Goodbye is for Tomorrow
Chapter 3
"Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin called. "Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin rounded the corner to see a sliding door that had been left open. Rin went to leave through it, but a servant immediately stopped her. "My lady, you can't go in there, that's the Lord's private garden. He'll have a fit if you do," the girl warned her.
Rin ignored the girl's protests and walked onto the patio, looking into the darkness for Sesshomaru. She walked slowly through the glorious garden to the Gazebo that was situated in the centre, looking out over the garden, over the Japanese maple trees and lovely flowers that were all around her.
"Ah!" She spotted Sesshomaru Sitting on a large rock in the middle of the pond that was in the farthest corner of the garden. She stripped herself of her obi and Kimono, and folded the two neatly, leaving them on the gazebo bench, taking off her tabi socks and leaving them as well. In only her white nagajuban, she made her way over to the pond.
Sesshomaru didn't turn to look at her as she approached the edge, preferring not to speak to her after the spectacle he had made of himself in front of her. To his surprise, she hopped onto a small rock that protruded from the water and teetered for a bit. She hopped to the next one, and then the next, and finally threw herself onto the rock that he was currently sitting on. He offered her a hand as she struggled to make her way to the top beside him without falling into the water.
Rin happily took her Lord's hand, sitting beside him on the large rock. They sat for a while in silence, as Rin quietly observed her lord as he watched the fish swim about in the water, the peaceful sound of running water being white noise in the background. Rin smiled to herself, maybe she was still a child. She sat next to her Lord, dressed in all his finery, and she wore an inappropriate single layer of cotton. She pushed the thought from her mind.
"You seem troubled. Did my mother speak to you?" Sesshomaru asked.
Was it really that plainly written on her face? "No, she said nothing."
Sesshomaru turned his head to look at her, his amber eyes settling on her face. "After this long, do you think that I cannot tell when you lie?"
Rin turned her gaze from his and focused on the fish that swam peacefully through the pond. She watched as one leapt from the water to catch a cicada that had been flying so dangerously close to the water's surface. "No, my Lord, I apologize, it's just, I would rather not speak of such things."
Sesshomaru cocked his head to the side. How strange; Rin never withheld anything from him if he asked her directly. Moreover, she never lied. "As you wish," he settled on. "I know how irritating that wretched woman can be."
"No, it's not that, it's just…" Rin was at a loss for words. How could she ever talk to him about this? She couldn't. "If you don't mind my asking, why do you want me here?"
"Why?" Sesshomaru mused. "Who knows, I suppose it's simply because I promised to give you a choice."
Rin felt disheartened. "It's just that, in all the time I've known you, my Lord, I've never known you to do anything without a reason."
Sesshomaru shrugged mildly. "Perhaps it's because I enjoy your company."
"Truly?" Rin asked, containing her smile.
"Hn." Sesshomaru nodded.
Rin smiled in spite of herself and raised her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. She could be satisfied with that. Rin treasured what he had said. An admission of anything from lord Sesshomaru was a rare thing, so it was unlikely that she would hear such things from him again.
"And you, my Lord, are you troubled?" Rin ventured.
He waved he hand in dismissal. "Yes, yes, I'm fine, but that woman knows how to infuriate me."
Rin nodded. "She seems to have that effect on people."
The two of them sat together for a long time in comfortable silence. Rin's body began to ache from sitting on the cold, hard stone for so long.
"We should be going, Rin," Sesshomaru said, standing.
She nodded, "Yes Master." She followed as Sesshomaru jumped onto the next stone in the water, land gracefully and turning to wait as Rin slid her way off the tall rock. Sesshomaru, tired of waiting, simply grasped her at the waist and lifted her down as he had many times when she was a child, her arms resting on his for support. To Rin's surprise, the gesture was more than it should have been. Through the thin fabric of her nagajuban, she could feel the warmth of his hands on her sides, and she felt the strong muscles in his arms where her hands rested.
Sesshomaru seemed to think nothing of it and hopped to the shore, as soon as he had set her down.
Rin followed after him, quickly, not wanting to keep him waiting. 'Silly girl,' she thought to herself. 'What are you doing?' Rin followed as Sesshomaru made his way along the stone path to the gazebo, where Rin's kimono lay.
