"Hello?" Rory answered with a sigh on the third ring.

"What's wrong? Are you all right?" her mother said.

"I don't really want to talk about it right now, can I call you back?" Damn it Logan, couldn't you have waited just a few more hours? she thought.

"No! At least tell me if you're okay."

"I'm not in mortal danger," she said evasively. She couldn't say that physically she was fine, because she wasn't. She couldn't have kids and that was just as much a physical problem as it was an emotional one.

"Rory, what's going on? You're scaring me. Did Logan cheat on you?"

Rory let out a scream. "Why does every one think Logan would cheat on me?" she yelled. "The only thing Logan ever did that came close to cheating was the Bridesmaid Debacle. It was more than a decade ago, and Logan thought we were broken up." She never thought she'd see the day she was defending that mess, but she was so tired of everyone assuming that Logan would do something like that to her. "Jess is the asshole that decided to sleep with someone else on our anniversary because he was bent out of shape that I had to work!"

"Rory, calm down," her mother told her.

Paris had stood up from the table they were sitting at and made her way across the room to give Rory some space. Rory took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"So Logan didn't cheat. I got it. What happened then?" She could hear her mother's unspoken words 'So what did Logan do then?'

"Logan didn't do anything."

"Then why did you leave him?" Lorelai asked. "He told me you told him to send the divorce papers to my house."

Rory groaned, of course Logan would tell her mother was what going on. He would have assumed she would know. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Logan is worried out of his mind, and as much as I enjoy seeing him sweat, I'm worried too."

She sighed. "I'm going to stay with Paris for a few days, and try to get things figured out in my head, then I'll come see you and tell you all about it."

"Why are you staying with Paris instead of me?" Lorelai asked. Rory could hear the hurt in her voice. Her mother had always been her best friend; the one she'd run to when she needed help, and she could tell it hurt her feelings not to be that person this time.

"I don't want Will and Ella to see me like this," Rory told her. This was mostly the truth. She didn't want to put on the happy face for her siblings. And she didn't want the jealous feeling to rear its ugly head. She knew her mother loved her, but she was no longer the most important person in her life anymore, she had to share that title. She also didn't want the whole town to know what was going on. At least not yet.

"Do you want me to come stay with you at Paris's?" Her mother really was worried about her.

"Thanks Mom, but I think Paris's maternal instincts will be all that I can handle."

"Okay Kid," she said reluctantly, "but you call me if you need anything. Say the word and I'll be there. Sookie and Michel can handle the Inn, and Luke can manage both Ella and Will for a few days."

"Thanks Mommy. I'll call you soon."

"I love you Rory."

"I love you too." She hung up the phone and began to cry.

"Paris!" she called.

"I'm coming," Paris said as she rushed back into the room. "I was just trying to give you some privacy."

"Logan called you too, didn't he?" she said, as Paris sat back down with her tea.

Paris nodded. "While you were upstairs. I didn't tell him anything other than you were here and you were safe. He's really worried."

Rory shrugged it off.

"This isn't like you Rory. Logan has absolutely no clue what's going on. He's concerned about you, and scared that he's done something wrong and he has absolutely no idea what it is."

"When did you become Logan's champion?" Rory asked sarcastically.

"I'm not," she started. "I'm not! I've just been where he's been."

Rory looked at her best friend curiously.

"When Doyle left, I had absolutely no clue why. I thought everything was fine, and it turned out I was so wrong." Tears sprang up in Paris's eyes.

"It's not the same Paris."

"How is it different?" she asked. "Up until he got home today, Logan thought your life together was perfect. I felt the same way when Doyle left." Rory remained silent, listening to her friend. "In hindsight, three years later, I can see why Doyle left. I was never home. I cancelled vacations at a moments notice for work. I didn't want to have kids…"

"Paris it's not your fault. Doyle should have told you these things were bothering him and given you an opportunity to change things before he just walked away," Rory said consoling her.

"How is what Doyle did different than what you're doing? Why doesn't Logan deserve to at least know why you left?"

She slammed her teacup onto the table and stood up, angry at Paris for making a very valid point. "Logan does deserve to know, even though he can't do a thing to change it. And I will tell him. I just need to figure it out for myself first. Okay? I can't deal with his emotions right now because I can't even deal with my own." She headed out of the kitchen to go back upstairs to her room.

