"Chinese food must have healing powers," Rory told Paris after she'd consumed her fourth pot sticker.

"You think so?" Paris asked with her mouth full of General Tso's chicken.

"Yeah. I think it's the MSG."

"You should totally do an expose on that."

Since Rory had come down from her room, Paris hadn't said a word about Logan, her fertility issues, or the future.

"I can see the headline now, 'Is MSG really bad for you or is it a powerful mood-altering drug?'" Rory snickered at the idea.

"Could you pass the Kung Pao Shrimp?" Paris asked.

Rory handed it over, and they went back to focusing on the food. "You remember that little Chinese joint in New Haven that used have the-"

"Mu Shu Pork!" both girls exclaimed together.

"Yeah," Paris commented, "best Mu Shu ever. I've been trying to find something comparable ever since."

"There are definitely things I miss about college."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" Paris asked.

"The built in breaks. A month off for Christmas, two months off for summer. Spring break."

"The experimentation."

"What on Earth did you experiment with in college Paris?"

"Asher Flemming! How could you forget?"

"I didn't forget, I just didn't think that was an experiment."

"Okay fine, if that doesn't count, what about kissing you in Florida!" Paris reminded her.

Rory smiled at the memory. "That wasn't the first time we kissed you know." Paris looked at her quizzically. "Have you forgotten our ill-fated Romeo and Juliet project?"

Paris laughed. "Things were so much easier then."

"Not that we saw it that way at the time."

"True dat." Paris held up her iced tea glass and inclined it towards Rory for a confirmation toast.

"True dat?" Rory repeated with a laugh clinking her glass with her friends. "Oh Paris, you crack me up. Thank you."

"Anytime Gilmore."

"I wonder whatever happened to Tristan DuGrey," Rory said, thinking back on why she and Paris kissed in the first place.

"He's an architect in Seattle."

"How do you know that?" Rory asked in surprise.

"Ran into his grandparents last time I was in Hartford."

"Ah."

"The original blond playboy… oh how things could have turned out," Paris teased.

"If that had worked out, you and I would not have become friends, and you know it!"

"You're right."

"Do you ever wish you could go back and do things differently?" Rory asked, suddenly serious.

Paris shrugged. "It's human nature."

"What would you change?"

"I would have tried to focus more on my marriage less on my work."

"Do you wish you and Doyle were still together?"

The blonde shrugged again. "Sometimes. Sometimes I think about how he drove me crazy, and I'm glad that I'm not dealing with that anymore, but other times, I think about how much fun it was to have a partner in things, and I really miss that."

Rory took in Paris's statement. "Do you think you'll ever get married again?"

"Maybe. When I'm older, and more established in my career. I'm too driven to focus on more than one thing at a time, and I think that once I get that to where I want it to be, I can work on the other stuff," she explained. "What about you, what would you do different?"

"I think maybe I would have left Jess earlier," Rory said quietly. "When I found out he didn't want to have kids at all."

"But you said yourself you weren't sure if you wanted kids then either."

"Sometimes there are things you tell yourself just to make a situation seem okay."

"Is that your way of admitting you were just lying to yourself back then?" Paris asked to clarify.

Rory nodded hesitantly. "Maybe. If I would have left Jess earlier, maybe I would have found out about this," she gestured to her midsection, "in time to fix it or something."

"Rory, you don't know enough about it to know whether it could have been fixed," Paris reminded her. "And then maybe you wouldn't have reconnected with Logan. Do you wish you'd never reconnected with him?" Paris's voice was surprisingly soft and quiet, almost like it was inside of Rory's head instead of coming from across the table.

Rory shook her head vehemently. "I can't imagine life without Logan, I'm glad I had him, even if it was only for a little while."

"You still have him."

"Not for long. Once he finds out…"

"I don't think you're giving Logan enough credit here Rory."

Rory glared at Paris. "Please, don't defend him right now."

