Chapter 6

"The Battle"

"Why are you here, I thought the question was settled?" Spock Prime stared back at his younger self still amazed at how vital he looked. Age was something that no creature could ever cope with, even a Vulvan.

"I believe that I have possibly made a mistake."

"Come in, sit down," Spock Prime said, inviting his younger self into his quaint Vulcan home and closing the door. He walked passed Spock towards his kitchen to make them both some tea. The older Vulcan knew that this was going to be a long conversation. It took only a moment and Spock Prime was presenting his younger self with a piping hot mug of tea of the Vulcan variety, both sipping slowly as the steam tickled their noses. Spock the younger was the first to speak.

"I need resolution. The decision I made to stay on the Enterprise a year ago seems to have been made hastily. I was infatuated at the time and though my infatuation has grown, many things have changed."

"I have never been infatuated with a human woman, Spock, maybe you should talk with your father."

"The benefit of having another, older, wiser version of myself readily available makes speaking with my father irrelevant."

"Yes, but in this regard, I do not think that I will be of much assistance."

"It is less about loving Nyota and more about my decision to stay on the Enterprise and not join my people in developing a new Vulcan." Spock said the word love without even realizing he'd said it.

"So you love her, do you?" Spock Prime almost smiled, his eyes twinkling in cognac delight. The younger Spock let out a sound that could only be described as sigh. Spock Prime could tell that this was definitely going to take all day.

"I do feel…" he struggled. Spock Prime rose and started to walk towards the courtyard that built into the middle of his home. Younger Spock followed and watched as his older self leaned over and smelled a desert orange blossom.

" Do you see this flower, it is one of my own breeds. It is a mix between the earth orange blossom and the Vulcan desert rose. I found when I moved here that I enjoyed the size and shape of the desert rose, but missed the coloration and aroma of the orange blossom, so I produced a hybrid. It was not an easy feat; the two plants fought against one another until finally they absolved the differences and produced this beautiful plant."

"It is indeed quite an accomplishment," Younger Spock remarked.

"There are many lessons that I've learned from living amongst my human friends. One of the most important was about emotions. You have them, all Vulcans do, and I attest that it is best for Vulcans to control them as such. However, you are also human, which allows you to indeed show them. The key is not to be torn in two by your emotions nor by your mixed race. Embrace both of your halves and become whole instead of always striking an allegiance with one side or the other. Much like that flower, it will not be easy, but nothing ever worth doing is. Do you understand?" Spock Prime offered up.

"I believe that I do."

"Then get back into that shuttle and get your, as the humans would put it, ass back to the Enterprise."

"There is something must do, first."

**End Flashback **

Spock didn't' waste any time dropping his bags off at his quarters, he made his way quickly to Nyota's quarters and buzzed. She didn't even see who it was, simply told the computer to allow the person entrance thinking that it may be Jim or someone else. When she saw Spock standing at the door, she stopped only a moment and then continued putting on her boots and getting ready for her shift on the Command deck.

To Hell with him.

Those words between her and Jim echoing through her mind made her stronger. She turned to go to her kitchenette and asked the computer to produce a yogurt for her breakfast, not paying Spock any attention.

"Nyota, I wanted to let you know that I have returned," he said, still holding his bags.

"I can see that," she said not looking up and taking a spoon to eat her yogurt with.

"I have decided to stay on the Enterprise and I express regret for not informing you of my leaving."

"Apology accepted. I have to go to work," she said, throwing her unfinished yogurt in the trash, grabbing her PADD and walking out past him towards the hallway. Spock turned and followed her.

"Nyota, I…" she turned on him and stared him directly in the eyes; her stare so vacant and loveless that Spock thought she was the Vulcan in the relationship.

"I don't have the time or the patience to discuss this with you at this time, Spock. Maybe later, ok?" she said, turned on one foot and walked down towards the command deck leaving Spock standing alone in the hallway. He stood there for a moment and then went to his quarters to unpack his belongings.

His quarters were cold and lonely, without any of the warmth he'd remembered them having. He'd been gone for two weeks and he could tell that no one had dared enter them since he'd been gone. The smell of Nyota was only faintly apparent in his room and that was only because of his bed linens that he'd neglected to change before his hasty departure. He wasn't alone for long, when he walked back into the front of his quarters Jim was standing in his kitchenette drinking some water out of a glass and staring at him.

