Disclaimer: All these characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Bella's POV
Breathe Bella, Breathe… a sob escaped but lips but I shook it off. I. Can't. Do. This. Any. More.
I slowly stood up and walked across my room in determination. When I reached my goal I lifted my arms up slowly and pulled down…on the window. Closing him off, and locking him out. The was it, this was the end. Suddenly I heard footsteps on the stairs and when I turned around I saw an out of breath Alice standing in the doorway with Emmett close behind her.
"What is going on Bella!?"
I kept my face composed, I couldn't so this again. I was done of crying over him, done of heart ache, just done.
"Nothing. Why to you ask?"
"Nothing!! It's definitely not nothing. We have never seen Edward like this before."
"Emmett stepped in. "He punched a hole in the wall in his room."
"What happened between you two!" Alice added in.
I turned away from them now. "Nothing.. I don't want to talk about it."
Emmett stepped forward. "No Bella you have too, I have never seen him like this...something is wrong…different. Out my window I saw Edward's car was no longer in the drive way. He had gone off somewhere… I wanted to know but that wasn't my right anymore.
"He called me a whore."
Alice gasped. "Why would he do that!?"
"He's just mad you slept with James." Emmett added in a grumbled voice.
"WHAT!! Bella you slept with James!?" Alice shouted outstandingly.
Now I was furious again. I put my hands to my face and groaned in anger. "I am sick of people thinking that! Just leave, I don't want to see anyone."
They looked at me confused.
"So did you?" Emmett willed to say.
Now I roared. "NO!!! NOO I DIDN'T FUCKING SLEEP WITH HIM!!" I started to cry now. "I wouldn't…he cornered me at the party and threatened me to sleep with him or he would tell everyone I did if I didn't. But I didn't care, I would never let him touch me even if it ruined my reputation." I sniffled.
"What a little sleaze bag." Alice growled.
"I'll kick that little shits ass!" Emmett said equally angry.
"So did you tell Edward that you didn't?" Alice asked.
"I tried to but when I asked him if he thought I would do that he said he didn't know me anymore and that I was a whore. So… so I said that I hated him…." I whispered. Alice and Emmett both came over to me and hugged me between them.
"Edward is an idiot Bells don't worry about it. He was just angry, you both were, you don't mean it." I shrugged them both off.
"He's my best friend and if he truly thinks that then I do hate him!"
Emmett and Alice both looked sad again.
"You should talk to him and explain." Alice suggested.
"No! I am done with that. He can chose to believe whatever he wants. That's what killed me, when he said he didn't know me anymore. This whole time Alice, everything I did, everything was for him and now…now look at us. He thinks I'm a worthless whore."
"Its going to be ok Bells. This is you and Edward we are talking about. I know you guys had your ups and downs this year but nothing can tear you both apart. I don't think its possible." Alice chuckled.
"I thought that too…but I'm not so sure anymore. Listen guys can you go, I kind of want to be alone today." They nodded and tried to reassure me that everything would be fine but deep down I knew that it wouldn't. This time this fight felt different, this fight felt final.
Through Edward's eyes
They had an interesting year so far and there had definitely been a shift in their relationship. He was part to blame for that he thought. Maybe it was the fact that next year she could really be leaving him after twelve years of this companionship with each other, it could finally come to an end. He had loved her as more than just a friend for many years now but he had kept his emotions at bay, not willing to sacrifice what they had now if she did not return the sentiments. She was the most important thing to him. He was so thankful for everything that the Cullens had done for him. Carlisle had loved his father and had been best man in his parents wedding. Edward knew he was equally devastated when they had died.
Many people had thought that Edward wouldn't understand clearly the knowledge that his parents were gone forever but he was a smart six year old and knew that he would never see them again. He had waited up that night to say good night to his mother and father and even when the babysitter sent him to bed, he laid there waiting for his mother to come in and check on him like she always did, sometimes whispering loving words and promises of what tomorrow might bring.
When they had left for the party he had been outside playing in the backyard with some neighborhood kids so he didn't get a chance to say his goodbye. He felt guilty for that but he knew he would see them again, so that's why he waited up, to make it up to his mother and make sure to tell her good night.
Little did he know, he would never get the chance to speak with them again, so from that night on, he didn't speak to anyone. The six year old boy punished himself for not saying goodbye to them by making sure no one would ever hear him speak again.
When he moved in with the Cullens, the other two children acted strangely to him, almost scared of him in a way. The one boy named Emmett had attempted to get him to go outside but Edward had just sat there as if he couldn't hear the boy's voice and stared at the wall. He didn't want to have fun or be happy. He just wanted to be left alone.
Then one day a young girl around his age came over to the house. Edward had seen her once before when he was looking out the window. She sometimes would play with Alice but never liked to play the girly games that his adopted sister liked to play. The young girl tried to join in games with the other boys but was awkward and clumsy so it never worked to her advantage.
She had came over and sat next to him one day and spoke. Edward just stared forward knowing that pretty soon the little girl would leave like all the children and even adults had done, knowing it was pointless to try and get him to speak. This girl though, that introduced herself as Bella, persisted when everyone else gave up. She sensed how he didn't want to speak but she didn't leave either. She just sat with him in silence.
