"What will it take to get this thing moving again? Either we're stuck in traffic, or the police really want me to escape again."

"Is that it? The story ends with Batman dying and Gotham roasting? As much as I love the ending, I'm not sure I get the rest of the story."

"So you are as dumb as you look. I guess you're to blame for all the blonde jokes."

"I'm sorry, Puddin', but I'm not as smart as you. I'm trying my best to understand, and I get it for the most part, but there're still some things I'm kinda confused about."

"You're confused about a lot of things, Harley."

The Joker and Harley were being transported back to Arkham in an armored car. They had been stuck in traffic for a very long time, and so Joker had entertained himself during the wait by attempting to teach Harley a lesson.

They had been at the zoo getting back their hyenas for Harley's birthday. Normally he would have made her get her own birthday present, but he had been in a good mood that day because of his latest plan. He had been so excited about it, because there wouldn't be a soul in Gotham who would see it coming. He had planned to infect Gotham with a toxin that would make them all sad and depressed and suicidal; basically the opposite of his Joker venom. He wanted to show Gotham just how important a happy smile is, but he needed the antidote to his Joker venom to complete the compound, something that he knew the Batman always carried with him. Of course he had never made an antidote, and he could have just stolen some from any hospital, but what fun would that have been? And besides, he had wanted to make sure Batman got a front row seat to one of his more brilliant schemes. And when they had run into Catwoman at the zoo, he finally saw the perfect way to get the lovesick Bat into showing himself. He had shot her, provoking the hidden Batman into action. He had pinned the Joker to the ground and was strangling him, things had been turning out better than he had dared hope. Batman had come so very close to killing him, but before he could, Harley had gotten away from Nightwing and intervened and struck him with her hammer, bringing him back to his senses and making the Joker furious. After the police had shown up and loaded them in the armored car, Joker had killed the cop guarding them and then beaten the living crap out of Harley.

"But I don't understand Puddin', he was gonna kill you!" Harley had shouted as he repeatedly slammed her head into the floor. "I was trying to help, why I are you so angry? What did I do wrong?"

The Joker had realized that she honestly didn't know what she had done wrong, and so he decided to explain it to her. After all, he couldn't hold her responsible if she was too stupid to see the error of her ways. He stopped his assault and pulled her bleeding form onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, which was difficult with the handcuffs. He had then proceeded to tell her a story, believing it was the best way to penetrate her thick, naive skull.

"I see what you're sayin', Batman would be a great villain, but why would you be willing to die to make that happen?" asked Harley.

"Because it would corrupt him and make him like us, of course. Think of how funny that would be."

"But why not just kill him? Wouldn't that be better?"

"Think about it Harley. Gotham is like a terminal cancer patient addicted to pain meds, and Batman is its morphine. Batman can't save Gotham any more than pain killers can save a dying man. Now, if Batman were killed, Gotham would suffer horribly, but it would survive. But if Batman suddenly turned against Gotham, he could destroy it. Batman can do things to Gotham that I can't. You can't be betrayed by your enemy, only your so-called "friends" can do that. They may hate him sometimes, but they need him, and deep down they trust him and rely on him to take care of their problems, and that makes them incredibly weak and vulnerable. I on the other hand, could never earn their trust. I could give up crime, sell all my things and give the money to the poor, I could spend my every waking moment in a soup kitchen, I could become Father Theresa for crying out loud! And they still wouldn't trust me, which just goes to show that they're not quite as stupid as I make them out to be. They need Batman, so if he turned on them, if their hero became their enemy, it would destroy them."

"That may be true, Puddin', but even an evil Batman would still have nothing on you. You're the most dangerous man in Gotham, Batman only wishes he could be as great as you," said Harley adoringly.

