, Bella what am I going to do with you? I love your feisty little spirit but I think its time for you to move on from that now and surrender to me."
"Oh dear God not this again." I groaned.
"I played your little game Bella. First I let you play hard to get and when that didn't work out I pretended that you didn't exist, which you usually seem to go for considering how Edward never saw you like that but you clung to him like a starving orphan." That stung but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of thinking he was affecting me in anyway.
"James move away from the door now." I said in the strongest voice I could muster.
"Like a said, I'm tired of playing. Tonight is the night Bella. I've been patient long enough."
"What you want me to sleep with you?!" I said almost gagging on my words and hoping that I thought wrong.
He simply nodded his head like it was an easy thing to do.
"I would never touch you and you will never get to touch me." I said and moved forward to try to get to the door. He moved in front of me staring down but not saying anything. The look in his eyes was one of lust and anger and stopped me in my tracks.
An instinctive fear began to creep up my spine warning me of danger and I gulp before speaking my next words.
"What? Are you going to rape me is that it?" I said trying to act bravely but knowing my voice quivered.
"I have never needed to force anything that I could get willing. You are no exception…. I'll just let you know though, you will either sleep with me right now, or you leave this room and everyone will think you did. Either way, people will think you did, so you might as well." I was relieved that he didn't intend to force himself on me but after letting his words set in, I knew he was threatening to ruin me if I didn't give him what he wanted.
"Are you threatening me?" I asked with my body beginning to shake with anger.
"I'm just telling you the truth Bella. People will believe what I say over what a plain socially retarded girl like yourself would say any day. I know this school Bella and people know that I always get what I want, and that's no going to change even if you don't sleep with me. I'll still tell everyone you did."
I took a deep breath to control myself from acting on the urge to strangle him.
I looked him straight in the eye and spoke in an even yet strong tone. "I could care less what you say or what other people think of me. Because I'll know the truth and I will still be able to look at myself in the mirror with respect knowing that I wasn't low enough to fall for a threat like that. Now…. Get the fuck out of my way."
He snarled at me but stepped aside and let me pass. I shook me head to get the anger away but I could still started to feel the tears forming in my eyes over the fear and anger I had just suppressed inside that room. I really wanted to leave even though I was safe now but still shaken up from the experience.
I had to find Alice though. I opened up a door to the left of me and turned on the lights to find a girl from my English class Samantha, half dress being fiercely kissed by a shirtless boy with blond hair. I recognized him as a boy named Erik from the gym class. They were so in the moment with each other that they didn't stop when I entered so I quickly turned the lights back off and shut the door continuing my search.
I tried another door and entered into a bathroom. There laying on the floor next to the toilet was Alice. I gave a sigh of relief and went to lift her up.
"Come on Alice" I said as I put my arms under hers and tried picking her up. She tried to stand up but started to fall sideways until I caught her.
"I don't feel so good." Alice said looking slightly green through closed eyes.
"I know. Why don't we get you home ok?"
She nodded her head and began to walk with me, while I carried half of her weight.
"You're my best friend Bella."
"I know Al, you're my best friend too." We started down the stairs taking one step at a time so Alice wouldn't fall.
She looked at me and started crying.
"Al whats wrong?"
"When am I going to find him?" She sniffled.
I started to laugh a little not really understanding what she was talking about. "Find who sweetie?"
"My soul mate. You found your soul mate. I'm afraid I'll never find mine."
"I didn't find my soul mate Al, and you will find yours. I bet he is looking for you too. Your still young so you don't have to worry about it right now. You have all the time in the world."
She sniffled again and wiped a tear. "Thanks Bell, you're my best friend. I know Edward is your best best friend but I'm your best girl that is a friend."
I laughed again. "Yes you are Al."
Luckily when I made it down the stairs Edward was leaning up against the wall looking down at his shoes. I nudged his shoulder and he turned to look at me. I was startled to see a look of agony on his face but it quickly flickered to one of annoyance. "What?" he said coldly.
"I think we should go now, Alice is pretty drunk." He looked over at his swaying sister and simply nodded before heading off to go collect Emmett. I led Alice outside and opened the back door to the Volvo and having her lie down. She spread across the back seat and looked like she was going to sleep.
I opened the front door and sat down to wait for Edward. He came out still looking down at the ground and slammed his door shut when he sat down in the driver's seat. Alice and I both jumped.
"Shh!!" Alice complained from the back seat.
"Where's Emmett?" I asked when Edward started the car.
"He staying." Was the only reply Edward gave, his knuckles tightly griping the steering wheel. I turned and looked out the passenger window the whole way home in awkward silence.