This was new for him because no one had ever done this but he didn't turn to her and look, maybe it was just a fluke he thought. The next days however were much like the same. If the little girl saw him she would come to sit over next to him, never speaking, just sitting there by him to keep him company. This was strange to Edward, and he wondered if maybe Bella was just as weird as he was. She would speak though however when spoken to by the Cullens or anyone that addressed her but she didn't speak to him, just sat with him.
Now he actually wanted her to speak to him, he wanted to know what she was thinking because it was driving him crazy. Finally one did she did. She just spoke about herself to him, or maybe she was speaking to herself out loud, he wasn't entirely sure but he listened and it was comforting because she never asked about him or brought up anything that would make him uncomfortable. This also went on for a while and it started to make him feel normal again. He almost started to get excited about the fact of seeing the little girl again because he felt like somehow now he did have a friend.
Esme had noticed when he would go and sit on the front steps when the other kids were playing outside. He did this hoping that Bella would come and talk to him, and she usually did. Slowly Esme started to have Bella over the house more and Edward didn't have to wait for her to show up.
Sometimes he would catch Bella looking longingly at the other kids playing games but she still never left him. One day she was invited into a game when there was uneven teams and she looked at him apologetically before standing to join them. But Edward stood up quickly without thinking to follow her because he didn't want her to leave and even though he still wouldn't speak, he would try and play in games with her, if it made her happy. Everyone seemed surprised when he joined in but no one said anything. A boy down the street asked him to pick a team. Edward just looked down not responding and stood next to Bella.
"What are you retarded?" The boy quipped and Bella yelled at him.
"He isn't retarded. He's probably smarter then you, you loser!"
Emmett pushed the boy down as well. That was the first time he knew that Bella was special to him and from that time on they were inseparable.
She made him forget about what happened with his parents and he was finally a kid again. If Bella didn't come over his house he would run over to hers and knock on the door. Her father Charlie treated him kind of strangely at first because of the fact that he didn't speak. Charlie always forgot and asked him questions which led to Bella scolding her father, reminding him, or answering the question for him.
The day that Bella came over to tell him that she was leaving was the day when he finally broke and he could not keep silent anymore. He couldn't let her leave because he couldn't stand the thought of her never coming back like his parents or the thought of her leaving without him ever even speaking a word to her. It had been months since he had spoken a single word but when she got up to leave that night he couldn't hold a word in. The words flew of his mouth at a hurried pace. Begging her to stay and when that wasn't working he finally spoke of his parents for the first time since their death, completely breaking down from talking of them and the thought of Bella meeting the same fate that they did. She cried with him too and promised that she wouldn't leave.
When she had gone home that night to sleep he was anxious and nervous about her disappearing on him even though she promised. He had a fear in the back of his mind that he would go to sleep and wake up to find that she had left him during the night. He had never really had a good night sleep, laying in bed until finally he couldn't physically stay awake any longer and was pulled under. But that night this resounding fear boiled in him and he snuck out of his house and climbed the ivy shutter up to her room. She didn't tell him to leave, just gave him a pillow and a blanket to sleep on the floor. He laid there and fell asleep after telling her good night, the first good night he had said to anyone since his parents had died and he actually fell asleep, a good nights sleep.
The floor was a bit uncomfortable at first but there was just something about being there that made him sleep, comfortable and worry free. He could relax. Over the years he had only tried once to sleep away from her, thinking maybe it was her physical room that made him come back night after night to the pillow and the blanket on the floor.
Bella was having a sleep over with Alice at their house while he snuck over to Bella's room and tried to sleep there on the floor without her presence, but he couldn't. He tossed and turned until he gave up and snuck back home. There he slept on the floor in the living room next to Bella who had fallen asleep watching a movie with Alice. So his little experiment had proved that it wasn't the place he slept that he needed for a good night's sleep, it was the person. Bella's essence made it possible for him to actually fall asleep without worry or anxiety about what might happen tomorrow in a world where the people you love can be taken from you in a blink of an eye. Being with her made him realize that that same world could also give him people that would help heal the pain of what he'd lost and fill in that hope that good things were possible too.
Esme and Carlisle were thrilled that he finally spoke but he at first just gave them one word answers to questions and was still distant. But with Bella he wouldn't shut up. He joked and he laughed about important things and things that weren't important at all and she never told him to be quiet, maybe she liked not having to be the only one to speak all the time.
Over the years it became easier to open up the people closet in his life but he still didn't open up fully like he did with her. They would lay there at night talking about anything on their mind, no matter how risky the topic was. She would ask him about his parents and at first he was sad about it but then he'd become excited to tell her about his past and the memories that he had with them.
