Life has a funny way of cock blocking me from writing…FINALLY baring work and family crap I have completed the chapter that I have been waiting to write since I started this story. I hope you all enjoy it!
I also would like ask you all to check out a lovely author named Samurai Smee…her stories are full and rich and wonderful! Please give them the attention they deserve!
This chapter could not have been written without my Misty who is my like minded pervy hoor (yes spelled that way) and who lets me take her two boys out for walkies….LOL
Anyways I shall not keep you waiting! Enjoy!
XOXO Maria/Philomina
"Oh! Nice to meet you James," Edward held his palm out and lightly shook the man's outstretched hand. "I'm Edward."
Edward thought the smile that stretched across his face was very handsome indeed. He had nice straight white teeth and just enough perfectly manicured scruff to make him someone who he would stop at and stare in appreciation on the street.
Yet… the smile that touched his mouth did not reach his eyes. In fact something lingered in the icy blue color that gave Edward a pause and made him…aware.
Painfully aware.
He was alone in a quiet hallway with a man who he did not know.
Where was Jasper?
Managing to push the alarm buzzing in his head aside he gave James a warm grin back and asked again what he could help him with.
"Oh I am actually looking for…someone. He lives on this floor and I am not sure about the apartment number I was given." The voice dripped with southern charm and sweetness, as it was obvious that he was trying to appeal to Edward. He took a step closer to him shuffling about in his pockets for what seemed to be a small piece of paper. Edward learned back feeling the wood of the door pressed against his coat. James examined his paper closely.
"What…um," Edward's voice sounded small and silly in his ears. "What is his name…we have a few single men who live on this floor." But he knew… something maybe it was voice patterns or the growing feral look that was taking over James's face…or the cold realization that this man had come for the mystery figure that he had come to love.
"His name? Jasper Whitlock…although a name may not be good enough…perhaps you remember a tall blonde man with dirty blonde hair?"
Edward shook his head, but James just crowded in a little closer and the smile wasn't sweet anymore and the accent had soured and his eyes burst into menace. His heart pounded in his chest and he had never been more afraid in his life but…he couldn't let James be near his Jasper.
"Oh! Wait!" James exclaimed looking at his paper, "I figured out the writing! It says 4B…" And he looked above Edwards head at the crisp number and letter gleaming in the light of the hall. Edward's stomach dropped but he put his mouth in a hard line as the man stared almost jokingly at him…as if daring him to deny it now.
In a voice and courage that he didn't know he possessed Edward stood up straight and gave his best bitch look to James. "I think you should leave…obviously whoever you got that from is wrong…there is no Jasper Whitlock here."
He laughed and Edward found that his blood turned to ice. Suddenly James wasn't handsome anymore in fact his good looks made the sneering smile all that more frightening. Hands far more strong than his arms looped on his biceps squeezing painfully and James leaned down to his level and whispered with disgusting minty breath washing over him.
"Oh..really?" he hissed gently. "He doesn't huh? I don't believe that for a second." The nails dug into his arms and Edward cried out in pain and fear knowing there was no way out. "I know that he's here…and I know that because he's a dirty faggot just like you. You fucks always stick together…nesting like a bunch of vipers in your filthy sex and your wickedness. I let it slip all those years ago and I hoped that maybe he had seen the light but no…apparently he found a little faggy friend in you and I'm willing to bet you're the reason he won't come back to his way of life… you and your little queer ass are keeping him from us…and that just sickens me…So you better tell me where he is little Edward or I'll take that fag dick and cut it off and make you eat it… force it down your dirty throat…I'll bet you'd like that wouldn't you? You fags love choking on dicks…"
He had never felt such burning mind numbing fear and the tears streamed down his cheeks and he squeaked and felt the sob stuck in his throat along with a scream…He wanted to scream and scream and scream.
And then James was gone.
Before he could blink before the scream could happen James was ripped out of his line of vision and he stared in awe as Jasper savagely threw James against the wall across from him and held a Rambo style knife against his throat.
"Give me one damn good reason tha' I shouldn't slice yer hands off after ya' touched mah boy with em'." The voice that issued out of Jaspers mouth was deep and vicious and cold. Edward couldn't see his face but for a brief moment James looked afraid.
