AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you again to everyone who commented and stuck with this story. I have about three more chapters (I think) before it gets wrapped up. I am loving every minute of it and I hope you guys feel the same. Again, thank you so much for the reviews.

Mia

The weather temperatures in Spock's cabin were cooler than usual, Kirk was glad of that. Kirk was sure it was because Uhura had stayed over the night prior, because Spock rarely kept his room temperature below 32 degrees Celcius. The small breeze and hum of the air vent also wafted the smells of Spock's cabin into Kirk's oversensitive nose.

There was a familiar, yet unnamable scent, the scent of the Romulan ale, which smells like the color blue, Kirk thought, if blue truly did have a smell. Fresh and wispy like the petals of a Cardassian hibiscus on your lips after consuming their fire tea. In one word: soothing. Of course, Kirk could smell Spock, woodsy and masculine like bergamot and spicy like that strange Vulcan seasoning that Spock used in all of his cooking akin to saffron. There was also another scent in the air, one that Kirk knew too well, one that had been harping on his mind for days on end. There was the faint scent of Nyota flitting around the cabin. Like a hummingbird, Kirk could barely catch the scent of honeysuckles and jasmine as it hovered for a millisecond and then darted away on the wind. Occasionally, when Spock would move his head or his body, the scent would flutter from the uniform shirt, hit Kirk right in the olfactory senses and then disperse, as if it were a ghost on the wind. Kirk longed to smell that scent, keep it, bottle it and rein it in.

The smell of Uhura wasn't as much sexual as it was relaxing. She reminded him of petal-soft, newly laundered sheets. Her essence stretched out over his bed, inviting him to slumber better on this night. She was a calming influence, a distracting influence, a perfect companion for the lost soul space cowboy. He and Spock were lucky to have her in their lives. Spock was even luckier to have her in his bed, and it seemed at this very moment, the Vulcan knew it. Kirk watched across the sofa, letting the exotic sounds of Romulan jazz whisk him away, relax him, as his first officer brought those slim, elegant fingers up to his nose and smelled them. Kirk, for the first time, understood the significance of the eyebrow quirk and without pomp or circumstance mimicked his First Officer's famous facial tick.

It wouldn't have struck Kirk as strange to watch the Vulcan smell those fingers, but the way his eyes closed, the way his mouth trembled, Kirk knew that look. It was a look of a freshly-fucked male, a man who'd had his fingers deep inside of a woman and hadn't quite had the time to wash that beautiful scent from his hands. Kirk immediately realized what the familiar, yet unnamable scent had been. Unmistakably it was sex; Kirk felt a familiar stirring in his pants. He leaned back against the cushions of the sofa, taking his drink with him and inhaled a big whiff of what Spock and Uhura smelled like mingled together. He took a cushion and folded it over his lap; this was going to be a very difficult night.

"Captain, are you ill?" Spock asked. Kirk should have known that his ever-observant First Officer would have noticed that something was up, pun completely intended. Kirk looked over, slightly panicked by this train of thought. It wasn't Kirk's fault. Spock was to blame for the Captain's discomfort. It was true that Kirk thought of Uhura in a very sexual way, but that part of him was subsiding as their friendship bloomed, until Spock ruined it all. Everything was perfect until Spock burst into Uhura's quarters with his "suggestions" about how to relieve the almost painful sexual tensions wrought between him and Uhura. Spock was a genius, the suggestions were… logical. A threesome would not only relieve the sexual tension but also cause for a better working relationship, not to mention it would be supremely hot. And having Spock watch while Kirk fucked Uhura into the mattress wouldn't be a bad way to burn either. The only problem was that Kirk and Uhura were friends.

Period.

There was no funny business and Kirk was starting to get used to the new relationship.

Now, sitting in Spock's quarters with the aroma of sex and Spock and Uhura mingling with the alcohol, Kirk thought he was going to come directly into his Starfleet issued pants; not very distinguished for the captain of the fleet's flagship. Kirk hadn't quite heard Spock, but understood the gist of what he was asking. With a blink, Kirk regarded his First Officer, who was placidly staring at him.

"I'm fine, Spock" Kirk responded, squirming under the Vulcan's gaze, his voice cracking like he was going through puberty. An eyebrow scanned upwards on the Vulcan's face and Kirk saw one side of Spock's mouth quirk. Kirk knew this look, it was bemusement, the look that Spock had on his face when he used his key phrase fascinating. Spock knew that Kirk was lying, he just couldn't figure out why.