He would always remember the time that he first saw her as more than just a best friend but as a beautiful person inside and out. They had stayed at the lake house over the summer and it happened to be a suddenly day out so they decided to go out and explore. They traveled further then they had intended when they came across a small clearing in the woods. The light was pouring in so they both laid down to rest. Bella had taken out her cd player with head phones and put it on. She closed her eyes and rested her head on her hands. On her face was a contempt smile and she looked entirely at peace. That was the first time he was absolutely memorized by her. The softness of her face and the way her skin glowed by the sunlight hypnotized him. The most important thing was that she was there with him and she really looked like she wanted to be, that he made her happy just like she did to him. He was young but he knew what he was feeling and had been feeling for a long time was love. He was in love with her as much as a person could be in love with another.
As they grew older together he watched as Bella's beauty grew before his eyes. There were now new feelings that started to churn up inside of him whenever he would see or touch her. Sometimes it was so powerful that he couldn't hold them back and retreated from her, trying to hide what he was feeling. He didn't know how she felt about him, like if she felt for him how he did for her, but he didn't want to ruin their bond with each other by pushing these emotions on to her.
When senior year started that dull fear that had always resided in him about the end of his time with her started to slowly ache more and more each day. He knew that there was a chance that they would separate from one another at the end of the year but he couldn't think things through.
He didn't want to scare her away with the intensity that he felt for her so he thought that he should distract himself from her. The pull to her was getting increasingly stronger and he assumed it was the reaction to the fear of losing her after high school.
Bella did not show any interest in him as more than a friend so his own self preservation told him that he should try to get her out of his mind. So he tried to distract himself and that is how Victoria entered the picture. He had never flirted with anyone before but he was shocked to see the results. Victoria ate up what ever he said to her like his words were made of chocolate. He didn't even think he needed to try with her anymore. He thought maybe if he put his sights on another then maybe this burning inside him for Bella would simmer down. He was afraid of the backlash though of not telling Bella about another girl in his life so that was when he made her promised that she would tell him if she didn't like any girl he dated. No girl was worth losing his girl over.
Deep down however he also had a fear of her finding another person and that was why he wanted the promise to go both ways, so he could step in if she dated someone who wasn't good enough for her. No one would ever be good enough for her though, not even himself he thought. Bella started acting strangely to him when he mentioned Victoria, giving him her uneasy smile that he knew signaled she was uncomfortable about something.
She couldn't hide things from him. Bella's face was an open book and he was the master reader when it came to her. One too many times already this year he had come close to losing control with her, and just ravishing her like he had always dreamed of. Once on the couch when he was on top of her, looking down into her warm brown eyes. She had bit her lip which was such a weakness to him whenever she did that. He wanted to nibble on that lip so badly. He had started to feel himself stir in other places from that longing for her and jumped off quickly before she noticed and became uncomfortable.
When her lips had grazed past his during their chocolate syrup battle, he gave in to his desire didn't pull back, but she did and that had ended that. He didn't need any more signs than to indicate that he should put his mind on other things. The relationship that he wanted with her was hopeless and a pointless dream.
He had felt bad for lying to her about Victoria but it was awkward to discuss it with her. After a couple of dates and a few innocent kisses with the red head, he knew that he was not really interested in her. When she had told him to park the car off in the shadows and straddled him, he looked into her eyes and didn't see that sparkle that his girl had. She didn't smell like strawberries, or bite her bottom lip, or giggle in that silly voice that Bella made when he joked with her. So when Victoria started kissing his neck he told her that he should bring her home. She was huffy about it but complied and slammed his car door shut when they arrived at her house. He made sure that things slowed down with her, not wanting to end it abruptly so he wouldn't hurt her feelings, but he would ease her off of him slowly so he could get away. He needed his Bella, that's all he wanted. Victoria had just been proof that there wasn't any other girl like Bella.
Then he found out about her secret fling with James or whatever it was. He didn't like it, well that was an understatement. He hated it with a fiery passion. The thought of that boy's hand all over his girl, that boy getting to nibble on that beautiful lip, or putting his face in her hair to smell that exquisite scent drove him mad. He didn't hold back his thoughts with her and their relationship began to weaken. He found out she had asked him to winter formal and was astounded. This wasn't' his Bella. First she transformed herself from a beautiful girl to a sexy beautiful woman. Not that he was complaining but he didn't like the way the boys at school looked at her, like they wanted to devour her. And James was the worst of them. The look in that boy's eyes when he looked at Bella made Edward furious. Edward knew what that look meant and what James was thinking because he often looked at his Bella the same way, but he had love intertwined with the lust he felt for her. James just had pure undiluted lust.
The night after formal he couldn't take it anymore. The constant fighting and not spending time with her was so foreign to him that he broke and told her how he felt, not the whole truth but a thin slice of it. And that night she had fallen asleep in his arms. It was one of the most peaceful slumbers he had ever had and he knew that once he had a taste of what it was like to fall asleep with her, he wasn't giving it up for anything. That month held the best nights he had in his life.
Valentine's day he knew that he would tell her. He was aching inside to spill out everything to her, and let her know how much he loved her because he started to feel the rare possibility that maybe she loved him to. He hoped she loved him too. He was going to tell her in the car before school but then chickened out and thought it was best to wait until after school when they had time alone to themselves. He was excited with anticipation that whole day. Emmett made fun of him acting all jittery and nervous but he couldn't help it, he wanted to see her so badly at lunch and couldn't wait to tell her what had been driving him crazy for years now. It was finally about to come out.