"Oh, I'm well aware of that, you little minx, that goes without saying. That's not the real reason I'm willing to die, though. That would be just a side bonus. No, the real reason is because you can't just kill a man like Batman. I would love to kill him, but he would be okay with that. He cares more about the lives of others than he does his own, so just ending his life wouldn't be enough. Instead of just killing him, it would be far better to break him down, to make him forsake his morals and beliefs, to take the things he values most from him, to make him become the very thing he so despises. To do that would destroy him. Just imagine Batman then, how hilarious that would be. My life would be complete. But the way to break the Bat would be to make him break his one rule, he would have to take a life, and I'd be honored to be his first."

"Do you really think killing Catwoman would make him snap, like it did in your story?"

"Maybe, maybe not. But if there's anything out there that I can destroy that will make him snap, I'll find it."

"But what if you can't? What if Batman really is incorruptible?"

The Joker smacked Harley, sending her to the floor. She moaned in pain as she rubbed her bruised cheek as he said thoughtfully, "He may never kill, and I may never be able to break him, at least not completely. I've already done a fair bit of damage to his troubled psyche, but I may never be able to truly corrupt him. If a day ever comes when that becomes apparent, then I'll kill him, but only then, and not a day sooner."

"But what about me, Puddin'? I don't want you to die. Just hearing you talk about it in a story was bad enough, I don't even wanna think about what it would be like to lose you for real. I know that if it looks like B-man's gonna kill you don't want me to interfere, but I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I could just sit there and watch you die."

"I seem to recall doing just fine before you attached yourself to me, in case you hadn't noticed I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. If you think I need you to protect me from the Batman, then your mind is even more screwed up than I thought. Do I need to prove that to you?" he asked angrily. "Maybe I need to break out of here and bring you the Batman's head on a silver platter to show you how capable I am, would that convince you?"

"No, I don't think that Puddin'-"

"But you think I need you to save my life from the big bad Batman, is that it?" he shouted as he grabbed her neck and squeezed. "I made you the way you are, I think we both know who the greater villain is. But you think that if I didn't have you I would have died a long time ago, don't you? They don't call me the Clown Price of Crime for nothin, Sweets. I didn't become Batman's greatest foe by relying on other's to save my butt, no, I've bested the Bat time and time again. If and when Batman kills me it will be because I let him, not because you weren't there to stop him, got it!"

"Yessir," said Harley weakly, barely able to breathe as his grip threatened to crush her windpipe. He slowly released his grip on her and, despite her fear of what he might do to her, she couldn't stop herself from asking softly with tears dripping down her face, "Do you want to die?"

"Of course not Pumpkin Pie, I love making Gotham smile, and I would love nothing more than to watch Batman slip slowly into madness, he's practically there already," said Joker, calming down somewhat. "It would be such a thrill to watch him lose his mind and terrorize Gotham in the name of peace and justice. But no one lives forever Harley. Even dear Ra's and his magic zombie pit will die someday and not come back. There is only one way to truly live forever, and that is to leave your mark on society, to make sure that the world can't forget you, no matter how hard it tries. When you die, you can either pass on and be forgotten, or you can die in such a way you are unforgettable. I have nothing to live for, but I have plenty to die for. You have to decide what you want to die for Harley, because a man who has nothing to die for doesn't deserve to live."

"I have you, does that count?" asked Harley as she wrapped her sore arms around his legs.

"A bit predictable and a tad uncreative, but it'll work I suppose," he said with an indifferent shrug.

"Is that really what you think it would be like if Batman killed you? You really think all those things would happen?"

"Heavens no, I picture it differently every time, and some versions are more fun than others. That was the tame and dumbed-down version of one of my favorites for you, my dear. You don't even want to know what the others are like."

"Oh, okay," said Harley, choosing to not be offended by that. She paused, then said, "Do you really think I could kill B-man, like in the story?"

"Of course not, I added that in to make you feel good. Did it work?"

"Yeah, I guess so," said Harley with a shrug.

"Wonderful, you can tell Dr. Leslie what a wonderful and caring boyfriend I am when we get to Arkham."

