DS
Disclaimer: Just you wait.
Me: School is… almost… out…
Chibi L: By the time you post this chapter, school will be out.
Me: So true! Then I won't have to wake up on Mondays for another three months.
Chibi Raito: I wish I could take a summer vacation…
Me: Too bad. You're my slave, and I am a voyeur. Do you know what that means?
Chibi Raito: Fucking shit D:
Me: Exactly.
Chibi L: I want a vacation too! And cake. I want cake.
Chibi Misa: No cake for you!
Chibi L: -cries-
Chibi Misa: No cake and no vacationing! You know what that adds up to? Another crack-chapter for you to enjoy!
Me: Aw, come on. It's not all crack…
Chibi Misa: Read, review, and relax.
D S 7
L turned the concept over in his head. The situation was highly improbable, but not impossible. It was a feat attempted by many and mastered by few. L was in awe.
Raito Yagami had fallen asleep during class.
With his eyes open.
Despite the rarity of such a scene, the reason behind it was very practical. Raito had been staying up especially late for the past few days thinking, figuring, and playing his part in the vicious psychological warfare between himself and his assailants. L approved of Raito's dedication, but that didn't stop him from nudging him to bed every night. He needed sleep.
L did not.
The only way he'd been able to get the auburn-haired human out of his office chair was to convince him that L would do all the figuring. Raito gave him a scrutinizing look before grumbling an affirmative and hitting his mattress like a ton of bricks.
L lived up to his word. All night he perched on Raito's footboard and chewed on his thumb. He'd come up with thousands of ways to give Raito's pursuers the slip, then trash them and discard them. He found every idea of his to be mundane and generally useless, as another problem would be presented directly after the first one was solved.
In the time between L's relentless problem-solving lapses, the way Raito's lips parted as he breathed became extremely interesting. Two luscious, pink petals of a Sakura blossom. L never got tired of watching him. Back in the present, he slapped himself and set about stomping around in midair. He was not supposed to think about Raito in that way. It was distracting and it was dangerous.
But still…
It was difficult. L's affection was growing exponentially by the hour and the object of his attention was sitting right there, in the desk next to him, with his beautiful face pillowed on one arm.
Asleep.
With his eyes open.
L made a distressed squeal, exhaled through his nose, and went about scooting around on the floor. Two minutes of that and he was wound-up to the point of insanity.
However, L came to the conclusion that it wouldn't be in his best interest or Raito's if he made a fool of himself. He needed to keep his cool. With a deep lungful of air, L resolved to perch precariously on the corner of the empty desk beside Raito's and stay still. He occupied his time with scanning the sky outside for anything that vaguely resembled a shinigami. Nothing caught his eye but a few wispy clouds and a flock of birds.
His vigil was unexciting, but L was overcome with a sense of something akin to pride. He could hold his own against a shinigami. He could save Raito's life if he saw one coming.
As if on cue, something very scraggly looking came floating out of his peripheral vision. L raised an eyebrow and glanced back down at Raito, whose eyes were still open. It suddenly occurred that the unblinking nature of his eyes was not at all healthy. His corneas would dry out and then… well… it would be painful. L decided to wake him up. He reached down and nudged one steel leg of the desk with his foot.
The slight scoot was enough to send Raito into a controlled fit. He raised his head a few inches, tensed, then blinked and rubbed his eyes with a groan. He glared accusingly at L for a split second before focusing his red eyes on the shadow in the tree outside. Raito buried his eyes in the crook of one elbow and hissed, "What did I miss?"
"Something about psychology," L ventured, "But you already know enough about that, I assume."
Raito grinned smugly from beneath his arm. L rolled his eyes and reminded himself never to say anything relating to Raito's intellect again.
Another groggy moment passed and Raito asked suddenly, "How long's it been there?"
L nodded in thought, taking Raito to be inquiring about the shinigami. He peered at it for a while. It didn't look like Ryuk. It looked more like a moth whose head was wrapped up like a mummy's. Odd.
"I woke you up when I saw it," L mentioned, "Two minutes."
Raito nodded into his desk. "It's not Ryuk, is it?"
"No," affirmed L.
The brunette hummed and sighed, rubbing at his eyes again and muttering curses to himself. L grimaced. He should have known better than to let Raito sleep that long.
"Yagami-kun!"
Raito sat at attention instantly. Equally as quickly, there were multitudes of eyes glittering intently at him. "Yes sir?" he muttered. The teacher pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "We can't have our star student sleeping in class."
"No, sir," Raito sighed.
The teacher took a long, awkward pause. He sniffled, mustache sweeping across his upper lip like a broom, and readjusted his glasses. "See me after class," he commanded before continuing with his lesson.
Raito exhaled a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. L nibbled sympathetically on his thumb. Mortals had it hard.
Raito especially.
How many mortals were pressured with the burdens of being unusually smart, Kira, and extremely good looking?
Few.
Very few.
Two actually, but L found Mello to be more creepy than aesthetically pleasing.
Raito was eyeing the thing outside the window now. He scrunched his face up and snorted disapprovingly at it. "What do you think?" L asked while giving the shinigami, which had now begun to fidget, a scrutinizing eye.
Raito lowered his head onto his desk and muttered secretively, "Small. Timid. Stupid. We can deal."
L agreed. The mummy-bug looked not in the least bit intimidating. Quite the opposite actually. With a final sweep of the eyes over its person, L located no Death Note in its possession. Since it was no immediate threat, L gave it the cold shoulder.
Raito, seeming to interpret L's actions, focused his attention elsewhere as well.
The class ended rather abruptly and, as L expected, Raito was waved into the hall. The door slammed as the psychopomp was halfway through. He alighted on a nearby garbage can and watched the scene unfold.
Raito leaned casually against the wall, yawning once, and then said, "What is it?"