Then right before lunch he had the unfortunate obstacle of a crying Victoria chasing after him as he hurried to Bella's locker. He felt bad about seeing a her cry even though he really wanted to get out of there, but stopped and turned to asked her what was wrong. She threw herself at him, attacking his lips furiously. He was shocked at the sudden impact of it and was frozen for a few seconds while she tried with all her might to get her tongue in his mouth. He politely and gently put his arms on her shoulders and pushed her off.
"Victoria, I'm sorry but its not going to happen." Was all he said.
Her lip quivered as a new set of tears started and she ran off as he ventured on to get to his girl at her locker so he could take her books and just be with her. When he got to her locker he waited…and waited… the final bell ran and he waited longer but she never came. He went to the lunch room to look for her but only Emmett and Alice were there. They spilt up to find her and he looked everywhere. Alice had finally hurried back to him with a nervous look on her face telling him that she had found her. Her expression worried him and he desperately wanted to get to Bella. Alice had tried to assure him that she was ok and that it was just women issues but he didn't believe it. Something was wrong. Bella didn't go to any of her other classes and he rushed home after school see her, but she wouldn't see him.
Whenever she had a problem he would always help her. They were each others rocks. He was her safely neck, he would always catch her if she fell, but she didn't want that net now. She didn't sleep in her room that night and he knew she was avoiding him. When he confronted her the next day he was worried that she had maybe known he was going to admit his feelings to her that day and that's why she was avoiding him. He couldn't let her turn away from him though. He needed her now, he was addicted to her. Then she called Charlie on him for the first time ever and he was forced to back down. He was still strong until she said something that killed him. She didn't want him in her bed anymore, comparing herself like a sister to him. That's how she felt about him, she saw him as a brother. He was defeated, broken, and he would never tell her the truth now. He tried to act normal, still coming to her room because he couldn't give that up, but he was empty. He couldn't even hope anymore. This wasn't his Bella, it couldn't be.
The night of Alice's party he was shocked to hear that she was coming with them. It wasn't like her to want to come. But then again this whole year wasn't like Bella, changing her appearance, going to a dance!, liking a scumbag kid, and now wanting to go to a party. He wondered if this was all for James? Did she like him like that? He hadn't seen them together since the Winter Formal but he didn't talk to her now much about anything.
Now here he was with the love of his life looking right at him as she took a sip, doing it to spite him. He tried to keep an eye on her throughout the party but it was difficult with all the people there. Victoria had proposition him but he said his answer was still no, so she huffed and walked off. He lost Bella for a second and looked to see over the crowd where she was. That is when he saw James leaning into her whispering something in her ear. He started to move towards them to tell him to back off when he saw James pull away and Bella smile at him. This made him stop in his tracks and watch as James took her hand in his and led them upstairs. His insides died and he felt anger, revulsion, frustration, and despair as he watched his girl go off with another boy.
He followed them until he got to the bottom of the stairs and watched them ascend. There he slumped up against the wall because he didn't want to think about what was happening between the two of them up there. He prayed that the worst thoughts he had of them wouldn't happen. Bella wouldn't do that. There he stood for a long time until finally he was shook out of his anguished thoughts by Bella supporting his drunk sister.
He was pissed and angry still and gave her the cold shoulder. When he went to find Emmett after he got the girls in the car, his brother had a blond on his lap and told him he was staying the night but that he would call him in the morning for a ride. The car ride home was uncomfortable but he bared it without questioning her about what she did or what happened with James. Soon however, just like that, the whole night and every fight they had ever had, was washed away when they kissed. It was everything he had ever wanted, ever needed, and ever imagined it would be. It was perfect. She was perfect He didn't question her feelings for him anymore, and he felt like for the first time in his life everything was like it was suppose to be. That is until the next morning when he learned of her night with James….
Anger coursed through his blood, and all reason was gone. She hates you now… repeated over in his head.
He doesn't know what to do but he feels like a caged animal, being toyed with now, and he needs to find escape. Quickly he runs inside his house taking three stairs at time up to his room.
She hates you now.. repeating again and again. The first thing he reaches for is his stereo system to blast his music loud in hopes to drown out his thoughts. Its not working so he yells out in fury and can't keep the animal caged inside him any longer. He pulls are his hair harshly, needing to release this pent up anger and frustration. Conjured images of James and her together keep playing in his mind and he can't take it much more. Without thinking he punches the wall with all his might. A loud bang echoes and his fist goes through the wall. The impact stills the beast and he just stands there with his arm through the wall, panting and huffing as the anger starts to subside. He pulls his hand out quickly as Emmett opens his door with Alice on his tail.
"What the-- Shit! Edward are you ok?"
He doesn't say anything but just paces back and forth.
"What the hell happened!?" Alice shouts standing shocked in the doorway before running over to turn the music off. Edward wasn't one to take his anger out like this so he knows that he has his sister baffled.
Emmett had "accidentally" broken things in the past when he got worked up but Edward always knew how to keep himself in check.
The Alice spoke again. "Did something happen with Bella?"