When we finally pulled up in front of our homes around 1 o'clock, I unbuckled myself and opened the door to help get Alice out. When I went to go open the back seat, Edward shot in front of me and growled. "I'll get her."
I just stood back to get out of his way.
"Come on Alice we're home." He spoke in a gentler tone.
Alice sat up and groaned. "Alright, alright." She said annoyingly. I smiled.
Edward went to go pick her up but she pushed back. "Did you kiss Bella goodnight?"
"What!" Edward and I yelled at the same time.
"I'm not going anywhere until you kiss Bella goodnight." Alice said stubbornly.
"Come on Alice you're drunk lets get you inside." Edward said again reaching out to help her up. She hit his arm away.
"Nope, not going anywhere until you kiss her good night." Edward let out a deep breath and turned towards me. He titled his head to the side to ask for permission and I nodded.
In one quick motion he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and then turned to retrieve Alice.
"No no no" Alice shook her head. "Really kiss her like they do in movies."
Edward's jaw clenched. "Enough Alice lets go inside now before mom and dad wake up." Edward's tone made it clear that he was done playing games.
"You better hurry then because I might throw up again and your Volvo's backseat will be the victim of it." Alice replied smartly.
Edward's back straightened up quickly and mumbled a "fine" under his breath, turning to face me again. His eyes locked with mine and I couldn't even blink at the intensity in them. He took a slow step towards me and lifted a hand up to my face, gently pressing his palm on my cheek.
His eyes looked into mine searchingly and I stared back, standing perfectly still. Slowly he moved his face into mine never breaking eye contact until his forehead pressed against mine, and our noses touch. His eyes flickered shut, followed by mine.
"Is this ok?" he asked in a whisper, his warm breath hitting my lips.
"Yes" I trembled. With that his lips gently grazed mine. I stopped breathing at the feeling of his lips on mine and he slowly kissed again, taking his other hand and placing it on the other side of my face, while his thumbs gently stroked my cheeks. He took my bottom lip between his then and kissed it softly before slowly starting to pull away.
I was so dazed by him that I stood there motionless. I suddenly realized that it must seem like I wasn't into the kiss since I was standing with my hands at my sides and not kissing back, but I really was so happy and overwhelmed by it that I couldn't move.
When he started to leave my lips however my body reacted, not wanting it to end just yet, and I reached up and grabbed his head to bring his lips back down to me. His eye brows raised high when I pulled him back down but his hand lets my cheeks and encircled my waist to bring my body up against his.
I kissed him with as much passion as I could think but I still needed more of him. I stuck my tongue out slowly against his bottom lip begging for entrance and I heard him groan before parting his lips to allow me in.
Just as our tongues touched, there was a loud thud and Edward and I broke away from each other startled. Alice had fallen over onto the car floor and looking like she was passed out. Edward quickly walked over and scooped her up and as I shut the door.
He turned to walk to the house but stopped and looked over at me with a sparkle in his eyes. He opened his mouth looking like he was going to say something, but closed it.
"Good night Bella." He said slowly with his sexy crooked smile that I loved and had missed greatly. Then he turned and walked Alice into the house.
I stood staring at where he had just been and where he had given me the kiss that had taken the breath out of my lungs. Then the giddiest smile erupted onto my face and I literally skipped into my house.
When I closed the door, Charlie sat up on the couch. "Bells? That you?" He stood up and stretched.
Obviously he had been waiting for me to get home. "Dad what are you doing awake? I thought you had an early shift tomorrow."
He turned the TV off and walked towards me. "Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you got in alright."
I smile and gave him a hug goodnight, feeling in loving spirits tonight.
"You look happy, good night tonight?" He asked.
"Yeah one of the best." I said thinking about the kiss.
He went up stairs and I soon followed after making sure the lights were all out down stairs and everything was turned off.
I washed my face and changed into one of Edward's shirts and shorts needing the smell of him now to engulf me. I needed that memory of the kiss to stay with me, because that kiss over rid any of the pain I had felt. I thought I felt love in the way he had kissed me.
When I went back to my room he still hadn't shown up yet. I didn't want to lay in bed because if he came over he would make his bed and sleep on the floor and tonight I needed his arms around. I wanted him close. So I made his bed on the floor and laid down on it. I thought by doing this it would get my point across without me having to say it. I yawned deeply and knew I would fall asleep soon. I closed my eyes to picture the kiss…
I felt myself being lifted up in familiar arms and then placed on the softness of my bed. I opened my eyes slowly and saw Edward laying me down and then stepping away. I reached out and grabbed his arm. "Stay" I said in my sleepy voice.
