DS
Disclaimer: I AM FEAR. I AM DEATH. I AM… CHEESE.
(On another note: OVAR ONE THAAAUUUUSAND RAVYOOOOS. Which basically means I love all of you. My dream has come true! Thank you!)
Me: Hello and welcome, dear readers! It's time once again for the Busy Swirl-Chan Show!
Chibi L: Where Swirl-chan gives you all of the reasons why she couldn't post as soon as you wanted her to.
Me: Ahem… Well, school started again. I had half a billion things to get done before break was over, including The Invisible Man. Odd book, I tell you. Perhaps it would've been fun to read if it wasn't accompanied by A HELLA ANNOYING ENGLISH PROJECT. Also, I got surgery at the beginning of September. Therefore, you can't blame me.
Chibi Raito: Anyway…
Me: I never thought I would be this busy, but I am currently writing three fanfics, one of which you are reading right now. The other two are saved safely on my computer. Perhaps I should post them, yezno?
Chibi Matt: FORGET ABOUT THEM AND KEEP WRITING THIS ONE.
Me: Eep!
Chibi Misa: Well, whatever. Grab a seat, a pair of pants, a bucket of chicken wings, and enjoy the show. Read, review, and relax.
D S 20
The video was an instant success. Aiber and the Aiber-ettes congratulated Raito and L on their award-winning performances. Upon the video's airing, X-Kira sent them a fantastic apology, along with the solemn wish of being able to meet his hero.
The tape came with a little present as well. In the package with the video, there was a piece of paper. It had something written on it.
Raito and L both squinted at the inky black type that jumped all over the pale green lines on the paper. Raito immediately snatched it out of the box. L peered over his shoulder in order to read it.
Sunday
Rode the train today. Went to the beach. Surf was high, wind was warm.
Monday
Shopped for new clothes today. Bought a new cellular phone. Watched soccer at noon. My team won, of course.
Tuesday
Need fish food. Met a celebrity at the Note Blue today. I left a love note for him at the table. Went to Spaceland with a friend at five-o-clock in the afternoon.
Wednesday…
It was a… record? Hmm…
Wednesday
I ate a tuna sandwich today. Hated it. Waited for someone special at the Tokyo Tower. Went on a date.
Thursday
Shopping list: Eggs, flour, rice, soy sauce, Gatorade, lemons, green onions, cilantro, apples, tea, miso, ahi, detergent, fabric softener, sugar, parmesan cheese.
Friday
Watched a movie. Slept.
Saturday
Watched the news. Painted. Spoke to my friend. I have his eyes. Isn't that weird?
"Yagami-kun, please don't touch that. Wedy and I need to examine it first," Aiber placidly allayed the brunette's visible fury. Raito silently nodded, without changing his expression, and set the paper back into the box.
As Wedy dusted it off, Aiber loudly mused to himself. "Well, it looks like a page from someone's diary. Why would the second Kira send it, I wonder?"
"Clues," L supplied with a shrug.
Of course, Aiber already knew that. "But what clues? Hmm…" he pondered with a comical finger to his chin.
Wedy's eyes rolled phenomenally behind her sunglasses. "This is the second Kira's history. If anything, we can discover what sort of person she is."
Raito's eyes snapped over to Wedy. "She?" he asked.
She? Hmm…
"Perhaps you could explain the reasoning for your assumption?" L suggested placidly.
Wedy gave him the eye. "First of all, the second Kira went shopping on Monday. On Tuesday, the second Kira left a love note for a male celebrity. What more proof do I need?"
L tilted his head and quirked a nonexistent eyebrow. "But this does not prove that the second Kira is a woman. It merely proves that he prefers shopping and men."
Beside the ex-mini-death, Raito grinned scornfully and made a clicking noise with his tongue.
Simply because he was feeling more devious than usual, L cocked a bland eyebrow and glanced at his partner in crime. "Raito-kun, surely you must have noticed these details as well. Why didn't you speak up?"
"Oh, I figured you'd say something," replied Raito with a charming, acidic smile.
Perhaps Matsuda had been shocked into action by the electric charge shooting between L and his companion. In any case, he suddenly announced with a gratuitous amount of volume that perhaps the letter wasn't a page from X-Kira's diary, but a clue.
The gleam in Aiber's eye suggested that he already knew this. In spite of his omnipotence, however, he patted Matsuda heartily on the back. "Ah, what an ingenious thought! What a wonderful mind you have there, Matsuda!"
Pity he hadn't shown it off sooner…
"I'm surprised neither of you thought of this," Aiber continued, casting glances of indefinite humor at Raito and L.
Ah, insinuation. L enjoyed this game, partially because it was easily won, and L could be quite the slacker when he wanted to be.
For some strange reason or another, Aiber wanted L and his brunette sidekick to discover the hidden meanings of X-Kira's whimsical evidence. He wanted them to work long, hard hours deciphering the diary entries, and he would watch. Perhaps he wanted them to become so frustrated, that they'd give themselves away somehow. Perhaps he wanted to observe the mechanisms of their collective minds, collaborating as they would like an oiled machine.
Perhaps he was just lazy.
In any case, L picked the conversation up where Matsuda clumsily dropped it.
"Mmm… yes. Since the dates are only marked as days of the week, it seems likely that the second Kira is trying to set up a schedule for us," the coon-eyed ex-mini-death mused loudly.
"Then on any days the second Kira was meeting someone in a specified area," Raito interjected faux-thoughtfully, "we should expect to see him there."
"Ah… very good! Very good," Aiber stage-mused.
Ah, what wonderful actors they all were. L, Raito, Aiber, Wedy…
Forget detective work. Perhaps they belonged in a theater…
"But the second Kira," Soichiro suddenly grumbled, "indicated several occasions in which he or she went somewhere or met someone."