"I didn't mean to make things worse Rory," Paris called after her.

She stopped and turned around. "You didn't Paris. You're right. I came to you because I knew you'd tell me the hard truths." She smiled a wan smile. "But that doesn't mean I have to like them. I'm going to go lay down again for a while, try to think things through. Can we order Chinese for dinner?"

"Sure."

Rory walked down the hall and up the stairs, back to the Yale room. She entered the room and burst into tears. The silent trickles were now full on sobs. She collapsed in the chair and just let them come. Poor Logan. She felt bad for leaving the way she did, but she didn't know what else to do. She knew he would comfort her and reassure her, and that he'd tell her he still loved her and everything would be alright, and she just needed to process things on her own first. Everything would not be all right. How was it fair to expect Logan to deal with her shortcomings? She wasn't sure she could imagine her life without him, but he deserved the chance to be happy. To be married to someone that would give him the kids he so badly wanted. Maybe she should have listened to her mother.

Three and half years earlier

Rory had been perfectly content being just friends with Logan. She'd forgotten how much she loved talking to him. He challenged her. He understood her pop culture references, he understood her job, and most of all he understood her family and society. Jess could understand the pop culture and the job, but he never could get a grasp on her family. Maybe it was because of his own family, but he always rolled his eyes and made derogatory comments when Rory had to go to some obligatory family function. He couldn't even fake nice for a few hours with her grandparents or her father. It only took a year or so for her to get to the point where she stopped trying to get him to come home and visit with her. Even if he did make it back to Stars Hollow, she made the trips to Hartford and Boston on her own, always pleading work as the excuse for Jess's absence.

She had no expectations or desires to be more than friends with Logan. She enjoyed talking about bad dates with him. She enjoyed spending time with him. But they truly were just friends. Until he kissed her in the photo booth on Coney Island. It had surprised the hell out of her. She felt that spark. The same spark she'd always felt with Logan.

Kissing Logan had always been exciting. No matter the circumstances, the undercurrent was always excitement. Years ago at Yale, she thought it was Logan's vast amount of experience that made it feel exciting. But now as she had a wider sample to compare to, she realized it was just Logan. Kissing Dean had always been nice, even after they got back together when he was getting divorced, his kisses still had the same nice quality about them. Sweet and innocent, the stuff puppy love is made of. Jess's perpetual bad boy image seemed to flavor his kisses with a hint of danger. Even when they were married Rory still felt like she was about to be caught doing something naughty when she was kissing him. Those first dates that weren't so horrible that they managed to end in kisses each had their own flavors too, running the gamut from fun to lazy to intense, each kiss had invoked a different feeling.

They spent the ride home from Coney Island assuring each other that the kisses were just harmless flukes, and that nothing had to change. As Logan had dropped her off at her building, he told her he'd call her over the weekend since he was still in town and they'd get brunch on Sunday. She nodded in acceptance, then leaned over the center console and hugged him goodbye, bussing a quick kiss on his cheek, and reminding him to say hi to Honor and Josh for her. Despite the mutual assurances that it was just a kiss Rory couldn't help but smile.

"Good evening Ms. Gilmore," the doorman greeted her as she entered her building.

"Hey Marcus, any thing exciting happen today?" she asked as she stopped to check her mail.

"You got a package." He pulled a smallish box out from behind the counter, and had her sign for it. She recognized the address for Truncheon Books in the corner and the messy handwriting that addressed the label to her.

"Thanks," she said as she took the package and headed to the elevator.

She got off the elevator on the 15th floor, and walked down the hall to her apartment on the far end. She slid the key in the lock and pushed open the door. She headed towards the kitchen dropping her keys and the mail on the small table by the door. She set the teddy bear from Coney Island, the strip of photos she'd grabbed as she ducked out of the car, and the package from Jess on the island in her kitchen while she started a fresh pot of coffee. As the coffee brewed, she ruminated over the package from Jess. It was probably just mail that had been forwarded to his new place instead of hers, since they'd sold the townhouse when they got divorced. But for some reason she didn't want to open the package, and she was angry at Jess for ruining her evening from hundreds of miles away.

