Disclaimer: All these characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Edward reentered the room just as I was zipping up my backpack. A smirk was plastered on his face as he quickly tugged his shoes off, running over to embrace me. I stood stock still from all of the new things that I had just discovered seconds before.

"So where were we…", he whispered before tugging on my earlobe with his teeth as his hands snaked down to cup my butt. Sensing my frigid form, he pull back to look at me, the lust quickly leaving his face.

"Bella? What's wrong?" He questioned with concern. I'm ruining your future, that's what is wrong.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and leaned my head into his chest so he couldn't see me.

"Nothing I just missed you is all."

He kissed my head, holding me tightly. "I missed up to. Are you sure nothing is wrong?"

I nodded into his chest and started to kiss him as a distraction for his forming thoughts. It worked. After a long make out ,with not so innocent grouping, I was left with swollen lips and a guilty feeling churning my stomach around. Guilty over snooping and guilty of the being the possible reason for him to not go to Stanford. I laid with my arms wrapped around his waist and his chin on my head. My nose was up against the hollow at the base of his neck and I breathed in the smell of his skin before sighing.

"Edward?" I whispered, afraid he had fallen asleep already.

"Mhm?"

I was going to tell him about the letter, but I just couldn't get the words out. "I love you."

A kiss was placed upon my head before he whispered the sediment back.

The whole rest of the week was complete hell. Not having Edward around sucked but what was really bothering me was the weight of the Stanford letter that I still had yet to reveal I found. Half of me wanted to come out and say to him that I found it and convince him to not give this opportunity up and the other part of me screamed to pretend that I never found it and let us go off to college together. It would be amazing if I didn't know he had been accepted somewhere better, somewhere where he could really excel But as luck would have it, I found that letter for a reason. I would be selfish if I didn't confront him about this. He was only eighteen and already settling on me, giving everything up for me.

I made plans to approach him with it eventually but for the time being I just went on one day after the other. James had been back at school sooner than Edward since he didn't get as harsh a suspension. I am not sure why since he started the whole thing but the boy looked like shit. His nose was fucked up and he had to healing, and nasty looking, black eyes. He didn't even look at me and seemed to keep to himself.

That day that James came back to school Emmett must of texted Edward the news because during lunch I saw a familiar head of copper hair peaking out from behind a bush by the cafeteria window. I rolled my eyes at how neurotic and worried he was. When he picked me from school I called him out on his little 'James Bond' stunt, making him turn red at having been caught. Of course that didn't stop him asking me every possible question about James and the few times I was in close proximity to him.. When Edward asked me the specific number of times James made eye contact with me, I told him that he was getting a little ridiculous. After I filled him in on James' loner status and almost fear of getting near me, Edward turned smug and stopped the questioning.

That same day, we had another attempt at sex, but things were not working to our advantage. Esme was very present, always checking up on us and Alice seemed to want some girl time as well. Horny Edward was very difficult to get him off of you and Alice compared him to a dog on a fire hydrant. Emmett found this amusing and we became the butt of the joke for the rest of the night.

After spending sometime with the family we retreated under false pretenses of homework to make out in his room. Edward's tongue and fingers soon convinced me to break the rules against sex in the house while the family were downstairs. I couldn't help myself and apparently he couldn't either. We were so eager for each other that we remained partially dressed. Of course Edward insisted on me being topless so I was left with only one pant leg and side of my underwear on. Edward only pulled his down pants down enough to get the job done. It still hurt slightly when he pushed in but Edward clenched his eyes shut and stood still for me to adjust. He was panting and shaking from the feeling as I watched on in amazement.

"Its amazing. I just want to literally do this for the rest of my life. No breaks, no stops." He declared.

I laughed out loud at his comment while he smirked before he moved again and we both shut up and started moaning instead. And then of course because the universe hates us, about five thrusts in Edward's door burst open.

"Mom got us Beatles Rock Band!" Emmett shouted followed by an- "OH SHIT!! AHHHHH!!", before he ran from the room without even shutting the door. The sounds of him yelling carried from the hallway as I quickly shoved Edward out of and off of me, making him fall to the floor in a groan. I quickly put my other pant leg on as Edward pulled his up with a look of fury on his face.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me. Of all the fucking times..." He grumbled before he ran out the door in direction of Emmett. I quickly put on my bra and shirt as I listened to his heavy thundering footsteps, followed by pounding on a door.