"This is true," Raito sighed as if he already knew the second Kira's favorite color and shampoo, let alone the time and location of his appearance. "But we should look for any entry in which he does something specific. Tuesday and Wednesday, for instance."
Wedy nodded thoughtfully. "Yes… a visit to the Tokyo Tower, the Note Blue, and Spaceland. Two of these occur on the same date. The Note Blue and Spaceland. Hmm…"
Raito gazed conspiringly at L.
You know, don't you?
…Of course.
Each option was equally likely when left unexamined by L's critical eye, but L loved to play with his food. He picked at the second Kira's ulterior motives.
Firstly, a visit to Tokyo Tower was out of the question. It was much too simple. L was confident that in order to remain unidentified for this long, the second Kira must've had at least half a brain. Besides, in contrast to Tuesday, Wednesday's meeting at the Tokyo Tower was nondescript and ill-thought out.
Yes.
The second Kira would appear on Tuesday.
On this date, he designated two locations. Perhaps he wanted to confuse them. Perhaps he wanted Aiber and Wedy to split their forces in order to search both Spaceland and the Note Blue. However, he designated a specific time for only one of the two: Spaceland. This allowed A and W to split up at five-o-clock only and search together for the remainder of the time.
Then why?
To misdirect.
Of course.
He understood that A and W would look for a more specific description. A and W would assume that the second Kira would appear wherever he gave the most precise detail. The second Kira would avoid them both. In that case, he would appear at the Note Blue.
…Perhaps L was thinking too much.
No…
The second Kira must've left a clue in the schedule. He must've left something that only Raito would understand.
…The Note Blue.
A death note reference. Neither Aiber nor Wedy could possibly understand its implications. Also, the second Kira described meeting a celebrity. Kira was that celebrity.
Yes. The second Kira would appear at the Note Blue this Tuesday. But when?
At five.
Yes. The time stated for the meeting at Spaceland was not intended for the theme park. While half of the team was out searching Spaceland, the second Kira would have a perfect opportunity to speak intimately with his idol.
L knew the second Kira's plan, and judging by the glow in Raito's eyes, so did he. Now, it was only a matter of misdirecting their two detective friends. Wonderful! L and Raito would think of somethi-
…
…Wait.
…How did X-Kira know that Kira was investigating him?
L glanced over once again to note that Raito didn't seem fazed. Either he didn't care, or he didn't realize.
In any case, L chose to focus on the task at hand.
"I believe we should send out two teams on Tuesday," the ex-mini-death hummed carefully. When Aiber and Wedy raised a matching pair of eyebrows, he elaborated. "Personally, I believe that Kira will appear at Spaceland during the time specified, but one can never be too certain. May I suggest Wedy-san and I organize a team for Spaceland while Aiber-san and Raito-kun visit the Note Blue?"
Raito blinked.
…Well, L had to give him an opening. In order to do that inconspicuously, he had to suggest splitting up. He also had to suggest supervision by the two ace detectives.
L could tell by the deep, amber gleam in Raito's eyes that he did not wish to be split up, but he would accept it. L was offering him a chance to catch a glimpse of his adversary, after all.
Aiber nodded slowly and thoughtfully. "A wonderful idea, but we must travel with utmost secrecy. This second Kira is much less predictable than the first-"
Raito's eye twitched-
"-and he has the power to kill on sight. We must assume that he will murder us if we reveal ourselves. This could be a trap, you know."
L and Raito both nodded resolutely.
"Now then," continued Aiber, "let us compose a plan of attack…"
--
As much as he hated to admit it, Raito was nervous. He was traveling with Halle and the remaining members of the NPA. He treaded lightly and kept his emotions under extreme surveillance. Raito casually moseyed along with Matsuda and Halle. A few acquaintances from college also kept him company. He kept his group small enough to be inconspicuous and large enough to be a credible shopping excursion through Harajuku.
The more colorful, trendy clothing shops he passed, the more credit he gave to Wedy's earlier assumption that X-Kira was a girl. Of course, plenty of men wove in and out of the shops, but he had a gut feeling…
Speaking of Wedy, she and Aiber had stayed behind. Raito had no doubt that they were interested solely in self-preservation, but he couldn't fault them. If Ukita's death was anything to go by, X-Kira had a pair of shinigami eyes and he knew how to use them.
Perhaps this shinigami wasn't as whimsical as Ryuk. Perhaps it conspired with X-Kira.
What if the schedule's purpose was to separate Raito and Ryuzaki? What if X-Kira had used his death note to split them up? Raito already considered this possibility. Therefore, he attempted to send Matt with Ryuzaki. As he remembered, it was a long and exhausting battle.
But apparently…
"Hey! Kira!" A goggle-eyed brunette hollered, "I see a sign over there! It's the Note Blue!"
…Ryuzaki had sent him back.
That idiot! Didn't he understand? He was human now, and X-Kira could kill him! Raito sent Matt with him for a reason. He didn't want anything to happen…
Since when did he have emotions like that, anyway? Since when did Kira worry? He, himself, had been the death of so many people. He killed people. Lots of people. What was one more tally on his leader board?
Ryuzaki is… different.
…Damn. Ryuzaki was a longtime comrade. He was a friend.
He's a hell of a lot more than that.
…When did Raito grow a conscience?
"Raito-kun," Halle suddenly pulled him out of his musings. Raito glanced over at her in a cold fashion, careful to conceal his inner turmoil. In a shockingly Lolita-like Alice getup, she had successfully subtracted about five years from her age. Flat, neon slippers also reduced her height dramatically from her normal four-inch heel boost. "I see a Note Blue sign."
"I see it, too," grumbled Raito.
"Let's head over," she hinted gravely.