The teacher pushed his glasses up again and said, "Yagami-kun, I am under strict instructions to inform the police if anything seems the slightest bit wrong with you. Now tell me, have you been getting enough sleep lately?"
Raito sighed, "No, sir."
"Mm…" hummed the teacher, "Why not?"
"Worrying," he mentioned with his eyes to the floor.
The teacher nodded. "About what?"
Raito looked him straight in the face and lied, "The college entrance exams are creeping up on me and… I still don't know if Kira still wants to… you know… get me."
L raised an eyebrow at how open Raito was about being the 'only survivor.' Of course, it was no secret. The media had been all over it, despite the police force's attempts to shrug them off.
"Hmm…" The teacher tapped at his chin, "I'll inform them of your concerns. In the mean time, worrying will do nothing to prevent an attack."
Raito rolled his eyes, "Yes sir."
L snorted. As if that comment would do him any good. The teacher may have been a professor of psychology, but he was presumably mystified by social interaction. The social caterpillar patted Raito on the shoulder and escorted him back in the direction of the room.
The teen glanced woefully at L before forming a pistol with his fingers, sticking them in his mouth, rolling his eyes back, and making a mock-gagging movement. L snickered at such a remarkable and rare display of playfulness from Raito. The stress must have been getting to him.
Raito was whisked into the room with L hot on his heels. He dragged himself back to his chair and sulked there until the next class started. Meanwhile, L busied himself with watching the shinigami out the window. It was still sitting there on its tree branch and it seemed to be debating with itself on what to do. It shuffled about, fluttered its arms, and barked at itself in confusion.
The scene had almost lost L's attention when something slightly less mundane happened.
Ryuk appeared.
The first shinigami shimmied over to Ryuk and the two of them started talking. L snuck outside and strained his ears.
"…like he's staring at me."
"Dude, he is staring at you!"
"What?"
"He could see me too. I guess I'm not surprised though. Nice guy. Fun to talk to until you make him mad. Then he's hilarious."
"So… he's not as bad as I hear?"
"Oh, he can be when he wants to. Thought I tried to kill him once. That made him nasty."
L quirked an eyebrow. They were talking about Raito. Eager to hear what had them so excited, he listened in longer.
"I dunno… I think I want him gone."
Okay. Now they had his attention.
"Gone? Hyuk, hyuk, why? He's fun to watch."
"Well, I don't know. What if this ends up being like when that one blonde guy started killing all the humans?"
"If it gets to that point, we can always try muffins."
"Muffins?"
"Yeah. Chocolate blueberry muffins."
L rolled his eyes.
"What do muffins have to do with anything?"
"That's how we got rid of the last one."
L's eyes bulged. Got… rid… of… What? Then, something clicked inside L's head. Choking on a muffin was a very un-Mello thing to do. Did that mean… he was killed?
By a shinigami?
L's conscious was in the middle of cheering and screaming at once. On the plus side, yay! Mello was gone! On the negative, that meant that somehow, Near was unable to get to him in time. That didn't make sense, seeing as how the both of them were in the psychopomp realm when it happened. Mello had mastered the art of transporting himself to and from both worlds. Hence, he had jurisdiction over the life and death of humanity for a very long time.
Maybe… there were modes of death that L couldn't save Raito from.
Angered, L gritted his teeth and promptly approached the two conversing shinigami. "I couldn't help overhearing," he said coolly, "about Mello."
The bandaged shinigami squeaked and nearly fell off of its branch. Ryuk only blew a puff of stale air at him and said, "You heard that?"
"Yes," said L, "I thought you said you didn't know much about him."
"Dang," mumbled Ryuk boredly. This led L to the conclusion that the information slip was intentional. However, Ryuk wasn't a smart cookie. This drastically lowered the probability that the shinigami was giving him a nudge.
The other shinigami scrambled onto its branch and growled to itself. Ryuk and L both gave it glances. The black shinigami scratched the back of his head and breathed, "Oi, guess I should introduce you guys, eh? Psycho-ma-doohickey, this is Sidoh." One of Sidoh's spindly black fingers waved in a pathetic hello. "Sidoh, this is… er… what did you say your name was?"
"Ryuzaki," L deadpanned.
"Ryuzaki," continued Ryuk, "He's Kira's pet."
L's eye twitched. He didn't give his enemies an inkling of a hint that the comment bit at him, though. Instead, he crossed his arms in defiant silence and glared at the shinigami down the bridge of his nose.
"So who was it?" L demanded flatly. Ryuk gave him a look and belched, "Who?"
"Which one of you killed Mello?"
Ryuk scratched his head stupidly. "Was it Rem? Naw, couldn't a' been. Jealous maybe? Or Justin? I can't remember which. Gook! Maybe it was Gook. Naw. He's too busy gambling."
L sighed. "So it wasn't one of you?"
"Nope," belched Ryuk.
The psychopomp gave up. He eyed Sidoh watchfully, sizing him up. A shinigami without a Death Note was harmless, but L couldn't afford to let his guard down yet. Come to think of it… "Where's your Death Note?" L asked.
Sidoh shuffled his feet and fidgeted, "I don't know, exactly. One day it was there, the next, it was gone! So I'm looking here, in the human world."
The whole time, L registered the background noise of Ryuk's clumsy, breathy laughter.
----
Raito's feet hurt.
He positively hated it when his feet hurt. Not only did his feet hurt, but his back and shoulders hurt as well.
Why?
Raito was trucking a backpack full of studying aids to his house. That was why. He could have taken the bus. He could have taken the subway. So why? Why on God's green earth had he decided to walk home?
"It looks heavy," commented Ryuzaki.
Raito turned around and gave him a sardonic smile. "Thank you, Ryuzaki, thank you."
The psychopomp's panda-eyes darkened and he scowled. "I'm only trying to strike up a conversation, Raito-kun."