"Emmett!!! I'm going to kick the shit out you!!", he yelled as he pounded on the bathroom door that Emmett was holed up.

"I'm the victim! I saw your ass!…. Thrusting!!…Oh god make the images stop appearing. I saw Bella's boobies!", Emmett yelled back.

"Don't you fucking say or think about Bella's boobies, Emmet. Erase it, erase it from you mind right now." Edward screamed back, apparently very possessive of them.

I was mortified and had to leave. To my utter embarrassment, as I snuck down the stairs beet red, Esme came out of the kitchen saying she heard yelling. That mortified me even more and I made it half way home before Edward caught up to me. He reassured me that Emmett would forget about the incident and knock from now on but I was still uncomfortable.

"This is why we can't have sex if there are other people in the house." I sighed, smoothing a fallen lock back into his hair.

He looked like a puppy dog that had just been kicked but nodded in affirmation.

The next time I saw Emmett was awkward as hell. He politely said hello and I could see he was trying really hard to not look at me as Edward glared on. That only lasted a few days however and then everything was back to normal.

Edward was excited to be back in school the following week and James seemed even more frightened of Edward than he was me. Edward's 'overly-protective-caveman- persona' took affect whenever we had class together, but he seemed to be in a happy mood none the less. Whenever we were asked by teachers what schools we were attending next year Edward happily told them Washington State. This of course made my quilt resurface and that nagging acceptance letter came into my mind. When I was not with Edward I would sit and stare at it for hours on end.

Graduation was fast approaching and I needed to address the issue soon, but I kept pushing it off. Edward and I were attached at the hip and our relationship continued to grow stronger and stronger. All we wanted to do was spend constant time together and ached for one another when we were apart on the rare occasions. I could not explain the pull that had now formed between us. Maybe it was always there but now that we had acknowledged it, it was stronger then ever.

I carried that stupid Stanford letter around with me everyday as a reminder of what I was pushing off and making him give up. It was eating me up and I had to act soon because we were going to send in our money soon for the schools. Charlie had made a comment that we had to getting going on the process soon and the reality of the situation really set in.

One night after dinner at the Cullen's, Edward went up stairs to play rock band with Emmett as I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Carlisle was looking over some medical papers at the table and greeted me warmly, before continuing on with his work.

I needed to talk to someone but I didn't want to inform Carlisle of the letter yet. I preoccupied myself with getting a glass of water and gulping it down quickly because of my nervousness.

"Carlisle did Edward apply to another schools?", I asked trying to sound nonchalant as I leaned against the counter.

Carlisle took his reading glasses off before turning to me. "I recommended some to him but Esme and I did not push him any which way. We just told him to make sure he sent out at least four or five applications to schools of his choosing. He asked for money for the admission fees for at least five schools I believe but did not give me their names."

I nodded before I continued, "Did you guys see any acceptance letters in the mail for him or anything?"

Carlisle regarded me slowly. "Edward has been very anxious to get the mail for the past couple of weeks. If anything came in I would not have seen it."

I nodded again and looked down at my glass. "Can I ask your advise about something Carlisle?"

He sat up straighter and gave me his full attention. "Of course Bella."

My palms grew sweaty and I took in a deep breath. "My friend Angela and her boyfriend are going to the same college together next year and are very happy. But not she just learned that he had been accepted into an Ivy League school with a scholarship and had kept it from her with the possible intentions of giving it all up for her, for something that could possibly not even work out in the future. And it's eating her up inside that he could be giving up an amazing possibility without thinking things through yet and considering the future…"

As I finished my rant I had tears falling down my face as all of my emotions and worries burst out of me.

"What do you think she should do?", I asked with a hiccup. Carlisle looked on sadly as I stood there with my arms wrapped around my middle.

"I think she already knows." He replied with a sigh. His eyes made it clear that he knew I was not talking about my friend Angela.

A few more tears fell down my face because I knew he was right. I wouldn't be so upset over it if I didn't already know what I was going to do. Carlisle stood up and brought me a tissue. Suddenly Edward's voice rang out as I heard his footsteps approaching the kitchen.