Dr. Leslie was their current doctor at Arkham. An overly optimistic woman who absolutely refused to see the glass as half-empty, she had decided that instead of trying to separate the Joker and Harley like everyone else had, she would give them "couple's counseling." It consisted mainly of the doctor trying to get Harley to be more independent, and teaching Joker to respect Harley more. It was irritating and entertaining for him at the same time, because as much as he hated having sessions with Harley where all they did was talk about their feelings, the very idea of himself in couple's counseling was hilarious. Dr. Leslie was convinced that they were making progress, and that she would have them functioning like a normal couple in no time. Looking at Harley now, Joker knew he would be getting an earful from her about being more caring and not being mean and hurtful, or something like that. Even though they had made little progress, if any, she just didn't know when to quit and refused to stop trying. While he had nothing against a cheery attitude, he could tell she wasn't even actually happy, she just refused to accept the possibility that she could actually fail. He would have killed her already, but he wanted to wipe that forced smile off her face and show her that she had been a fool to think she could change anything, he wanted to show her how pathetic she was and push her off the deep end. He didn't think it would be very difficult, as he was certain she had done time on loony-island before.

"I do have a wonderful boyfriend, don't I?" said Harley as she climbed back in his lap and snuggled closer to him as he rolled his eyes. "Ya know, in your story, I can't believe Talia became so obsessed with B-man, I bet he'd be a terrible boyfriend. I can see how she'd be attracted to him, but her infatuation with him was just weird."

"Love does crazy things to people," said Joker as he gave her a pointed look.

"And it's too bad we don't know who B-man really is, and all his little helpers. Just for the story, it would have been cool to have been able to include their secret identities in the story too, to see how it would have affected the outcome."

"Who says we don't know?" said Joker with a wink.

"And where was the Justice League? Shouldn't they have been in the story too?"

"Harley, this story was to teach you a lesson. There was no need to over-complicate things, the important thing is that you more or less understand the point I was trying to make. Besides, Stupid-man and the Fashion-Disasters don't deserve a place in my story, Nightwing barely made it in, and that was only because he's an important part of Batman's life."

"But there's some other things botherin' me too-"

"Now Cupcake, when you pick a story apart like that it really ruins it," said Joker as he looked down on her in annoyance. "Stories are meant to be enjoyed, not scrutinized to the point when they lose their meaning. Stories are meant to help you escape from reality, they work almost as well as madness. So what if things don't turn out like they did in the story, I want it to be a surprise anyway. Like I said, it's just one way the world could end, and believe me, there are innumerable ways to bring the world to its knees. You're spoiling my fun here and being a real killjoy. Did you not like my story, Harley?"

"Oh no Puddin', I loved it," she said as she attempted to kiss him, but he turned away, disappointed by her lack of imagination. She settled for resting her head on his chest. "You're the greatest story teller eva, you put everyone else to shame, and I really do mean that. Thanks for tellin' me the story, and I'm really sorry I messed things up for you."

"Yeah, you are sorry," he grumbled.

Just then, the vehicle began moving again, and they were on finally on their way. As they began moving again, the cop began to stir and groan.

"I thought she was dead!" said Harley, as though the woman had offended her by refusing to die.

"How many times do I have to kill you?" asked the Joker as he roughly shoved Harley off his lap and stood up and gave the woman a swift and powerful kick to her temple. "Check and see if I need to kick her again, Harl," he said as he sat back down.

"She's actually dead this time, Sweetie," said Harley after she checked her pulse.

They reached the asylum a few minutes later, where they were met by several guards and Dr. Leslie.

"Harley, what happened to you? When they called and told us about the incident at the zoo, they didn't mention anything like this," said Dr. Leslie. She then looked at the Joker and gave him a disapproving look. "Did you do this Joker?"

"Do what? She looks just fine to me," chuckled Joker.

"Joker, this kind of behavior is not okay, you know that," said Dr. Leslie as her patients were led inside. Another one of her irksome traits was her bad habit of talking to her patients like they were children, especially the Joker. "You said you weren't going to hurt her anymore."