Rin unfolded her kimono and donned in carefully, tying the kimono shut, as adjusting the length was not necessary; Sesshomaru had it made for her height specifically. Rin began the lengthy process of putting on the obi. It was then that Rin realized that she was in trouble. She had no idea how to tie the intricate knot that Hitsuji had tied the obi in. She settled on haphazardly creating a box knot that was rather sloppy.
"Come here, I'll help you," Sesshomaru told her.
Rin shook her head, embarrassed. "No, no, this will be fine."
"Don't be stupid, Rin, that knot looks like it's been tied by a man's sloppy hands, and we can't have people thinking that we went for an outdoor tumble. Besides that, a box knot is inappropriate for such a formal kimono," Rin chose not to mention the irony of Sesshomaru helping her to fix the knot that looked like it was tied by a man' hands. Of course, all this talk of protocol went right over Rin's head, so she shamefully went to Sesshomaru and turned around, red-faced so that he could help her. Sesshomaru began to untie her box-knot, first unfastening her obijime and then unwinding the obi.
"What type of knot was tied on you before?" Sesshomaru asked.
"Ah, Hitsuji told me it was called a sparrow knot because it looked like the wings of a sparrow," was Rin's reply.
Sesshomaru's deft hands stopped for just a second before continuing. "That won't do." He told her, before beginning to tie a different knot.
Rin wrote it off as some protocol error that Hitsuji had made and didn't think about it again. What was at the forefront of her mind at the moment was Sesshomaru's close proximity. She could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck as he wrapped the long obi around her body. It sent shivers down her spine. 'Stupid girl,' she thought to herself, and focused her efforts on not becoming flustered. Of course, it wasn't that easy, seeing how even with Sesshomaru's skilled hands tying her obi, it still took several minutes for him to finish. Rin breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped away and informed Rin that he was done.
"Thank you, my Lord," she said, gingerly feeling the bow, which was just that, a large and ornate bow at her back.
He nodded and indicated for her to follow him as he walked back towards the castle.
Rin smiled as she followed. The night air was splendidly cool against her skin, and the subtle scents of the flowers assaulted her senses. And of course, being with Lord Sesshomaru always made Rin happy, no matter what kind of mood he was in. Sesshomaru certainly was moody. Most people assumed that he was cruel and emotionless all the time, but Rin knew better than anyone that he had his moods just like anyone, although, outwardly, they were extremely subdued. In fact, If Rin had to say, she would say that Sesshomaru probably experienced worse mood swings than most people. She shuddered to thing about what her Lord would do if she ever mentioned any of this within earshot of him. Rin had no fear of Sesshomaru ever laying a hand upon her in anger, but Sesshomaru enough power over her to break her into a million pieces without violence.
Rin shook those thought from her head and ran to catch up with Sesshomaru, falling into step beside him. Rin smiled at him. Rin did that a lot when Sesshomaru was upset, she found that sometimes, only sometimes, if she would smile, he would smile back, but only for a second, and then he would immediately turn away, as if he had quashed an automatic reaction. There were very few things in life that gave Rin the pleasure that seeing her Lord happy did.
Sesshomaru escorted Rin to her chambers and said goodnight and nodded to her curtly as he left. Rin slid the door shut and breathed a sigh of relief before noticing Hitsuji preparing her Futon for sleep.
"Oh, Hitsuji."
"Hello Lady Rin." Hitsuji said with a smile. "You look exhausted, would you like me to send for some tea?" she asked.
"I would, but only if you'll have tea with me," Rin told her. Rin was far more interested in Hitsuji as a friend than Hitsuji as a servant.
"I'd love to," she said, exiting the room.
Rin took the small oil lamp that was burning in her room and exited onto the patio, placing it on the small table, and sitting down on one of the cushions that had been placed there. She rubbed at her tired eyes and contemplated the evening. Her mind kept falling on the same thing. Why had what Inukimi said affected her the way it had. Surly she did not love Sesshomaru. Well, she did love him, but the issue was whether that love was romantic.
Rin sighed. No, that was not something she was willing to delve into. Not now.
Hitsuji peeked out onto the deck and came to sit when she spotted Rin. She poured tea into a cup and edged it across the table to Rin, who thanked her and began to blow across the surface of the scalding liquid. Hitsuji chose to let hers sit, and observed Rin for a moment.
