Disclaimer: I don't own Bones. Fox does.

To all those who reviewed, thanks for all the kind words. Thanks to Melissa my beta for all your helpful input and encouraging words.

Booth

I'm jolted awake from my fitful sleep by a nightmare. My breathing is ragged and I'm drenched in my own sweat. It was anything but pleasant and I'm glad I can't remember what it was about. For a moment I'm disorientated. I haven't had a bad dream in a long time. I suck in a deep breath. Mental note to self, Do not keep things from Bones. It's not good for the mind. Bones! I feel an instant pang of guilt. I reach for her in the dark. I feel her soft skin next to me.

I turn to face her. As my eyes adjust to the dim light, I can make out her form, curled up into a ball with her face towards me. I love to watch her sleep, she looks so peaceful, so different from the person she is in the day. The feistiness, the cold, hard woman she portrays to everyone seems to disappear as she sleeps and is replaced by an almost child-like vision of innocence, of beauty.

I usually pull the covers over us after making love, but tonight I have neglected to do so. We're both still naked and she seems to shiver a little. Guilt hits me again and I pull the covers over her, careful not to wake her. I remember what it was like hours ago. I must have hurt her, in more ways than one. I could kick my own ass for my behavior. I remember myself wanting nothing but to bury my pain deep in her, I remember my own selfish desire to want to release all my frustration, without regard for her. I remember shutting her out afterwards. I remember everything and it's not a good memory.

I can't bear to lie in the same bed as her. Slowly I get up, swinging my legs over the side of the mattress. I locate my boxers in the low light and pull them on. My throat feels parched. I make my way to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water. Downing it, I return to the couch.

I pick up the letter. It seems heavier than it should. I will it to go away; maybe I'll wake up and this will all be a bad dream. I squeeze my eyes shut, then open them again, the letter is still in my hand, taunting me. This is reality. I let out a breath. I can't believe my actions earlier. Guilt settles over me like a heavy blanket. I should explain myself, apologize to her. Maybe she'd forgive me. I shouldn't keep things from her. I promised I would never leave her. Stupid fool! I should not have promised her the impossible.

I drop the letter beside me, and bury my face in my hands.

"Booth?"

Her voice startles me. She is standing next to me, wearing nothing save for one of my old T-shirts.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Bones, my beautiful girlfriend, the love of my life, is apologizing to me, when it should be me asking for forgiveness. "I thought you left."

"No Bones, it's ok. I would never – " What I'm about to do would make whatever promise I want to make seem hollow.

"Was it something I did?" She has that cute, confused look on her face.

"Oh Bones." I sigh. How could I ever let her think that. "No, you were perfect. It was me….. I, I hurt you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."

"It's perfectly normal for a man to want to satisfy his own desires before a woman's, sex wasn't unpleasant just now, I'm sure you realized I climaxed shortly after you did. I've had other partners who – "

"I shouldn't be like other partners."

"It's really not a problem Booth."

I pat the space beside me, inviting her to take a seat. She sits and I hold her to me in a vice grip, afraid that if I let go, I'd lose the one thing besides Parker that I treasure most in the world.

I rest my chin on her head and speak. "I just…. it's just that I needed to forget, I wanted to forget, pretend all this wasn't happening. I'm sorry I shut you out. I'm sorry, for what I did just now, for the way I hurt you, for what I'm about to do."

Bones lifts her head to look at me. "Booth I don't know what that means."

Wordlessly I hand the letter lying next to me to her. She reads it silently, then looks up at me, her eyes brimming with tears.

"If you don't' want me to go, just say it, and I'll figure a way to get out of this."

"This Friday. That's three days away." The very little time we have left makes all this harder than it already is.

"Yeah. I haven't been home in almost two weeks. The letter arrived about ten days ago."

She nods in understanding. She thinks for moment, and I'm left wondering what her brilliant brain is thinking.

"You have to go Booth. To Iraq. You're good at what you do and I'm sure they need to you accomplish some task only you are capable of.

I laugh bitterly. "Come on Bones. The only thing I'm capable of is and I quote, "great violence". I recall how she had compared me to the dog she wanted to adopt some time back.

"No Booth. I was too blunt in my assessment of you."

"Blunt, but true."

"But what you do, you do for the greater good. You make it safe for kids to grow up; you could be going there to take the life of someone who would otherwise kill innocent lives there, or here on American soil."

"You make me sound so noble." It's strange, I should be comforting her, but instead she is comforting me.

"When will you come back?" Her voice conveys her hurt, her uncertainty.

"I'm sorry Bones. I know I promised you, when we got together that I would never be like the others, that I would never leave you."

"You are coming back." A statement more than a question.

"Yes Bones. I'm coming back. Nothing in this world could stop me from coming back to you. I give you permission to punch me in the face again if I don't make it back."

It was meant to lighten the mood but instead seems to make the gravity of the situation sink in. Tears roll down her cheeks.

"Come 'ere." I pull her to me again. She sobs quietly; I feel her hot tears roll down my bare chest. I can't believe I'm causing her such pain.

"I'm so sorry Temperance."

She takes a moment; I feel her trying to control herself. She lifts her head to look at me again.

"I don't know when I'll be back, but I promise you, I'll come back. And you'll help me put more bad people away, to make up for the lives I'm gonna take, in Iraq."

She manages a small smile. "I can do that."

I pull her to me for a slow burning kiss.

"What are we going to do?" She asks me when we break for air.

"We Bones, are going to get some sleep. In the morning, we can decide what we're gonna do. Hopefully we won't have a case. We can take the next three days off. I need to tell Rebecca and Parker. I need you with me, until I leave."

She looks at me.

"That is, if you want to?"

"Yes, I would want to do that."

For the first time since I read that letter I begin to believe that things are gonna be ok. I take her hand and lead her to bed. I pull the covers over us and try to get some sleep.

Sorry all I'm a sucker for angst sometimes. Read on things get better. Reviews are always welcome. As always reviews are more than welcome.