"I'm not. I just think you're-"

Rory cut her off, "If you say 'overreacting' Geller, I'm going to smack you."

"I wasn't going to say overreacting, I was going to say I think you're jumping the gun. You're crediting Logan with reactions he hasn't had yet, and that's not like you."

"You're probably right," she replied bitterly. "Can we take this in the living room and watch a movie?"

"Nice subject change," Paris noted, "but sure, whatever you want. It's your crisis."

They moved themselves and the Chinese food into the living room, and Paris dug out her old copy a movie they'd watched together many times in college.

"I can't believe you still have a VCR."

"It's not the same on DVD," Paris replied. "Plus, I'm feeing nostalgic for spring break."

"Please don't tell me you want to kiss again!"

Paris snorted in response. "In your dreams Gilmore."

They watched the movie they both knew by heart as they consumed the remainder of the Chinese food. When the end credits rolled, Rory got up and started collecting empty take out containers. "I think I'm going to head up to bed."

"Just leave the containers, I'll take care of it. You just go on up to bed."

"Thanks Paris." She hugged her friend tightly.

"Anytime."

Rory returned to her room, changed into her pjs and flopped onto the bed. She picked up her phone, and noticed that she had no missed calls or texts, besides the earlier one from Logan. Maybe he was getting the picture and giving up. Just the thought of that made her heart spasm in pain. No. Logan did not give up. He was probably just giving her time.

She flipped open the phone and sent him a text in return. I love you too

Then she set the phone on the nightstand and tried to sleep. Sleep would not come easily, so instead she thought about what Paris had said, about her pushing reactions on to Logan. It was possible, but she didn't really think she was doing that. She'd heard about the end of Emory, and she knew how he felt about kids.

Three years earlier

Around the time they were caught by her mom and Luke, and Logan broke the news to Mitchum and Shira, Rory and Logan started having conversations about the future. Between their old joint baggage, and their individual ex-spouse baggage, there was no way either one of them would make any assumptions about marriage and happily ever after.

It was Friday night, after dinner at the elder Gilmores house, where Emily had again brought up marriage and great grandkids, that Logan finally took the plunge to start the awkward conversation. They'd just gotten back to Logan's house in Connecticut, the one they kept for weekends and holidays, and Rory was making coffee in the kitchen to prepare for a Friday night movie.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Logan asked seriously.

"Sure. Is everything okay?" Rory asked in return, She was nervously anticipating the day that her family finally pushed Logan too far.

She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down across the table from Logan.

"Everything's fine I think. I just, well, I want to make sure we're on the same page, after last time…"he trailed off.

She nodded for him to continue.

"You know that Emory and I got divorced because she didn't want to have kids," he started, and she nodded again in acknowledgement. "But what you don't know, is why she didn't want to have kids, and how I found out."

"Oh Logan," she said sympathetically, she reached out to take his hand, but he waved her off.

"It's been years and I'm basically over it, but I feel like you need to know, because I never intend to let it happen again."

She stared at him waiting for him to continue.

"I wanted to have kids. I thought she wanted to have kids. We tried for a year and a half with no luck. Each month she seemed distraught when she didn't get pregnant and I comforted her. But one day, I was home sick with the flu and answered a call for her while she was out. It turned out she was secretly on birth control the whole time. She lied to me for a year and half, and when I confronted her, she told me she refused to have kids with someone who didn't love her. That was the end right there."

"Oh Logan," Rory repeated, tears forming in her eyes as she felt his pain. "I'd nev-"

He cut her off, needing to finish his tale. "I never loved her. I tried, but I never did. I do, however, love you. So I guess before we go any further, before I fall deeper into love with you, I need to know that you're on the same page, and that you want to have kids, with me."

The tears slid down her cheeks. "I love you too Logan. I want to have kids, and I want to have them with you. Not right this second of course, I'd like to be married and such, but I definitely want to have kids."