"Bells?"

I quickly tried to wipe away the fallen tears as Edward strolled in with a grin on his face. Upon seeing me, his walk slowed and his face filled concern

"Bella? What's wrong?"

I shook my head and went to turn away.

Carlisle spoke up for me. "I was telling Bella a hospital story and she became a little choked up about it." Thank you Carlisle. I eyed him my appreciation and he nodded in returned.

Edward's arms wrapped around me and he kissed my forehead.

"It's ok baby."

I put a smile on my face and understood that I had now come to a decision on what I thought Edward should do, the hard part would now be to confront him.

A week later on a Saturday, I stayed in with Edward and his siblings because of the heavy rainfalls Forks was experiencing. Most of it was spent with Alice, Emmett, and Edward watching movies but once we were alone I was going to talk to him about Stanford. Esme and Carlisle went to visit a friend who lived about two hours away so we were going to sleep at his place that night. Edward needed to run a few errands that Esme had asked of him. I knew that the I had been putting of my cleaning duties at home so I opted to stay home to clean up the house a bit and start dinner for the both of us, and most likely Charlie as well. I was cooking up some spaghetti and meatballs when the shrill of the telephone rang out through the kitchen. I padded over to answer it as I tested the taste of my tomato sauce.

"Swan residence." I answered in a playful tone.

"Bella. Its Dad." Charlie's gruff voice replied. I knew he was working the afternoon shift but he wasn't the type to call while he was at work. I brushed off my suspicions though.

"Hey Dad, how's work going?"

I thought I heard him cough uncomfortably before he continued. "It's ok. Listen, before I tell you why I called, I'm going to let you know that everything is ok and you don't have to be worried alright?"

Now that made me worried.

"Okay.. What is it?" My voice started to shake with uncertainty.

My father sighed over the phone as if surrendering to the inevitable. "Ok just remember, everything is ok. I'm here with Edward. He was in a minor car accident."

My throat closed up from his words and panic coursed through me. My father seemed to sense that I was about to freak out.

"Bella don't get into hysterics. He is fine, but he will most likely need you to come pick him up since I don't think he will be able to drive his car."

I shook my head quickly to clear it of the panic building so I could get the information on where I could find him, needing to see him and hold him to know for certain that everything was alright. Charlie gave me the directions to where he was before I raced out of the house without even turning off the lights or locking the door. I did turn the oven off though, thinking that coming home to a burned down house was not a good idea.

I speed through Forks as fast as I could needing to get to Edward as quickly as possible, knowing I wouldn't be able to keep it together until I saw him safe and in one piece. I drove for about 20 minutes until I turned onto a road with trees on both sides and houses nowhere in sight.

It was a scenic road that I always loved to drive along whenever I was with Edward. The green lush trees almost pushed out of the woods onto the road. I saw lights up ahead and made out two police cars and an ambulance. Tears formed in my eyes as I thought of the possibility of him being injured.

I quickly pulled over before I ran to the scene, franticly looking for that bronze head of hair. It was pouring out and I was already very getting drenched when my father saw me first and approached with hands drawn up in caution. I ignored him and continued to look around for Edward.

"Where is he? Is he in the ambulance? What happened?" I questioned desperately.

"He doesn't appear to be injured, it was just a precaution. From what we gathered from Edward, a deer ran out onto the road and he swerved to avoid it, sideswiping a tree stump instead. He's over there sitting by the car." I followed my father's pointing finger until I saw Edward's car further up ahead. Edward was sitting on the side of the rode with his head in his hands, clutching his hair.

I ran over to him quickly, squatting down and wrapping my arms around him as a few tears fell in relief. I pulled back and inspected him to make sure he was ok as he looked up from the ground. Apart from being soaking wet, he looked perfectly good.

His eyes were red however and it looked like he had been crying.

"Are you ok?" I whispered gently as I clutched his face in my hands. He looked so sad and desolate but nodded and looked back at the ground. I leaned in and peppered his face with kisses because I had never been so glad to see him before in my whole life. He remained quiet and closed his eyes.