"And you're doing a very good job of it," Raito muttered, shifting the weight of his backpack from one shoulder to the other. Ryuzaki stopped him right there, blocking his way with a scowl on his face. "You know," he said, "It wouldn't kill you to be nicer once in a while."
Raito leered warily at him. Why was Ryuzaki getting in his face about it all of the sudden? "You have a problem with the way I act, Ryuzaki?" he asked dangerously. The mini-death didn't take the hint. Or maybe he did, but he didn't care.
"Yes," Ryuzaki announced. Raito snorted at him, slightly less confident than before. The mini-death hadn't talked to him in that particular tone of voice since he'd caught Ryuk and himself conversing about Mello. Nevertheless, Raito refused to be intimidated. "Whoa there," he taunted, "Take that stick out of your ass before you hurt yourself."
"Check yourself before you wreck yourself," L bit back.
"That comeback left the building like, fifteen years ago. Besides, you're saying it in the wrong accent, dumbass."
"Would you like to argue with me?" L asked warningly, arms across his chest.
Raito quirked an indignant eyebrow at him and shook his head in exasperation. "What is with you?"
"Just thought I'd input my opinion, Raito-kun."
Raito eyed him. "Yeah, well, when I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
If it was possible, Ryuzaki's eyes darkened even further.
"Honestly!" Raito sharpened his defenses in preparation for a stalemate. "I act like this all the time." He searched the psychopomp for a response. When he got none, he was forced to venture his own guesses. "I saw you talking with those shinigami in the tree outside of class. Is that what this is about?"
"No."
"Then what? What's with the sudden outburst?"
Raito was able to breathe a sigh of victory when Ryuzaki's shoulders slumped tiredly. He didn't say a word. Just dragged himself out of the way.
Raito flicked his hair righteously and marched forward for another few yards. He was grateful that their brief clashing of wills lasted only so long. Two blocks later, Ryuzaki's mutterings coupled with the pain in his body pulled him off the sidewalk. He couldn't walk any further. Through shear power of will, Raito was able to drag himself and his backpack into the nearest coffee shop. He dropped his backpack next to a comfortable-looking upholstered chair and dropped himself in a similar manner into the chair.
He sighed, exhausted, and slouched in his seat. Raito draped one arm over his eyes, welcoming the pressure and relaxing somewhat. He was on his last emotional ropes right now. The last thing he needed was Ryuzaki ragging on him about his attitude.
When he had done a considerable amount of deep breathing exercises, he peeled his arm away from his eyes and blinked. The coffee shop was a cozy size. The lighting was dim, but just so that it wasn't hard on the eyes. It was a soft light. Relaxing. The chairs were a reddish-brown and their cushions were an earthy green. There were a few leather sofas in a corner and a low, circular coffee table around which they seemed to gravitate. The counter was located at the far end, a small, illuminated sign nearby advertising a special mocha. The floor was dyed concrete.
Raito liked it.
The various tables across the room were populated sparsely with people, many of which carried laptops. One man sat in the corner with a stack of limited edition books from the book shop across the street.
And here he was. Raito Yagami. Backpack full of studying material.
He felt right at home.
As was predictable, Ryuzaki had been irresistibly drawn to the small glass case of coffee cakes near the counter. Raito had no intention of buying him one.
Aloofly, Raito turned quickly toward his backpack, eyes closed in a snooty way, and proceeded to draw piles of books out and place them on the table. He opened one book up, slumped forward in his chair, and thumbed boredly through the text.
Honestly, he didn't know why he studied. What good would it do him? He was practically guaranteed a spot on the police force, so he didn't need to worry about going to college to get a job. His plans for the future had also been drastically altered. Who needed a college education when he could kill people for fun? When he became god of the human realm, he'd demand tribute. It was an easy way to make plenty of money quickly. But hey, who needed tribute when he could already have whatever he wanted?
That was a good plan.
Raito decided to get himself a cup of coffee.
He got out of his chair, moseyed on up to the counter, and said, "One cup of black coffee," while pulling change out of his pockets. He counted his money, glanced over at the case of coffeecake, and realized that he had enough for a piece of cake as well.
But…
He didn't like cake.
Ryuzaki did.
He caught the gaze of one sulking, drooling mini-death stewing in his own misery. He looked hopeless. Just as well, thought Raito, for blowing up in his face like that.
But…
Well, Raito wasn't going to do anything else with his change. He wasn't mean… Really, he wasn't. He was just in a… perpetual bad mood. Ryuzaki looked positively depressed. Cake would cheer him up. That way, Raito wouldn't have to deal with him later.
But…
If he gave Ryuzaki cake, he might turn human. Raito rolled his eyes. What the hell. If it got Ryuzaki off of his back for a day, he could manage.
"Anything else for you, sir?" asked the lady at the counter.
"Yeah," said Raito absently, "I want one of those coffeecakes over there. The one with the strawberry on it."
Ryuzaki's eyes lit up in disbelief. Against all of Raito's attempts to fight it off, his lips twisted into a twitching, awkward smile.
He dumped his change on the counter, swiped the receipt, squelched his ridiculous grin, and sailed aloofly over to his table as if he hadn't given into Ryuzaki's silent begging. He tossed the paper plate onto the table and settled into his chair with his coffee. "Thank you, Raito-kun," hummed the content mini-death as he snapped the cake up. Raito rolled his eyes and buried his face in his book. "Next time, check to see if anyone's looking before you do that," he hissed under his breath.
Ryuzaki blinked, crumbs still lingering on his lips, then gulped. "Sorry," he muttered. "Hmph," huffed Raito.
It suddenly occurred to Kira that his family would be worried if he wasn't home on time. He sifted through the pockets in his backpack until he found his cellular phone. Flipping it open, he dialed his number and listened.
Beeep…
Seriously. It was more of a beep than a ring.
Beeep… Beeep…
Pick up, dammit!
Bee- "City morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!"
"Hey Sayu," Raito smiled. "You know, you shouldn't joke around like that."
