DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THE BOOK OF MORMON, OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM THE BOOK OF MORMON. THEREFORE, I AM NOT TREY, MATT, OR BOBBY. I'M A GIRL. JUST WANTED TO GET THAT ACROSS. :) Also, shoutout to Ophycal who reviewed last chapter!
Me: I'm baaaaaaaaack!
Price: Brace yourselves.
Me: Actually...I still don't know who the hell I'm casting as Rafiki and Ed.
Cunningham: Oh, man!
Me: You're actually looking forward to this?
Cunningham: Well...we don't appear until the end of Act 1...
Me: Okay, to kill time, here's a cast list:
(YOUNG) SIMBA - (YOUNG) ELDER PRICE
MUFASA - MAFALA
SCAR - GENERAL (you know who I'm talking about)
ZAZU - ELDER THOMAS
(YOUNG) NALA - (YOUNG) NABULUNGI
RAFIKI - ?
SHENZI - ASMERET
BANZAI - GUARD #1
ED - ?
TIMON - ELDER MCKINLEY
PUMBAA - ELDER CUNNINGHAM
ANIMALS/PLANTS/BACKGROUND DANCERS/ENSEMBLE - EVERYONE ELSE
HEAD PLANT - ELDER CHURCH
Church: WTF?
Me: Sorry, couldn't resist.
Harris: You are the strangest person I've ever met.
Me: I know that.
McKinley: *singing softly to himself to the tune of "I'm The Greatest Individual" from Sweet Charity* She's the strangest individual I have ever met...
Cunningham: *singing loudly and off-key* IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!
Everyone: *covers their ears*
Cunningham: Is my singing really that bad?
Church: Yes. Yes, it is, Arnold. (A/N: I mean Elder Cunningham is a bad singer. NOT Josh Gad.)
Harris: That was weird.
Me: It's called an author's note. Anyway...well, as I still can't decide on Rafiki and Ed, I'm just going to leave you guys alone. *starts to sing* FOR NOW...Elder McKinley, finish it.
McKinley: Um, okay...AND CALL ME CONNOR!
Me: Yeah. And I'll randomly start using the General's real name.
McKinley: You called me Connor at the beginning!
Me: FINE! Connor. Finish the song. PLEASE.
McKinley: *grins* Okee dokee! *starts to sing* FOR NOW...FOR NOW...ONLY FOR NOW! ONLY FOR NOW! ONLY FOR NOW!
*ABOUT 15,000 FOR NOWS LATER*
Me: I'm baaaaaaaackk...again!
Price: Okay. Time to get this over with.
Me: So, I decided to use Gotswana for Rafiki and Mutumbo for Ed. (A/N: THANK YOU OPHYCAL! I HAD THE HARDEST TIME CHOOSING...)
Harris: More author notes?
Me: Yep. Okay, we're going to start with "Nants' Ingonyama!"
Neeley: Um...what is that?
Me: It's one of the chants used in the stage version of The Lion King.
Church: Confuzzled here...are we doing the movie or the musical?
Price: THE MUSICAL!
Everyone: *covers ears*
Nabulungi: Okay, so will everyone be covering their ears every chapter from now on?
Me: Maybe? Any chapter where Kevin yells or Arnold sings, you'll be covering your ears...
Cunningham: STOP PICKING ON ME AND JOSH GAD!
Me: I'm not making fun of Josh Gad, for the millionth time! I'M MAKING FUN OF YOU!
*Joseph Smith randomly pops in*
Joseph Smith: *sings to the tune of "Making Things Up Again"* You're making fun of him again, Mormon fan!
Me: Go back to where you belong, Joseph?
*Joseph Smith disappears*
Neeley: Remind me where he belongs?
Me: Don't mind that. So...here we go! Animals and Gotswana, start chanting!
*Gotswana has not spoken a word this entire time, remember...*
Gotswana: NO!
Me: Do it!
Gotswana: NO!
Me: Do it!
Gootswana: NO!
Everyone: *smothers laughter*
Gotswana: What?
Everyone: *is in hysterics*
Asmeret: She...she...she...*laughs weakly*
Gotswana: WHAT?
Mutumbo: She...SHE WROTE YOUR NAME AS GOOTSWANA!
Me: BY ACCIDENT! IT'S THE COMPUTER'S FAULT, NOT MINE!
McKinley: But you were the one who typed it!
Gotswana: You're...you're MEAN!
Me: Gods, you guys, you're acting like children!
Church: Um...Gods?
Me: Never mind me! WE'RE WASTING TIME!
Cunningham: At any rate, she's probably going to quit before she gets to "Hakuna Matata."
Me: NO I WON'T! GOTSWANA, SING! NOW! AND VILLAGERS, ELDERS, AND ELDER THOMAS, JOIN HIM AS THE OTHER ANIMALS FOR "NANTS' INGONYAMA" AND "CIRCLE OF LIFE!"
Gotswana: Fine! I'll sing! BUT DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR ASS KICKED!