Raito and Matsuda both nodded. With equally overjoyed enthusiasm, they herded the group of college students over to the hole-in-the-wall maid café. Raito eyed the building's interior through large, tinted windows. Young men colonized the pristine tables like bacteria at the edges of their Petri dishes. Between these circular islands, overdressed women in lacy French maid outfits waddled along and bowed cutely to their customers.
Raito glanced at Halle, awaiting her advice. She raised an eyebrow. "Go in," she whispered. "You take the boys in with you, and I'll take the women to that shoe store a little further down. Be careful, and remember to press that belt buckle twice if you're in danger."
Of course. Before their departure that day, Aiber had supplied them with special belts. Two rapid clicks of the buckle would inform headquarters immediately if there was a problem, and Aiber would respond to Halle's team, while Wedy would respond to Ryuzaki and Gevanni's team.
Raito sincerely hoped Ryuzaki wouldn't have to press that button…
Since Raito had his reputation to consider, Matsuda was the one to suggest dinner at the Note Blue. Naturally, the group of hormonally challenged college students agreed. Raito was dragged oh so reluctantly into the café, where Matsuda tactfully chose a corner booth, from which Raito could survey the entire dining area.
In spite of the lovely eye-candy serving drinks and dinner plates to drooling onlookers, Raito's stomach began to twist. The cheerful atmosphere did nothing to belay his sudden onset of peril.
The frosty air and the sudden darkness was so dramatic, and yet it felt so frighteningly natural.
Raito wasn't afraid, was he?
"Wow, it's cold in here," muttered one of Raito's college friends. The others began to agree with him. "It's giving me the creeps," one guy laughed. "Maybe it's all those gothic posters on the wall, eh?"
So it wasn't just Raito?
He began to feel overwhelmingly relieved that Ryuzaki wasn't with him.
Raito's brief relaxation was slowly devoured by another revelation. The atmosphere struck him with another despairing wave. Perhaps…
He was going to die.
Raito's negativity stunned him. No! He wasn't going to die! He was Kira. He'd survive somehow. Besides, nothing was more ridiculous than precognition. Raito wasn't going to die. The room was dark simply because it was a sumptuously lit café. The room was cold because it was dark and the weather was overcast.
That was all.
Raito had no time for despair. He had a job to do.
X-Kira was there somewhere. He couldn't hide his shinigami from Raito. The brunette painstakingly swept the room with his eyes. One of those boys had to be X-Kira. If not a boy, then one of the waitresses.
But there was no hulking, deformed monster lurking in the shadows. Nothing slunk along the ceiling, nothing crawled along the floor, and nothing hovered in the air like a diseased, rabid, leprous Fury.
No matter how hard he scrutinized, Raito couldn't locate his shinigami.
Perhaps X-Kira was waiting in the kitchen. Perhaps he was a cook. Did he want to poison Raito with a toxic entrée?
Raito was very, very glad that Ryuzaki wasn't there.
But maybe…
Perhaps Raito had been misled. Maybe X-Kira wasn't there. Maybe X-Kira forced Ryuzaki to send Matt away in order to kill him without any complications! X-Kira knew Raito's mind better than the brunette himself. Raito had been played for a fool and now Ryuzaki was paying the price!
What if he died?
What if…
(No no no no no no no no no no.)
"Oh. My. God," a voice deadpanned from over Raito's shoulder, jolting him out of his panic. Out of the corner of his eye, Raito glanced at Matt.
The brunette mini-death's jaw hung wide open. He had pushed his glasses onto his forehead and was staring into the room with eyes like dinner plates. Matt gulped and his gaze slowly slid down to Raito.
"Hide me," he squeaked.
Without another word, he ducked fearfully into the back of Raito's seat.
What…?
Raito turned around, wondering at the reason for Matt's sudden cowardice. A blonde girl approached from a break in the tables. She was dressed in black, lacy frills and a maid's headband, obviously one of the waitresses. Her bright red lipstick seemed to glow almost orange in the lighting and her thick, black eyelashes veiled her eyes like a velvet curtain. She clicked her heels together at the base of his table and clasped her hands behind her back.
Her sweet, sugar-glazed smile gave Raito the chills.
His college friends whistled as she curtsied. Raito only stared as the blonde girl inclined her head. For some reason, she seemed to be directing her attention strictly to him…
Before Raito had any time to doubt himself, she winked a chocolate brown eye and flashed him a conspiratorial smile. "Welcome home, Master."
Something shimmered past her shoulder and Raito glanced over to see what it was. A pale, angular, gangly specter hovered next to the open bar.
No!
Yes!
Raito carefully concealed his excitement as he returned his eyes to the waitress. As she playfully danced around to take orders, the brunette's emotions played ping-pong with his brain.
On one hand… Yes! This little girl was X-Kira. Raito knew it. He had made contact, and so far, neither Halle nor Matsuda had noticed. Raito memorized everything about her. He catalogued the gentle curves of her face, the wide, naïve clarity in her eyes, and the sparkling opalescence of her skin. He counted the repetitive taps of her shoes, locating the rhythm of her steps and burning it into his memory. Raito dissected the bubbly, high-pitched squeal of her voice.
She was predictable now. X-Kira was so very predictable and defenseless against the overwhelming Force of Nature that was Lord Kira.
On the other hand…
…Why did she wink at him?
Why, she knows you're Kira, of course.
But… How? How could she possibly know? How had she known he would join the investigation? According to Matt, Ryuk's eyes couldn't separate Kira from a civilian. Was he lying? Was this X-Kira special? Did Matt hide because of her?
Matt.
Damn. He couldn't bother the mini-death at all during this excursion. Raito was bugged from head to toe, and voluntarily so. He had no choice in the matter.
Helplessly, Raito ordered something simple from the menu. She jotted a quick little note on her pad of paper before bowing and waddling daintily back to the kitchen.
