Chapter 7

"All was Lost"

It was late again and she couldn't quite turn her mind off. The Vulcan sleeping next to her didn't quite seem to be having the same problem. She reasoned that since he'd been back on the Enterprise he'd been sleeping quite well, and sleeping next to her. Since his return things had been quite rocky, getting used to being together again, learning how to trust. Two weeks, though not a long period of time, seemed to span on like a decade for the both of them. She was pleasantly surprised to see him sleeping next to her, to have his low purr ringing in her ear, just not tonight. Tonight, she needed to be with someone else, a friend.

It was a lark, but she grabbed on a pair of old sweats and a package of jelly beans and walked down to her favorite observation deck. The halls were quiet and she could feel herself ease as she strode down the corridor. She was easing off the tension that had finally eased with Spock, she was easing off the tension that the daily job caused, and she was slipping into Nyota; the woman that just wanted to look at the stars. A wistful smile crept to her face as she entered Observation Deck 1-Alpha. She was correct; he was sitting at their spot and had two beers, one for him and one for her waiting. His head, hearing the whoosh of the door looked up and his eyes twinkled and smiled at her. She held up the jelly beans and he waved her over.

"How did you know I'd be here tonight, Jim?" Nyota asked.

"I didn't. I've been bringing two beers here for the past two weeks since Spock returned in hopes that you'd get a bout of insomnia," he joked. She couldn't tell if he was being sincere, but she thought the idea charming of Jim Kirk coming to the observation deck in hopes that he'd see her. She saw him look down at the jelly beans and she shrugged, sitting down. She opened the candy and spilled the small bag out onto the table. Spock would have thought the idea crude, Jim just laughed and started to pick out the black ones. Jim loved the black jelly beans and Nyota hated them, it was something he'd discovered during their time when Spock was away.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked.

"I could ask the same of you, Lieutenant. Have you two finally stopped fucking each other into the mattress?" Kirk asked.

"A whole five minutes before the conversation turned to sex; Jim, I'm so proud of you," she said through a juicy bite of a green jelly bean.

"I know, I'm getting better, I deserve a reward. A kiss from a beautiful lady, perhaps," Jim raised hi s eyebrows mockingly and hopefully. She only shook her head.

"And a full six minutes until you hit on me. Your improvement is spectacular."

"Don't say it too loudly, it may ruin my reputation," Jim laughed, she laughed with him, "So, how was the foot massage?"

"He told you about that?"

"Who do you think taught him how to give a decent foot massage? How'd we do?" Jim waggled his eyebrows.

"Excellent, actually I was quite surprised. You two really are a great team," she said, raising her beer bottle.

"We are. What God united, let no man put asunder," Jim raised his own bottle and they clinked them together laughing.

"Seriously though, Jim, why are you awake?" she asked. She could feel him pulling away from her and into himself somehow. He started to get far away and then his crystal clear blue eyes opened on her.

"I've been thinking about what you said when we first did this, about that proverb, and you were right. You're always right, it seems."

"Am I?" she asked. She was amused.

"When it comes to that sleeping Vulcan and me you are. But we are consistently perplexed about you. Women," Jim said shaking his head in wonderment. She giggled a sound he hadn't heard her make before and he instantly decided that he enjoyed that girlish tickle.

"Oh, Jim," she started.

"I must say neither one of us thought that you were going to forgive him that easily, nor that you should have." Jim added the last part, because Spock hadn't said it, though he knew that both were thinking it. Nyota took a large swallow of her beer and let the bitter, acrid taste run over her tongue and thought about her reply.

"I see. Let me put it to you this way: Spock has suffered too much and too long for me, his lover and beloved to allow him to suffer any longer. I love him too much to allow my pride to get in the way of the fact that I chose him and all of his Vulcan-ness, whatever that entails. And in this reality, I will always choose him," she said the last part strangely, as if finally realizing something about herself.

"It still makes me wonder what could have been," Jim said, remembering that kiss and how awkward it had been. There had been no doubt after that moment that they would never be together in the way that he'd hoped in the past.

"You're thinking about the kiss, aren't you?" she asked not the least bit nervous.

"I am. It was weird. I got my answer from the Universe, it seems."

"We both did, Jim."

"What if you made the wrong choice, Nyota?"

"What if… I guess we'll never know. I choose Spock every time."

"Why? I know I've asked it a lot, but why do you choose him, not just over me but over any other man in the known Universe?"

"Because, he's my nail, all would be lost without him," she leaned in and grabbed Jim's hand.

"And me?" Jim asked, feeling tears starting to form at his eyes. He didn't dare shed them; he didn't want her to see how emotional he was getting about the subject. But when she looked up at him with those large, doe eyes and they smiled he lost his war with his feelings and let one tear fall down his cheek.

"You're my friend," she pulled him into a hug and they embraced and he allowed a couple more tears to slide down his cheeks. When they pulled apart, both of them felt another presence in the observation deck and looked up at the door. Spock was standing there, his hair mussed and slightly sticking up in the back and his eyes a bit drowsy. He was wearing thin, black pants and a meditation robe that didn't cover a small greenish hickey that was placed on his clavicle low enough to be covered by his uniform shirt.

"Do not let my presence interrupt your conversation," Spock said his voice a bit hoarse from sleep.

"Join us, Spock," Jim said, pulling another bottle seemingly from nowhere. It was a different brew, a chocolate stout that Jim knew his XO particularly enjoyed. Spock quirked an eyebrow and pulled a chair closer to the table. Jim opened the beverage for him and clinked his bottle against Spock's. The Vulcan took a small sip and closed his eyes slightly, enjoying the flavor of chocolate and fermented grain. Nyota thought she saw him almost smile.

"We were discussing you, if you must know," Nyota said.

"Indeed, I heard the last few comments as I was sojourning down the hallway," Spock quirked and eyebrow.

"You have such a sticky beak," she said tapping his nose with her left forefinger; it was a term her people used for 'nosy.'

"You have often referred to my curiosity as such, though I do not see how the idiom applies, as I am not avian and have no beak nor is it sticky."

"And you choose this?" Jim joked causing Nyota to laugh.

"Every time," Nyota giggled again causing both men to endear her more, "excuse me," Nyota said and stood to walk closer to the clear window and observe the stars, leaving Jim and Spock alone.

"You're a lucky bastard, you know that. Don't let that one slip through your fingers, ever. Because, if she does, know that I…" Spock stopped him and looked over at Nyota's form as she watched the stars. She was so slight and beautiful and vulnerable, yet strong and warm like a supernova.

"I comprehend your meaning, Jim. And know that if I ever do allow her to slip through my fingers that I would have no other man but you as the one that takes her hand. She deserves no other."

"I think I should be the judge of that," Nyota said, turning around and walking towards the table, "You're all that I want in a lover," she kissed Spock on the lips, " and Jim, you are all that I want in a friend," she said and kissed Jim on the cheek. She turned around, walking over to a sofa in the middle of the observation deck and plopping down and spreading her legs across the expanse of the furniture. Both men looked at one another and smirked.

"Now, who's going to give me a foot massage?" she said jokingly waggling her dainty toes at both men.

It was a tight race, but Spock won.

Every time.