"Oh, Rin, what happened to your Obi?" she asked suspiciously.
"Oh, it came a bit loose during dinner, so I had a servant retie it for me.
"Mm-hmm," Hitsuji said skeptically, one pale brow raised at Rin. "I tied that knot myself; my knots don't come loose."
Rin swiftly changed the subject. "Hitsuji, what's the difference between the knot I had earlier, the sparrow one, and the knot I have now?"
"The one that I tied on you earlier is called fukara-suzume musubi, and the one that you are wearing now is called tateya musubi, and the only difference is the fukara suzume suggests that you are of age and available for marriage. I don't know why whoever tied that for you didn't tie another fukara suzume. It makes the most sense with the kimono you're wearing. The current knot is just more casual,"
Rin looked at Hitsuji questioningly. "Why would you put anything on me that lets people know I'm desperate to be married?"
Hitsuji rolled her eyes. "Please, Lady Rin, everything about your appearance suggests you are ready for marriage; look how long the sleeves of that furisode are," she exclaimed. "Besides, aren't human women already married with kids at your age?"
Rin looked away. "Well yes, but that's irrelevant," she said, annoyed.
"My, you're snappish tonight, what's troubling you? Did the Lord say something that upset you?"
"More like the Lord's mother," Rin muttered before she could think.
Hitsuji laughed heartily, throwing her head back. Rin looked on aghast. Hitsuji waved a hand dismissively at her. "Oh don't worry; I'm not going to tattle. What did she do to upset you so much?"
Rin hesitated at first, but felt that Hitsuji was an honest person who could be trusted. Rin told her the abbreviated version of what the lady had said to her. "I just don't know why I became so emotional," Rin said when she was finished.
Hitsuji nodded wisely, and took a long sip of her tea before speaking. "Is it that you don't know, or you don't want to admit why?"
Rin shrugged. "Perhaps a bit of both. I don't really know. It's stupid anyways, because I accepted a long time ago that it could never be, just because of what I am, and what he is.
"Yeah, because I'm a living example that that kind of thing never pans out," Hitsuji remarked sarcastically.
Rin couldn't help but laugh. "It's different though; you know how Sesshomaru feels about humans."
Hitsuji donned a serious expression. "Rin, are you not human yourself?"
Rin smiled a bit at that, taking a sip of her tea. It was soothing and warm, just what Rin needed. "I suppose," she said, looking up into the starry sky. "In truth, I sometimes forget. How could I not when I'm surrounded by demons all the time?" All those stars; thousands of them, twinkling iridescently against the ink black sky. They made Rin feel so small. It was almost a reassuring feeling, that in the end, human, or demon, they were all just so small. "Ah, things were less confusing when I was eight!" Rin exclaimed, her face in her hands.
Hitsuji laughed loudly, he hand coming to her forehead.
"Don't laugh at me, Hitsuji!" Rin cried.
"Things may have been less confusing when you were eight, but now look at you; you're a full grown woman, with a face that could send a thousand men to their deaths!" Hitsuji said, clearly enjoying her metaphors that were getting out of hand. "And the body to seduce the Dog Lord!"
"Are you joking! I wouldn't know how to seduce anything, nor would I be able to!"
"Not with that attitude, Rin!"
Rin face flushed a bright red. "Ah, enough of you, Hitsuji, you're burning my ears!"
Hitsuji laughed wildly. "Fine, fine, I'll go, but think about what I said, Rin," the girl said, picking up the tray of tea and leaving.
Rin stayed in place for a long time, staring up into the stars. After a while, her mind began to wander to Sesshomaru again, and the knot he had put in her obi.
"That just won't do," his words echoed in her head. Was he referring to the marriage reference of the knot? No, that was ludicrous; Sesshomaru was not one to mind such petty things, was he? Surely not. But her mind kept asking the question: what if? It didn't necessarily have to mean anything beyond the fact that Lord Sesshomaru had always been possessive of Rin and would never allow her to marry, which didn't bother Rin much. She shifted her eyes to her bare feet. Ultimately, Sesshomaru didn't love anything other than swords, and himself. Right?
She rubbed her forehead. Why did she care so damn much? Maybe she did love Sesshomaru.