So I know I know…I am the most horrible author ever. I just had such a hard time writing this chapter. It took me allllllll this time to get it down and I had to beat myself to keep going. Just one of those times I guess LOL But here it is in all its glory! A few words first.
Ok so I know that Jasper's speech is a little…different but I want convey how deep his lack of education is and this seems to me to be the only way. I am sorry it gets a little rough to read! If it gets too much I will stop. But this is how it is MENT to be written.
The amazing and wonderful mw138 wrote me the most kind and wonderful rec on her page and I am completely humbled at the beauty in which she described my story. She also made an absolutely beautiful banner that is so perfect I can not describe it how touched I am. Seriously check it out if you want: (you know the drill just remove the spaces and the 'dots') LOL
h t t p : / jaspersdarlins(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2011/06/save-horse-ride-cowboy-neighbor-from(dot)html
Once again I am overwhelmed at the love and support I am getting for this story. I am blown away with happiness at the thought of you all enjoying it. Your reviews are my reward! Thank you thank you thank you!
This chapter is brought to you by Skittles, Teavana Tea, Mozart, Beethoven, and MistyHaze most of all. She just finished her life changing story Lessons Learned so if you have never read GO NOW AND READ! But you are my girl and my main Hoor… we shall talk soon!
ANYWAYS! Onward and enjoy!
Jasper was having a good day.
He had woken up fed and sober, shaved, pulled his hair into a pony tail and made his way through the cold December air to Jacob's garage.
For the first time since he had been 17 Jasper felt like he was being productive. The concept of getting his hands dirty in honest oil and grease in place of bullets and drugs was… he couldn't describe the sensation of the slightest bit of pride building in him. He was being good and doing a good thing for an equally good man.
As soon as Jacob saw that he knew what he was doing Jasper was assigned even more tasks, and the mechanic eagerly sought his knowledge and know how in all things related to the old cars littering the inside of the shop.
It was good to feel needed and smart. Edward made him feel special that was for sure but it was different on a professional level. Jacob was helping him get off government assistance and letting him stand on his own two feet. He could feel like a man again in a way that had been taken from him long ago.
Jasper would be forever grateful to the boy whose lips he had taken a kiss from.
It had been 2 days since the incident and…though he had seen Edward since then the feelings that kiss brought on always were at the forefront of his mind. He felt guilty and sick for taking advantage of his sleeping red head and it twisted his gut into acidic knots.
It was wrong…but he couldn't bring himself to regret it.
So he would act as if it never happened and would go on and just be a friend to Edward.
Jasper smiled at the idea of his little neighbor turning up on his door step early this morning before he had left for work, a homemade cinnamon muffin, a thermos of coffee , and a lunch of cold cuts and chips all wrapped in a mini cooler.
At 8 in the morning only Edward could be that chipper. But it had made his first day on the job very special and he also had the promise of an evening with his…friend? Was friend the right word?
Contemplating this word and its meanings what it covered and didn't cover about their relationship Jasper stood idly by at a cross walk waiting for the safe to walk light to appear. He was standing in a close crowd of public workers and professionals all racing to return to their homes out of the cold and into the Christmas warmth. Jasper smirked a little as a young girl pointed at a Salvation Army Santa Clause ringing his bell across the road. He looked up at the streetlights above his head all decorated with holly branches and crimson ribbons flowing in the snowy breeze.
Jasper had never been one to celebrate the holidays…in Beeville, with its hot arid climate and everything better suited to dust and dirt…the winter wonderland of the carols seemed like a myth. In all honesty this was the first time in his present memories that Jasper could ever recall acknowledging the beauty of this season.
But as he had learned long ago taking a moment and forgetting yourself in things and feelings that brought you away from reality made you pay a horrid price.
The hand on his shoulder startled Jasper. It was cool and strong and gripped tightly. Flinging himself around he collided blue eyes with pale brown orbs angry sinister and bleak.
Jasper knew this face.
It had been almost 8 years and so many features had stayed the same.
The tight lips, the short blonde hair, the pale complexion, and the imposing figure…all comprised the figure that had made him and broke him.
James hadn't changed one bit.
He felt the breath leave his lungs and his heart thudded as adrenaline poured into his veins. James smiled thinly and motioned with his head to follow him.
Powerless like a dog on a leash he trailed after him.
They stopped in an ally a short distance away and Jasper watched as his leader stood and stared at him…appraising, judging and calculating. It sickened him to think of how the emotions of submission crept back how he wanted to stand at attention like a good solider while James inspected him to make sure he was in peek psychical condition and code of conduct. He had to fight the urge to straighten up, blank out his face and allow such scrutiny. Instead Jasper crossed his arms indignantly; his eyes menacing and cruel and he spoke to James for the first time since his arrest.