Logan smiled and suddenly looked much younger and more carefree. Rory wondered how much of a toll this had taken on him over the years. "I'm glad."

She'd promised him kids, and now she couldn't deliver. It just wasn't fair! Why did this have to happen to her? Rory sat up in bed and punched her pillow a few times for good measure. She flopped back down and decided to try to count sheep to find her way to sleep.

Rory spent the next three days with Paris. Aside from calling Art to tell him she would be out of the office for a bit, she didn't deal with her life at all. She watched movie after movie, and ate copious amounts of junk food in search of comfort. Paris went to work as usual, and came home at night to sit next to Rory on the couch and watch whatever movie Rory had chosen at the moment.

Logan stopped calling after the first day. Every night, he texted the same message though, I miss you. I love you. Please come home and talk to me. And every night, Rory texted him back I love you too.

It was on the fourth night of Rory's visit that Paris finally said something. They were in the middle of watching St. Elmo's Fire when Paris reached out and grabbed the remote to pause the movie.

"What are you doing? Do you need more ice cream?" Rory asked, as she gestured to the empty cartons on the coffee table.

"I want to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk."

"Rory, you're starting to worry me," Paris admitted quietly. "I know you need to process this in your own way, but this doesn't seem like the Rory I know."

"Oh really? Well what would the Rory you know do?" Rory asked sarcastically.

"The Rory I know is a fighter. She wouldn't just sit by and let the man she loves leave her. She wouldn't just accept what the doctor told her without doing more research and getting second opinions. She wouldn't just give up!"

Rory glared at Paris. Stupid insightful best friend! "What if it's too hard?"

Paris raised an eyebrow at her, but didn't say anything, encouraging her to continue.

"What if Logan wants to leave me? What if there's nothing to be done about my condition? I don't think I could take it."

"So you're, what, just running away? If you leave Logan then it won't hurt as much? If you don't get a second opinion then there's always a little hope?" Rory nodded, embarrassed at herself. "It doesn't work that way," Paris told her gently. "If you don't fight, you're going to regret it."

Rory shrugged in response, and reached for the remote control to unpause the movie.

"If you don't get yourself together and tell Logan what's going on, I'll do it for you. I have a feeling you won't like the results if I do," Paris said quietly.

"Are you threatening me?" Rory asked, loudly.

"If that's the way you want to look at it."

"You wouldn't!"

"Wanna try me?"

Rory sighed in defeat. "How much time do I have?"

"Until Thursday. Then it'll have been a week."

Rory nodded in acceptance. "Well I guess I better go pack."

"What? Why? I'm not kicking you out!" Paris told her, suddenly concerned she may have done more harm than good. She only meant to give her friend a nudge into gear.

"I need to go to Stars Hollow. I promised my mom. And for some reason, there's something about going home that makes impossible things seem possible."

"I blame Scarlett O'Hara," Paris said, and Rory gave her a small smile in return. "We're okay, right?"

Rory nodded. "I came to you for the hard truths Paris."

"Glad I didn't disappoint."

"You never do."

"Do you want to finish watching the movie?"

"I should probably get packing," Rory said, making no move to get up.

"All right, I'll help," Paris said, also making no move to get up.

"There's only 20 minutes left of the movie… So we might as well watch it."

"Just can't leave in the middle can you?"

"Shut up Paris."

When the movie was over, Rory went upstairs to pack her things. Paris followed her and stood at the doorway while she packed.

"You're sure you've got everything?" Paris asked as they reached the front door.

"It's not like I'll never be back," Rory reminded her.

"Still. I'd hate for you to forget something important."

"I've got everything."

"You'll call if you need anything?" Paris's voice was laced with concern.

"Paris, when did you turn into my mother?" Rory asked. "Of course I'll call if I need anything. I'll probably call you regardless of whether I need anything."

Rory set her bag down to hug her best friend goodbye.

"Call me when you get there," Paris whispered in her ear.