Briefly.
His smile was equally as sinister as before but he coughed as the knife dug into his Adam's apple. "Now, now Jasper! This is the boy I know!" He seemed sickeningly gleeful.
"What the fuck are ya' doin' here?" Jasper snarled in a way that made Edward spin shiver in fear.
"Why Jasper, I was just coming to visit my little solider! I was asking your nice little faggot for help finding my lost one…I wouldn't want you to be lost Jasper…though I think," his eyes flickered down to the blade at his throat, "That maybe after so long I finally found you…and in even better shape than 7 years ago! Look at you…all ready to slice my gullet all for just threatening the queer?" He looked over at Edward and how he could still be smiling in this moment was beyond him. "My, my Jasper…what would happen if I had drawn his faggy blood?"
Jasper grabbed a fistful of James hair and yanked his head back till it cracked against the wall, "Ya fuckin' leave him out of this! He ain't part of anythin' an' I told ya tha' I don't want no more part of tha' life!" His voice became softer and even more menacing as he ran the knife-edge across James's neck lightly. Edward could have sworn he saw something red appear. "I am a good man now…"
James laughed and it raised the hair on Edward's arms.
"A good man? Who the hell told you that you dumb fuck? What were you pretending? With the little fag? Did sweet Edward tell you that you were a good man? That might be the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard in my life…you are about as decent of a human being as I am…actually right now I think I might be more human than you…after all I am hardly the one with the Ka-bar knife huh? You are an animal Jasper Whitlock and the fact that you let this queer tell you any differently is just proof of how stupid you are…I should have killed him when I had the chance…"
Abruptly James made a surprised noise that sounded like a gasping gurgle and Edward watched as Jasper's arm tensed up. He felt tears leek from his eyes and he reached a hand out to Jasper pleadingly, "No! Stop! Jasper you can't kill him!"
The sound of preluding death ceased and Jasper hung his head down enough that Edward could see James's eyes shocked and frightened and a line of red blood decorating his smooth neck. The ragged breathing seeped from Jaspers mouth and he rasped out. "I'm gonna put ya' down an' ya' are gonna leave an' never come back here…Cause I won't stop next time James…I won't. I'll gut yer' ass like a fish an' make it look like a horror movie…"
James thudded to the floor and took off running around the corner holding his neck in pain.
And then just as suddenly as James had come they were alone again.
Edward dared not breathe nor move for the longest second. His heart throbbed in his chest and ears and hands the blood and adrenaline making him sizzle with energy. He was terrified and angry and confused and hurt all at once but all he could do was stare at the eerily calm figure of Jasper his back still turned to him. His neighbor reached back with the knife and almost as an afterthought wiped the blade clean on his jean clade thigh, the faintest line of red staining the light indigo wash of the fabric.
Who was this man that had saved him? It wasn't the Jasper he had come to know the one he had just taken shopping, the one who had carried him to bed and laid the softest of kisses on his lips. This wasn't the man who looked with wonder at the beauty around him, or the Jasper who had sat on his kitchen stool and watched as he made him dinner. Who had shyly laughed and had been revealing bit by bit small parts of his soul to him. This man who had almost killed bore no resemblance to cautious neighbor who in this very door frame Edward had given a plate of Christmas cookies to.
Was this the Jasper he had come to love?
The man who stood before him now was one who could oh so calmly wipe a bloody knife of his pants without so much as a flinch.
Could Jasper be gone?
The despair at such a horrifying thought over powered the fear bottling up inside of his soul and Edward had to see the eyes, those blue crystal eyes of the man who had stolen his heart.
It was that simple memory that made him able to push away from the wall and reach out a tentative hand to brush against the corded muscle in Jaspers arm.
Edward didn't see the knife swing, nor at first did he feel the pain of the slice. All he could focus on was the animal like snarl that issued from the lips that had kissed him and the feral hate that glowed from the eyes that almost always spoke only tenderness to him.
Jasper for a moment did not recognize him…and that fact hurt more than the knife that slide across his forearm.
