Port-Ed Chapter 7
Created by Yoshermon (with a procrastination attack – don't ask me what that is XD)
"Congratulations. The test is now over."
Edd let out a sigh of relief and sat down on the moving platform that was slowly making its way down the thin hallway. He looked down through the glass and the disgusting brown liquid below.
"Now I can finally have a stern word to the person who designed these tests." Edd said to himself.
"All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin."
"Huh?" Edd looked as the platform turned a corner into a metal hallway that descended into a large room. A giant, blazing fire burned at the point where the intangible tracks of the platform ended and Edd almost fell off into the acid below.
"Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence."
"Oh my god!" Edd frantically scouted the room for any possible means of escape, but every flat surface was covered in metal. In a fit of panic, Edd fired his Portal gun everywhere he could point but the shots of energy immediately dispersed into nothingness upon contact with the walls and ceiling.
"Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."
The platform slowly descended into the fire pit and Edd felt the heat on his face. He looked everywhere but the only possible means of rescue was on a platform too high up to jump onto. Edd felt himself getting hotter and hotter until the heat started to sting his sweat-drenched skin. His vision became blurry as the platform was less than a few yards above the open flames and he felt like he was going to pass out until something green fluttered in his face. Edd pushed it away as the horrid stench filled his lungs but suddenly grabbed it back. Ed hoisted his friend up off of the moving platform and onto the deck where the heat immediately dissipated.
"You gave us a real scare there, sockhead." Eddy said as he helped Edd up.
"How did you guys get here?!" Edd inquired.
"We found the address on the back of the sticky-note."
"You two went into my room without asking?!?" he shouted.
"Hey, Lumpy and me here just saved your life!" Eddy said.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I owe you guys my life, and I-I" Edd let the lumps in his throat get the better of him as tears started falling down his face. He hugged Ed and Eddy tightly, much to the former's embarrassment.
"Chill out, sockhead." Eddy said as he pried Edd's arms away.
"Oh, sorry."
"No problem. Now let's take these babies and sell them for gazillions of dollars!" Eddy said, holding up his Portal Gun.
"Eddy, these are property of Aperture Science. We can't just go around selling them without the company's permission!"
"In case you hadn't noticed, this 'company' just tried to turn you into barbecue." Eddy said.
"Well, I'm going to have a little chat with the manager of this place and get that sorted out. And I'd like to give whoever programmed that voice a piece of my mind!"
"What voice?"
As if on cue, GLaDOS spoke up.
"What are you doing? Stop it! I-I-I-I-I-IIIIIIIIIIbzzzzt Weeee are pleased that you made it through the final challenge, where we pretended we were going to murder you."
"Pretended my-"
"We are very, very happy for your success. We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success. Place the device on the ground, then lie on your stomach with your arms at your sides. A party associate will arrive shortly to collect you for your party. Make no further attempt to leave the testing area."
"As if. Come on Double-D, we're getting out of here."
"But Eddy-" Edd cut himself off as he looked at the fire pit below. "Okay, let's go. But where?"
"I'll show ya!" Eddy said as he opened a nearby door. The trio went inside to find a large, dimly-lit room filled with enormous pipes and wires hanging about with the sounds of various machinery chugging in the background.
"Why would they let you back here?" Edd asked.
"I dunno. When we came in, that stupid voice, called GLaDOS or something, told us there'd be cake-"
"Cake!"
"-if we did some stupid test or something. We went into a room but it was empty and the next thing I know, I'm in this glass room stuffed in a pod thing with Smelly over here and a portal out of the room opened up and we went through it. Then one of the walls went forward and we went behind it and ended up here."
"You're lucky I'm a good listener, Eddy." Edd remarked. "Anyway, it seems you and Ed were going to go through the tests I had to go through, before someone intervened." Edd started chuckling for a bit.
"What?"
"Oh, it's just that these tests took a lot of problem solving. You and Ed wouldn't get past testchamber four."
"Oh yeah?!" Eddy said, aiming his portal gun at Edd.
"Be careful with that, Eddy! These things are dangerous!"
"Yeah, 'cause I could do this!" Eddy quickly fired a portal on a nearby wall and a second one under Edd's feet, causing him to fall from the wall a few feet and hit the ground face-first.
"Hey!" Edd shouted as Eddy and Ed started laughing. In retaliation, he quickly shot an orange portal of his own on a high up wall before he fell through and shot a blue one under Eddy's feet. Eddy screamed as he fell from the high up wall, picking up speed and hurtling towards the ground. Before he hit the floor, Edd shot an orange portal under him. Eddy fell into the orange portal and out of the blue one, and back through again. Edd chuckled as Eddy tossed and turned, bobbing up and down between the two portals on the floor.
"Assume the party escort submission position or you will miss the party," said GLaDOS in a somewhat annoyed tone.
"Screw you, psycho computer-lady," Eddy retorted.
"That's strange," Edd said.
"What's strange?"
"The voice knew that you guys saved me. Up until now, I thought this so-called 'GLaDOS' was just prerecorded messages."
"Creepy," Eddy replied. "Anyway, Ed and me ain't finished exploring this place yet. Let's see if we can find any other cool things around this joint!"
"It would be so much nicer to be around you if your grammar wasn't deplorable as it is. But I guess there's no point in staying here, and going back is obviously out of the question," Edd said.
With nods of agreement from the other two Eds, they proceeded across the room and through another door, heading deeper into the facility of Aperture Science.