"You seem ill at ease, Captain," Spock prodded. Yes, Vulcans did prod, he was a scientist after all and prodding was his way of advancing his hypothesis. Curious, green-blooded bastards, Kirk thought, just fucking drop it. Again Kirk squirmed in his seat, his cock growing harder by the minute. It wasn't Spock that was making him hard, it was the scent wafting off of Spock. Every time Spock moved or spoke Nyota would travel through the air and land right in Kirk's line of scent. He needed to get out of there.

"I am," the words blurted out of the Captain's mouth. He wasn't used to keeping things from Spock and he wasn't going to start now. Spock seemed surprised.

"And what has you in duress, Jim?" Spock asked.

"How do you expect me to relax in your quarters, when this whole place smells like sex?" Kirk asked, forward as ever. Spock looked as if he were cackling on the inside. Amusement was a facial expression that the Vulcan wore well.

"You can smell Nyota on me then?" Spock asked. Kirk shifted again, his penis was out of control. He hated the fact that Vulcans don't lie.

"Well, I didn't know it was her until I saw you smelling your fingers, you lucky bastard."

"Does it unnerve you to know that Nyota was in my bed minutes before you arrived?" Spock was more than amused now; he seemed predatory. His eyes had taken on a gaze of pure darkness, pupils dilated. Kirk had seen this face on the Vulcan before, and the last time he'd seen it, he'd suffered a nasty bruise around his neck. Kirk backed up against the couch cushions and watched as Spock approached. The Vulcan was slow in his stalking, rising up to his full height, taking those coveted fingers and clasping his other long-fingered hand in front of him. He touched the index fingers of both hands together and placed them at his mouth as if thinking of a very complex algorithm. Jim knew this stance as well; it was the stance Spock took before interrogations. The Vulcan started pacing in front of Kirk, his eyes never leaving a forward gaze.

"It doesn't unnerve me, Spock," Jim said, catching his heart's pace and trying to mentally slow it down. He knew that Spock could kill him; he also knew that the he wouldn't. Intimidation was something Spock could do well, but Jim wasn't falling for it. This was his ship, damnit!

"So, it arouses you to know that Nyota was underneath me, just minutes before you arrived. Why does it arouse you as much, Jim?" Spock asked, stopping just to the left of Jim, his gaze falling right onto Jim's eyes.

"It's not a matter of arousal, Spock," Jim started.

"So, I am incorrect in my assumption that you find Nyota attractive?" Spock asked another question. Jim cleared his throat. There was something carnal about the way Spock was possessive over Nyota. Jim couldn't blame him, if she were his, he'd become primal about her too. It was the main problem of men to want to possess something beautiful. Jim had the ship and Nyota's friendship, if only Spock could see that, understand that, enjoy that. But a Vulcan could barely understand friendship, especially one so wrought with sexual tension as he and Nyota's was.

"Didn't we already establish this? Of course I find her attractive Spock, she's beautiful. What man wouldn't find her attractive?" Jim said. Spock was still stopped in front of him, leaned slightly forward at the waist to continue his stare down and, as if deciding a different approach, shrugged his shoulders and continued his leisurely pacing.

"My offer still stands, Jim," Spock said, not even turning to watch Kirk's response. It was a good offer, one that was difficult to refuse. It was a crazy offer, one that was sure to blow up in all of their faces if they even chose to tow that line.

"I'm pretty sure Uhura would disagree with you."

"She would indeed. Would you like to be present while she and I have sexual intercourse?" Spock asked, serious as a heart attack. Kirk's mouth went slack and he got, if possible, even harder than he already had been. This was ridiculous.

"This is ridiculous," Kirk said, "what do you want to know, Spock?"

"Have you and Nyota had sexual intercourse at any point and time before, during, or after you found out about my relationship with her?" Spock asked, standing directly in Kirk's line of sight.

"No Spock, I swear on my father's grave, we haven't," Kirk responded. Kirk saw the tension ease from Spock's shoulders a bit and then the Vulcan finally sat down. Kirk exhaled. It was quiet for a moment as the two men stared at one another from across a small breach between the sofa and the chair. Spock pinched his lips between the thumb and forefinger of his left hand and Kirk rested his head against the soft cushions of the sofa. Crisis averted… maybe.