"Ya' fucking want sumthin'?" He hissed in a voice that had been hardened behind bars. James didn't know who he was messing with now. He had lived through a concrete hell for 7 tortuous years, using pure intimidation and fear to claw his way out of prison alive. He had beaten and fought and become an animal just to survive that abyss of cruelty. Jasper had come out to freedom and he had no intention of giving it up to the man who had taken it away in the first place.
Or at least that's what he told himself.
His leader smirked slightly and continued to pace back and forth in front of him.
"Guess you grew some balls in there Jasper…you always did like balls didn't you, fag?" His cruel drawl was smooth and spoke of an educated southern accent that always contrasted powerfully with the ignorant enunciations of those he ruled. "And yeah I want something."
Jasper gave a slight shrug, "What the fuck could ya' ever want from me? I have been done with tha' life now."
James chuckled and leaned against the brick wall. "Done? You will never be done Jasper. It is something you were born to do."
"I mean it." Growled Jasper, " I spent 7 years in a cage, watchin' as men became nothin' but animals…I ain't risking it again. Ya, left me ta' rot in the slammer ya asshole, an' I'm legit now. I got a real job an' a li…"
"Shut the hell up you uneducated idiot. I know what happened. I know I left you in there but you really think I was going to threaten everything we had built over the years? I thought I had taught you better than that Whitlock…"
"Fucking asshole! Ya' brain washed a bunch of 15 year old kids inta' thinkin' that ya' were the god damn second comin' a Christ an' that ya' would build us up an' make us money! Ya lied!" He took an aggressive step towards the man in front of him. His eyes blazed and his fist clenched. Years of pent up hate and bitterness poured through his blood and made him feel for the first time ever that James wasn't his leader. Prison had changed him. He was his own person now…Edward had changed him.
James rolled his eyes at Jaspers display, his cool demeanor only serving to make Jasper angrier.
"Listen, if I hadn't come along you would have been still eating out of that McDonalds dumpster, no shoes and no hope just like I found you. I gave you potential, and helped you realize your talent. And you are talented Jasper, you were able to entreat the entire organization to do the routes you wanted and to mix just the right stuff. You got the best weapons for me and the others. You were the best and that's why I am here now…"
Jasper's blood ran cold and he balked slightly, his confidence waning under James steady gaze. Praise from his 'leader' wasn't handed out lightly.
"How did ya' even find me? It's been seven years…" He whispered eyes down cast…just as he had been trained to…always show respect to those who ruled you…better than you. It was why he often had such a difficult time looking into Edwards's eyes.
James chuckled and slapped an arm around Jaspers shoulders making him flinch but he didn't pull back, "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper…you should know by now…that corruption doesn't just exist on the streets…I have eyes everywhere. The guards, the inmates…some of them are good customers of mine and were more than willing to give me information on my favorite solider." Jasper felt his stomach twist in knots, "You think I wouldn't keep a watch on you? I know everything Jasper. I know how many fights you got in, how the rival gangs would beat you and humiliate you… Like the time when they tied you up in Chicago…and rubbed shit all over your face…you remember that? I also know that you taught them a lesson like nothing you had ever done on the streets…poor bastards didn't know what hit them when you used that plastic bag around their leaders neck huh? You were also so good at surprises Jasper…or what about how the guards thought it would be funny to make you stand out in the rain all night just to see if you would last? I'll bet you were so cold after…but my good solider can last huh?" James laughed gleefully at the pain that crossed his eyes…memories… "But you know what my favorite story was? The one that made me laugh cause you were always such a dirty little faggot? I heard all about the incident with that little pussy boy and his sugar daddy… they were your friends weren't they? I'll heard they were….heard you and them would sit together…Did that Felix let you taste his little bitch Riley? I know you would have wanted to. Isn't it a shame how it ended…how the Aryan Nation tied them and you up cause they hate faggots and made you and that Felix watch as they fucked up that little queer. Did he scream like a girl? That's all he was really…stupid little bitch. Was it fun Jasper? Probably not but you got them back didn't you? I heard all about the blood and the laughs…Everyone left you alone after that…"
Jasper hadn't felt that sick since his twisted dreams of Edward's death.
James smiled serenely and whispered. "So getting out I know was nice Jasper…Probably nice to see the sun and not smell like piss and puke. I asked a nice officer there to tell me where you went… and he was so kind enough to give me your address and phone number…imagine that?"