I looked to my right and saw his car for the first time as the rain started to tamper off. The whole passenger side door was ripped from what looked like a cut tree stump that he had sideswiped into. Both his tires on the one side looked blown. If it had been a whole tree the damage would have been worse. I didn't even want to think about what could have happened as I started to choke up and pulled him tighter against me.

Charlie walked over and asked if I could bring him home. I nodded and grabbed Edward's hand to stand up. He was reluctant at first so I ran my fingers through his hair to relax him.

"We are just going to go back to my house ok?"

He nodded without looking at Charlie and I and headed for my car.

Charlie and I both watched Edward walk away before he spoke. "Listen I called Esme and Carlisle and told them what happened since I know they are away, but of course they are concerned even though I reassured them everything was fine. They want to come back tonight but there was some road closings because of flooding so they can't get here until tomorrow. I think Edward's a little spooked still and he will probably have a sore neck tomorrow so take care of the boy. I probably won't be home until late tonight so I'm allowing Edward to stay over. Be good and I'll see you when I get home."

I nodded as Charlie kissed the top of my head and sent me on my way. It started to pour again so I ran to get into the car quickly. The ride back home was very quiet. Edward did not speak and just stared out the window into the green array.

When we came home Alice and Emmett both ran over to see if Edward was ok. I spoke to both Esme and Carlisle on the phone to reassure them he was fine. Emmett and Alice both left after I urged them that Edward needed his to rest. He didn't even speak to them when they were here. I set out a plate for him to eat but he barely touched it no matter how much I tried to get him to. I cleared everything away and saved a plate for Charlie as Edward sat at the table looking down at his hands.

When I was finished I took his hand and brought him upstairs, pulling off his wet shirt and jeans, leaving him only in a pair of boxer briefs as he just sat on my bed like a zombie. I pulled my damp shirt and shorts off before going to me dresser and pulling out clothes for us. As I turned around our dry clothes in my hands, I saw his hands in his hair again with his arms resting on his knees.

I sighed, trying to figure out what he was feeling and wanting to make it better. I knew his car was wrecked now so I figured that and the near death experience was freaking him out.

"I know you might be upset about your car but you are fine and that's the important thing." I said as I held out a spare shirt and basketball shorts of his to put on.

Edward finally looked up at me from his hands with a shocked expression, ignoring the clothes I offered him. "That's what you think I'm fucking upset about?" He replied with his brow furrowed and tone laced with disgust. Before I could speak he angrily stood up.

"Do you know what I was thinking before that damn deer came out onto the road?" He asked, his voice raising significantly.

My eyes widened but before I could answer he continued in a lower tone, "I was thinking about you. Your voice, your face, your smell. Everything that I love about you, everything that you are. There was even that song playing that you hate but always sing along to, playing on the radio. And there I was, driving with this image of you laughing and singing next to me. The car air was even filled with your scent. For a second it was like you were sitting in that car with me like you always are."

Edward grew quiet for a minute and looked off to the side as if he was picturing that scene again until he shook his head and his brows furrowed again in anger. "And then the fucking deer ran out into the road and I swerved towards the right as quickly as I could so I wouldn't hit it. Everything happened so fast, my eyes closed but I heard the metal ripping. When I finally hit the break I opened my eyes and I looked over to the passenger side of the car first. I was looking for you. I thought you were with me and when I looked over that whole side of the car was ripped up and open…" His voice quivered and he looked down at his feet. "And all I could think of was that I killed you to avoid hitting a deer. That you were dead because of me."

I walked over to him and cupped his face to make him look at me. "I'm here, I'm fine. You didn't kill me."

He shook his head dejectedly. "No I didn't. But if you were with me I would have. This whole time I thought nobody was good enough for you but I'm not any safer for you then anyone else. After my parents died and I met you I have had this obsession with keeping you close. Because if I kept you close I could keep you safe, keep you alive. But now… If I had kept you close today I would have lost you too Bella." He chocked as his eyes began to fill with tears. I swallowed to the lump in my throat and saw my eyes become equally blurry.

"Stop it. Ok? I am fine and you are fine. You can't concentrate on what might have happened. It didn't happen because it wasn't suppose to happen, ok? At least not today. You can't live your life scared of what could happen. We don't have control over some things. You just have to live for what you have now."