The second her name leaves Alice's lips he can't take it anymore.
"Ah fuck!" He yells in frustration before grabbing his car keys off his bed.
He pushes his way past his siblings, needing to just leave. His hand is bleeding and throbbing from the impact of the wall but he doesn't think that it's broken. Who cares anyway, he thought.
Soon he makes it to his car and reverses quickly out of the driveway before burning rubber when he hits the gas hard and fast to get away quickly. He just needed to drive to escape his thoughts but they consume him and there is no getting away from that. When he begins to get worked up again, he starts to drive towards the only thing he thinks could maybe help him forget his battling feelings.
The street soon comes into few and he pulls up in front of the house he hopes is the right one. When he knocks on the door, he proves himself accurate when Victoria stands before him.
"Edward?" She seems confused but excited at the same time.
"Can I come in?" He asks before pulling a hand through his hair.
"Oh yeah, yes of course." She fumbles and steps aside quickly before shutting the door. Its awkward when they just stand there quiet until Victoria breaks the silence.
"My parents aren't home, they went away on business for a few days."
He just nods his head and puts his hands in his pockets nervously.
"So what are you doing here?" She asks finally once the silence becomes to much.
His inner turmoil over that question kills him. What is he doing there? His rational mind questions. Forgetting. The angry and bitter part of his brain screams.
He looks up at her and wills himself to do what he is going to do next. With one quick motion he kisses her.
Victoria responds quickly and wraps her arms around him, crushing herself to him. She doesn't kiss or taste like his Bella but that is why he is doing this…to forget about his Bella.
Victoria starts to grab at his clothes and is moving him further into the house now. Her tongue is plunging in and out of his mouth greedily and he soon feels the side of the couch on the back of his knees. She breaks the kiss and pushes him so he falls back onto the cushions. She stands before him and lifts her shirt up off of her head so she is only clad in a bra. Slowly she walks over to him and straddles his waist.
"I knew this would happen eventually. From the first time I saw you I wanted this to happen." He just kisses her to make her stop talking because this whole thing is harder to do with her voice reminding him that he's not with the girl he wants.
Stop thinking of her and forget…The rebellious voice yells as Victoria grinds herself down on him. She begins kissing his neck while rocking on him to get more of a reaction from him. His voice of reason is still telling him to stop while the other side is urging him on. This is what she did to you…follow through. It screams at him.
This inner battle is causing him to not be in the right state of mind but he fights it and carries on. Victoria starts to snake her hand down his stomach and gets to the top part of his jeans. She starts to unbutton them and looks at him with lust filled eyes.
He looks down and knows that he needs a reaction soon to her advances or she is going to think something is wrong with him. Nothing though. Out of all the times he struggled with how easy this reaction came around his girl, he can't get any reaction now. So he cheats and stops forgetting about her for a moment. Closing his eyes and putting his head back, he pictures his Bella after the chocolate fight, their kiss the other night, her eyes, her voice, her smell….and that gets him going.
That's all it took and Victoria must feel his new reaction because she smiles and moves against it. He groans and closes his eyes, picturing his girl still, imagining this is her right now. Victoria's hand is now in his jeans and at the waist band of his boxers. She lifts it slowly and starts to put her hand in before speaking again.
"I knew even after you turned me down at the party that you wanted me like I wanted you. At first I thought that little slut had something to do with you rejecting me but after her night with James and our current situation, I can see that isn't the issue." She laughs at the end.
His eyes shoot open and he sits up quickly before her hand could get to the now shrinking destination it was headed for. He lifts a befuddled Victoria off his lap quickly and stands up to button his jeans closed again.
"Don't call her a slut." He says strongly before turning to leave.
Victoria's voice shouts out to him before he leaves the door. "She doesn't want you!"
He stops in his tracks but doesn't turn before answering. "I know…but I can't pretend that I want you either, I'm sorry"
With that he leaves and heads home again. He can't believe he almost just did that. He shakes his head to rid himself of the close mistake he just missed. It wasn't right of him to try and use that girl to rid himself of Bella and he was positive that it wouldn't have worked anyway. She won't leave his mind.
When he gets home he lays in bed looking up at the ceiling, letting his emotions simmer down when suddenly his door bursts open.
"You Idiot!!!" Alice fumes with a red face and clenched fists. He looks at her and then looks back towards the ceiling.
"Hello to you to Alice." He replies dryly. This was the last thing he wanted to deal with now. His hand still ached from punching it through the wall and he wasn't in the mood to deal with people.
"I'm guessing you spoke to her." He sneers. He couldn't even say her name out loud right now.
"Oh yes I spoke to her. You, Edward Cullen, should be ashamed of yourself for speaking to your best friend like that."
This makes him jump up off of the bed quickly, furious that he is the one that is being attacked. It was her fault, all he had done was love her, want her, and wait for her.
"I should be ashamed?!" He roars then chuckles dryly. "She's the one who should be ashamed. She doesn't even have any respect for herself-"
"Oh shut up you jackass." Alice interrupts. Emmett appears at the doorway behind her, with a disappointed look on his face and is quiet for once. How fitting he thinks, that the blood siblings gang up against the adopted one.