Being a cook Edward was accustomed wounds that a blade could produce. The clean cuts always bled heavily giving the appearance of a deeper slice than usually it was. But when Jaspers gaze returned with disturbed recognition at who had had just hurt and the red gushing from his arm Edward was sure he didn't know that.
"Jasper?" Edward's voice was pained but he tried to keep it gentle and soothing, because he the color drained from his face and he let out a gargled exclamation of shock. Suddenly he was scooped up in Jaspers strong arms being carried into the dank hole that served as his neighbor's home.
Without a word Jasper strode inside and carefully deposited him on his ratty old arm chair threw the now bloodied knife on the ground next to him and ran to the kitchen. All the while Edward sat trying to muster a calm facade and breathe so he wouldn't let the panic overtake him. His natural instincts were to run away from the person who had obviously hurt and frightened him. But…then Jasper was standing before him a soaked towel and a box of band aids in his hands and the expression on his face was of a man who had just lost his soul.
"Edward, let me see yer arm…I ain't gonna…" his voice cracked and the rest was a hushed whisper, "I ain't gonna hurt ya'… I promise…please let me help…" he knelt before Edwards feet eyes awash with unshed tears and pain and self-loathing. Swallowing his fear, Edward reminded himself that it had been an accident that Jasper hadn't meant to hurt him. No matter what this was still HIS Jasper and right now he was hurting as much as he was.
Slowly Edward extended his forearm to the kneeling man and with utter carefulness Jasper wiped away the blood revealing the cut. Just as Edward had expected it wasn't too deep, but being a knife wound it bleed so much it looked worse. He relaxed a little letting the strong calloused fingers assure themselves that he was alright.
Jasper didn't speak at all.
Once his cut was bandaged up, Edward felt his usual calm and courage rebuild. He looked up to smile and comfort his Jasper, let him know that it was ok and that he wasn't angry but when his gaze fell upon the bowed blonde head his heart broke.
"Jasper? It's ok…I'm…"
"Ya' have ta' leave me Edward…" he choked out in a harsh voice, "Tha' cut ain't bad…I am so sorry I hurt ya'…so so sorry. I do tha' sometimes…I hurt an' scare people. An' I never wanted ya' to know tha' side of me…but I told ya' I weren't a good man when we met." Finally Jasper lifted his head and Edward was devastated at the stark loneliness…the hopelessness that those eyes spoke. "So ya' have ta' go back home Edward…and don't worry about me. But for yerself ya' need ta leave me."
Edward shook his head vehemently and he spoke with kind firmness. "I certainly will not leave you Jasper…not after what just happened and not after you tell me what the hell was going on…because something IS going on. I have ignored it for all this time that we have known each other even though I knew that something was wrong…that you had suffered something terrible in your past. I didn't want to ask you because I knew you wouldn't tell me anything… I am demanding now Jasper to know."
Jasper fell backwards onto the floor and buried his face in his hands.
"Maybe," he whispered, " I should tell ya… at least then ya' might be scared enough ta leave."
"But I wouldn't leave you Jasper! I don't leave people that…" he paused and felt himself standing at the precipice of a long fall…this was the time…the moment to reveal what he had felt since the day he met his neighbor down the hall. Standing from the chair he leaned down and took Jaspers hands from his face, noticing how this man who could obviously almost kill another, trembled when their skin brushed.
Edward looked into his eyes and the words came so easily and felt so beautiful on his tongue.
"I don't leave people that I love, Jasper."
Never before had he thought words spoken could steal the very air from the room.
But suddenly Jaspers body trembled and he moaned as if in pain and crawled to his knees bending down before him…as if supplicating himself to Edward.
"No…" his voice was quaking with agony, "No…ya' can't Edward…don't tell me tha'…when I tell ya'… if ya' knew what I am an' what I've done…then knowin' ya feel somethin' for me…it'll hurt all the worse."
It seemed that now Edward knew what his Madre told him was right. Jasper would need fighting for…and Seth who so often spoke of how Sam needed love and reassurance that they wouldn't part because of his past. And he had come to the conclusion that beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would fight for Jasper's heart and soul…and he would win.