She'd had a great day, and not had a single errant thought about Jess. It was a banner day. Even though they'd been divorced for about a year, she still thought of him almost daily, even if it was mostly in anger. In the beginning, everything made her think of Jess. And when she first moved to New York, she wanted to ask him a million questions about the city: places to eat, places to see shows, places to shop. But she didn't. As time passed, it was typically something small that reminded her of him, but it happened almost daily. A street vender in a ratty Clash tee-shirt, or a kid on the subway reading a worn copy of Howl, or the smell of his favorite beer when she was getting a post work drink with her colleagues. It was always something. Today, it didn't happen. Surely there were a million things that she went by, that had she noticed, she would have thought of Jess, but she was having so much fun with Logan, that she didn't notice a single one. She almost wished she'd gone to the dinner with the Post editors with Logan so she didn't have to deal with this yet. Almost. Rory poured her self a cup of coffee and settled onto one of the barstools surrounding the island. She exhaled loudly and grabbed the package. She ripped open one end and tipped it up, allowing the contents to spill onto the island. It was mostly mail. Stuff from her professional organizations in Philly, notifying her of upcoming events, and reminding her that her memberships were about to lapse. Underneath those was a small bound book, with a sticky note on the front.

Dear Rory,
I've told you before, and I'll tell you again I'm sure, I'm sorry. I screwed up. But, one good thing came out of this, I started writing again. This is just the mock-up, I don't want to publish it until you've had a chance to read it.
Love,
Jess

She flipped open the cover of the book. The Screw Up – by Jess Mariano

Then to the next page, For RG who's helped me more than anyone should ever have to help another Tears sprang up in her eyes. She turned to the first page of the first chapter and started reading. I've been screwed up my whole life. From the way it started, to the way it ended, it's all been one big screw up. It started with my screwed up parents, two drunk, high, ships that should never have passed in the night…

Rory picked up the book and her coffee cup, and went into the living room to curl into her favorite chair and read. As much as she hated Jess for what he did, she could never completely hate him, and she would never be able to resist the draw of his work.

The ringing phone brought her out of the world Jess had created. It was the house phone, so it had to be the doorman. "Hello?" she answered.

"Hi Ms. Gilmore, it's Marcus, there's a Logan Huntzberger here to see you, can I send him up?"

She looked at the clock on the wall, it was well past 11, she'd been reading for almost three hours and hadn't even noticed. "Sure, send him up." She smiled and hung up the phone. She looked down at the book in her hands, and grabbed the nearest scrap of paper to use as a bookmark, which turned out to be the strip of photos from the park. She tucked the book into the drawer of the side table that was next to her favorite chair, and quickly rushed around her apartment tidying up before Logan arrived.

She had just finished starting yet another fresh pot of coffee when she heard a soft rap on her door. She opened the door to find him lost in thought and running his hands through his hair.

"Hey Logan, come on in," she said.

"Hey. Sorry to show up so late."

"It's fine I was up. How was your dinner?"

"It was fine I think."

"You think?" How could Logan not know how his dinner was?

"I was a little distracted."

"Oh really?" she asked with a smile.

"Yeah really."

"Pretty waitress catch your eye?"

"Nope. A writer of all things! One kiss and for some reason I can't stop thinking about her."

"It must have been some kiss."

"It was. Has that ever happened to you?"

"Being distracted by a writer?" she asked to give him a hard time.

"No. Just one kiss completely taking over your thoughts."

"Yep. Funnily, it happened to me today." Until Jess's damn book had shown up in her mail.

That seemed to be all the signal he needed, before he closed the distance between the two of them and kissed her soundly again.

"Logan," she sighed when they came up for air.

"Yeah?" he whispered.

"What are we doing? We're just friends."

"Maybe we're more than friends now."

She looked into his warm brown eyes, and she saw the lust she expected to see, but also a look of longing she didn't expect. "I don't know," she whispered, not wanting to completely break whatever spell they were under. "You live in Hartford and I live here."

"I've been thinking of moving my office to New York for a while now."

"Logan, I can't ask you to do that for something that may fizzle out in a week."

"Rory, I was thinking about moving the office before I saw you at that fundraiser. I love the job that I do for HPG, but I think I could do it better if I was out from under Mitchum's thumb. New York is the logical choice since I'm here once a month for business if not more. Besides, it's not like it would be instant."