(There was a very strange glow in her eyes…)
Suddenly, Matt popped back out of the bench and shrieked, "Holy SHIT. You're in trouble, man. You're in a heap of trouble. If you weren't loaning me electronics, I'd be long gone by now!"
Raito leaned casually on the cushions and slid over to face Matt. He glared coldly, demanding an explanation.
"She's the devil," Matt supplied unhelpfully.
Raito flattened his lips into a fine, unimpressed line.
"No, seriously," the brunette mini-death enforced. "She's the Devil. I've been to hell. I should know."
So… Matt was saying… X-Kira was…
Raito couldn't stop the sudden fit of epileptic twitching that erupted at the corner of his eye.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
--
Later that evening, L would be warned by an anxious Matt that the look on Raito's face when he got home was the scariest thing since Ringu, and L would believe him.
Raito burst through the door and, much to L's fascination, Matt hadn't been lying. The brunette's grin gleamed with the happy daggers of murder and his brown eyes shone like the rusty, grimy remains of spilt blood. L waited patiently as Raito stalked into the room, unsure as to the nature of Kira's incidental madness. His eyes spoke of murder while his grin shouted triumph.
The brunette hunched over and paced once in a 'U' shape around his room. Abruptly, he stopped. L observed from behind a fringe of blurry, black bangs as Raito's cruel smile broadened and his eyes glowed with an outlandish fire.
"Ryuzaki," the brunette announced in the most vampiric of tones.
"Yes?" L replied politely.
"Guess what?"
"What?"
"I am amazing."
L's eyebrows both shot into his hairline. Ah. So Raito was in a terrifically good mood, then. He continued to glare like a tiger in a butcher shop, though, so L remained as unshakable and serene as a Greek statue.
"Of course you're amazing. Magnificent," agreed L. "May I inquire as to the nature of this discovery?"
"I am invincible, all-powerful, and I am Kira" Raito grinned.
"Yes," said L.
"I am the most dominant being in the known universe."
Well, L didn't want to make him angry, so… "Yes."
"And I have allies in the highest of places."
Ah. Now we were getting somewhere. L's search party had come across nothing, as the ex-mini-death had expected, so naturally, Raito's Shinigami-dar had to pick up something. Perhaps he'd found his X-Kira.
"What kinds of allies?" L asked.
"Divine ones," Raito announced homicidally.
…Oh. "…And which side of the divine spectrum do these allies tend to lean upon?"
"The evil one," said Raito.
…Oh.
Well that was… odd.
L, in his infinite wisdom, decided that it was a prime moment to correct Raito's misguided enthusiasm. "Oh, my dear, dear Raito," the ex-mini-death sighed. "You see, the shinigami come from that side. They're trying to kill you, my dear boy, not help you."
"Allies, Ryuzaki," Raito reminded him as he sat regally on his edge of the bed, "not friends."
Ah.
"Tools of interest?" L asked blandly.
"Yes," smiled Raito.
"Oh come on, man!" Matt interrupted with an exasperated groan. "There's no way you can just use her! She's the fucking Devil for Christ's sake!"
Raito rolled his eyes.
L blinked several times in rapid succession and smiled in vacant, polite confusion. "The what?"
"The Big Bad Wolf," crooned Matt. "Ahriman. The Evil One. The hot, red, lesbian decal stabbing a truck window with a pitchfork. The personification of cold coffee, lunch-rush traffic, and malfunctioning Roman candles! Bowser! Jenova! Darth Sidius! Internet Explorer! EEeeeeviiilllll…"
Raito gagged. "She's a little girl. She's about as harmful as a box of kittens."
"Hellllllll Kittensssss…"
"Shut up, Matt."
Meanwhile, L's sharp wit and lightning-fast cognitive skills were still trying to catch up with his companions.
So Raito was… happy to have the forces of evil working ambiguously in his favor? He was aware that these were the forces of EVIL he was talking about, wasn't he? He intended to control a notoriously untrustworthy individual?
He intended to use HER?
(She was actually on Earth? Why? How? When? How long ago? For what amount of time? Did she bring an army of shinigami with her? What kind of disguise was she wearing? Why wasn't the Supreme Being of heaven, Nirvana, etc. doing anything about it?)
Oh, it was too much.
If L couldn't possibly understand what Raito was talking about, then neither could Raito.
"Raito-kun," L turned gravely to his brunette companion. Kira raised an eyebrow.
"What?"
"You are insane."
"I am not," denied Raito.
"Yes, you are," L pointed out factually with a jab of his pointer finger. "You see, my intuition and outstanding deductive reasoning have led me to conclude that you cannot possibly be sane. Therefore, you are insane."
"I'm fine, Ryuzaki. As a matter of fact, I feel brilliant."
"No, you don't. 'Fine' people-" though L couldn't say Raito wasn't fine-diddly-ein- "know the consequences of their actions. Insane people don't know what they're talking about. Therefore, Raito-kun, you are insane and I must detain you for being so."
Raito raised an amused eyebrow. "Detain me where, Ryuzaki?"
"Somewhere," L replied sagely.
"Is that all?" Raito asked as if he were about to die of boredom.
"Not quite." L narrowed his eyes secretively and leaned over Raito. "I have some very important advice to give you."
Raito blinked up at him, eyes having lost much of their murderous luster, and frowned. "What advice?"
"You," L zoomed in grimly, "are insane."
Raito rolled his eyes. "This is getting repetitive."
"Yes," agreed L. "They say that repetition encourages learning. I am eager for you to learn, Raito-kun, that you are putting yourself in grave danger. Has it not occurred to you that this 'ally' of yours is a divine entity, and a tricky one at that? I do not trust your judgment, Raito-kun, and I thereby forbid you to leave this house."