"Let me tell you something Jasper Whitlock," He took his hands and placed them on his checks, "I am not a good person sometimes. I get jealous and petty. I throw temper tantrums and I get impatient and I cry at silly things. I can give Seth a run for his money in the bitch department…but I hope that YOU can look past those things about myself and feel…something for me. And if you let me," his finger became damp as a single tear fell from Jaspers eyes, "I would love to be able to love you too in spite of whatever you did…whoever you were…because that's what people do when they love each other. We learn to love the ugly along with the beautiful and soon maybe we don't forget those unpleasant things…but they become a part of the person who makes us smile and laugh. So I want to know you Jasper. I want to know all that you can let me. Please…let me in?"
Both were silent after the confession. Edward knew he had made a breakthrough and prepared himself for the words that were to come. Jasper averted his gaze and exhaled raggedly his voice full of resignation and defeat.
"Edward, I'm a convict."
XxXxXxXx
He never had a problem saying his social status to the hundreds of potential employers.
Jasper knew what he was, the stigma that would always follow him and the words became easier and easier to say as time went on.
But never had they stung with such bitter hate as they did when he said them a mere 5 inches from his Edwards kind face.
His whole body braced for the disgust, and the fear that would surely fall into those beautiful green eyes. Time flashed through his mind and Jasper wondered if he could truly survive the rest of his life without his pretty red head bouncing around the kitchen, or hearing the gentle laughter in his ears.
Could his world ever move on without the smell of Edward as he walked past him?
He was so sure of the rejection that it never occurred to him that Edward would still be there…holding his hands, and looking into his eyes with a calm acceptance. The sweet little nod of his head, that signal to continue with the tale with the confession of his own made him weak and he knew now that this was the time to tell the story…the full tale of his past.
If anyone would listen it would be Edward, and if anyone would still be staying by the end of it, it would be him as well…though he doubted very much that Edward would still look at him the same way…in this way of love he thought he had for such a filthy, worthless soul.
So Jasper would tell his tale while holding onto those beautiful hands for one last time and breathing in the honeyed air that was Edward. So he could remember when he lost his mind to the solitude, that for one moment he held the love of someone as good as Edward Cullen.
Jasper plunged into the past.
"Ya' know I was from Texas…a little shit of a town called Beeville. I say shit cause' tha' was all tha' ever came outta it….including me an' the force tha' was James an' the Texas Suckers. I ain't gonna bore ya' with details of me growin' up. Enough ta say tha' momma an' daddy were tha' in name only an' one day when I was 8 an' came home from getting' into trouble or God knows what they was gone an' never came home again. I didn't miss them…it always hurt when they was home."
He noticed Edwards eyes swimming with tears.
"I lived off my own for awhile…I could read a little but I ain't never been ta school or nothin'…I was a street kid an' was dirty an' fucked up. I got inta all kinds a good scraps over the years…got good at taken care of myself…" He gave a humorless laugh, "An' the other street kids didn't like me much cause' I was ruthless…whats mine was mine… I had ta fight fer everythin'…maybe its different with homeless people in the city but out in tha' town…we was everyone fer themselves…That's how James found me…fightin' fer some food in a dumpster with another kid twice mah size…I was about 15 I think at the time…"
Jasper scrambled into the puke green dumpster after another kid flung himself into the trash. He didn't have any shoes and the hard bits garbage cut his toes and the bottom of his feet. But he didn't care…he was hungry and he hadn't eaten anything in days. All he wanted was to find maybe a cheese burger that wasn't half eaten or rotten. The other kid was throwing shit everywhere, probably as starved as he was and desperate to find anything to stave off the pain of an empty stomach. The stench of putrid rubbish turned Jaspers gut but he was determined to at least have a morsel of something.
After a few moments he struck gold and came upon a carton of chicken nuggets hardly touched and it didn't smell too bad either. Looking over his shoulder to make sure the other one didn't see him stuff it into his shirt he crawled out of the dumpster. As soon as his feet touched the ground the body of the other kid slammed into his from above and clawed into his shirt trying to get the precious food for himself.