"Don't you know Bella at all Edward?" Alice says in a lower regretful voice.
His eyes widen then narrow. "I thought I did, now I don't know who she is anymore."
"Edward, she would never sleep with James." Alice whispers.
"Then why did I see her go hand in hand with him upstairs at the party?! He had whispered something in her ear, she smiled, and then followed him Alice. He brags about it when I go to pick up Emmett and I find birth control in Bella's room! Then to top it all off…..she doesn't deny it! When I asked her if she fucked him she wouldn't give me a straight answer…"
Alice groaned and put her head in her hands before walking over to his bed to sit down.
"Bella should be the one explaining this but since I'm certain that wont happen in the near future because of how she's feeling right now, I'm going to do it for her…" Alice takes a breath and then sighs before continuing.
"She was looking for me that night at the party Edward. You know how drunk I was and I had ventured off into the house. Bella got nervous when she couldn't find me so she started to look. Then James approached her and told her that he had seen me upstairs and he would bring her to me." Alice shook her head regretfully.
"He lied and led her into a room and tried to get her to have sex with him."
Her words struck a cord deep in him and he became violently enraged at the thought of that weasel touching her. "Did he force himself on her Alice? So help me God I will kill that basturd if he laid a hand on her."
Alice shook her head. "No, no he didn't, thank God but he did threaten to say that he slept with her if she didn't. Bella of course chose not to because she didn't care what people thought. She knew that those closest to her would see through the lie and not believe it."
Edward winced at Alice's words. He felt like absolute shit. Here Bella was standing up for herself thinking that she would have her friends support and her very best one judged her and put her down.
Slowly he lowered his head to his hands, pulling his hair, ashamed at himself and how he had said those things to her when she needed him the most.
"Emmett and myself questioned her about it too so we are all at fault for that. But you however ripped her apart about it." He shook his head guilty and defeated because Alice was right.
"As for the birth control," Alice continued. "Bella was put on it by her dermatologist and was embarrassed to tell people about it. It isn't any of your business anyway." Alice scorned.
"And finally, the reason why she didn't deny it straight out is because she shouldn't of had to Edward. You should have known better than anyone else that she wouldn't do that."
She was absolutely right. He should have known, he shouldn't have jumped to conclusions, and he shouldn't have said what he had said to her. It was just that he was so overcome with the thought of another man getting to do all the things he longed for that it clouded over his rational thinking and won out.
"Shit, I'm an idiot." He groaned as he pulled at his hair in frustration.
Alice crossed her arms and looked at him unsympathetically. "Yeah I would say so."
"She won't forgive me…the stuff I said to her…she told me that she would hate me if I believed it…" He said in a despaired voice.
There he sat with his head hung low in his hands, not being about able to phantom the thought of Bella never forgiving him, or speaking to him, or seeing him. The pain of the thought of her hating him burned inside. He felt a gentle reassuring pat on his shoulder, knowing it was either Emmett or Alice, but not looking up to see for sure.
He didn't want to look at anyone, he was disgusted with himself for treating the one thing that mattered most to him like a piece of shit. The worst part was that he knew that he deserved to have her hate him after how he had acted, but the selfish part of him still hoped she would give him a second chance. All the dreams of being with her were now put on the back burner because not only did he still not have her as his girl, he wasn't even sure if he had her as a friend anymore either.
"Don't worry, Bella will get over it. You guys can never stay mad at each other for long. Just give her some time, you'll see." Emmett tried to be reassuring and helpful but his words weren't sticking in Edwards brain.
There was this nagging fear that it wasn't true this time, a feeling that this fight was not like the others, that they weren't going to makeup like they use to. And to think that last night was the closest he had ever come to having everything he ever wanted. He had actually kissed her and she had kissed him back.
All of it finally happened and now look at him. He wouldn't reflect on the gain that he had made with her because he now had to start from the bottom to make sure that he didn't lose her as a friend completely. If she does end up forgiving him in the end like he hoped she would, that is more than he could ask for, and he wouldn't push anything more on her.
"Just give her time Edward." Alice said as both his siblings exited the room leaving him alone in the same spot.
There he sat as it became dark outside and the light began to fade in his room. When he was in complete darkness he couldn't take it anymore and he had to see her. He would apologize, grovel, beg, plead, or do whatever it took for her to forgive him. He was an ass and he needed Bella to tell him that, then tell him that everything would be ok, and that they were going to be fine.
He just needed to see her face, even if she didn't want to talk. The other thought he had was that he shouldn't try to sleep in her bed tonight.
He'd sleep on the floor unless she let him sleep with her. Alright Edward don't push your luck here. He thought.
Then as fast as he could he run he sprinted eagerly out of his house and across the yard to Bella's house with a new found determination to make everything alright. Slowly he climbed up to her window and when the nerves started to act up he almost retreated willed himself to not back down.
With one hand on the window he stood still for a moment and took a deep breath. He smiled a little at the thought of seeing her and making everything go back to normal. A wave of courage and hope washed over him and he pulled the window up…well he tried to pull it up. It would not budge.