"What about our families?" Rory asked.

"What about them? They're not quite the Montagues and the Capulets."

"I don't know, the Huntzbergers and the Gilmores seem to be their modern day incarnations."

Logan sighed an annoyed sigh, and Rory thought maybe she'd pushed a bit too far too quickly. "Hell it was one kiss, and I just want to take you out on a date. It's not like we're getting married."

He had a point; she was putting the cart way before the horse. "Sorry," she said sheepishly. "Last time…" she trailed off.

"Rory, are you still in love with me?" Logan asked out of the blue.

"What? No. Are you still in love with me?" She was trying figure out where he was coming from.

"No."

"And this means?"

"Any thing we do now has nothing to do with us years ago. It's not like we've spent the past six and half years pining for each other. We were once together. We broke up. We moved on. This is something completely new."

"Okay. I like that," she admitted. "We're not the same people we used to be." Logan nodded in agreement. "But our families are."

"So we don't tell them."

"Logan!"

"I'm not saying we never tell them. I'm just saying that while it's new, and we're just starting to date, why give them the chance to get worked up about potentially nothing?"

"I see your point," she conceded.

"Good." He leaned in and kissed her again.

For the next six months Rory and Logan managed to date under the radar. Logan adjusted his business trips to New York scheduling meetings on Fridays and Mondays, requiring him to stay for weekends. And Rory's trips to Stars Hollow dwindled by half. She'd spend every other trip with Logan, not even letting her family know she was in the area. In New York no one cared who they were. Anyone in the industry knew they were friends, and so seeing them together was no big deal. In Hartford however, it was a different story. On the rare occasion that they were together, they pretty much stayed in. Take out and old movies. If they were spotted together the gossip circles would go into overdrive.

It was one of the trips to Hartford when their cover got blown.

"Do you want Chinese or pizza?" Rory asked holding up the menus from the drawer in Logan's kitchen.

"Neither. I want to go out to eat," Logan told her.

"But…" she hesitated.

"My dad's in London on business and my mom's at a 'spa' in Arizona." His use of finger quotes around the word spa told Rory that Shira was either in rehab or getting plastic surgery again. "And your grandparents are at their house in the Vineyards. We won't run into any of them."

"How did you know my grandparents were out of town?" she asked curiously.

"I ran into them at a function last week."

"What about the rest of society? There's bound to be someone to see us out together."

"Then we're two old friends catching up."

"Okay."

An hour later they were whisked into a cozy booth at an Italian restaurant that Rory loved in Hartford.

"We're all clear," Logan whispered as he took Rory's coat and urged her into the u-bend of the booth. She looked at him quizzically. "I don't see a single person I recognize in the entire restaurant."

"Good." She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the booth with her so instead of sitting across from each other on either end of the booth, they were sitting together in the center.

The food was good, and the wine was good, and the company was spectacular. Rory enjoyed her lobster ravioli as well as some of Logan's chicken saltimbocca, they shared a bottle of good Chianti and a large slice of tiramisu for dessert. Rory was removing an errant chocolate shaving from the edge of Logan's mouth with her own when she heard a familiar voice call her name.

"Rory?"

Her head shot up so quickly that had Logan not been just as startled and pulled back, they would have knocked heads.

"Hey Lorelai," Logan said.

"Mom!" She turned her head to see her mother and Luke standing next to her table. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Will and Ella are having a slumber party with the Bellevilles, so we thought we'd go out for date night," Luke explained awkwardly. Lorelai stood next to him with her mouth agape.

"Mom, say something," Rory said after another minute of silence.

"How long?" Lorelai asked.

"Six months."

"Why?"

"Why what?" Rory asked, confused by the question.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Rory bit her lip trying to decide what to say. She knew if she told her mother the absolute truth, her feelings would be hurt, and Luke would be mad too. Instead she decided to sidestep the situation for a little bit longer. "Why don't you two enjoy your dinner, and I'll come over tomorrow before I head back to New York and tell you all about it."

Luke's eyes narrowed to cold daggers, alternating between Rory and Logan, while Lorelai stood there thinking over Rory's words. "Sure," she replied uncertainly. "I'll see you at 11:00 for brunch at the Inn?" The look she was giving Rory left no room for doubt, she expected Rory and Rory alone tomorrow.