The memories hurt so much and turned his stomach so badly…he felt like he was going to throw up…all he wanted was to run home…back to Edward. But…a solider doesn't leave his master. Raising his head slightly Jasper whispered, "What do ya' want James? What can I even do for ya now?"
"Oh, Jasper…what do you think I want? I want nothing more than my right hand man back…in my folds with the others…they came with me did you know that? All of my army is here to bring the best fighter back…You knew everything Jasper, better than anyone and I want the best for me. So what do you say?"
"Never!" Spat Jasper, "I will never go back to tha' life! I am a good man now!"
"Good!" James laughed richly and plucked at the mechanics uniform he was wearing. "Good? Jasper, the only 'good' you are capable of is the kind that would make good horror movies…you can't give peals to swine, they will always be disgusting animals… you may dress yourself up in 'good' but you of all people can never wear it for long. Give into the calling…I know you want to. Life like this will give you nothing and no one will ever welcome you into their home after knowing the shit you did. You will be left alone and penniless and will come crawling back to the only thing you ever knew that would give you any kind of existence at all. So cut the bullshit Jasper…Come back to the Texas Suckers…"
James held out his arms wide looking very much like a preacher on the pulpit. Jasper felt the pull the draw…he was once again 15 years old…sitting behind a pile of trash, eating half consumed rotting food, barefoot and shitless, scruffy, bruised and hurting from the outside in…wanting something anything to make his pain go away. And there was James…a city slicker dressed to the nines and telling him that there was a place for him under his wings…that he could have food and shoes and shelter. He could belong.
But…
What about Edward?
No matter how comfortable he had been in the realm of his gang…nothing no money or power had ever made him feel more cherished than when Edward simply smiled at him.
If he went with James then Edward wouldn't smile at him anymore.
Before he could even give into temptation Jasper turned heal and ran, not bothering to listen as James angrily called out his name. He ran through the throngs of people, ran away from his past and from the looming fate of the future. He ran and ran and ran back to him home…back to his present…back to his Edward.
X x X x X x
"Edward do you have any more tape Caro?"
Edward looked up from peeling a price tag off a Barbie box at the sound of his mother's accented voice.
"You used all of it?" he asked astonished that they had run out so quickly, though judging from the mountain of presents littering the floor of his apartment he shouldn't have been too surprised. He and his mother Esme had been on a present wrapping quest since lunch time. It was a tradition between him and his mom that every year 4 days before Christmas they would assemble the loot of gifts and go on a marathon of creative present wrapping. To them presents, particularly Christmas ones were meant to be wrapped with the most beautiful wrapping paper the most ornate bows and the cutest trinkets and tassels hanging from the tops of the gifts. While his brother Emmett and his father Carlisle tried with all the love and devotion two straight men could muster to partake in the gift wrapping they were just too clumsy and careless to master the art, so it was just usually the two of them sitting together. They would cook together Edward basking in the joys of having the very woman who inspired his culinary passions floating around the kitchen, each of them lightly conversing and laughing in Esme's native Italian, talking about food and holiday matters. It was by and far one of Edwards's favorite moments of the Christmas season.
"Sorry Caro, but this hedge clipper set for your brother just was such a complicated shape! I think I used the entire roll on trying to keep it covered." Esme laughed and held up the unfortunate gift which as much as she had tried just would not submit to the golden paper.
Edward smiled, "I wish that all presents came with a nice square box that fit the shape perfectly…It would make us obsessives so much happier."
"Well, my Caro you seem quite happy with something and it doesn't seem to be just about the wrapping paper…what has happened?"
Edward blushed and giggled shaping a snow white velvet ribbon for the top of his sister in laws gift. "Madre…I might have…met someone."
His mother's face lit up with delight and she clasped her hands in glee, "Edward! You have! Who is he?"
Edward crawled across colorful sea of discarded paper and ribbons to kneel next to Esme, "Oh mama…he is so wonderful…and sweet and kind and shy. He is handsome and looks just like Padre with long golden hair and big blue eyes…he is like this large gentle lion."
"How long have you met him?"
"Just a few weeks ago…right after Thanksgiving. He is my neighbor down the hall."
Esme shook her head a little perplexed, "Caro, if he is such as you say…then why is this the first I have heard of him? You sound like you…"
"Love him?" Edward quirked a grin.
"Oh, child yes! Your voice is filled with amore, and you glow with it. That is why I am confused…You of all people Edward have never hidden your true feelings from people. Does he not love you back? Is that it?"