"You're back I see," Jim said a bit coldly.

"Indeed."

"I am going to say two things to you, one as your Captain and one as your friend. As your Captain, I will say that this is my ship not yours. You are not allowed to come and go as you please. You made a commitment to not only Starfleet but to me and the inhabitants of the Enterprise. So either you stay or you go and this ship will go on with or without you, understand?" Kirk said.

"Yes Captain," Spock responded.

"As your friend," Kirk sighed, "You fucked up, severely. Not just with Nyota but with me, and I don't think you are aware of how much. You hurt her, but I'll let her explain that to you if she wants to. As for me don't you ever leave me here to do your dirty work. If you are going to tuck your tail between your legs and run then you tell her, you let her know. I'm not a messenger boy or a fucking middle man; I'm a friend to both of you. Get the fuck over yourself, Spock, and start realizing that you have people that love you, but that will cease to be if you ever pull a dick move like that again. Got it?"

"Indeed I do, Jim."

"Good," Jim said and walked over to give his friend a squeeze on his shoulder smiling, "I am glad to have you back."

"She will not speak with me."

"Do you blame her?"

"Not in the least," Spock responded.

"Well, the only way to get a woman like that to take you back is to make her sure that you'll not go running off again."

"How is that accomplished?"

"Hell if I know. I haven't had a relationship lasting longer than a couple of hours."

"Jim, I…love her," Spock let the words linger, having said them again and finding that they didn't bother him as much as they had before.

"From your lips to God's ears, eh?"

"Pardon?"

"It's a figure of speech. Look, we've got to get to the command deck. Don't worry, you're a smart Vulcan, you'll figure it out. Get dressed, let's get to work." Spock nodded, found a Starfleet shirt in his closet and followed Jim to the Command Deck.

Their shift was tensed and quiet, even the usual friendly banter between Sulu and Chekov was at a distinguishable lull. Spock and Uhura only talked when one or the other had to. Kirk didn't like the way everything was being affected at all. After about four hours into their shift, Kirk decided to make a change. He stood up from his chair and stretched.

"Sulu, you have the Con. Spock, Uhura, come with me," Jim said the words and walked out of the Command deck towards the conference room with Spock and Uhura trailing him. This was a silent walk as well. They all sat at the conference table and stared at one another until Kirk spoke.

"You two are getting on my nerves. You literally are bringing the rest of the crew down. Now, either this gets fixed or I'm going to have to change your shifts. It is not fair for the rest of Command to suffer for the two of you," Kirk was proud of himself for putting his foot down. This was his ship, the Enterprise always came first.

"Captain, I do not understand your meaning…"

"Oh, come off it Spock, you got something to talk thru with the lady or don't you? I'm not letting the two of you out of this room until it's solved."

"Frankly, Captain, I don't think that our personal lives should be taking time from our shifts," Uhura spouted just as confident as ever.

"I agree Lieutenant, but it seems that the personal has now seeped into the professional and I can't let it linger. So, I am giving both of you one hour to sort it out and return to command. One hour," Kirk said, walking past both of the sitting parties and out of the door. The door slid closed with finality leaving Uhura and Spock alone in the quiet and garishly lit conference room.

This was awkward.

They sat in silence for the first five minutes of that hour, both of them waiting for the other to say something, anything to break the ice. It was like the first time that they both realized their feelings for one another. There was a standoff even then, emotionally biding their time until the other one broke. The only difference now was that Spock felt the need to touch her, he wanted her badly. He could smell her, a scent so lost to him for the past two weeks that now that he was being engulfed in it, he almost could not remain it its presence because of the sensory overload. He could hear her heart beat and breathing, and her impatient clicking of her nails against the table. How he wanted her and how foolish he felt for having to be away from her to realize it. If she allowed him back into her fellowship it was not a mistake he was willing to make again.

"I am pleased to be back in your presence, Nyota," Spock finally said, his voice so low it was almost a whisper. Yet, his eyes bore into hers with a deep lust and desire that she'd never seen in him.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," she said sarcastically and mostly to herself. She stopped looking at him, because if she did, his stare would make her heart break again. She couldn't break this time; she couldn't let him off that freely. What kind of woman would she be if she allowed him to waltz in and out of her life at a moment's will? He could not and would not do that, and he had to know that implicitly. His actions were wrong, inexcusable, and would not be tolerated.