"Then why have you been avoiding her?" Spock asked his voice low. Ah, so this was the problem. And this was indeed a problem. Kirk had been avoiding her for the past few weeks; one reason being that it was painfully awkward to talk to one another in private when her boyfriend (who could crush him with one flick of his wrist) had suggested they'd outright fuck either with the said boyfriend or in front of said boyfriend. The second reason being that Kirk, after leaving the room, had actually considered it a great idea, and then he thought better of it and had gone to bed. The third reason was that Jim Kirk was a man, a human being at his core, and he could not stop the fantasies that plagued his mind day in and day out. Spock's suggestions did the opposite of their intent, instead of making Kirk want Uhura less; they actually made him want her more. If it was ok with the boyfriend for them to get it on, then what was the problem, right?

Ever since that night when Kirk left he'd been plagued with thoughts of brown nipples in his mouth, soft skin burning against his lips, long, brown legs thrown over his shoulders, pounding into her from below, hands on her slim hips driving her down onto him. His thoughts went from being sensual to being dirty, lascivious, disgusting. His dreams were filled with horribly sexy, indecent things that he would do to that beautiful, intelligent, amazing, tight-assed, creamy, milk chocolate motherfuc…

"Captain?" Spock asked again. Kirk shook his head.

"It's your fault, Spock," Jim said in a panic. Spock regarded him with an upturned eyebrow.

"Oh, how so?"

"Spock, we were forging a friendship and now all I can think about is fucking your girlfriend, it's unnerving. So I stay away, so I don't feel tempted and break, ruining any chance I will ever have with you or her."

"But there was already an uncanny tension between the two of you, how is this any different?" Spock asked, his shoulder's tightening giving away that he was quite surprised by his discovery.

"It's a human thing," Jim shrugged, "sorry I can't give you a better, more logical reason."

"And what is entailed in this 'human thing,' exactly?" Spock asked. Jim didn't think he'd ever seen the Vulcan so visibly confused and slightly saddened.

"Well, Nyota is a desirable woman Spock, I'd be a fool not see that. The time that we spend together has nothing to do with that. There is sexual tension and we've discussed it, but that is easily solved with some playful flirting and a foot rub on my part. But now, all I can think about is the chance that you presented to me. It's awkward, because, now there is no reason for us to just flirt, we actually have permission. And I don't want to go back to seeing her as a possible romantic interest. She's chosen you, it was established and now the universe has gone all wonky," Kirk finished. He removed the pillow from his lap; having said all of that, he wasn't feeling as aroused as he had. He stared at Spock, hoping that an inkling of human emotion had trickled into Spock's logical brain.

"She misses the time that she spends with you. She is quite upset with me for ruining the growing dynamic between the two of you," Spock responded and Jim thought he saw his shoulders slump.

"I can't say that I'm happy with you either. Whatever made you think that your suggestions were the best idea?" Jim asked. Spock looked at Jim poignantly. Jim realized that he'd probably just hit a nerve, and wasn't going to let up until the Vulcan answered truthfully.

"I do not know if you and she have discussed my leaving the Enterprise,"

"We have," Jim stated.

"It was my intention to permit the two of you to enjoy not only a friendship, but a possibility at love. We are on a starship and should any peril or injury befall me, I would want Nyota taken care of in all ways. Additionally, I may be called away at any time to contribute to the rebuilding of my species, thus resigning my commission to attend to duties more important."

"Spock, I thought you'd made your decision."

"I did. But our mission is only five years; Vulcan will not be rebuilt or repopulated by then. I must think of the future always."

"Did you not discuss this with the other you?" Jim asked, starting to understand better the root conflict between Spock and Uhura.

"I am doing what feels right. However, I have had a year to ask myself if what I am doing is right. I must say that I am still ill at ease with my choice to remain with Starfleet. It wasn't a decision at all, it was more of a…" Spock stammered, and Jim noticed that his eyes shot around the room wildly. 'Fascinating,' Jim thought, 'this is what Spock looks like when he's tongue tied.

"Gamble," Kirk offered and noticed the Spock looked relieved.

"Yes, a gamble, a risk, a venture. I merely 'went with it' and now I see that maybe it was not the best time to take a risk."

"So, why did you take the risk? Other than by the assurance of the other you… the Ambassador."

"I desired to be on the Enterprise just as much as any other crew member. I'd been working towards this goal for almost ten years, and I must say that I was not thrilled about completing something I'd invested in."

"And Uhura? Is she part of why you returned as well?"