Rory sighed. "Yes Mom," she admitted defeat.

Rory left Boston around 8:00, knowing it would take her about three hours to reach Stars Hollow. She plugged in her iPod and cranked up the music a little too loud. Anything to drown out her own thoughts.

She reached Stars Hollow around 11:00 and went straight to Luke's. She knew the diner would be closed, but she had her key, and intended to stay at the apartment above it. She parked around the corner from the diner, and hauled her bag in through the front door. She should probably let her mother know she was here, but figured it could wait until morning.

Her bag thumped as she pulled it up each stair. The apartment was unlocked as she expected, and as she flicked the light on inside, she noticed that it looked the same as ever.

When Luke and Lorelai had finally gotten married, they considered renting out the apartment. But neither of them could pull the trigger on finding tenants. Instead, it was kept as Luke's office, and often used as a neutral corner to retreat to during a fight. It also made for convenient guest housing for Rory and Jess when they came to visit. When she was in college, Rory never had a problem taking Logan home to visit, but for some reason, probably since Luke and Lorelai were both there, staying at the Crap Shack with them when she and Jess were married was just awkward. They could have stayed at the Dragonfly, but by staying at the apartment, they weren't taking up a room that could be filled with a paying guest. (Lorelai would never let them pay for a room at the inn!)

Rory set her suitcase just inside the door, and looked around. She could almost see the ghosts of her past swirling around the room. She could see her sixteen-year-old self on the couch making out with Jess. She could see herself at 25, pacing around in Jess's Clash tee-shirt waiting for him to come back upstairs with coffee. She glanced over at the big bed, and shuddered. She hadn't been in this apartment since before her divorce, and there were just too many memories over there.

She went over to the twin bed that had been April's when she was a teenager, and flopped down on it. It was much smaller than she was used to, but it would have to do. She pulled her mobile out of her pocket and saw that she'd missed Logan's nightly message. She texted him back, and went to change her clothes.

It wasn't long after that when her phone rang, or vibrated as the case was, since she'd left it on silent.

"I just got here Paris, I was going to call you, I swear!" she said in lieu of greeting, answering the phone without looking at the caller ID.

"It's not Paris."

"Oh. Sorry Mom."

"So I'm assuming by 'here' you mean Stars Hollow?"

"How'd you know?"

"Rory, how soon you forget. This is Stars Hollow. We got a phone call as soon as the light in that apartment flicked on."

Rory smiled. "Oh yeah."

"So why didn't you tell me you were coming? And why aren't you staying here with me?" her mother asked, again sounding hurt.

"It was a spur of the moment decision, and I didn't want to show up at your house really late and wake up Will and Ella."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. Rory thought over what she'd said and realized she'd used the wrong word.

"I'm sorry. I'll come over now if you want, since I know you're up," she added.

"That's okay Kid. You can stay at Luke's and I'll just see you for breakfast tomorrow after I drop the kids at school."

"Thanks Mom. And, I'm sorry," Rory added for good measure.

"Get some sleep Ror. We'll talk in the morning. Love you."

"Love you too." Rory sighed as she disconnected the call, and replayed the conversation with her mother, wondering just when things had changed to become this way. She texted Paris to let her know she was safe and sound in Stars Hollow, then climbed into bed.

She'd called the Crap Shack 'your house'. For the first time she could remember, she didn't think of it as home. The entire time she was married to Jess, she still thought of her mother's house as home, and referred to it as such. Even hours earlier, she told Paris she was going home, and meant Stars Hollow. But now, being here, it was comfortable and familiar, like home, but somehow, without Logan, it just wasn't home anymore. Maybe the old adage 'home is where the heart is' really was true.

Monday morning found Rory rousted out of bed earlier than she'd anticipated by the smell of Luke's coffee, wafting up from below. She pulled on a pair of faded Yale sweats and a hoodie, and shuffled down the stairs, hoping to get coffee without having to venture into the diner. "Psst!" she hissed loudly when she reached the bottom of the stairs. "Luke, over here!" she added in a stage whisper.