Raito's placid grin fell into a severe scowl. "Oh, do you?"
L glared pointedly at his stubborn, suicidal charge. He sighed with exasperation and shook his head. L didn't believe Raito could forge a strong relationship with the Mistress of Evil, but ignoring her wasn't a stellar plan either.
Well… so the story went, she did have an appetite for especially good-looking men.
…Oh, bucket of shoes.
By all means, L should've been jumping for joy. The Pink Fury wouldn't kill Raito. Perhaps it was no accident that both Kiras chosen by the Man Upstairs were some degree of 'good looking.'
But… Raito belonged to L. Now, he wasn't usually this possessive, but Raito's dashing physique and enigmatic charm attracted competition. He fascinated women and men from college, Mikami, Satan… L really didn't want to share, but he supposed sharing Kira was just part of the mini-death job description.
If L hoarded Raito, they'd both be killed.
"Love is an obstacle," L grumbled, seemingly out of nowhere.
Raito arched an eyebrow. "I agree."
"You're not supposed to agree," groused L.
If L's sudden outburst piqued Raito's curiosity, he didn't show it. He knew its implications, though. Indifferently, the brunette stretched out on his bed and picked a nondescript section of the wall to stare at.
"I have a feeling she'll call me," he droned.
"You didn't give her your number, did you?" L jabbed.
Raito pulled a face. "No, of course not. I'm not leaving any evidence that I'm conspiring with someone. She knows who I am. She'll find my number somewhere."
L resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Does she have a shinigami with her?"
Raito nodded.
Wonderful. L had a feeling Raito wouldn't be controlling anyone. The Queen of the Shinigami brought a death note with her as an item of persuasion. If she wanted Raito to do her bidding, she had only to…
…Threaten L.
…
She knew about the two of them. Of course she knew. She had more friends in loftier places than Raito could possibly imagine. L found it difficult to excuse Ryuk for his 'personal enjoyment' motive. If his master wanted information, the dusty shinigami would sing like a bird.
Perhaps Ryuk had been spying on them. Maybe that was how the divine X-Kira learned that Raito and L were both on the investigation team.
L didn't want to rain on Kira's ego parade, so he kept silent. Besides, what had Raito enlisted Matt for, if not to defend him and L against supernatural murder? As long as he paid the mini-death mercenary in electronics, neither of them had anything to fear.
As long as she didn't go after Raito, L was at ease.
L didn't have much time to worry, though, as his train of thought was swiftly derailed by the high-pitched ringing of a cellular phone.
--
Raito wasn't nervous.
Why would Raito be nervous?
Kira couldn't be nervous. It was impossible.
How dare anyone think Raito was nervous!
Even though he found himself lacking any ounce of control over this 'Satan' business, Raito had his emotions under perfect control. Fate would eventually swing his way, just like it always did. He smiled because he was devilishly happy. He tapped his fingers against the sheets because he was full of anticipation. Full of anticipation and energy!
Not nervous energy, mind you.
Because that would make him nervous.
And Raito wasn't nervous.
Out of the corner of his eye, he examined Ryuzaki. The ex-mini-death stared intently at the bedroom door with vexed dinner plate eyes. Well, his scowl wasn't any deeper than when Raito had entered the room. He didn't seem to be contemplating anything in particular.
Good.
Then perhaps he didn't realize the danger he was in yet.
Raito wanted his pessimism to explode and die in a violent display of red and yellow, but alas, it never did. It stalked his thoughts and slipped into the spaces where his optimism should've been. Raito struggled to push it away, but it never budged.
When he first entered the room, Raito announced to no one but himself that he was on top of the world. Kira was in control. Kira had allies, and he would use them. He hoped that this sudden surge of confidence would overload his circuits and flood his system with inspiration. He hoped that, in explaining this power to himself, he would come up with a plan to keep that power.
Raito's brilliance failed him.
Now, the scenarios of Ryuzaki's death flashed before his eyes.
Over and over and over again.
Drowning, burning, cardiac arrest, vehicular homicide, heat stroke, concussion, coma, suffocation, stabbing, shooting, loss of blood, infection, decapitation, spine compression, falling from a bridge, being bitten by a spider-dog-cat-bat-ferret-alligator-snake-
No.
Raito wouldn't let it happen. He wouldn't. He couldn't.
Allowing Ryuzaki to die would be a failure on Kira's part, and Kira never failed.
Never.
Oh, come on. It's not just 'failures' you're worried about. Admit it. You have a heart.
…Yes. He did. Ryuzaki had a habit of pulling it out of his chest, shoving it into his face, and saying, 'look at what I found, Raito-kun! Look!'
Raito had a sinking feeling that he'd get a phone call from this mysterious deity sometime that day, and when the phone finally rang, he instantly picked it up.
Because… he wasn't…
…Nervous.
"Raito Yagami, here," he greeted with a level voice.
"Oh, Yagami-kun! I'm so happy to finally meet you!" A terrifyingly squeaky voice rejoiced.
Kira, ever on high alert, suspected that the call may have been a trap set by A and W. As nondescriptly as he could, Raito asked, "Pardon me, but who are you?"
"Oh, don't be like that!" the voice squeaked puckishly. "Don't tell me you've forgotten little old meeee! You'll hurt my feelings, Yagami-kun!"
"Maybe you have the wrong number," Raito suggested warily. "What did you say your name was?"
"Misa-Misa Amane-chan!" the voice bubbled. Then, the speaker paused for a suspenseful breath. "Though most people know me by other, less-cute names."
"And you like cute names?" Raito asked with a raised eyebrow. He began to suspect that this wasn't a trick.
"Of course!" giggled the voice. "Apollyon, Abaddon, and Satan get really old after a while."
Yes. So this was her after all.