He snarled and hit the kid in the head, but his attacker kept on grabbing for him. Jasper flipped them both over onto the blacktop slamming his head into the pavement and squeezing his neck as the kid scratched his face and arms.
Jasper let him up when his face started to turn blue. He coughed and sputtered and slumped off in pain empty handed.
Smiling a little Jasper opened his find and stuffed the chicken messily into his mouth, moaning at the taste of food.
"Well, well well…someone looks a little hungry!" a voice honey sweet made him look up in shock and he recoiled at the unfamiliar well-dressed man standing before him.
"I like to see a boy fight for what's his." The man smirked, "You have a little potential there young man…how would you never like to have to fight for your food again?"
"Tha' was how I met James...he found me more animal than man at the time an' put shoes on my feet an' clothes on my back…food in my stomach…all in exchange for a little…service. James came in our town all fancy from the city…with nice things tha' no one had ever seen before. An he rounded up us street kids ta be part of his new 'family'…the Texas Suckers…He told us we could have nice things too, as long as we came with him to the city…an' helped him run some business…" he paused and sighed, " I ain't gonna bore ya' with all those years Edward. I was good at what I did…I sold meth to anyone who was interested…made money for the gang an' climbed up ta' sit next ta' James in his drug thrown… I never touched the stuff myself…I saw what it did to people…but tha' didn't stop me from likin' my life…we stole cars too…chopped um' up an' made a killin' off em'. We had fear over other gangs' in the hood an' I was a his right hand man…I know stuff James an' the other don't. An' I liked it tha' way. We was on top of the world…an' then one night I made a mistake an' they caught me…"
He could still remember it all, " I was so sure tha' when James found out abou' be getting' in the slammer tha' he would bale me out. But tha' never happened. I was charged an' with drug possession an' sellin' an' I was 7 years in the hole."
Edward hands tightened on his own. He couldn't even look him in the face. This was the hard part.
"I can't tell ya' how it feels to be locked in a cage…they take away yer soul, Edward…it's not like on TV or nuthin' like tha'. Ya' are thrown in with men who are as evil an depraved as they come. I thought I was a badass on the street…an' I was but not in there…inside ya' are not a person…yer an animal. That's how the prisoners an' the guards look at ya'. "
He had to use the toilet.
That's how it all started. Jasper got up from the table in mess hall and started to walk to the bathroom.
"Hey boy!" Shouted a guard walking up to him a devious smile on his ugly face. Jasper said nothing. "Where the fuck do you think you are goin'?"
"I gotta' take a leak." He replied calmly and tried to make his way around the man. A hand stopped him gripping his arm behind his back painfully.
"New boys have to get down on the ground and ask nicely." He yelled for all to hear. Not one friendly face looked back on them.
"Go on bitch get on the ground and ask me to take a shit! Ask me!"
"I wouldn't ask…" Jasper whispered. "An' they drug me inta' the bathroom…and put my face in the shitthat didn't get cleaned up…I was sick for days afterward. It becomes real clear after awhile tha'…I had to be bigger an' badder than anyone their if I wanted ta make it out alive. I started ta' get into fights…made a name for myself as silent but deadly. I never started a fight…" he looked into Edwards face for the first time since he began his story. His little red head looked heartbroken. Swallowing his pain he kept on. " But I sure as hell finished them… Ya' never realize what its like ta have ta walk into a room an' look around ta size everyone up an make sure ya had somethin' sharp ta fight back with…till prison. I thought I knew before what desperation was…an' I learned real good what it meant behind steal."
"Didn't you have anyone you could trust? Any friends?" Edwards voice was so soft and sad.