Nants'ngonyama bakithi baba
Villagers and Elders: Sithi hu ngonyama
Villagers: Ngonyama nengweba
Elders: Ngonyama
Harris: I'm an antelope? Grr...this just keeps getting better and better...
Mai ba bo hi-ngonyama baba
Gotswana: Nants'ngoyama bakithi baba
Villagers and Elders: Sithi hu ngonyama
Villagers: Ngoyama nengweba
Elders: Ngonyama
Church: Haaaaaaa khuzani bo bhek'i ya galela...Wait a second, why am I an antelope too-
Me: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR GIVEN ANIMALS AND GET ON WITH SINGING!
Church: *gives me a death glare*
Gotswana: Nants'ngonyama bakithibaba
Villagers and Elders: Sithi hu ngoyama
Gotswana: He le le
Villagers: Ngonyama
Gotswana: Hoi yo sizo ngco
Elders: Ngonyama
Gotswana: Ba ba ba...le le le
Villagers and Elders: Ngonyama
Gotswana: Oh sizo ngco
Villagers and Elders: Ngonyama
Rafiki: Ingonyamanengwe nama bala
Villagers and Elders: Ingoyamanengwe nama bala
Ingonyamanengwe nama bala
Ingonyamanengwe nama bala
Ingonyamanengwe nama bala
Ingonyamanengwe nama bala
Ingonyamanengwe nama bala
Ingonyamanengwe nama bala
Me: Okay, we're done with the chant! "Circle of Life," people!
Gotswana: But I'm tired!
Me: KEEP GOING!
Gotswana: *is still tired* My throat hurts...
From the day we arrived on this planet
and blinking, stepped into the sun,
there is more to see than can ever be seen
Price: You've got that right. I'm emotionally and religious scarred than I thought I'd be about coming here. That buffalo carcass was the last straw...*shudders*
Gotswana: More to do than can ever be done
Cunningham: I never thought that people would actually listen to me...
Gotswana: There is far too much to take in here,
more to find than can ever be found
McKinley: Too much to take in...that's when I started to turn it off...
Gotswana: But the sun rolling high,
through the sapphire sky
keeps great and small on the endless round.
Nabulungi: I bet there's a sapphire sky in Sal Tlay Ka Siti!
Everyone: *groans*
Gotswana: It's the circle of life
And it moves us all
through despair and hope, through faith and love
*Kevin, Connor, Arnold, and Nabulungi smile, hug, and start rocking back and forth to the beat of the music*
Gotswana: Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
Thomas: Too true, too true. We all did...
*The other elders join the Fab Four's group hug*
Price: Wait, Fab Four?
Me: Why not? You guys are fabulous, and you need a nickname. So you, Arnold, Connor, and Nabulungi are the Fabulous Four. Wow, I've never made up a group name for a fandom before! YAY!
McKinley: You get distracted easily.
Gotswana: AHEM! *awkward silence* Let me sing.
In the circle, the circle of life
Everyone: It's the circle of life
and it moves us all
through despair and hope, through faith and love.
Till we find our place, on the path unwinding,
in the circle, the circle of life.
Me: *wiping tears from my eyes* That song always makes me cry. So beautiful! THANK YOU ELTON JOHN AND TIM RICE! Even though Tim is currently fighting with Andrew Lloyd Webber over the whole "Superstar" issue...
Everyone: *collapses*
Me: Seriously? You're that tired?
Price: Well, the four of us aren't. And neither is the General, Asmeret, the guard, Mutumbo...
Me: I get it, I get it! Anyone who wasn't specified in the song isn't tired! By the way...where is that wonderful General tht we all know and love?
General: Right here!
Everyone: *turns around to see the General sitting on a pig trough*
Asmeret: Um...General...why are you sitting on a pig trough?
General: Don't ask me! Ask that asshole over there who decided to put me in a pig trough!
Me: I'm just the author! Don't blame me!
McKinley: Who originated that saying?
Me: Ummm...I forget. Whoever originated it, shoutout to you, too!
General: *gets out of the pig trough* DISGUSTING. SHIT. WHY?
Me: 'Cause you're mean to Kevin and Arnold!
Price: Thanks, but I really do not want the Book of Mormon shoved up my-
Me: Okay, we're done for now!
McKinley: *sings again* For now! For now! Only for now-
Me: *groans* Maybe I'll just quit it with all the references. Well, I'll decide in the next chapter.
Thomas: And by then you'll be putting in more references than ever. Pigfarts in there? PLEASE?
Me: *groans again* You'll see boys...you'll see. Anyway, next chapter, we're doing "The Morning Report!"
Price: That's the worst song in the whole musical!
Me: Shut up, Kevin. BTW...the person who can identify all the references in each chapter gets a virtual cookie! Bye all! *leaves*
McKinley: What is it with her and her obsession with virtual cookies?
Church: Who knows? I was put head plant, she's obsessed with plants too...
Everyone: WE KNOW! WE KNOW! SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE HEAD PLANT ALREADY!
Church: OMGosh, you guys, I only mentioned it once...