"I'll see you then."

"Enjoy your evening," Logan said as Luke and Lorelai walked away, towards their own table. "Are you about done?" he asked Rory.

She could tell that he was suddenly tense. "Yes, I'm done."

Logan dropped cash on the table, apparently unable to wait for the server to bring a check over, and quickly made his way out of the restaurant, under the guise of bringing the car around for Rory.

Rory waited for him the car around, and slid into the passengers seat when it arrived. "Are you okay Logan?" she asked as they pulled away from the restaurant, as he still hadn't said anything.

"Fine."

"Okay." Rory let it go, even though she knew he was lying. He would tell her in his own time.

They returned to Logan's house, and Rory began to pop some popcorn for a movie and brew a pot of coffee. She got it all set out in the living room and went in search of Logan. She found him in his office, sitting at his desk.

"You ready to tell me what's bothering you?" she asked.

"I'm enjoying our time together," he said.

"I'm glad. Me too."

"I'm not ready for it to end."

"Who said anything about it ending?" she asked, suddenly nervous that he knew something she didn't.

"Well, I know how much your mom's opinion means to you…" he trailed off looking down at his hands. "After last time…"

"Hold it right there," she stopped him before he could say anything else. He looked up at her. "This isn't the same as last time. You're the one that said it. We're different people now."

"Yeah we are, but are families still aren't. Your mom hates me."

Rory sighed. Logan wasn't completely wrong here, but telling him that he was right wouldn't help matters. "She doesn't really hate you. She doesn't even know you!"

"She may not know me, but she knows me well enough to know that she doesn't want me to be with her daughter."

"That may be, but she'll come around."

"I know how hard it was on you last time…"

"I don't think it'll come to that again, but I'm a lot stronger now. And in a better place in the rest of my life." She knew that stealing the yacht and dropping out of Yale had way more to do with her rift with her mother than Logan did, even though Lorelai bound all three of those items together.

"If you say so," Logan said hesitantly.

"I love my mom Logan. But I love you too." She walked around his desk and settled herself in his lap and kissed him. "It'll all work out, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that," he said.

Rory held her right hand up. "I, Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, solemnly swear that if I ever decide to part company with one Logan Elias Huntzberger, that it will have nothing to do with my mother."

Logan chuckled. "Okay Ace, since it's a solemn oath…"

"Good, can we go watch our movie now?"

"Yes ma'am."

The following morning, Rory packed up her overnight bag, kissed Logan goodbye and headed for Stars Hollow, with promises to call him after her brunch.

She arrived at the Dragonfly a few minutes early, and took the extra time to walk around the Inn and notice all of the subtle changes that had occurred throughout the years. There were now half a dozen horses in the stables. And the trees lining the driveway had grown taller. The fresh coat of paint kept the building looking good, but the weather had taken its toll on the wrap around porch, adding a hint of stately age to the building. Rory wound her way around the building and entered through the kitchen instead of facing Michel in the lobby.

"Hey Sweetie, you want some coffee?" Sookie called.

"It's Rory," she said, not sure if Sookie knew who she was talking to.

"I know, I saw you coming up the path. Your mom's in her office."

"A cup of coffee would be great. Did she tell you about last night?" Rory asked as she took a seat on one of the stools across the island from where Sookie was prepping fruit.

"Yeah."

"How mad is she?"

"Sweetie, she's not mad as much as she's hurt."

"I didn't mean to."

"I'm sure she knows that."

"It's just, she hated Logan so much the first time. And then after the whole Jess thing… I just didn't want a lecture. Not over something hypothetical." She swirled her spoon in her coffee cup refusing to meet the chef's eyes.

Sookie reached across the counter and patted the back of Rory's hand. "Go talk to her. It'll make you both feel better."

"Thanks Sookie."

Rory picked up her coffee cup and headed into the dining room. She came in from the kitchen at the same time her mother came in from the other side.

"I see you've got your priorities straight. Coffee first." Lorelai gave her a wry smile.

"Hi Mom."

"So, what's going new?"

She shrugged. "Nothing."

"Rory," Lorelai's tone warned. "Why didn't you tell me about Logan?"

"First, you have to know that I wasn't keeping it from you to hurt you. We were keeping it from everyone."