"I had a lot of fun with 'Lucifer,'" she rambled on excitedly, "because I could make people say 'All hail Queen Lucy' and I could pretend I was from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe!"
…Oh boy.
As she digressed on the cuteness of saying 'Misa' twice in a row, Raito covered the cell phone with his hand and glared Matt pointedly in the face. She couldn't be as bad as his mini-death and ex-mini-death friends had led him to believe. 'Misa' was too… girly.
"She can't be that evil," grumbled Raito.
"Oh yes, she can," the brunette mini-death corrected with an enthusiastic nod.
Skeptically, Raito raised an eyebrow. "…How?"
"They say that silence is golden," Matt remarked sagely. "If silence is golden, then hell is paved with shit."
Raito's other eyebrow rose to meet the first. Politely, he asked Matt what the hell he meant.
"She. Will. Talk. Your. Ears. Off," Matt announced gravely. "There's a reason it's called 'hell' down there, you know. Sure, the sticky humidity, the oily pizza, the malfunctioning air-conditioning, and the rotten fish smell are all equally horrible, but Queen Lucy's voice takes the cake. You can't get away from it. It follows you. Jabber-jabber-jabber-jabber- People say there's no peace in hell, and they're right! There's none at all!"
Oh.
Well…
Misa's cheerful chatter stopped suddenly, and Raito once again brought the phone to his ear. He was only mildly surprised when it started up again.
"Raito-kun-Raito-kun-Raito-kun! Oh, we should get together sometime! We should go out for ice cream! Maybe we could go on a date to the theme park! Please go with me!"
Raito eyed his raccoon-and-goggle-eyed audience. Hesitantly, he muttered, "Misa…"
"Oh! Raito-kun!" Misa suddenly giggled, "Call me Queen Lucy! Just this once! Say 'All hail Queen Lucy!' Wouldn't it just be the cutest thing you've ever heard?"
"Misa…"
"Awwww! C'mon Raito-waito-chan! Pweeeaaaase? Pwetty pwease with sugar on top?"
Well, Raito didn't necessarily want to make her angry. "…All hail Queen Lucy."
"Yaaaaaaayyyyyy!" squealed the Devil.
Somehow, this girlish cackling didn't strike Raito as 'evil.' Perhaps his earlier fears had been foolish. She brought a shinigami with her, and this gave Raito the impression that she wasn't anywhere near as powerful as he first thought. Perhaps she needed the shinigami's power because she had none of her own.
Could be…
Raito couldn't afford to let his guard down, though. According to Ryuzaki, Misa was awfully devious. Maybe her overwhelming display of cuteness was a ploy to get Raito to underestimate her.
Devious indeed.
Well, Raito had the finest mind on the planet. His best bet would be to see her as a human, not some sort of supernatural phenomenon. This perception would make her much easier to defeat. If she wanted to assist him, fine, but if she planned on crossing him…
The world would see who was more devious.
Misa spoke. "Raito-chaaaaan! Let's make a date! I really want to see you again!"
Of course she did. Raito, however, couldn't afford to suddenly make a friend from the Maid Café where he'd gone Kira-hunting. Someone on the investigation team was bound to recognize her.
That, and everyone knew Raito batted for the other team. He couldn't date a girl. That would make him a three-timer, or something. Dealing with Mikami's abandonment issues was enough. He didn't need 'Queen Lucy' to gush all of her evil social problems on him as well.
"Sorry Misa," he tried his best to sound apologetic. "I can't do that."
"Why not?" she asked innocently.
"I just can't. My investigation team suspects me of being Kira. We came to the Note Blue because of the schedule you sent us. If I were to suddenly date you, they'd execute us both for being Kiras."
Misa's voice took on a sinister rasp as she pouted, "Oh, those horrible people. Always getting in the way…"
Wait.
Raito smelled an opportunity.
"Things would be so much easier if A and W weren't around…"
The rest of the team would blame Raito if A and W suddenly died of heart failure, but if Misa incidentally decided to kill them all…
Speaking of which, why hadn't Raito already killed them all? He could cause instant heart failure with only a face.
You like playing around with them. That's why.
…Perhaps.
Sick bastard.
Where did that inner voice come from?
You grew a conscience, remember?
…Fine.
"Raito-chaaaaannnnn! You don't want them to die! What about your daddy? What about your friends?"
Did Raito care?
No.
"My dad likes to get in the way when I'm having fun," shrugged Raito. Ryuzaki gave him a dirty look.
"Oooooh, Raito-chaaaannn! You're such a bad boy! I love it." Misa squealed. "But I really, really wanna' see you again! You're so cute!"
Way to hit Raito's ego below the waist…
"Please say you'll go out with me!" Misa continued to plead, "If you don't say yes, I don't know what I'll do…"
"If you don't say yes, I might have to kill somebody."
Ryuzaki.
"Don't be sad, Misa," Raito sighed. "I'm sure I can think of something. Besides, seeing you in that dress again is well worth the risk."
He had to agree. He had no choice. Misa had backed Raito into a corner. Still, he was careful to chill his raging emotions to room temperature before they left his lips. He didn't let Misa know that her threat had hit its bull's-eye. He was simply being a suave, civil gentleman who didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Misa erupted into a giggling fit. "Raito! You don't mean that!"
No. He didn't.
He also wished desperately for Misa to pick the formalities back up, diminutive though they were.
Raito chuckled politely at her enthusiasm. "When and where should I expect to see that dress again?"
"At the Tokyo Tower tomorrow, of course! Didn't you read the memo?"
…What?
But…
No!
Then Raito would be discovered for sure! What would A and W think if Raito met Misa for a date at the Tokyo Tower, just like the schedule said?
Perhaps she meant to expose Raito as Kira. Then, the investigation team and the scattered remnants of the police department would flock to the area. Either she would kill them or she would use them to kill Raito, thus eliminating her shinigami's competition. The latter seemed much more probable.