"No…" he replied slowly, "No…I KNOW he feels something for me. It's…it's not that." He sighed and slide back to rest against the side of the couch, his mother looking at him in curiosity. He stared outside at the fading light of the day, the snow swirling down, and whispered to his oldest confidant.
"Madre…do you ever feel like you can feel someone's sadness? Like it's something so real and touchable that you could put your hand out and it would bite you?"
She nodded and he continued. "The man's name is Jasper…he is so wonderful like I said before…but there is something there, something troubled about him." He turned at looked at her, "Sometimes when he doesn't think I am watching, I look at him trying to understand why he looks like he has never had a smile in his life, or a laugh. When I first met him he could barely look at me and now he comes over here all the time and he looks so…relieved when he walks in. Not that I blame him because his apartment is well…let's just say Emmett's college dorm made this one feel homey. I don't think he has ever felt anything like comfort or…love before Mama. When he laughs it changed his whole face but there is just this air of hurt around him…I feel like he didn't have a good life. I know that he feels something for me I am sure of it but Madre I don't know how to make him stop hurting. I don't want to dredge up bad memories but I feel like he is keeping something vital about himself from me…something that would make me understand the pain. I just… I don't know I am at a loss."
Edward sighed dramatically and his mother smiled in the warm way that she always did, while brushing a hand through his hair.
"Edward…when I met your Padre…long ago when he was in Florence studying that he was such a serious young man who had grown up in such a strict home that he didn't know how to do happy things…My Papa said that while he was a good man he couldn't understand the draw I had to such a reserved human. It was almost as if he was afraid to break out of his skin for some unknown fear." She laughed a little and Edward admired his mother's beautiful Italian features. In so many ways he wished he would have taken after her in looks like his brother did.
"But," she continued, "I was determined to make him loosen up a little…enjoy life! Many people thought that I was wasting my time with someone who needed so much care and such attention but your Padre was so willing to learn how to live and eat and love! I WANTED to bring him the happiness of the world! I think at times people like you and I are meant to help those who don't know how to be happy…we have to show them the way no?"
"So you think I shouldn't give up? I want to stay and fight for him but I don't want you to think I'm being a hopeless twink."
Before Esme could answer him a sharp knock at the door broke them out of their conversation. Frowning Edward stood walked to the door. He opened it to reveal Jasper, shivering, out of breath, covered in mechanics grease and eyes alight with…fear?" Instantly Edward knew that something had frightened this normally stoic man. He was gaping at Edward scared and confused looking arms trembling.
"Jasper?" he whispered taking a step towards him. "Are you ok?"
Jasper's eyes looked huge and wet and without warning he lunged forward and engulfed Edward's small frame in his arms, burying his face in his neck. Instantly Edward wrapped his arms around the trembling man, willing himself to NOT get turned on right now (he would have to contemplate later how exquisite it felt to have Jaspers entire rock solid body pressed against his). No right now all he could concentrate on was this display of emotion from this normally stoic man. It broke his heart.
"Edward…" he drawled out in a rough voice.
"I'm right here Jasper." He whispered softly. "What's wrong? You're ok here you can talk to me."
He pulled away and the grief on his face was so plain to see, and he kept his hands clutching Edward's delicate shoulders.
"I…I am alrigh' I just…needed ta see ya."
Edward didn't believe him for one moment but he knew better than to force the issue right now. He smiled and did a little hip shake.
"Well, I am right here as always. Why don't you come in? There is someone I want you to meet." He swept the door open further and pulled Jasper in to see his mother who had sat patiently on the sofa while the whole ordeal had gone on. Instantly her eyes lit up at the sight of Jasper and a knowing smirk lit on her lips. Jasper ever the polite gentleman was soft and shy around her , shaking her hand and genuinely seemed to like the way she clucked at him in Italian. Edward watched as his mother easily slipped into a conversation with him asking him all sorts of silly questions. He watched as Jasper melted a little with her charm and soon was answering in his timeless twang which gave his mother so much delight. He knew that she was as smitten as he was.
In a little time Esme announced that she was going to leave. After making Jasper promise to come to Christmas dinner (he couldn't wait!) and kissing him on his scruffy cheeks, she turned to Edward and embraced him.
"E valsa la pena di, Caro." She whispered and Edward felt his eyes water a little at her words.
"Te Amo Madre." He replied in her ear, "I will fight for him."
YAY! I hope you all love Edwards Italian Esme Madre! Just so fun creative tweaking with the character. I hope you all have fun! Let me know what you think!
The Italian words:
Madre = Mother
Padre = Father
Caro = darling
E valsa la pena di = he is worth fighting for.
Te Amo = I love you