He chuckled a little, "Friends…I guess ya could call them tha'…maybe the better term would be people who I knew weren't out ta' stick me in the back…Yeah…for a brief time when I was in Chicago for one of my trials tha' was ta be held outta state, I shared a cell with a crazy fucker named the Major…real handsome guy, with eyes as cold as ice…but he was a fair man…he never hurt me none an' we respected eachother…he helped me gain some respect while I was in the Chicago Penn. For those 3 monthes. Then back in Texas, I was with a guy named Brandon for awhile…he was a real gentle guy. Never would try ta hurt anyone an' stickin' close ta' him was like carryin' a bazooka. Kinda hope he is doin' alright now. An' then…" Jasper paused as the memories resurfaced. "Then I guess ya' can say I was more friends with two guys…Felix an' his um….boy I guess ya can say…his boy Riley. They were both gang bangers back in another part of Texas, but had kinda grown ta be fond of eachother…maybe more than fondness…they might of' been lovers or somethin'. Riley was kinda small an' the Aryan Brotherhood didn't take too well ta'…feminine things like him. Felix tried ta protect him…an' I did too. We sorta bonded on a lockdown one night an' I saw a lot of good in them. They was just tryin' to pass through without any problems. I think the fact tha' I knew about how I felt on boy's helped too. But one day it changed…"
"Please!" screamed Riley as they ugly hick crunched on his fingers. "Let me go!"
Jasper and Felix were duck taped to the sink pipes in the bathroom, completely helpless. They had been over powered as soon as they had entered the dirty room, hearing Riley's cries of pain. The hadn't stood a chance against the racists fucks that swarmed around them.
"Scream ya' faggot! I'll bet it turns yer daddy on!" the hick whose name was Bill laughed down at squirming boy. "Ya flaunt yer little queer ass around our place an' I expect ya' ta' live up ta' yer name boy!"
The sickening sound of flesh meeting a shoe, and the amused laughter of the gathered gang echoed in the bathroom. Felix lunged at them pulling on the tape as his lover, his friend was pummeled to a bloody pulp. He screamed and begged and threatened and sobbed. Jasper sat back in horror, watching as before his eyes, poor little Riley suffered. Little Riley who stitched up his arm when it got shanked, who brought him a cup of water when he was forced to stand out in the sun all day as a punishment. Little Riley who made his friend Felix so very happy. When the gang was done Riley wasn't moving nor was he crying anymore. However Felix's wrists were dripping red as he fought the duct tape and he screamed and screamed and screamed for Riley to move to speak…
"He didn't die…but he was pretty bad when the guards finally found us. They took him ta the infirmary and we found out tha' he lived but was transferred to another prison…Felix was never the same after tha'…"
Edward's broken sob clenched his heart and Jasper sighed finishing the tale. " Tha' happened the last year I was there…I fought my way through the rest. And when' I left tha' place there weren't much of a man ta be had. I had seen too much of hurt ta' go back ta' James…an' sometime after Riley left…I didn't want hurt anymore. Just peace… An' I came here."
He stopped and realized for the first time that Edward was still holding his hands, that the look on his face wasn't of hate and disgust but of an even brighter emotion…of acceptance and compassion…and oh dare he even hope that it was true? Could Edward even after hearing that still want to do the task of loving him?
He had nothing left to lose but his heart…and Edward already held that.
"Then," he would dare to whisper dare to dream and hope, "Then I came here…an' I was so sad Edward…I was so sad an' lonely an' with Christmas around the corner…it hurt more than ever tha' I was alone in this life. I was nothin'. An then one night," he brought his fingers up to Edwards face, feeling the wet of tears and the softness of skin, enjoying the way Edward bent his head into his hands with such trust after they had caused such pain and devastation.
"One night I got a knock on my door…an' this beautiful man stood there with a plate of cookies…an' a smile and warmth that brought be out of my hurt an' made me feel…somethin' other than pain for the first time in my life." Edward laughed softly and placed his own hands on Jaspers face.
Bliss.
"Then' this man showed me…there were beautiful things in life. Like good food, an' pretty movies an' he showed me how ta laugh an' smile for real this time…an' he showed me tha' I was capable of…love."
Edwards breath caught and he waited and watched as Jasper spoke the words that would seal or break him.
"An' now…even though I am nothin' deserving of him…I really want ta' have a chance at showin' him tha' I can love him too…Tha' no man will ever love ya' Edward the way I do right now…"
"Then show me…" Edward pleaded in a whisper.
With that Jasper leaned his head forward and pressed his lips against Edwards.
Reviews are the nectar of life. :D Love you all!