"Awww!" Whined her mechanically remixed voice, "But it's fuuunnn!"
"What if someone important calls?" he argued.
"That's what caller ID is for, duh!" Sayu giggled.
"Whatever," Raito said as his eyes rolled, "Is mom home?"
"Nope," replied Sayu, "Mom went grocery shopping. Why?"
"Because I might not come home in a while."
Sayu's voice took a worried pitch. "Why?" she asked uncertainly.
Raito shook his head and laughed disarmingly, "I'm studying at a coffee shop a little while away. It's nice here. I'll try to be home in a few hours." Yes, that would work. Raito had prepared himself with more than one death in that amount of time. As a precaution, he'd set the time of death for his victims to times throughout the day to eliminate any leads A and W may have had. He would study and criminals would continue to disappear.
"Okay," said Sayu, "Take care."
"You too. Lock the doors."
"Already did. Bye!"
"Bye."
Click.
Raito put his cell back in his backpack and blew a puff of air at his bangs. And now, more studying.
Suddenly, the book he was reading was bumped onto the floor with a whoosh and a deafening smack. Raito grimaced at the sound and glared up at the culprit. He was about to say something nasty when the perpetrator apologized.
"Oh, I'm sorry! How clumsy of me," a masculine voice rumbled. Raito looked up into the man's face. He was tall, that was sure. Taller than Raito, but only by an inch or so. He had shoulder-length black hair that looked well kept and wild at the same time. His glasses weren't too big or two small and they fit his eyes perfectly. Despite the clipped manner in which he wore his business suit, his aura screamed 'NERD' at the top of its lungs.
Raito didn't mind.
He paid the man's frequent apologies no heed and bent down to collect his textbooks. He was surprised yet again when he found the black-haired, six foot nerd in a business suit right beside him with Raito's Japanese history book in his arms.
"Let me help you with that," he offered in a smooth baritone.
Raito snorted nonchalantly and set his books on the table.
The six foot nerd in a business suit set his Japanese history book among others on the table. "I really am sorry about that. I wasn't watching where I was going," he apologized again, "By the way, my name is Mikami Teru. What's yours?"
----
Wasn't watching where he was going? He pushed those books off of Raito's table on purpose! He practically came all the way from across the room to shove them onto the floor!
Hell if Ryuzaki was going to let him get away with that!
And what was he doing introducing himself?
What was he doing? Trying to- trying to…
Oh fucking hell shit ass no.
He wasn't… he couldn't be! No!
No, no, no, no, no!
The little alarm bells were screaming in L's head. This guy was flirting.
With Raito!
L made a show of clenching his toes together and growling to himself. Was he going to stand by and watch as this intruder socialized shamelessly with his Raito? Damned if he was.
'Kill him,' said the coffeecake.
L slithered over to where the sneaky bastard and Raito were standing. He introduced himself to Raito. Oh, now L was mad. Now that bastard did it.
Raito seemed to consider the intruder's greeting for a moment. He stole a glance at L, who felt his glare clearly communicated, 'Oh, no you don't.' Much to L's alarm and dismay, Raito smirked.
"Raito Yagami," he smiled warmly. L stomped his foot. Both Mikami and Raito looked over in his direction due to the noise. "You can not do that," L deadpanned. The corner of Raito's lip twitched as if to say, 'I just did.'
L considered the goings on of the past half hour with a critical eye. First, Raito argued with him about being nice, then he bought him a cake, and now he was doing… this, for lack of a better phrase. He was testing L's nerves and the psychopomp wasn't enjoying a second of it.
Mixed signals.
L growled.
Mikami pulled up a chair and was soon engaged in a deep conversation with Raito.
"College entrance exams? I remember those. I must sound awfully old to you. The truth is, I'm in college myself. I'm studying to be a lawyer."
"A lawyer?" joked Raito, "You're not old now, but you'll definitely get old fast."
"Ouch," laughed Mikami lightheartedly, "So, do you have any goals when you get out of school?"
Sure. I'd really like to go into the business of serial killing…
"Actually I wanted to be a lawyer myself until-"
Until a few minutes ago.
"-a few months ago."
Damn.
"I want to be a detective now."
"You like punishing the unjust?" Mikami smiled.
Raito blinked. Suddenly, he became guarded. L could tell. He tensed in his chair and his smile lost altitude. He knew what was going through Raito's head. Is he my enemy? What's he trying to get at? "Yeah, I like to see criminals put in jail," Raito chose his words carefully.
Mikami nodded as if the comment meant nothing special to him, "So do I. Lawyer, remember?"
L flew back into jealous mode. What were they doing, sharing interests now? This conversation was going downhill fast. L worried his thumbnail.
"So what university do you plan on going to?" the bastard changed the subject.
"To-Oh, actually. I hear it has a nice campus. Good tennis courts too."
"You play tennis?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty good if you wanna' take me on," Raito smirked in a playful tone which clearly radiated, 'Why yes, I am made of awesome.'
L opted to express his fury by sulking quietly beside the table. Raito paid him no heed.
Mikami chuckled, "As intriguing as it is, I'm afraid I'll have to turn you down. I'm not much for tennis. I'm more of a chess sort of person."
Raito smiled again in that way that made L's spine prickle, "Chess is good too."
L growled, infuriated. Voluntarily or not, Raito was not going to be stolen by the likes of I-have-a-stick-up-my-ass Teru. L wouldn't allow it. It was then that he sincerely cursed with every fiber of his body his inability to hurt a human being.
Unless…
L's mood changed completely. His momentary outburst had been quelled, thanks to the sudden reappearance of his self-control.
L assumed a look of complete seriousness and stood directly beside Mikami. Raito gave him a skeptical look. "If you don't stop this nonsense," the psychopomp announced tersely, "I'll have to do something you'll regret."