"Why?"

"His family hates me. You hate him. And Grandma would be planning the wedding before we even finished our first date! We wanted to see if it would go anywhere first."

Lorelai chuckled at the apt classification of Emily's likely reaction. "I don't hate Logan."

"Yeah right. You were thrilled when I turned him at graduation." Rory's eyes narrowed, daring her mother to contradict her.

Her mother sighed. "It wasn't because of Logan, it was because I didn't think you were ready to get married."

"You never did like Logan though."

"You're right. Logan is one of those spoiled society kids, just like the kind your dad and I grew up with. Hell, just like your dad and I used to be. I hated that life so much, that I ran away just so you wouldn't be part of it. I couldn't understand how you'd want to be part of it after all of the stories I told you. And honestly, given how you and Logan started, how could I ever like the guy that caused my beautiful, smart daughter to lie sobbing on our bathroom floor."

"That was a long time ago."

"Mothers don't just forgive and forget when it comes to those who hurt their children."

"You seem to have forgiven Jess. First for breaking my heart, then again for throwing our marriage away."

Lorelai snorted. "Is that what you think?"

Rory nodded. "I don't understand what makes Jess so different from Logan in that respect."

"I forgave Jess for breaking your heart, because you did. You wanted to marry him, and because I love you and want you to be happy, I supported you."

"Why didn't you do that with Logan?"

"Don't you think parents ever make mistakes? If I could go back and change it, I would have done more to show support for your decisions as far as Logan was concerned." Lorelai paused for a moment, then started again. "And so you know, I haven't forgiven Jess for breaking up your marriage. But I have to be civil because it's not fair to Luke otherwise. Luke may not agree with Jess's actions, but he's still family."

Rory sat there for a moment taking her mothers words in.

"What's the second reason?"

"Huh?" Rory looked up, confused at the question.

"You started with a firstly, what's the secondly?"

"I didn't you to be disappointed in me."

"Oh Rory," Lorelai started. "I'm never disappointed in you. I might not agree with your choices, but you're an adult and you can make your own choices."

Rory glanced at her mother, to see her face filled with sadness. "I'm sorry Mom."

"No. I'm sorry. I may not like Logan, but I want you to be happy. If Logan makes you happy, then so be it. I just…"she trailed off.

"You just what?"

"You were so hurt last time. I can't stand the thought of you being hurt that badly again. Especially by the same person."

"We're different people now."

"In some ways I suppose you are. But you will always be my daughter, and he will always be Logan Huntzberger. I just don't want your heart to be broken, or your dreams to be crushed, by any more Huntzbergers."

"I love you Mom."

"I love you too, Kid."

Here she was… years later, heart broken and dreams crushed. But this time there wasn't a Huntzberger to blame. However, had she listened to her mother, she may have been able to avoid this. If this had happened with someone she didn't love as much as she loved Logan, maybe it would hurt less.

Rory stood up from the chair and returned to the bathroom to wash her face yet again. It was a good thing tear stains were easily removed.

When she left the bathroom she glanced at the clock, she'd been sitting in the chair wallowing for over an hour. Interesting, time flies when you're miserable too apparently.

"Paris!" she called as she entered the hallway. "Can we order dinner now?"

"Sure! What do you want?"

"Just get an assortment, and extra pot stickers!"

"Will do."

Rory stopped and turned around, returning to her room to grab some cash for the food, and saw her phone lit up on the end table. She'd turned it on silent after her mother called, even going as far to turn off the vibrations, so if she got a call or a text, the screen merely lit up.

She couldn't resist, and had to see who was calling or texting. She may not answer it, but for some reason she had to know.

It was a text from Logan. Ace, I'm not sure what I've done or why you've left, but I hope you're okay. Please call me. Whatever it is, we can work through it, I promise. I love you.

Rory ignored the message and went downstairs to find Paris. She knew she'd have to deal with Logan eventually, he wasn't the type to give up without knowing all the facts, but she couldn't deal with him yet.

AN: As usual, I don't own it. I know this chapter was really flashback heavy, so let me know if you like it, or if you don't. As far as reviews go, I'm okay with both rants and raves.

Reviews will get a small bit of Chapter 6 as a reward!

Thanks for reading!

S