He stared into my eyes as a single tear fell down his cheek and I rubbed it away with my thumb.

"I'm a selfish bastard though and I need you, even when I know I'm not good enough, not any better than all the guys I ever chased away from you." He said this with complete honesty in his eyes and I knew he actually believed it. I became angry and grabbed his side to bring him towards me.

"You are the only thing I want, don't you get it? No one will ever be as good as you because you are the only thing I want and need. I belong to you as much as you belong to me."

His eyes looked tortured but he quickly grabbed my hips and brought me flush against him. His hands slid down my hips until they rested on my backside and he grinded his erection into my stomach.

"I need you.." He trembled.

"Yes." I barely whispered as he lifted me up so my legs wrapped around him. But instead of going to the bed he sank onto the floor.

I pushed down his bowers with my feet, and unhooked my bra as he slid my underwear down my legs, while still holding me. When we made it to the floor we both sat up with me straddling his waist as we faced each other completely bare and open. We devoured one another by licking, sucking, nipping at each others' necks, ears, lips and face, before Edward pulled back to look at me while reaching down to align himself. I kept my eyes on him the whole time as I lifted up and sat down on him, reveling in the feeling of him filling me up inside. My body silently cheered a welcome home because it knew emotionally and physically that he was the only one who could fill that void in me completely, the only one to make me whole.

We both groaned at the sensation of me taking him fully inside and my breathing picked up as I slowly lifted and sat back down.

"Oh god do I need you. I'll never have enough." He whispered into my hair as we clung to one another, as if we could not get close enough.

He put his left hand on my waist to help me move while his right hand went to the back of my neck, bringing my forehead against him.

We began to move in sync with each other and I whimpered against the feeling of him, making him pull me in tightly. We both gasped at him sinking deeper and our rhythm picked up. Edward groans and grunts made me quiver and moan from the intense sensations I was feeling. I didn't know what was happening but it had never happened before during the last two sex encounters. A warm tight ball of good feeling started to form in my lower belly and the more I worked, and the more Edward pushed against me, the bigger that ball grew. I was kissing Edward as I felt this unbelievable pleasurable sensation building at a wrapping pace, making me gasp into his open mouth. Edward pulled back with wonder in his eyes as we continued to move and I bit my lip to keep in my screams. Suddenly that tight ball within me exploded and I grabbed Edward fast and hard against me needing something, anything to hold onto while I rode it out. I mumbled things incoherently as the wave continued to crash over me.

It was nothing that I had ever felt before and Edward had given it to me. I heard him groan loudly into my shoulder before pushing up forcefully one more time and reaching the end as well. His hips continued to move up into me slowly, the whole time murmuring his love for me, until the pace decreased into a standstill, leaving both of us panting into each others skins. I pulled away to look at his face and his eyes were half closed, a slight perspiration on his forehead as I ran my fingers once over his face. He closed his eyes and then opened them a second later, looking at me awe and still very much connected.

He slowly traced his finger tips against my flushed cheeks before whispering, "What was that? I felt…you tighten."

I breathed in deeply knowing I had an orgasm. I had had them before with the other things we had done but this was my first one to happen when we were joined like this.

"You." I whispered before kissing his lips softly.

That night we laid in bed as the rain gently tapped against the window much like the first night we came together.

Esme and Carlisle were a nervous wreck over Edward's accident when they came home the next day. They did not blame him for anything though and I even heard them whispering about getting him a new car for graduation. Edward ended up having a sore neck the next day from whip lash, so I doted and cared for him the best I could. The whole day he was in man heaven, laying in bed surrounded by special treats and foods that Esme had cooked to appease him. He did not ask me to do much but lay with him and requested sexual favors playfully, saying that would help his neck. I made him as happy as I could and he seemed to be in the best of spirits as if yesterday did not even happen.

A few days later I waited at home on the couch as Edward was working out at the gym with Emmet. I fiddled with my hands nervously in my lap as I went over what I was going to say to him. I had thought about it all night and it needed to be done soon because time was running out. I heard Emmett's jeep pull up in front of the Cullen's house and expected Edward to take a shower first before heading over. Charlie was off at work still and Esme had seemed to forget about Edward's grounding since the accident. To my great surprise my front door opened and Edward walked in still sweaty with a gym bag on his shoulder.

