For Want of a Nail

Chapter 5

She was smiling when she walked into Spock's quarters, humming a simple tune that Jim noticed as Beyond Antares. She was in her signature caftan, though Jim knew that she hardly ever wore it. When she finally came into his line of sight her face fell; she noticed that Spock wasn't in his quarters.

Her eyes spanned the room, her eyebrows furrowed and then she caught eyes with her Captain, who had come back to wait for her.

"Jim, where is Spock?" she asked in a voice that was the most skeptical that Kirk had ever heard. He clicked his tongue and figured the best way to tell her was to just open his mouth and let it fly out. No matter how he explained what happened, she was going to be pissed, might as well let it fly. He told her so ungracefully that he was ashamed. He was a Captain and he should have been more diplomatic. He watched as the words caused her face to fall and change, the emotions evident.

Confusion was a fleeting emotion as her face scrunched and furrowed, her eyes widened and then slanted to form disbelief. Denial was a beautiful emotion, because there was hope also mingled there, and he could see in her eyes the searching function click on. This is all a joke, guys, right? As her face formed a small smile and a huff of laughter puffed from her lips. She shook her head and craned her neck around the quarters, looking for Spock. Her eyes catching on the bed caused her pause. Acceptance that he was gone brought sadness, and this broke Jim's heart. Her bottom lips started to tremble and her face flushed. She grabbed her face and exhaled violently, trying to hold back the tears that threatened at the corner of her eyes. She was almost triumphant, but lost two as they cascaded down her brown cheeks. Jim leaned forward to catch them on his fingers, but was pushed violently away as the last emotion, anger, swept into the room and built a wall between the two of them.

"Don't fucking touch me," she said, stopping her tears with the sleeve of her caftan and eyeing him with fire. He deserved it; he only wished that Spock were here to receive the same ire. Kirk realized that this was what friendship was for, though he felt horribly like he'd betrayed one friend to help another. He'd put himself in the middle and wasn't going to run with his tail between his legs as of yet.

"Nyota," Kirk started.

"Call me Uhura," her eyes were so steely cold as she said it that Jim shivered. He felt his stomach lurch. All the progress they'd made was snapped back.

"Uhura, it was necessary. He had to go," He tried to explain.

"I realize this, but neither of you could have message me? Neither of you could have come to me and told me this before he gracefully piloted a shuttle to New Vulcan."

"Uhura he didn't want to wake you," Kirk responded.

"He didn't want to… he didn't want to fucking let me know that he was running. And YOU! You just let him run!" she threw her hands up, balancing her anger and losing. He walked up to her, staring her in those feral eyes.

"I'm not being stupid, Uhura, I knew he was running," he started, "he needs to work some things out. It was a spur of the moment decision." She slapped him. Hard. He winced and cupped his face, and when he released, his face was red and stinging and marked in the shape of her hand.

"Why don't you tell me what's really going on, Kirk. I don't see you for weeks, don't speak to you. And the moment I do see you, you're telling me that my boyfriend has flown the coop back to his home planet. We were fine until you interfered."

Kirk was instantly pissed. She was human and he was human and it wasn't a bad display if they just went at each other's throats. With Spock yelling didn't work, but with her, he could let loose all of his human emotions and maybe purge away some of the frustration that had been building over the past couple of weeks that all of them had started this makeshift deepening of their friendships. He was tired of this; everything seemed to be a makes of subterfuge, started so innocently.

"The fuck you were!" his voice bellowed over the quarters, shorting her ire for a moment but not softening it. She stared disdain into the side of his face and walked up to him as if she were up to the challenge of going 20 bouts: And in this corner, Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise, coming in at 170lbs and around 6 ½ feet tall wearing confusion as a bordering guise to hide his insecurities as Captain. And his opponent, weighing in at 115lbs, Nyota Uhura, Lt. Commander and head Communications officer of the Starship Enterprise. She's known to have a wicked temper and one hell of a right cross filled with self-righteous indignation. This should be a fair fight. They sized each other up and the bell sounded.

"Excuse me!" she spoke in a very low, very dangerous tone.

"The fuck you and Spock were fine. I can distinctly remember you mentioning that he'd been acting strangely. It's almost like you sought me out that night we first spoke. Ever since that day I've been listening from both ends how horrible the relationship is between you two."

"Don't flatter yourself, it was a coincidence, and a horrible one at that that I was in that observation room the same time as you. I wish that night would have never happened, then we could have continued to stand at odds and you wouldn't have encouraged Spock to leave!"

"Trust me, he didn't need any encouragement. He was ready to get the hell away from you!" Kirk couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. He hadn't had this kind of argument with a person since he was much younger and had argued with his stepfather before stealing the car. This was enlightening, encroaching, almost arousing. A smirk appeared on his lips as he caught eyes with her; she was still so very angry with him. And he was surprised to find that he was unexpectedly angry with her, but without due reason. He just needed, wanted to be angry at someone, and she was a willing respondent.

"Of course, it was me, who pushed him over the edge. It wasn't you who wants to get him out of the way so that you can fuck me into the mattress? That's not the plot. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!" the sarcasm dripped from her words, and Kirk was completely offended. He hadn't once propositioned her. How dare she?

"Why do you think that everyone wants to fuck you, Uhura?" he asked his voice low and strangely calm. She walked close to him and spread her palms out over his chest, feeling the flutter of his angered heart beneath her skin. He didn't shrink back as she looked up, their lips almost touching.

