When I used to attend my therapy sessions, Susan used to always tell me that I was one person who had it easy. There were people who saw things and who felt darkness everyday when they woke up. I used to smile to myself because she didn't know who I was or what abilities I had. No matter what illnesses they had they were always better off.

But I know now…

Every second that passes by as I lay in this bed, I feel it. Every light and function in my body slowly turning off. The ability to feel was no longer a luxury. All I can do is see it.

I watch the rain violently attack the window panes and all I can do is see it. I can't feel it or myself for that matter because physically I wasn't there. I could only imagine what I looked like with tired eyes and my mouth open as if I were a mental lunatic on medication.

I am weak. I am just a vessel of a person who slowly was losing their grip on reality.

That things voice wrapped with my late sisters haunted my entire mind. I can feel my temples throbbing and my brain swelling as I pulled my hair trying to get the voices out. I toss and turn at the thought of his lips touching the back of my neck and the last smile I ever saw my sister make. But I knew what it wanted from me and I wasn't going to give it to them. These thoughts can ring in my mind all it wanted, but I wouldn't scream.

I closed my eyes because the rain wasn't making anything better and stared into the darkness. Like an empty warehouse, my thoughts were just vacant.

Then suddenly a bright figure found its way toward me. With a smile as luminous as hers, I knew I was letting her in. I was letting my mind think about Buffy.

Everything felt so real, but I knew it was just only a memory. I was just too tired to think about anything else.

She linked her arm with mine as we walked down Sunset Boulevard. I remember this day because it was the last with her. The last day she would ever know. She wanted to take me shopping to boost my spirits because I failed a math class. But all she got was a heart attack.

"You know," she said to me with a quirky tone she used to make me feel better. It was a mix of confused and hopeful. "You're going to be more than you'll ever know."

I clenched her arm as tightly as I could while I just stared at her. Though I knew this was a memory, it just felt so damn real. But I didn't want anything to change. "Oh yeah," I said trying to sound as hopeful as I did then. "How do you know?"

She shrugged her shoulders and she did her little pout. "Oh I don't know. I just know you will." We both stopped as she turned to me pointing her finger at me like a loaded weapon. "Don't let this get you down. One of us has to be normal. I'm putting all of my money on you."

She smiled the most hopeful smile I could remember and I tried to do the same. I can feel my eyes leak as she looked into them. "You're going to get married and have a lot of kids and—" She stopped her self and in that second, I felt my heart drop. It took me a second to realize this wasn't a memory.

This was the real Buffy.

"Something's wrong. This isn't right." Her eyes searched for truth within mine. Bewilderingly she tried to look for an answer.

"What do you mean?" I said. I tried to formulate an excuse so that she wouldn't be afraid. But then I realized something: Buffy was strong mentally and physically so she knew the truth already.

She looked around Sunset Boulevard and watch familiar faces pass by. "We're not really here, are we?" I didn't respond. Her eyes gazed at me so I knew mine told her everything. She squared her eyes trying to read my mind. "I'm already dead."

I froze. I can feel my face becoming tighter and tighter, trying not to move because I was afraid I'd lose her or worse… cry.

She quickly grabbed my wrist and leaned forward into me "I must be here for a reason Dawn. So you listen to me—I can't be there to help you. But I know you can do whatever it is you have to. You're smart; Dawn and you cannot give up. Don't ever think there isn't a way because there always is. You have a family beside you every step of the way and I'm always going to be with you. Always"

Everything around us started to crumble. She and I looked up as we saw the sky falling down. I think I was slowly waking up from whatever I was in. She looked at me and held me tight. "I love you, Buffy." I whispered in her ear because I didn't have enough air to speak any louder.

She slowly slipped away from me. "I love you too, Dawn. Remember, you have the heart of a Summers."

XX

I abruptly opened my eyes. It felt like a gift that I woke up alone. I inhaled strongly trying to find my center. I exhaled softly watching the rain slowly go away. It didn't take long before someone knocked reluctantly on the door.

I didn't want to be bothered because I didn't know what was happening. I wanted time to think. But of course, they refused my wishes.