He tried more forcefully but nothing, not even a crack. With two hands now he tried again and gave it everything he could…but still nothing. Looking through the window he saw her dark room through the curtain and could make out the outline of her bed as well as the little bump raised in the blankets where she was laying.
He smiled at seeing that and tapped lightly on the window to try and get her to help him open up the stuck window. No movement. He tapped again, but still nothing.
Slowly he raised himself higher and looked at the top of the window latch and saw it…The window wasn't stuck. Bella had locked it to keep him out, to keep him away from her.
His heart sank and he now felt completely defeated. He placed his palm flat against the glass that was separating him and his love. Bella… he chocked out. He absent mindedly let go of the house in his utter devastation and almost fell back until he quickly captured himself before falling. That pain might have been more bearable then the one he felt now he thought. Bella was telling him by doing this that they were done, that this was final.
Bella's POV
That day after Emmett and Alice left I just laid around the house, staying up in my room away from everything. When night came I closed my eyes but couldn't sleep.
I just stared up at the ceiling for a long time. That's when I heard it. Someone was trying to open up my window. Pulling at it. But it wouldn't open. It was locked. I closed my eyes as the tears slipped through the lashes and tried to cover my ears at the sound of forceful attempt to budge it open. It was him and I couldn't bear it. I wanted to open it but my mind screamed no. There was tapping and my heart broke.
"Bella.." I heard him call out. My jaw was shaking trying to hold my sob in. Then it was silent. Nothing more. He had given up, he had left. I cried and then I slept when I couldn't stay awake any longer. I didn't go to school the next day.
Monday after school Alice showed up at my house. "Bella you can not avoid school for the rest of your life."
I rolled my eyes at her and got up from the couch to start making Charlie some dinner. "I'm not avoiding school. I just didn't feel good today that's all.." I added looking down. I tried to make that lie sound good but it wasn't working.
"Uh huh. Listen Bella, people are going to talk but then the next thing will happen and they'll move on and forget. Just be brave and show them that you don't give a shit, just like you showed James. I makes you look worse if you avoid it."
She was right, but I wasn't just avoiding James…. I was avoiding Edward the most. I had to be strong though. So Tuesday morning came and Alice made sure to drive me in her new car. I was happy that I would have someone with me for support at least.
When we showed up at school I saw that Edward's car was already parked there. He must have arrived earlier than usual to avoid seeing me too. The second I stepped foot inside the school, the staring began. Some girls snickered at me as I went to my locker and I received some over friendly looks from a few guys. I guess Bella Swan was free game and open legs to them now.
For the most part I kept my head down to avoid eye contact. I only heard a few remarks from a voice that sounded much like Laurens about being me being a slut, but for the most part everything wasn't so bad.
The thing I was dreading the most though was lunch time. I just hoped that Edward wouldn't go. I was going, I was done avoiding. I needed to be strong. He wasn't waiting for me at my locker like always and a part of me felt depressed about this while the other part was relieved. He could be skipping out and hiding after all.
I was wrong. When I entered into the cafeteria I saw him sitting with Emmett and Alice with his head down at the table. I had a few seconds to view him before my presence was known and from what I could see, he looked horrible. His hair was a mess, his clothing was wrinkled, and he looked like he hadn't slept. I started to get panicky and was about to turn and leave when Alice looked at me and waved happily from the table. At her movement Edward's eyes darted up and met mine with a look of despair but also with what I thought looked like relief. He seemed to be feeling what I was. I looked down and walked to the table before sitting in a chair next to Alice and taking out my lunch. Alice squeezed my hand to make sure that I was alright and I looked up at her and gave a small smile.
"How is everything going?" Alice asked.
"Its fine, I'm dealing." I offered back.
I started picking at my sandwich, just to give me something to do and not meet the eyes that I felt looking at me now. It was awkward and uncomfortable.
Emmett was trying to start up a conversation with him but he seemed to not have his attention. "So I think the Mariners will do pretty go this year, don't you Edward?" He said in a happy voice, trying to break the tension.
No reply came but that didn't stop Emmett from continuing.
"I think Dad said that he could get some tickets for us but he wants to wait until the next time he has off to come too. Pretty sick huh?"
Still no reply.
This was getting obnoxious because I wanted him not to ignore his poor brother and speak but at the same time I didn't want to hear the voice that pulls me in, even if he's just having a nonsensical discussion about baseball.
"Bella…" That voice I was dreading answered out.
I looked up on instinct for a second and saw him looking right at me. He looked tired and run down, with a paler face and hints of sleepy bags under his eyes. He looked miserable but determined as well.
I looked down again and continued to break apart my sandwich which looked pretty much ruined. Emmett had stopped talking and I felt both him and Alice watching us.
"Bella please… I need to talk to you…..its just….you…you locked me out so I can't…" He was fumbling with his words and seemed to be getting pretty upset. The hurt was evident in his voice. I couldn't be there any longer.
The sorrow and panic of being near him was starting to build and I was damn near certain that I would not let myself break down in my school cafeteria in front of all the people who were already talking bad things about me. I stood up swiftly but did meet his eyes.