"Not everyone, Kirk, just you," she said the words as if they had a double meaning, her hands ran down his chest to rest on his stomach. He closed his eyes and shuddered, grabbed her by the wrists and stepped back, his eyes closed all the while he did it. She turned her wrists in his hand and managed to place her free hands on his forearms, stroking the sensitive skin, feeling the muscle and bone converge. He grabbed her by her small deltoids and brought her into his arms forcefully so that his forehead rest against her shoulder. He inhaled and exhaled slowly trying to soothe the erection that was tenting his regulation slacks. She could feel how hard he was against her stomach and his desperate fingers sliding across the planes of her back, so heavy and warm against her skin through the thin fabric of the caftan.

Despite the way he'd wrapped himself around her, she had her arms to her sides, and slowly started to lift them to encircle his back in something that was akin to a hug, but a lot more desperate. She felt desperate in his arms. She felt soft nibbles against her neck and closed her eyes for a moment, feeling her nipples start to strain against her caftan. She felt herself being lifted and wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved them against the wall, bunching her caftan in his hands as he held her by the buttocks, grinding himself selfishly into her. She felt her breathing increase and her traitorous eyes slip shut again. His bites traveled the length of her neck down the v-shaped dip in her caftan that exposed her collarbone. He let his tongue travel the expanse of those delicate points, and felt her hands in his hair as he traveled lower to tongue her hard nipples through the silk of her garment. The action caused memories to flood over her of earlier in that day.

"I love you" Spock hadn't said the words to her face; he was leaning in her ear, behind her, above her, inside of her. His arms were on her back and she felt his breath and words in her ears. He kissed down her back as he came inside of her. It was the first time he'd ever said those words and she cried. Afterwards he'd held her, whispered it over and over in her ear until it was time for her to leave. He took his hands and placed them at her contact points on her face and she shied away, taking his hand in hers and kissing his long fingers. It was too soon, and it was time for her to go. They would discuss it when she returned later.

She felt a soft cushion against her back and felt a momentous heat above her. She was horizontal and her legs were being lifted higher around his naked, strong back. She couldn't remember when they'd moved from the wall to the couch. His lips moved from their cemented place at her nipples and back up to her ear.

"I don't want to fuck you, Uhura. I want to make love to you. I want you to be mine as much as you are his, maybe more. I love you," Kirk said, and she looked at him, his eyes red and swollen with tears. Through his tears he leaned down and kissed her for the first time. It was almost holy to feel his lips against hers. Despite the feeling of elation and satisfaction, there was something missing for both of them. The kiss was lacking, lost, almost disgruntled. And they pulled back, as if burned by fire, consciousness settling quickly. They stared at one another across the expanse of the sofa.

"We can't do this," Kirk said, his voice low and hoarse. She shook her head small, almost imperceptible. The only sound in the room for long minutes was the sound of their deep breathing. She cleared her head, biting back tears of mingled confusion and shame.

"I'm fucking confused," Kirk said, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on gruffly. Something about the phrasing of his words hit her as humorous and Uhura laughed. She laughed so hard it almost seemed hysterical. Kirk scrunched his eyebrows, seeing the insanity of the situation, but her laughter was contagious and he began to laugh himself. The laughter was so loud and boisterous that Kirk was afraid that they were going to be put into an insane asylum. He leaned into her on the couch, pulled her close and she buried her head into his side, crying again.

"I hate seeing you cry," Kirk said.

"It's your fault," she said with a snort of laughter, and Kirk smiled despite the situation. They were quiet for long minutes. He was waiting for her tears to subside; she said nothing, but her tears stopped.

"Did he not leave you anything?" Kirk asked.

"He did," she said with realization. Kirk regarded her with confusion, "he left me you."

"He's playing with our emotions," Kirk said standing, angry for a reason finally.

"He doesn't quite understand that concept, Jim," Uhura said.

"You give Spock too much fucking credit. He's half human, and he has emotions, he just doesn't show them. And because of some politically correct bullshit we sit here and allow him to give us the emotional run around. Fuck this!" Kirk said.

"You're right," Nyota said, wiping her tears, "Fuck Him!"

Kirk looked down at and she was nodding and smiling slightly.

"To hell with him," Kirk said pulling her closer.

"To hell with him," her voice cracked and she laughed lowly.

"That feels good, doesn't it?" Kirk asked almost rhetorically.

"Yeah, it does, actually. If he doesn't come back and even if he does, Spock is going to have to learn that he can't do this anymore. This is enough, right?" she said a bit unsure.

"Your friendship, the Enterprise, someone to 'get' me is all I've ever wanted. If it's not enough for him then… Fuck him," Kirk smiled and squeezed her closely. She kissed him on the cheek and they sat quietly for a brief moment.

"By the way, do you do that hand thing you did to him, because if you do, he's a fool not to come back," Jim joked. She cut her eyes towards him and punched him playfully in the shoulder.

"All that and much, much more," she exhaled and closed her eyes falling asleep on Jim's shoulder.

"Stupid, lucky bastard," Kirk joked and started to close his eyes.

"Kirk," she said before they both drifted off to sleep.

"Yeah?"

"If you ever want to argue with someone, you know, just blow off some steam, I am game."

"Same to you, Uhura."

"Nyota, you can always call me Nyota."