"Really? I said that? Wow, the docs must have had me on some really weird pills that day," laughed the Joker.

"We're going to have a lot to talk about during our next session," sighed Dr. Leslie. Her smile slipped for a fraction of a second, but she quickly plastered it back on. "But don't worry, we're going to fix these problems, aren't we?"

The Joker stuck his tongue out at her while Harley remained silent. As much as she hated the woman, she was the only doctor who let her have therapy sessions with her Puddin', something the other doctors never did and had all warned her not to do.

Harley was led away from the Joker and put back in her reserved cell. It was very late, and so the guards would not bother putting her in a jumpsuit or getting her makeup washed off or get her injuries checked out until morning. She laid down on her bed, wincing as the pain from her injuries shot through her. She briefly wondered if she had any broken bones, but she was more worried about the Babies. She hoped they weren't sad or upset with her for breaking them out, only to be locked back up again almost immediately. She knew the feeling well.

She thought about what had happened, and about what the Joker had said. Thinking about it, she knew what he had said made sense, and she had been foolish to think that he needed her to save him. She understood that he could have escaped if he had wanted to, but had chosen not to so he could destroy the Bat. She knew he didn't need her to save him, but she also knew that if she had to repeat the night over she wouldn't change a thing. There was no way that she would ever just sit by and watch him die. She knew it was selfish of her, but she loved him too much to ever just let something happen to him, even if it did mean ruining his dream and getting a beating. She giggled to herself, it always felt strange when she did the opposite of what he told her to do.

"Sorry Puddin', but there's no way I'm gonna let you get hurt," whispered Harley to herself. "Not that it matters, B-man is too much of a goody-goody to ever cross the line and do anything like that. But even if he ever did, I wouldn't let you die. Yeah it's selfish, but I love you too much to ever let you go. I know you wouldn't need me to but I don't care. I want you to be happy, but you don't need to break the Bat to be happy. But I will help you kill 'em. Will get 'em someday, Mistah J, and then it'll be just the two of us, livin' happily eva after."

Before she drifted into dreamland, she made a mental note to herself to have the Joker tell her stories more often.

xxxx

Bruce Wayne entered the Batcave, where Alfred was waiting for him. He removed his cowl and ran his fingers through his hair tiredly.

"So were you able to catch Catwoman, sir?" asked Alfred.

"The Joker was there. He shot her to get my attention," said Bruce through gritted teeth.

"Oh my. Will she be all right?"

"Barbara's keeping me posted on her condition, but according to the paramedics she should be fine, but it will take time."

"You seem troubled sir, and I gather it's not just because of Catwoman's condition."

"After he shot her, I nearly killed the Joker. I let my hatred and my pain cloud my judgment, and I nearly took his life. Dick was trying to restrain Harley, but she escaped and hit me with her hammer. It took that blow to stop me from making the worst mistake of my life," said Bruce, ashamed of himself. "Not only that, but I've been thinking about all the people who have died because of people like him, people who have been hurt like Selina was tonight. They commit the murders, but by not killing them I have the blood on my hands. I'm not saying I think I should start killing, but what I am saying is that this guilt, this burden, is unbearable."

"You are not responsible for the sins of the criminals around you, sir. Even criminals as insane as the Joker are ultimately responsible for their acts, not you. I understand why you blame yourself, but the deaths of the people are not your fault. You have fought hard and sacrificed much for them, the blame is not yours."

"Maybe so, but the fact remains that every night I come closer and closer to giving in, I feel like my resolve is weakening. Alfred, I'm not sure if I should continue this. I want to help these people more than anything, but what if a time comes when I hurt them instead of help, when I become their hero instead of their protector. Maybe I'm not supposed to be the Batman. Maybe the job was supposed to go to someone else, someone who can fight evil and resist it better than I."