"I can't do this." Was the only thing I said.
Alice grabbed my hand before I left. "Bella he's trying here."
It made me angry that she didn't understand and I yanked my arm away and turned to walk away quickly. I heard someone behind me almost stumble from their chair and I knew it was him.
"Bella please I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you." Tears started collecting in the my eye ducks and I walked faster until suddenly I was stopped.
James stepped in front of me from the table to me right causing me to halt and Edward to almost run into my back. He had a mischievous smirk on his face and I stared at him perplexed.
"Bella I was wondering if you wanted to get to together this weekend since last weekend was so much fun." He spoke with a chuckle and collective snickers ran out around the table.
I suddenly became aware for my surroundings and looked around me to see everyone in the cafeteria looking in my direction. You could hear a pin drop. My eyes landed on Edward closely in back of me and his face was contorted in anger.
He stepped forward with his fists up but Emmett stood in front of him quickly bracing his shoulders. "Edward, he's not worth it, calm down and turn around."
I looked back at James who was clearly enjoying himself and walked out of the cafeteria quickly. I left school early that day and for once Alice didn't bug me about it when she stopped over after school.
Later that night I heard him at my window again, trying to nudge it up but I just turned over and covered my ears. The rest of the week I ate at the library. I always felt Edward's eyes on me though in gym and Lit class. A couple of times he looked like he was about to approach me but I always walked away or made sure I looked like I was busy.
My week was absolutely miserable. The next was just as miserable too. Edward looked worse and worse everyday. But still absolutely desirable as always. He was probably the only guy who could pull that off.
I started to wake up each morning then to a little card tapped to my window with a single lily that read-I'm sorry. I would open the window to get it but close and lock it again. I wasn't ready, it still hurt. Finally one Friday morning Alice burst through my door.
"Ok so I am sick of this depressed atmosphere. I come over here and you are wallowing. I go home and Edward acts like a someone has died with his sad music playing all damn day. So I have come up with a much needed solution to perk up my spirits as well as yours."
I looked over at her and shrugged. "What?"
She jumped up and clapped. "The lake house! Esme said that we could go up and spend the weekend there. I think it's a good idea to get away for a little bit and relax."
Her idea really didn't sound that bad. I really did want to just get away for a little while and figure stuff out. "Just you and I though right?" I said making sure.
"Yeah of course." Alice said waving off my question.
"Alright, that sounds like a good idea, I'll just tell Charlie that we are going."
"Excellent! We'll leave shortly after school." Alice hugged me before heading home to start getting stuff together and get ready for school. Charlie was fine with the idea and seemed to be a little relieved that I was getting out of the house.
After school I took my small bag essential things and headed to Alice's car. Surprisingly she wasn't bringing that much either but did have a few groceries bags. Emmett's car was missing from the driveway but Edward's was parked in it's usual spot.
I looked at their house before we left and wondered what he was doing at that moment. The drive was nice and relaxing and the weather was warmer then usual but the clouds started to get darker and darker the farther we drove. Once we got off the free way about an hour and a half into the trip, Alice turned down the familiar dirt road surround by trees and vegetation that took you to the like rock cottage by the lake.
Alice started to get a little quieter now once we headed down the road and I eyed her skeptically. "Looks like there's going to be a thunderstorm." I said in causal conversation.
She kept her eyes on the road and gave a little smile. "Mm hmm." Was all she offered me.
We drove for another half hour down the little deserted road with forest on both sides until we came to the secluded lake house. I smiled when I saw it because of all the good memories that had occurred there.
There was a small garden out front with all the flowers starting to blossom from the spring season. It was a quaint little house with rock siding that made you think of a little English cottage. There was only three bedrooms and two bathrooms inside with a small kitchen and living area. The top floor only had the boys room and a small bathroom, while the bottom had the master bath and bedroom along with Alice's room. The car slowly stopped and Alice finally turned to me, handing me the house key.
"Can you go unlock it and check inside while I start unloading?" She asked in a hopeful voice.
"Um yeah no problem." I said without question. I followed the stone steps to the door and turned the knob before unlocking. Surprisingly it was unlocked already. I looked back at Alice but she as quickly taking things about of the car so I shrugged and turned towards the door again before pushing it open and stepping inside. The lights were off inside but the outside light pouring in through the door and windows made it visible to see clearly enough. Everything looked the same since I had been here last summer.
Suddenly a noise came from the kitchen and I heard a voice call out.
"Emmett is that you?" Edward said as he stepped forward from the small hallway into my view. He just stood there when he saw me, looking as shocked.
I was just as shocked until suddenly I heard a car wheeling out and driving away. I ran from the house to the front yard and only saw my bag and a few others next to a cloud of dusk that had once been Alice's car. Everything clicked into place. I had been set up.
Author's note: Hope you enjoyed. Sorry it took long with the update, finals(ehh) and work. Summer is here so I'm going to be quicker. Chapter 12 is already started. Please review!
Also a shout out to HannahxTwilightx for posting my story on the twilight forum. I saw my story hits and they went up after you did that so thank you so much!