And over the past two weeks, she and Kirk had grown closer and stronger without him. Having Spock solidified something inside of herself that she'd always known but never really acknowledged- that she could live without him. She was happy to discover that, and was doubly so to realize that she had a friendship with Jim no matter what. But the way Spock was looking at her kind of made her soft around the edges, so she cleared her throat and decided to subside some of her sarcasm, though she would not apologize for a rise of any of her human emotions. If he was allowed to be Vulcan at a whim, then she was allowed to be Human as well.

"I know you are using sarcasm, but I will not deny that I am indeed fonder of you now that I have returned to see your face."

"The problem with that statement, Spock, is that you had to leave to realize that. I do not want to make this a trend."

"I realize that you are…"

"Spock, before you left you said that you loved me. You know how I feel about you, but honestly this isn't working."

"It wasn't working, but it can work," it has to work, he thought. She got up and walked over to him, touching her fingers to his face. In spite of himself, he closed his eyes to her touch.

"You used to know what you wanted, that is why I fell in love with you. You wanted me. Yes, I know that things have changed, but I am where I want to be. I want to be here, on the Enterprise and her motley crew. I'm not torn in two about that, and I cannot be with you if you are."

***Flashback***

Sarek regarded his son strangely, as Spock paced back and forth in his room on the colony of New Vulcan. Sarek had a good eye for what Spock enjoyed from his old room on the old planet and had replicated many of the things that his son would enjoy seeing. Most Vulcans were not ones were nostalgia; however, Sarek had a half-human son that would appreciate such intricacies. It had been a while since he'd seen his son in traditional Vulcan attire. It seemed every time he saw Spock, he was wearing his blue Starfleet uniform or his dress Commander Uniform. Today, on Spock's second consecutive week at his home, Sarek was ready for his son to depart. It wasn't right for Spock to be away from his duty for this long. In the very forefront of Sarek's mind he wondered what Nyota thought of all of this.

"You need to go back, Spock," Sarek said, effectually stopping his son's pacing.

"Is that what you wish of me? To leave?" Spock asked, confused.

"You made a choice a year ago, you have a duty to attend to. I did not raise a son that skirts his duty."

"No, father, you have not. But does not my duty lie here with my people?" Spock asked and almost thought he saw his father roll his eyes.

"Spock, you are indeed my son, and though I would endeavor to have you hear with me, living as a Vulcan that has never been your prerogative. I have never had to tell you what to do, nor have you ever listened. What makes my advice imperative now?" Sarek knew full well what was bothering Spock, he just wanted his son to admit. Spock stopped and was quiet looked at his father in the eyes and then continued his pacing.

"It is indeed of a sensitive nature, father."

"Nyota then," Sarek stated. Spock's eyes widened. He and his father had never outwardly discussed her. Spock had only discussed his relationship with Nyota openly with his mother. This was truly unprecedented. Spock only nodded in agreement.

"She is truly a wonderfully, delightful lady. She will indeed be upset with you. And, she was undoubtedly one of the reasons as to why you chose to stay with Starfleet in the first place, if not the first reason. You have a duty to yourself first, Spock. This is your life, Spock, apart from your counterpart and apart from me or your mother. This is not the life I would have chosen for you, Spock. But you have already moved down the path of your alternative, and to say that you have rebelled is to say that you do have some part of me in you. I know that I never say this, but I am proud of you.

***End Flashback***

"My father said that he was proud of me," Spock said, looking at Nyota. Her eyes widened and he thought he remembered the look of her melting from that time in the turbolift from the fateful day. The breath flew out of her and she was instantly staid. Damn him, she thought. She couldn't stay upset with him for long, even after everything, he was instantly forgiven. She moved her body closer and wrapped her hands around his head, and pulling him up to look at her. She leaned in and kissed him and he wrapped his arms around her.

"What do you need, Nyota?" he asked. She didn't even know how to answer. She needed so many things from him, and then the perfect thing hit her like a ton of bricks.

"A foot rub," she laughed at his puzzled face.