Raito quickly answered one of Mikami's questions before turning his honey eyes to L once again, silently asking just what he was planning to do. "Shoes," L said, "I'll only give you one more warning. If you don't stop this charade, you'll find out why I hate shoes."
Raito seemed to be considering the mini-death's threats. He turned frequently between Mikami and L, thinking.
Then, against all logic, he continued holding his pleasant conversation with Mikami. L growled and his scowl deepened. "I'm warning you," he said.
Raito didn't even look at him.
"So, Raito-kun," Mikami continued, "Where do you live?"
Oh, that did it. No more warnings. This was a time of desperation and desperate times called for desperate measures. "Very well," L sighed, "You leave me no choice."
Raito looked rigidly at him as he disappeared beneath the table.
Mikami was wearing very expensive, dressy shoes. If L could untie his shoelaces, there was a cornucopia of interesting things he could do with them. The problem was untying his shoelaces without putting any alerting pressure on his feet.
L set about the meticulous chore of untying the enemy's shoes. Five precious minutes and he had them untied and retied.
Together.
If he got up and walked away, which he would, by God, he would trip and fall on his face. Not only would he be humiliated, but Raito would as well. L knew better than anybody what humiliation did to Raito, but it was a necessary sacrifice.
L stood up, gave Raito a resolved look, nodded to himself, and returned to his side of the room.
In the few painful minutes it took for Mikami to leave, he discussed politics, religion, food, hobbies, and even e-mail addresses with Raito. When the moment finally came, L was biting his lip in anticipation.
"Well," the intruder said, pushing his chair out, "I've taken up enough of your time. Perhaps we could have that game of chess after you've aced your entrance exam."
"Yeah," Raito smiled, "I'll think about it."
Just as he turned to leave, Raito's eyes snapped to his shoes and he made to stand up and warn him not to move, but it was too late. With a yelp, Mikami tripped over his own shoelaces and plummeted toward the floor. L gave a war whoop and watched as his enemy sailed downward, just as he had planned.
However, something he'd not planned for the life of him was one Raito Yagami, rushing out of his seat and diving to save him before he hit the concrete. L's euphoria boiled away and his heart hit the floor like a rock when the impossible happened. Raito, His Raito was on the floor.
Underneath another man.
L couldn't believe his eyes. First, Raito had been aiming to catch Mikami by the shirt and stop his fall. This could not be accomplished, however, when Raito also tripped and upset his balance. It didn't matter what angle the psychopomp looked at the situation. The position in which Raito had landed was scientifically impossible unless it was deliberate. L was damned if it was. In the end, they'd both landed on the floor.
All L could do was bite his thumb and shove his nails into his eyes.
"Uh… wow," said Mikami after an awkward silence.
"Yeah," replied Raito in a voice which suggested an attempt to hold his self-confidence. To L's trained ears, however, he sounded mildly terrified. He quickly composed himself.
"Nice save," mentioned Mikami.
"Thanks," said Raito.
Then, Mikami took much longer than necessary to stare into Raito's eyes and L resisted the urge to regurgitate everything he'd ever eaten. It was positively sickening! And how could Raito just sit there like that? It was obvious to L that he was mortified, so why didn't he bolt?
"You can get off me now," Raito mentioned.
Mikami blinked as if remembering something, then apologized and shuffled off. He offered Raito a hand, but Raito insisted that he could get up himself.
L breathed a sigh of relief.
"I honestly don't know how this happened," the enemy muttered, untying his shoes and fixing his glasses at the same time. L could swear he heard Raito grumbling, "I know how it happened," under his breath, but he said, "It's no big deal," out loud.
All in all, L's master plan had served to upset the bond between Kira and the intruder only a little bit.
Damn.
Why could Mikami make Raito so comfortable with his small talk? How could he do that? Whenever L tried to start a conversation, it ended in raised voices followed by a period of silent treatment. What did Mikami do that L didn't? It… it wasn't looks, was it? No, definitely not. L could be tall when he wanted to stop slouching and Mikami's glasses made him look ridiculous.
So what was it?
Charm?
Similar interests?
Bumping into Raito's textbooks, spilling them all over the floor, then offering to pick them up for him?
Smooth talking?
What was it?
L was damned if he knew.
----
Raito left the coffee shop feeling like someone had just let a circus loose inside his chest. The conversation was nice, the look on Ryuzaki's face was fabulous, and the exit was horrifying. Forget tripping in front of a school, that was the most humiliating moment of his life. He'd managed to keep some of his dignity by pulling himself off of the floor and turning down Mikami's offer for a ride, but look what he'd gotten himself into!
He was a wreck!
He couldn't let Ryuzaki know that, though.
"Raito-kun," Ryuzaki scolded, "Act your age!"
"Look who's talking," he bit back with a smirk. Much to his pleasure, Ryuzaki balled his hands into fists. "You know nothing about that man. He could have been dangerous."
"Dangerous?" laughed Raito, "He's about as lethal as a box of kittens. Since when are you so concerned anyway?"
"Are you using him?"
Raito blinked. "What do you mean by that?"
"You know what I mean. Using him to get at someone."
Raito grinned. So he'd gotten to the idiot after all. "Originally, yeah. I wanted to make you mad."
"It worked," grumbled Ryuzaki.
"And after he asked me about punishing the unjust, I figured he might be one of A and W's spies. So I danced around him awhile. I figure that if I get him to like me enough, he'll come to the realization that the Dark Side is much more fun."
"The 'Dark Side?'"
Raito rolled his eyes, "He'll end up being my double-agent, moron."
Ryuzaki snorted disdainfully, "So this is what you do?"
Raito raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"You manipulate the emotions of others until you get what you want and only what you want, is that right?"
"What the hell are you blabbering about, Ryuza-"
"Don't use people," the mini-death interrupted. "It's wrong."
Kira made an indifferent clicking noise with his tongue, hefted his backpack further onto his shoulders, and said nothing.