Luke looked up from where he stood slicing fruit. "Hey Rory. I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" He set down his knife and moved towards her to hug her hello.

"You didn't. Your delicious smelling java did. Can I get a cup?"

"Of course, of course," he said as he hurried to get her coffee, surprisingly unaccompanied by the usual lecture about the dangers of caffeine.

She took a sip and sighed. "Oh how I've missed you." Luke smiled at her. "I've missed you too Luke," she added.

Luke made a gruff sound of acknowledgement. "Are you going to head back up stairs?"

"Unless you need some help," she offered.

"Nah, I'm good. Go on back to bed. I'll send your mother up when she gets here."

"Thanks Luke!" She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "You're the best."

She was curled up in bed with her coffee and her laptop, researching treatment options for her condition, when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. She quickly shut the lid on her laptop and picked up the book on the nightstand to focus her attentions on. "You're here early," she said without looking up from the book when the door opened.

"Rory? What are you doing here?"

She dropped her book at the sound of his voice, jerked her head up to confirm with her eyes what her ears already knew. "Jess? What are you doing here? And better yet, why didn't Luke warn me?"

Jess dropped his bag and kicked the door shut. "Luke didn't know I was coming, and I didn't see him on my way up here this morning."

"Why are you here?" Rory asked.

"Why are you here? Don't you have your own house in the country nearby?" Jess asked snidely in return.

"I asked first."

"Technically, I asked first," he reminded her. Rory sighed and just stared at him instead of answering. "Did you and the King of the Douchebags have a fight?" he suggested. "Couldn't decide on whether the new vacation home should be on the French Rivera or the Amalfi Coast, huh?"

"Fuck you Jess."

"Come on Ror, what did Captain Douche do now?" He was trying to cajole a response from her.

"Back off Jess."

Instead of backing off, he moved closer, so he was sitting on the foot of the bed she was occupying. "Did he buy you the BMW when you really wanted the Mercedes?"

She snorted at his suggestion.

"He bought you sapphires instead of diamonds, didn't he?"

Rory merely shook her head as his guesses got more and more outrageous. "What are you doing here Jess?" she asked again after about half a dozen more stabs in the dark.

"I come up here to work once and while," he admitted. "Really Rory, what are you doing here?"

She shrugged in response, not yet willing to answer.

"I know something's wrong. What did Logan do this time?" Jess's voice took on a serious tone.

"Why does everyone assume Logan did something?" Rory asked, exasperated.

"If he didn't do something wrong, you'd be staying at your own house, not here."

"I'm visiting my mom!" Rory told him.

"Then why aren't you staying at the Crap Shack?" It was no use really. Jess knew her too well, and could see straight through all of her bullshit.

"It's me here Rory. What'd Logan do?" Jess paused to give her a moment to answer, and when she didn't he went back to making up ridiculous reasons for her to be mad at him. "I know! He wants to name your first born after his father!"

Rory's head snapped up from the book she was trying to read in hopes of ignoring Jess, and tears instantly filled her eyes and began running down her face. "Shut. Up. Jess."

"Woah, woah. I wasn't serious Rory. Oh my God. Is that really it? He wants to name your kids after his dad!" Jess got serious quickly.

Rory shook her head no. "I'd be happy to name my kids after Mitchum, if only we could HAVE KIDS!" her voice escalated towards the end of her sentence.

Rory watched as Jess opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. "What, cat got your tongue Mariano?" she spat. "No pithy remarks?" He merely stared at her with his mouth open. "Surely literary genius Jess Mariano can think of something to say."

Jess scooted closer to her on the bed, and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry Rory," he whispered, then he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. As he held her, her anger dissipated, and she broke down in sobs. "Please don't cry. I hated it when we were married, and I hate it even more now."