"Now sir, I believe that if you want to retire, you should not be doing it simply because of one incident. The fact that you came close to crossing that line simply means that you're human. There's not a single person alive that could do what you do and not be tempted to sink down to the level of their enemies. Most men would have given in by now, but you refuse to lose sight of what you believe in, and that is what makes you such a great hero. You know, I've been meaning to show you this." Alfred went the batcomputer and pulled up a website. He then showed Bruce what appeared to be a letter. It read:

Dear Batman,

Thank you for saving my family from the bad guys who broke into my house yesterday. When I grow up, I want to be just like you. Not a superhero, but someone who helps people in need. No matter what anyone says about you, I know that you're not a bad person. You're my hero, and I hope you never stop being Batman.

-Tommy Bishop

"There are hundreds of others like this, and many weren't written by children. Since the people couldn't thank you personally, they started this in hopes that you would see it. It shows how great a difference just one man can make in the world."

"I can't believe this," said Bruce, stunned by the little's boy's show of gratitude. "This is amazing."

"I thought I'd show it to you sir, because sometimes even the Batman needs a little encouragement. You've done so much for this city, your parents would be very proud."

"I need to interrogate the Joker and find out what he was planning," said as he Bruce put the cowl back on. "Thank you, Alfred."

Alfred only nodded as Bruce climbed back into the Batmobile and drove off into the night.

xxxx

The Joker lay on the little cot in his tiny cell, pondering the events of that night.

He couldn't believe Harley had screwed everything up for him, again. She was a sweet kid and he knew she meant well, but right then he really wanted to make her bleed again. He was having to put real effort into not sneaking out of his cell and killing the insane woman. He often wondered why he kept her alive, and now was one of those times. He knew she wasn't going to listen to him, she rarely did when it came to things that were actually important, and that made him want to kill her even more. Why was it that whenever he had a chance to kill her he let it pass him by? Why he put up with her at all he would never know.

Still, at least now this meant he could have some more fun messing with Batman's head. It was his favorite game, after all. He reached into his suit pocket, which he knew they would be coming to remove any time now, and pulled out the anti-toxin for his laughing gas and hid it in a hole he had cut a long time ago in his poor excuse for a mattress. This was only a minor setback, and he would be putting frowns on the people's faces soon enough. Why, as soon as they got a taste of the toxin he would whip up, they would practically be begging him for Joker Venom. He wondered if it would work on Batman, or if he would even be able to tell if it did.

One day, and he didn't care if it came ten days or ten years later, either he or Batman would kill the other, and he didn't care which. If he killed Batman he would've defeated his greatest adversary once and for all, and he would be able to do whatever he wanted with poor pathetic Gotham. Hell, if he felt like it he could do whatever he wanted to the entire world and no one could stop him. But if Batman killed him, it would force him to sacrifice his morals and beliefs, he would be brought down to his level, and he would be showing the world that everything the Joker had been saying all along was true, that anyone could have just one bad day and become just like him. Either way the Joker would win, he couldn't lose.

Just then, Batman silently entered his cell. "We're going to have a little talk, Joker."

"What about?" asked the Joker innocently. "My near-death experience tonight?"

"That won't work, Joker. I came close to breaking my rule tonight, but I will never cross that line, I will never become like you. Now, what did you have planned for Gotham?"

"How big are you on stories?" asked the Joker suddenly as he stared up at the ceiling. He always loved these little chats he had with the man who was his best friend, yet at the same time was his worst enemy. "I absolutely love stories, in fact I told Harley one on the way here. I'll have to tell it to you sometime, I just know you'd love it. But you know, the most important part of any story is the ending. You can write the most amazing book in the world, but if the ending isn't perfect, it ruins the entire story," said the Joker as he sat up and looked at him with a huge smile stretched across his face. "Our stories are intertwined and have become one, and one day our story will come to an end, and I can assure you it will be nothing short of spectacular. Keep trying to find sense in a senseless world, keep trying to save the stupid sheep from getting themselves killed. Do whatever you want, because no matter what happens in our story, I'll be writing the ending! AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Author's Notes: So what did you think? If you enjoyed this story please review and tell me what you think, your opinion is always welcome and appreciated :)