Moments later, he walked in the door to a house full of dinner-smell. It did nothing for his mood though, as he marched into the dining room to a table covered in cold food and surrounded by people.
"Raito-kun!" Sayu squealed, "You're home!"
Soichiro motioned for him to sit down. Without saying a word, he did so. "Sayu insisted that we wait for you. She cooked tonight and wouldn't let us eat without you."
Raito's eyes found his sister and she smiled proudly at him. He offered a weak smile back. "Thanks."
And they ate.
Sayu's cooking was delicious as usual and Raito appreciated it.
But he had something else on his mind. He hated admitting it, but every day there was something Ryuzaki said that struck a nerve in him; something that hit deeper than it was supposed to. He contemplated his advice of the day.
Don't use people. It's wrong.
The more Raito looked around the room, the more he realized that no one was important to him. Sure, everyone he saw was related to him by blood and in the case of his sister, constantly in need of mathematical assistance. Notwithstanding, Sayu was Sayu. His mother was Sachiko. Even his dad wasn't 'dad.' He was Soichiro.
How many friends did he have at school? None. He figured that it was perfectly normal to want to be by himself, but every time he befriended someone, it was because he needed something from them. Girlfriends? He had a million. Why? He used them to keep his popularity up and they used him just to say, ''Y know, I dated Raito Yagami once…'
He wasn't even gay when he flirted around with Mikami. Or was he? Raito couldn't tell anymore. Maybe he was. After all, he felt absolutely nothing when he went on dates with women.
He felt kind of… empty.
"Son?" Soichiro's voice interrupted his thoughts. Raito glanced quickly over to his father and said, "Hm?" Soichiro squinted. "You seem tired. Did something happen at school?"
Raito shook his head. "No. Just a long day I guess." He turned back to his food, but felt Soichiro's unrelenting gaze on his back two pieces of chicken later. His father knew there was something Raito wasn't telling him. Presently, though, he'd have to deal with it. Raito wasn't in the mood for talking.
He wasn't ever in the mood for talking. Maybe that was why he had no friends.
Well, fuck.
Here he was again, being generally depressed and unable to do much about it. Well, he could always go to Ryuzaki with his problems. On second thought, no. The action in itself was the equivalent of admitting failure.
Raito made no mistakes.
None.
If he had problems, he was going to solve them himself. With that, he complemented Sayu on her cooking and excused himself to his room. He dragged his heavy backpack up the stairs and opened his door, pushing the pack into his room with his foot. Raito didn't bother turning the light on. The lighting from the window was adequate. Instead of flipping his television on and starting up his computer as he'd made a habit of doing lately, he made his way over to his balcony and stepped outside.
Ryuzaki was nowhere in sight. Raito figured he was probably down in the kitchen, drooling over cake or something.
Typical.
A thought suddenly reached him. Perhaps his snide attitude was keeping him from normal teenage social activity. He tended to label people as worthy or unworthy of his time. Raito liked to feel superior. Currently though, he was fighting the urge to crawl into bed and sleep the day off.
The soft padding of feet across a section of carpet was the only sign that Ryuzaki was there. He oozed into the room with the subtlety of a crocodile in a bog. Raito assumed Ryuzaki's stealth to be an attempt to avoid him as best he could. If he was shying away, though, he gave no sign of it. Ryuzaki was gifted, much like Raito, with the ability to remain calm in strenuous situations.
Most of them, anyway.
He hadn't exactly been cool as a cucumber when Raito talked with Mikami. Come to think of it, whenever he gave anyone a considering look, the mini-death would keep an eye out for the object of his attention with steel in his eye and a scowl on his face.
The first thing that came to mind was that Ryuzaki was jealous. He was jealous that Raito paid more attention to the world around him. Maybe that was why Ryuzaki had blown up in his face earlier about his attitude.
And maybe the reason Ryuzaki was jealous of other people was because he…
No.
Raito wasn't going to go there. There was no way on whatever world that the psychopomp appreciated him that deeply. If he remembered correctly, Ryuzaki had mentioned something in the past about 'not wanting to end up like Near,' but Raito had always felt safe in the presumption that he was using the opportunity as an excuse for acting sentimental.
Raito breathed a deep sigh, and closed his eyes for a moment. He leaned all his weight into the elbow on the railing and massaged his temples in his fingers. Currently, he was at a loss of what to think. Maybe he really did have to sleep it off.
Not before he'd closed shop for the night, though.
Reluctantly, Raito left the cool air on his balcony and retreated inside. He left the sliding doors open to allow the night air to circulate through his room and carry the stagnant atmosphere away with it. Breathing another taxed sigh, he fell into his chair and turned on the television.
Serial arsonist… terrorist… kidnapper…
Raito cycled through his victims, snapping over and over again, commanding each one to die at said time, said place. When he felt he was safe, Raito glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight.
And Ryuzaki hadn't said a word. Raito reasoned that it was because the psychopomp was waiting for the swelling of his temper to go back down. He had been cautious about baiting Raito's bad side ever since his trip to the hospital.
As the television glowed various shades of pink in the lapse of a shampoo commercial, Raito spun himself about-face on his chair. Perched on one corner of his bed was one panda-eyed psychopomp worrying the tip of his thumb. He was staring at Raito more intently than was polite and Raito resisted the desire to back down and look away. Ryuzaki was a very blunt and straightforward person, even in his actions. He openly, blatantly stared Raito down with no motive in particular. The brunette wouldn't allow himself to become uncomfortable with his gaze. He merely shot it right back with an equal lack of enthusiasm.
L's shoulders heaved and slumped as he released a deep, listless breath.
Raito closed his eyes and sighed, resting his jaw on the back of his office chair. "What do you want, Ryuzaki?" he asked hopelessly.
"Only what I requested from you, Raito-kun," the psychopomp replied curtly.
Raito rolled his eyes beneath his eyelids, "You want me to be nicer to you?"