He looked at my face and brushed a piece of hair behind my ear and whispered "Ok."
He spooned himself around me, pulling my back up against his chest and his face behind my hair. I thought I heard him take a big breath in and then sigh peacefully.
"How's Alice?" I asked groggily.
"She better now. She threw up again so I had to help her out, that's why I took so long." He breathed into my hair. "Oh and by the way, you are excellent with your liquor." He added.
"That's because I was drinking straight cranberry juice all night butt-head." I said playfully. He chuckled into my shoulder, bringing butterflies to my stomach.
"Sleep now little smartass Bella..." He whispered still laughing quietly . I fell asleep with a happy smile on my face.
The sound of a buzzing work me up and when I squinted my eyes there was morning light in the room. I heard a sleepy voice behind me. "Yeah? Alright, I'm on my way."
"Edward?" I called out, not fully awake yet and thinking maybe I was dreaming this.
"Shhh…go back to sleep, it was just Emmett calling me. I have to go pick him up. I'll come back though." He whispered.
I nodded and snuggled back into my blankets. I felt Edward kiss my head and leave the bed, which immediately felt colder, making my snuggle deeper into my pillow. Soon I was asleep again.
I only fell back asleep for another twenty minutes before I wanted to get up. I got up and stretched and went to the bathroom, making sure to brushed my teeth to get rid of morning breath. My hair was still decent from the night before and I splashed my face with water.
I thought I heard the door downstairs close over the running water and thought that maybe Edward was back. I smiled at the thought and patted my face dry.
Quickly I went out to of the bathroom and sprinted to my room. When I came through the door I was happy to see Edward's back standing by my bed. He was looking down at something in his hands.
I knew he heard me come in but he still didn't turn around and was just looking down at whatever he was holding.
"Edward?" I asked still with a giant grin on my face.
Slowly he turned around and I gasped when I saw his face.
He had a look of frenzied fury and worse…hatred entrenched on it. I had never seen him look at me like this before even when he was angry with me.
His livid glare looked at me as if he was disgusted in me and when I looked down at what he had in his hands, I saw my birth control pills. I was mortified that he had found them, remembering that I forgotten to put them away, but I was so confused as well.
Why would he be so angry about birth control pills?
"Its true isn't it!" He said in a spat, throwing my pills to the floor. I looked at him in utter confusion.
His hands were clenched into tight fists at his sides and his nostrils flared in anger. I was taken aback by him and not knowing what he was talking about.
"You fucked him didn't you!!" He snarled.
My eyes widened at the tone and language he used with me that Edward never used, not to attack me with anyway.
"What?" I was so confused. What is he talking about?
He put his hands in his hair, looking like he was going to pull it out.
"How could you do it Bella! Ah who are you anymore?" He growled frustratingly.
I was still so confused. "Edward I don't know wh--" and then it hit me. He thought I slept with James. James had kept to his threat of saying that I had slept with him.
Then I was angry, but not about James. I didn't give a shit what James said about me, but I did give a shit that my best friend in the whole entire world, who knew me better than anyone else, would believe him.
"Is that what you think of me?" I said in a hurt tone on the verge of tears but still angry as hell.
He looked at me menacingly. "DID YOU SLEEP WITH JAMES?!"
I was so angry now that he would even have to ask. "How could you even ask me something like that? You know me better than anyone!" I screamed.
His lip just curled in disgust and he still had fury in his eyes. "Because I don't know you anymore. You're not my Bella. My Bella would never fuck a scumbag guy like a whore."
His words felt like a punch in the gut and I slapped him across the face but he didn't even flinch. He didn't even look sorry for what he just said. He just stared at me in anger as I had tears about to spill over.
"If that's what you think of me and that's what you believe then I hate you Edward Cullen…because I don't know who you are anymore either." I thought I saw a flash of torment and sorrow on his face but then a blank slate washed over it, showing only the emotion of anger in his eyes.
"Then I you hate me now." Was all he said in a rigid tone before he left me standing alone in my room. I stood there not knowing what to do or understanding what just happened before I ran to the bathroom suddenly feeling nauseous and throwing up in the toilet. I could take Edward not loving me the way I loved him but I couldn't take an Edward that hated me… and that's what I had now. I had really lost him.
Author's note:
I finally put a new chapter up. I know it took forever but I hope I made it up to you by making it so long. The longest chapter so far actually : ). Alright well I hope you enjoyed it and I'm working on the next one. Many things will be revealed. Reviews make me happy. Thanks guys!
P.S. sammy sams I hope you liked your shout out. You deserve a little time in the fan fiction world with your blonde viking haha.