"She is, in fact, one of the main reasons I felt so torn about leaving. She remains in my highest concern when I think about going to New Vulcan, which is why I do not find it unappealing that you two harbor affections for one another. I was put at ease when she told me about your conversations. You are a good man, Jim. It comforts me to know that should accident befall me or I should leave, that she will be able to find romantic solace in someone I know and trust."

"There is no way I'm going to allow you to resign your commission in the middle of our mission. You're stuck here for the next five years whether you like it or not, buddy," Jim said, clapping Spock on the back. Spock raised an eyebrow in annoyance.

"Actually Jim, under Starfleet Code regulation 42 subsection 3 states that Starfleet personnel of planets that are under reconstruction from natural disaster, civil war, or outside terror, are allowed an indefinite leave of absence to aid in the efforts of rebuilding," Spock said smoothly. Jim closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with the palm of his hand.

"So you can just ditch the ship at any time you wish, leaving the Enterprise without a First Officer, a Chief Science Officer, me without a friend and Uhura without love. You'd abandon us like that?"

"It would seem as if I'm abandoning you, but soon you would come to recognize that it was merely logical. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one, Jim."

Kirk was angry all of a sudden. The past year and half had seen him and Spock working side by side, getting to know one another and learning how to trust one another's judgment. They were excellent coworkers and played well off of one another, but the friendship that Kirk had thought they were trying to cement seemed to be staying dismally liquid. This angered Kirk to no end. How could Spock just throw away all that time spent together? It was just… inhumane.

"You can spout that philosophic bullshit to me all you want, Spock, but no matter how you try to justify it, it's still not right. No matter how you slice it, you're still abandoning us. I thought we were friends, and now you're telling me that you can just walk out on everything that we've built up over this year. And Uhura, she's been with you for almost five years; you two have built a relationship. You love her and she loves you in return and you're just going to walk out on that?"

"I will have to should I make that decision. Jim, I cannot just sit idly by and not contribute to my people's…"

"Your people? We're your people, too Spock. This crew, this ship, don't we mean anything?" Jim stopped, noting the vacant expression on Spock's face. Kirk had never seen this before, and tried to figure out what the Vulcan may be thinking. Kirk stared directly at Spock, who was staring into space. A clearing of his throat and Spock's eyes caught with Kirk's and there Kirk saw all the answers to his questions that he would ever need.

Of course the ship and the crew meant something to Spock; they meant everything. The crew of the Enterprise was something that he'd never had, acceptance, friendship. On the Enterprise he had a life- he had a woman that loved him, friends that accepted him and enjoyed his company, and colleagues who respected him. It was the one thing he'd never received in all of his adolescence on Vulcan. It would be too human, too emotional, and too difficult to deal with should Spock suddenly lose the Enterprise the way he'd lost his mother and his planet. Jim finally made sense of it. Spock wasn't abandoning them; he was running.

He wasn't just running from the Enterprise and its crew members; Spock was running from everything it represented – his humanity. The fact that Spock had formed real attachments to all of them hadn't occurred to Jim until now. How could he have been so dense? Everyday that Spock was on the Enterprise reminded him of his mother. All of the easily expressed emotions, every laugh, and every fit of anger from a random ensign, every affectionate shoulder clap, and every smile reminded him of his mother that he'd lost. Spock wasn't torn out of duty to New Vulcan; he was torn out of duty to his human crewmates. Spock was wracked with failure. He'd failed to save his mother, he'd failed at Captaining the Enterprise, he'd (well, the other him) failed at saving Romulus. All of his failure brought loss, not just to him but to billions. Despite all the billions that had been affected by Spock's actions, it was the crew of the Enterprise that he was afraid of failing the most. Spock couldn't bear to fail in his duties thusly losing the last vestiges of what he cared about the most.

"Spock, what would aid you in coming to a faster decision?" Kirk finally asked, his anger dampened by realization. Spock looked up from where his gaze had been lingering around his feet and arched an eyebrow.

"I must speak with the Ambassador," Spock said without hesitation.

"You can do that over the com, why haven't you?"

"This is a conversation that must be had in person."

"Then you will need to take leave, effective immediately. I'll draw up the paperwork and you can leave within the next 24 hours via shuttlecraft; you should get to New Vulcan within one day if you play your cards right," Kirk said standing and walking over to his PADD to pull up the leave papers. Spock bounced up behind him, obviously confused.