Someone turned the knob and slowly opened the door. It was Giles with a large tray of what seemed like tea.

"Can I come in," he asked humbly inching his way passed the door.

"Sure." I can feel the corners of my mouth weakly raising and falling down all in the same instance.

"Do you mind if I turn on the light?"

I didn't want the lights on. I wanted to be left alone in the dark but Giles had this eagerness to turn them on so I shook my head. He always could read us and I don't know if it was because he was old or he just really knew us, but he did. He held his hand above the light switch only to take it down and reach into his pocket. He lit a candle and placed it next to me. He gestured his hand to the bed asking if he could sit without saying anything. I sat up and curled into a ball against the headboard, wrapping my arms around my legs holding them against my chest. He sat on the edge of the bed as he exhaled calmly. He placed his hand on his thighs while trying really hard to think of something.

"How are the headaches" he questioned. He felt so estranged from me that I knew this was all difficult for him.

"They're going away slowly." I lied.

They were only getting worse but one thing I didn't want was to worry him, though he knew even if I didn't tell him. He reached for the tray and opened an aspirin bottle. He takes two out and hands me them plus a cup of tea. "Take these. It'll make the pain go away faster."

I meekly lowered my head to hide in front of my hair. At this moment I felt ashamed to have even lied to him when I should've told him what was going on. But how do you tell someone that your dead sister spoke to you in a dream?

He gaped at me as I take a sip of the tea he provided, I felt as if I were being examined. To avoid the most awkward moment that was coming I looked at the window watching the dark clouds pass by. Though my eyes are seeing something so visual, I can feel Giles still staring at me. From the corner of my eye I see him taking his glasses off as he stares at his feet.

"You know I understand how you feel, Dawn."

"What's that," I asked. My face freezes as I try to show no signs of weakness. The sun comes out inch by inch.

"Lost. If Buffy were here she would know what to do. If she were here-"

"If Buffy were here, none of this would be happening in the first place. This is happening because she is dead." I rudely cut him off because he needed to understand that she's gone. But I think in telling him I was reassuring myself.

He peeked up at me looking through his mental library trying to formulate the right words but there weren't any, I suppose. "Dawn…"

"No, Giles. You don't get it, Faith doesn't get it, the slayers I train ever year – They don't get it! Buffy is gone! There are over a million slayers in the world and they're great but you know what? None of them are my sister! You can try to explain with your big words and we can plan out everything but without Buffy we're hopeless... I'm just hopeless."

Silence overthrew the room and took over. I tried hard not to look into his eyes as he pierces his into my soul but it was so hard. I knew what I had said and I meant every single word, and I expected him to be angry with me but instead he looked at me very kindly. He let out a small huff as he smiled, "I'm scared too, Dawn."

My eyebrows pulled together as my bottom lip quivered. How did he know me so well? It took me only one second to realize that he and the rest of the newly-attached Scooby gang is who Buffy was talking about. I felt like the world was my ship, I was the captain, and I knew it was sinking but I have such a lovely crew that they'd go down with me. They were my family. I felt so overwhelmed that by the time I realized Giles had wrapped his arms around me and gave me the tightest hug I've ever known him to give.

Once he let go, somehow, I felt better. I wiped my tears away while he watched me. He nodded his head only slightly before asking me something inquisitively. "Dawn? I must ask you something."

"Go ahead," I said sniffling all the way through.

"Well the other day—"

He was interrupted. The door slammed wide open with Xander holding the doorknob. His face eager and scared all at the same time trying to say the impossible. "You guys come quick! It's Willow, she doesn't look good."

With no more words after "Willow" I leaped from the bed and followed Xander to the Basement. There she was tied with metal chains, screaming at the top of her lungs. Heartbroken and hooked on the magic she had tried so hard to get away from, there she was.

…Susan used to always tell me that I was one person who had it easy. There were people who saw things and who felt darkness everyday when they woke up…If they even woke up at all. I used to smile to myself because she didn't know who I was or what abilities I had. No matter what illnesses they had they were always better off.

But I know now…