"I'd appreciate it, yes," said Ryuzaki.
Raito dared to open one indifferent eye. "You want more cake?" he asked blandly.
Ryuzaki frowned. "No. Food doesn't keep me happy."
"So I've noticed," complained Raito. He blew a puff of air into the room. "So tell me. How am I supposed to act?"
Ryuzaki considered the question for a minute or two. "I think you could appreciate what I do for you a little bit more."
Raito rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that day. God, Ryuzaki sounded every bit like a teenage girl. Of course, Raito was grudgingly reminded that yes, Ryuzaki did do a lot for him. He served as Raito's own shinigami alarm system, helped him when he needed moral support, and, on the odd occasion, saved him from death.
Huh.
…
Raito's ego grumbled stubbornly that it was no big deal. The logical part of his mind told him that the psychopomp's presence was helpful, and still another section of thought, one that he hadn't quite identified yet, screamed, cheered, and waved poster-board signs at him that said, "MAKE LOVE NOT WAR" in lime green washable marker.
"You have saved my ass once or twice," admitted Raito with a condescending growl.
Ryuzaki nodded, "Yes I have. I go out of my way to ward Death away from your door every day and you hate me anyway. But this 'Mikami' of yours merely has to knock a pile of books on the floor and you're both singing like birds."
Raito gave him the eye. "So you're jealous that I talk to him and not you?"
The mini death shook his head, "I'm merely stating an observation, Raito. If you rank me so much lower than a stranger you met in a café, I don't know why I bother with you."
Raito crossed his arms, cocked an eyebrow and smirked with his mouth half open. "So that's what this is about? You're jealous."
"I never said that."
"But it's rolling off of you in clouds, my friend."
"Raito-kun, stop."
"Shh! Ryuzaki! Do you hear that?"
A short pause.
"That's the sound… of you being jealous!"
"Raito-kun, please. Act your age."
"It's true, isn't it though?" The brunette was in hysterics, "Just admit that I'm right and I promise not to bother you about it."
"Indeed? I think not. If I were to admit to something like that, you'd never let me hear the end of it. I won't argue with you any longer, Raito-kun."
"Just say it, Ryuzaki. It's written all over your face."
Nothing.
"Give up."
Nothing.
"Say it!"
Still nothing.
Ryuzaki sat stubbornly on the corner of the bed and refused to reply. Raito turned around in his office chair and threw his head back in defiant resistance.
Neither one of them said anything to the other for the remainder of the night.
----
At approximately two hours, thirty four minutes, and fifteen point two seconds in the morning, L woke up. He rubbed his eyes and yawned tiredly before stretching one foot off of the edge of Raito's bed. He contemplated pacing about the room in a circle to-
Wait.
L woke up.
In order to wake from sleep, one had to be asleep in the first place. Did that mean… L had been asleep?
Sleeping asleep?
With his eyes closed and his brain shut off and periods of rapid eye movement every twenty minutes? Asleep… Not thinking or watching…
"Raito-kun?" L mentioned suddenly, twisting his upper body around to look at the lifeless lump of human flesh under the… blankets…
"Raito-kun!" L hollered, hopping over to said lump of sheets leaning toward the right side of the mattress. How could he have fallen asleep? L never needed sleep in the past! What if something happened to Raito while he was unconscious?
Wait. Was this how Mello died? Did Near fall asleep at the last minute? Was he unaware when Mello suddenly got the urge to gobble up one fatal chocolate-blueberry muffin?
L climbed over a hill of quilts to where he thought Raito's head would be.
Might have been.
He peeked over a stubborn section of quilt to see the peacefully sleeping, breathing, moonlit face of Raito Yagami. His long lashes dusted his cheeks and his lips were parted in that most adorable of ways. A lock of brownish-red hair curled around one ear and the rest was chaotically organized about the top of his head. One arm was drawn into his chest and the other was draped lazily over a pillow.
Raito was the embodiment of cute.
Cute in the way that the Monty Python bunny was cute.
Before it killed everyone…
While L was on the subject, he thought of how the rabbit was killed by the Holy Hand-grenade of Antioch. If reality was to be paralleled to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the holiness of said hand-grenade would suggest death by divine influence. Holiness came from God, un-holiness came from Satan. In this case, though, holiness could be defined as godliness. God was more so than Satan, but both were godly. Of the two, Satan was more likely to make an attempt on Raito's life.
When Raito proposed the existence of an Anti-Kira, his suspicions were well-founded. If she so desired, Satan could create another him, twisted to her liking.
Or maybe she already had.
She'd need a human much like Raito, but more spiteful of the world. She'd need a human who was loyal, but bold; polite and proud. Said human would also need a strong sense of justice.
She could not, however, turn this person into a Kira by God's means. Satan had no say in the smiting of mankind.
Her shinigami did, though.
In order for an Anti-Kira to rise, a shinigami would have to lend its notebook to a mortal. It would have to be ordered to lend its notebook to a mortal.
L's train of thought was derailed with a rather loud rumbling of the stomach. He nodded absently to himself. He could debate with himself later, but right then…
L needed a strawberry.
He snuck down to the kitchen, flowing osmotically through the floor, and opened the refrigerator up. Inside was a plastic container of strawberries. L giggled to himself and swept the clear plastic object into his hands. He popped the lid open and immediately searched out the darkest and juiciest strawberries he could find. He picked out every fat, purple berry and stuffed them into his mouth.
Raito would hate him for gobbling up this much food in one night, but L couldn't stand hunger. Also, it appeared that he was experiencing mild strawberry withdrawal. Raito couldn't ask him to ignore it.
He ate the last sweet strawberry, signaling his satisfaction with a smack of the lips, and then closed the container with a snap of the lid. L lamented parting with it, but the container would look suspiciously empty if he pursued his interests any further.
And he ran the risk of turning human faster than he already was. The fact that he'd fallen asleep was evidence that the human world was catching up to him.