Hoo-boy.
How to spin the situation to Raito's favor…
A ha.
It was an incredibly risky move on Raito's part, but when wasn't Raito taking risky moves lately? He'd developed a talent for walking on thin ropes.
This particular risky move couldn't be considered a rope, because in reality, it was more of a string. Raito could possibly absolve himself from conviction by informing A and W that he thought his new date was the second Kira. This, of course, would bring up Misa's schedule and the fact that she was "meeting a celebrity" and "leaving him a love note," thereby plastering the 'Kira' label on Raito's forehead.
Yes, it was dangerous, but Raito had no other choice.
He had to splurge to the detectives and he also had to make a stunning first impression on Misa. If A and W condemned Raito as Kira, he would continue to proclaim his innocence. If he was in a particularly perilous situation, he would act the part of the dazed victim. He would act horrified and sickened by the fact that he might possibly be Kira. Raito would appeal to the investigation team's better nature.
And if he was on the brink of execution, he'd simply kill them all.
There.
As for Misa, Raito would do whatever he could to make sure that she was completely and wholly enamored with him. He planned on forging an emotional attachment which she wouldn't be able to break.
He'd distract her from Ryuzaki by whatever means possible. If she ever made an attempt on his life, well…
It would be a quiet day in hell.
Raito smiled into the cell phone. "Of course I read the memo. What time do you want to meet?"
"Oh… how 'bout the same time we met tonight?"
"Five?"
"Yep!"
"Sounds great, Misa. I'll see you there." Purely for consistency, he added, "Don't forget that dress."
Misa giggled uncontrollably. "I won't, silly! Have a wonderful night, Rai-chan! Misa-Misa says 'sweet dreams!' Dream about Misa, okay?"
"Okay," chuckled Raito. "Enjoy yourself tonight. Sweet dreams to you, too, Misa."
"I love you Raito-chan!" squealed Misa.
"I love you, too. Goodnight."
Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww-
Finally, Misa hung up. With a fantastic sigh and a cosmic roll of the eyes, Raito fell back onto his pillows and shut his phone off. He was left to contemplate the meaning of the universe for seventy-one hundredths of a second.
"I am jealous," grumbled Ryuzaki.
Why…
"I am tired," Raito replied in the same level deadpan.
"I am Matt," said Matt.
Raito coldly excused Matt to the closet.
This left him alone with Ryuzaki, and he was far too emotionally taxed to deal with the ex-mini-death's jealousy. He wasn't about to explain the reasoning behind his agreement to date Misa. Raito didn't want Ryuzaki to worry.
What Raito was not expecting, however, was this:
"I don't think you've told me you love me yet, Raito-kun."
Oh.
Well la-di-frickin'-da!
Raito was through. Through. He had his share of turmoil, and he didn't need any more of it. He didn't need Ryuzaki's whining after he'd listened to the incessant squeal of a teenage demon for the past seventeen minutes.
Besides, telling Ryuzaki that he loved him was just too… cliché. 'I love you' was a statement Raito reserved for sentimental women. It was the mantra of adolescent girls with abandonment issues. He said it to shut them up.
Saying it to Ryuzaki would be… demeaning.
Get over it.
Easy for a conscience to say…
No, really. Get over it. What better way to prove your love to someone than to get over your embarrassment? Go ahead. Tell him. It'll shut him up for a while.
What a persuasive conscience Raito had.
A man after your own heart.
…That was disgusting.
You love men.
Only Ryuzaki.
There. Was that so hard?
No, it wasn't, but Raito still couldn't say it. 'I love you' was always a lie.
And you won't lie to Ryuzaki.
No. He wouldn't.
Sometime during this engaging inner battle, Raito felt a heavy weight settle itself on his waist. He cracked an eye open to find that Ryuzaki had taken up a criss-cross residence on his lap.
…Oh.
--
Raito's lack of compassion astounded L sometimes. He could proclaim his love so fervently to those he planned on suckering further down the road, and yet he could say nothing to L. The ex-mini-death understood that human males generally didn't profess their love verbally, but if Raito could say it to 'Misa', then he could say it to L.
"Ryuzaki, what are you-"
"I'm sitting on you, Raito-kun," said L.
There really wasn't much more of an explanation. L didn't know why he'd done it, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Are you insinuating something?" Raito growled faux-suggestively.
Dodging the point, was he?
Ah. Perhaps that was why L sat on him? L unconsciously wished to act out a metaphor, in which he prevented Raito from evading the question by sitting on him?
…Okay. That was ridiculous.
"I do not want to push you into this," L changed the subject, "but you have not quite declared your commitment to this relationship."
"You want me to tell you I love you," Raito inferred.
"Yes," said L.
Raito eyed him behind a narrow veil of lashes and broadened his thin-lipped frown. He brought his hands behind his head and sighed. "If I say it now, it'll sound fake because you suggested it," he stated.
"That is fine," L replied.
And it was. It seemed Raito could only perform a fake 'I love you' after all.
Ah, but where were L's manners? Raito had just been through a terrific ordeal. He'd struck a deal with the devil today, and the ex-mini-death didn't need to push him into further mental turmoil.
Where were L's manners?
He didn't have any.
"You're very high-maintenance when you want to be," Raito grumbled.
"Asking for a simple statement is high-maintenance?" asked L.
"Yes," replied Raito.
L rolled his eyes and stretched out on top of his irresolute love interest. He folded his arms across Raito's chest, rested his chin on the backs of his wrists, and stared blankly into Raito's honey-brown eyes. The brunette frowned at him. Absently, L kicked his legs back and forth through the air.
"I am holding you hostage," L decided.
"Fantastic," Raito replied in an airy, singsong sort of way.