When he saw him he headed over and took my hand to pull me up, giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"Charlie isn't home so I thought I could take my shower over here… with you." He raised his eyebrows suggestively. My plan was working at all as desire flamed deep in my belly. I pushed the thoughts of wet, naked Edward aside and focused on the plan. He seemed to see my hesitation and immediately became concerned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, there's just something I want to talk to you about. Will you please sit?"

The unease on his face grew but he took my direction. I sat down next to him and he immediately grasped my hand.

"Are you… are you pregnant?" He gulped.

My eyes widened in shock. "What? No. No, no. That's not what this is about. Besides I'm on the pill, you know that."

His cheeks grew red in embarrassment and he grinned sheepishly. "Yeah I know, but sometimes things happen…I don't know, I just ran to conclusions."

I nodded and turned to my side to open my backpack. I took out the envelope and put it in his hands.

Edward stared down at it before looking up into my eyes.

"Where did you get this?" He asked cautiously.

"In your trashcan." I stated, looking down at my hands, ashamed that I had snooped.

"Well that is where you should have left it." He replied.

I looked up into his eyes as he glared down at me.

With a determined look I continued on. "We need to talk about this."

He swiftly stood up, clasping the envelop tightly. "No we don't. I threw this out because I made up my mind. End of discussion."

"No. This is not the end of the discussion. You can't give up an opportunity like this." I spoke with conviction.

I stood up so I was the one left sitting and stood my ground. He seemed to snarl at my remark.

"I didn't give any opportunity up. I chose another one, one that involves you." He shouted.

"I won't let you give all of this up for me." I pleaded.

He began to pace the room clutching his hair furiously.

"Do Esme and Carlisle know you are giving this up?" I questioned as he growled in frustration.

"This is my decision, not theirs, and not even yours Bella."

My anger kicked in on that remark. "Not my decision yet somehow the weight of it presses down heavily on me. You just told me you are giving up going to an Ivy League school for me."

"Yes I am. If I received a full scholarship to fucking Princeton I would give it up for you."

He raised the envelop in his fist. "Don't you think I looked into this? Do you know how many miles it is from Washington State to Stanford? 843 miles Bella. That's about fourteen hours away from you. I don't even want one hour away from you."

"I can't let you give up something like this for us. I love you so much and this is an opportunity that you can not pass on." I pleaded to him with desperate eyes.

He stopped his passing with a determined look in his eyes. "No. I'm not going Bella. I just applied to see if I would get it. It does not matter. So please lets just drop this."

I shook my head and rubbed my forehead, which now started to pound in my ears. This was a battle that I was not going to win easily. "What are you afraid of Edward? Why would you give something like this up?"

He walked over to me and took my hands in his. "Being away from you. Making sure you are safe."

I smoothed the fallen hair off of his forehead. "You just said a couple of days ago that you realized that you couldn't protect me from everything."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Don't throw my words back at me."

He raised the envelop up and tore it in half in front on my eyes as an act of defiance. I had a feeling that he would of done something like that so I was prepared.

"That doesn't make it go away Edward. And also that was just one of many photo copied papers. I gave Carlisle the original one yesterday. Your parents both know now."

Edward was the one shocked now. "Why would you do that?"

"Because this is important Edward. If I willingly let you give this up it would eat away at me forever and one day you would resent me. Am I the only reason why you are not choosing this?" I asked, pointing to the torn pieces, now on the ground. I needed to know, because if there was more to it than just me, maybe I could accept it.

He stepped towards me and pulled me into a hug. "Isn't that enough?"

I pushed away at his words so I could look him in the eyes knowing that the burden was upon me alone. "No, its not." I breathed out. "If you give this up because of me, you'll lose me."

AN: Hope you liked the update. Please review, it gets me writing faster.

Recommended stories that I have read and loved:

The University of Edward Masen by SebastienRobichaud

The Misapprehension of Bella Swan by hunterhunting

Just Wait by InstantKarmaGirl

They are all excellent reads and many times the cause of me not updating.