L closed the fridge softly and oozed back into the woodwork of the building. He morphed out in Raito's room, which was exactly how he had left it. Curling his toes around the footboard of the bed again, L relaxed and thought about food.
It seemed that L's mind couldn't go uninterrupted, as Raito suddenly sat ramrod straight in bed and scared him out of his wits. Fearing another medical emergency, L stammered, "Raito-kun! What's the matter?"
"You're being really loud," Raito remarked. L noted the randomness of his words and calmed down a little. "Raito-kun," he asked slowly, "who am I?"
Raito leered at him with a tipsy 'duh' look in his eyes.
"You're Dave," he said.
L nodded his head thoughtfully. He wondered what had caused the sudden outbreak of wakeful dreams. He'd been having more than usual lately. "What can I do to be quieter?" he asked politely, encouraging the conversation.
"You can turn your subwoofer off," slurred Kira, annoyed.
"Ah," reflected L, "And where are we, exactly?"
"The subway."
L sighed, "Raito-kun, if we are in a subway, I would be unable to carry a functioning subwoofer with me." The amber-eyed mortal only blinked uncomprehendingly at him. L elaborated, "It's impractical and impossible."
"Turn it off," Raito insisted.
"I don't have it on," stated L, slightly annoyed.
"You do," persisted Raito.
L concluded that it would be in his best interest to discontinue any further argumentation on his part. He aimed a level, unimpressed glare in Raito's direction and admitted rather flatly, "You caught me."
Raito smiled proudly. "I knew you had it on," he remarked to himself, "I know everything."
"Really?" L smirked around his thumb.
"I'm always right, aren't I, Dave."
L released a laughing sigh. "No," he replied, "You aren't."
This confused Raito, who blinked several times before squinting slowly and letting his eyes slip to the side in deep contemplation. "I can be… wrong?"
"Yes," affirmed L.
Raito offered a sly grin. "See? I'm right…"
"You confuse the shit out of me," said L flatly.
"Yeah? Well you don't make sense either," retorted Raito. Before L had a chance to reply on the subject, the auburn-haired teen was elaborating the hell out of it. "You say 'be nice,' and then you go and tell me I'm wrong all the time. You call that 'being nice?'"
"It's called 'the truth,' Raito-kun," said L, "The truth isn't always nice."
"The truth?" clarified Raito, "So are you always right?"
L huffed a sigh of frustration and slumped in his seat. Raito was very persistent when he wanted to be. "No," admitted L, "Not all the time."
"Well, if you're not right and I'm not right, who should I listen to?"
Just wanting to get the argument over with, L said, "God."
"You said he was senile."
"Listen to God."
"You're not right, so why should I listen to you?"
L dropped his hands to his sides, breathed, breathed again, and then turned his back and told Raito to have a good night.
"Are you jealous?" asked the semi-conscious boy who L had politely asked to go to sleep. L clenched his fists to relieve the pressure building in his head. He was getting tired of the constant bickering. And he wasn't jealous.
…
Fine.
Maybe a little.
Maybe a lot.
"Yes, Raito-kun," L growled, "I am jealous."
"Why?"
L rolled his eyes. There was no downside to speaking with Raito in his semi-sleep. He didn't remember anything when he woke up. L decided to splurge. "Here I am, helping you dodge death, attempting to befriend you, and listening to you talk in your sleep. You disregard me completely. In walks a complete stranger and you talk to him like you've known him your whole life."
"That makes you mad?" asked the cloudy-eyed Raito.
"Yes."
"Is it because you like me?"
L blinked. This was… unexpected. "I do feel a certain obligation to protect you," he said, dancing around the question, "And I admit, I like your company more than cake."
"Do you think I'm sweeter than cake?" Raito asked with a drunk, cheeky grin on his face.
L rolled his eyes again. Just to get Raito to go back to sleep, he admitted, "Yes, Raito-kun. I think you're sweeter than cake."
"Say 'I think Raito's sexy.'"
L scoffed. What was this? "You're acting like a girl."
"You know you wanna' say it."
"I'm not sure I do."
"If you think I'm sweeter than cake, say it."
"No."
"Chicken."
"I'm not a chicken."
"Then prove it!"
"I think Raito's sexy," muttered L.
Raito leaned in closer, nearly falling over with the effort. He whispered loudly in L's ear, "Say it louder! I don't think anybody else can hear you!"
L hesitated for a moment before throwing caution to the wind in favor of putting Raito to sleep. "I THINK RAITO'S SEXY!" he yelled.
Raito broke into a fit of hysterical laughter, which L greatly disapproved of. Feeling humiliated and irritated, he crossed his arms across his chest and huffed. Then, it occurred to L that Raito's laughter was becoming more and more frighteningly sober.
"Ryuzaki," Raito snickered, "I'm always right."
"Oh? Go to slee-"
Ryuzaki?
No 'Dave?'
L turned back in Raito's general direction, eye twitching madly and teeth grinding together. That little fink!
He was awake the whole time!
----
Me: Monty Python. Not mine. D:
Chibi Misa: Oh my.
Chibi Raito: -rolls-
Chibi L: -screams-
Me: Love it? Hate it? Want me to feed L cake and make him feel better?
Chibi L: YES. YOU DO.
Chibi Raito: -still rolling-
Chibi L: …That wasn't nice, Raito-kun…
Chibi Raito: I AM NOT NICE!
Chibi L: So I've noticed.
Chibi Misa: Hmkay. It's getting icy in here. Maybe we should stop the author's note before L kills Raito.
Me: He'd never do that. Raito's too cute.
Chibi Raito: I am NOT cute!
Chibi L: He is NOT cute!
Chibi Misa: Yep. Well, hope you all enjoyed the sarcasm, the pointless humor, the soap-opera-ish-ness, and the progression. Cookies for reviewers! Review, review, review!