When the brunette said no more for a grand total of five minutes, L began to lose hope. It occurred to him sometime during his gloomy musings that he was being a selfish son-of-a-bitch, and an overly sentimental one at that. However, for all of the caring L had done on Raito's behalf, he felt he deserved a moment of schmaltziness.
"Say it, Raito-kun," L goaded. "I dare you."
Raito's unreadable glare softened into a sort of apologetic uncertainty. "I never would've thought you wanted me to say it."
L raised an eyebrow and stilled the inverted pendulum of his feet. "And why wouldn't I?"
"You know it sounds fake when I say it," sighed Raito.
Ah. So he recognized it, too? L almost found it endearing that Raito was so cautious about sounding 'fake' to him.
Almost.
"Here is a challenge for you, oh mighty Kira," L announced sagely. "Why don't you try to make it sound honest? Since you lie and cheat by profession, it should be a mission worthy of your superior improvisational skills, yes?"
Raito's eyes glinted a deep shade of amber as his eyebrows descended menacingly upon them. His lips curled out and down in an appalled frown.
"Are you suggesting that I'm only capable of lying to you, Ryuzaki?"
"I am," stated L.
This encouraged a fabulous sigh from Raito as the brunette crossed his arms across his face and pressed his nose into the hollows of his elbows. "You choose the worst times to be difficult, you know that?" he muttered.
Incidentally, L picked that moment of his life to be the corniest.
"Ah, the labors of love, Raito-kun," L deadpanned.
"Ryuzaki…"
"Oh, fine." L grumbled with a puff of air at his bangs. "If you cannot handle something as simple as a statement of adoration, then I suppose you-"
L discovered quite abruptly that he couldn't talk anymore. Raito's arms had hooked around his back and drawn him forward. L felt the brunette's fingertips pressing roughly into his scalp. He saw Raito's eyes, mere centimeters away, not closed or half-lidded as the situation warranted, but wide, annoyed, and decidedly amused.
L felt something soft and warm pressing against his lips.
Was Raito…
…Kissing him?
His earlier irritation vanished completely. Replacing it was the pull of intrigue and curiosity.
He leaned in without the help of Raito's fingertips and parted his lips in response to the brunette's searching tongue.
(Well, it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.)
L wrapped his arms around Raito's shoulders as the brunette kissed him deeply. L marveled at the fluttering warmth that suddenly flourished in his chest and washed across his body. Raito's tongue grazed the roof of his mouth and L twisted his feet together to shut out the tingling sensation that shot from his eyes to his toes.
Soon (too soon, if L had anything to say about it), Raito's lips retreated with a soft 'chu.' L craned his head back and rested his chin on the backs of his hands to look Raito in the eye again.
"That's it?" he made an effort to sound disinterested, but his astounding lack of breath left L's voice airy, deprived, and mildly desperate.
"That's it?" Raito quoted with a smug smirk. He ran his fingertips down the side of L's face. "You looked like you were about to faint. You weren't breathing at all."
L scowled. "I wasn't?"
"Nope," grinned Raito.
"Would it be terribly cliché if I said that you take my breath away?"
"Terribly," grinned Raito.
L allowed his lips to curve out in a lazy, satisfied smile. "I suppose you think this constitutes an 'I love you,' then?"
"Of course," Raito boldly replied.
L made a show of rolling his eyes, but he felt no anger toward his brunette companion. Raito made it clear that his 'I love you's were just for show. He felt so comfortable singing his lies to people he didn't really care about. Perhaps years and years of fabricated affection had ingrained in Raito's head that saying the three magic words was more of a curse. In Raito's mind, 'I love you' was annoying protocol and nothing more.
Now, Raito couldn't say he hadn't kissed women to shut them up, and he couldn't say he'd never lied to anyone with a kiss. Mikami came to mind, but Raito definitely hadn't kissed Mikami like that.
Raito wouldn't lie to him.
L pressed his forehead against Raito's and they both went comically cross-eyed. "It seems my kissing technique needs to be improved," L remarked factually.
"So it does," Raito agreed.
"Perhaps I should practice it so I will not disappoint you so much next time, Raito-kun."
"Maybe you should."
"Ah, but I will need someone to practice on."
"That is a problem."
"Perhaps you would like to volunteer, Raito-kun?" L suggested with a wry smile.
Raito smirked.
Taking that as a 'yes,' L licked his lips and dove for Raito's beautiful smile.
There were no 'I love you's exchanged. There were no heartfelt confessions made. L hadn't gotten exactly what he wanted, but for now, he'd settle for another kiss.
--
Chibi Misa: BOHAHAHAHAHA!
Chibi Matt: LEEEROOOOYYYY JEEENKIIIINNNSSS!
Chibi L: I LIKE CAKE! :3
Me: Well, ladies and gentlemen? Enjoy yourselves?
Chibi Raito: I must admit, you're not a very strategic fluff-coordinator.
Me: Who cares, as long as it's there? The plot is overtaking the romance in this thing. I must keep my love-bunnies alive!
Chibi Raito: There'll be time for that later.
Me: Nope. Fluff. Now.
Chibi L: -tackles Chibi Raito-
Chibi Raito: Shit, no!
Chibi Inner Raito: Fuck, yes!
Chibi Misa: I finally make an appearance! Yaaaayyyyy! And I'm the Devil! Even more Yaaaaayyyyy!
Me: Yes, you Misa fanatics! You get Evil!Misa! And get this… she's ambiguously smart!
Chibi Raito: Gasp!
Chibi L: Gasp!
Chibi Audience: GASP!
Chibi Misa: Review and tell me how awesome I am! Go on. You know you want to. I'm cute, I'm cuddly, I'm blonde, and I'm psychotically evil! Go, me!
Chibi Matt: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!