"Jim, this is quite sudden…"

"Yes, Spock, the questions you have need to be answered as quickly as possible. I cannot have a First Officer of this ship distracted by imponderables and torn because of duty, it would be irresponsible of me to allow this to carry on. The needs of the many, Spock," Kirk said, knowing that he was being willfully manipulative. The Vulcan was stubborn, if he was going to run; he wasn't going to do it by himself. Kirk pounded out the paperwork and submitted it with an audible click to his PADD. Spock was officially on leave for two weeks to New Vulcan.

"You are on leave. I've sent your leave information to all parties involved including Ambassador Sarek and to the other Ambassador so that they can prepare for your arrival. If you want, I can have the shuttle ready for you in about two hours," Kirk said, standing and stretching. Spock stood stock still in the middle of his quarters with his hands at his back.

"Captain, your sudden change of… heart alarms me. A moment ago you were…"

"Spock, you're not just my First Officer, I consider you my friend. What kind of friend would I be, if I didn't allow you to find the answers you seek? If it helps you find peace of mind, I should support that, so I'm supporting you," Kirk said, grabbing up his things and heading towards Spock's door so that the Vulcan could pack.

"Yes, Jim, however, you do realize that you are aiding me in finding answers that could possibly lead to me leaving the Enterprise," Spock said. Kirk stopped at Spock's door, turned and unclenched his jaw. This was a gamble he was taking, Kirk knew, but it had to be done, less they all churn in this purgatory that Spock was steadily building.

"I am aware. The decision you make doesn't matter right now. What matters most to me at this moment is that you fight the answers you need to make that decision. And if it comes down to it and you don't return; I wish you luck, peace, and prosperity. And to use your words: I have been and always will be your friend," Kirk said, trying and failing to reproduce the Vulcan salute.

"And because you're my friend, you're willing to allow me to just walk away?" Spock asked.

"Sometimes, Spock, the best thing a friend can do for another friend, is give them the time and space needed in order for them to figure out their own shit," Jim was quiet and watched as Spock's shoulders eased, "you better pack. I'll alert engineering and I'll let Uhura know where you're going and when you're going to be back. I'll take care of everything if you take care of yourself."

Kirk and Spock met eyes and Kirk allowed the door to open behind him. This was a gamble, a big one. Kirk was hoping that he was leading by example, being practical. It was probably the most selfless thing he'd ever done, and he felt horrible. Who said that charity makes you feel good?

"Jim?" Spock stopped him at the threshold. Kirk turned and acknowledged the Vulcan with a nod of his head, "Thank you."

Kirk didn't say anything and exited the door as he saw Spock scramble to pack. It was going to be a very long two weeks, and he had to explain everything to Uhura. She was going to hate them both for making such a rash and hasty decision without even thinking to consult her.

Kirk, upon exiting Spock's quarters, let out a shudder of discontent. Spock was not the only person that considered the crew of the Enterprise their family. The thought of losing a friend like Spock, a member of his crew, his family left Jim feeling wooden. He wondered if this was how the alternate him felt when he'd watched Spock die. Those memories transferred to him, not his, were memories of a friendship that was familiar and yet distant. It was a friendship that would change both of their lives for the better, enrich them, and make them better men. Yet, the memories that transferred from the mind-meld seemed nothing like this reality.

There were so many humps to cross over, most of which their counterparts didn't have to contend with. Were they honestly so different than the other timeline? Their lives were different, both of them dual opposites, losing and gaining, running and chasing, desperate for companionship but afraid of intimacy. They found the need for friendship in one another, but it was nothing the way the memories showed him.

And never will be, Jim thought, straightening his shoulders, acquiring his Captain's confidence as he swaggered down the hall away from Spock's room. Neither of them was truly capable of being candid with each other. Unlike the Spock and Kirk of the other reality whose friendship was held together through love of the Enterprise, their friendship had no common ground, nothing to form mutual trust from, thus doomed to force understanding when it just wasn't there. And Uhura had said they were alike, she must have been mistaken.

Kirk stopped short in the middle of the hallway, a light bulb clicking on in his brain. He shook his head at his prior foolishness. The other timeline's Spock and Kirk had the Enterprise as their link, a lady made out of metal and bolts but to be loved and respected because she always nurtured and brought you home safe. They had Uhura, a lady made of flesh and bone, passionately nurturing to both of them, and loved fiercely by them both. Uhura was their link, their common ground, their catalyst to the friendship that would sustain them for decades to come, mold them into better men, and make them great. It was always a lady, no matter what form she came in. Jim was inclined to believe it true that you never send a man to do a lady's job.