Rory half laughed and half sobbed as she pushed herself away from Jess. He grabbed the corner of the sheet for her to use to wipe her face. "Thanks," she mumbled.

"Poor Rory," he started sympathetically. "First you're married to me and find out that I've gone and, uh, permanently blocked the Chamber of Secrets," Rory snorted at his poorly executed Harry Potter joke, which she knew was an attempt to lighten the mood, "then, I'm assuming that he didn't do the same thing," she shook her head no. "Then you find out that Huntzberger's shooting blanks. You just can't catch a break can you?"

"It's NOT Logan!" Rory said emphatically.

"Oh Rory." Jess moved closer to hug her again as the tears started flowing again.

Rory continued to cry, as Jess situated himself in a better position. She clung to him, as he moved to sit directly beside her, and leaned back allowing her continue to hug him.

"Shhhh," he hushed. "I'm sorry." He stroked her hair away from her face, and made what he thought were soothing sounds.

"What's wrong with me?" Rory rasped out between sobs. "Why can't I make anybody happy?" Jess continued to lightly rub her back, but didn't say a word. "I was gone too much to make you happy when we were married, so I gave up traveling so much when Logan and I got married, and now, all he wants is to have kids, and I can't give him that either!"

Jess moved to push Rory from him at arms length. "You made me very happy when we were married. Much happier than anyone before or since, I might add. I'm the one that screwed up our marriage, NOT you."

"I was gone all the time Jess, I understand how that made things difficult," she told him. "Really. It's not entirely your fault."

"Rory, I-" She cut him off again.

"I was primarily concerned with my career and what I wanted."

"I still shouldn't have cheated."

"Yea, well, that's a given." She smiled a tiny smile.

"Did you give up traveling to make sure Logan didn't cheat?" Jess asked seriously.

"Why does everyone think Logan would cheat on me?"

"Uhm, history does have a tendency to repeat itself."

"That was over a decade ago, and he thought we were broken up!" Jess rolled his eyes at her. "Fine. But no, that's not why I gave it up. I was tired of living out of a suitcase, and rarely seeing my family. Logan and I wanted to start our own family, and there's no way I would want to be pregnant in a war zone. It's one thing to risk my own life, but another to risk that of a child who had no choice in the matter," she explained.

"That makes sense," Jess said.

"I guess it doesn't really matter now," Rory said as the tears started again.

Jess pulled her close again, "Seriously, how do you have more tears?" She elbowed him in the ribs lightly and laughed in spite of herself. "I mean, you never cried this much when we were married. If you really want to make your marriage work, maybe I could give Logan some lessons on how to make you laugh." The teasing made her feel a little more normal.

"Give it a rest Jess."

"But really, tell me, how's Logan taking the news?"

"I haven't told him yet," she whispered.

"What?" Jess practically shouted. "So why does he think you suddenly wanted to come home and visit?"

"He doesn't know where I am," she admitted guiltily.

"Wow, I never thought you had it in you to be so cold," Jess said dryly.

"Yeah, well I never thought I'd see the day where you'd be defending Logan."

"Oh my God!" Jess started patting himself down, starting with his face. "What's wrong with me?" This got a laugh out of Rory. "You need to tell him you know," he said softly.

"I know," she told him. "I just need to get a handle on it myself first. I finally started researching this morning," she admitted.

"That's my girl." Jess squeezed her shoulder. "What'd you find?"

She grabbed her laptop, and the two of them started researching together, side by side in the little twin bed, with Jess's arm around Rory's shoulder.

They were so wrapped up in the research, that neither of them heard the footsteps on the stairs or the door to the apartment open.

"Well, well, well, what a cozy scene we have here. This isn't what I expected to find at all!"

AN: Here's chapter 7 for you. Sorry it's taken so long, I hope I still have some readers out there.

Please read and review. I don't own anything as usual!

Thanks for reading!

S