He watched the dust particles swirl through the air, the precise swirls bending in the sunlight as if the light itself held weight. His arm was around his angel who's head rested on his chest. He liked the weight of it, and the feeling of the stubble of Castiel's jaw pressed into his skin. The other man idly traced the lines of muscles on Dean's torso and down a small trail of hair leading below the almost seamless band of his boxer briefs. Dean tried to enjoy the moment, but he'd been too busy mulling over his conversation with Sam from a couple days earlier.

"What was it like?"

"It was fantastic, it always is," he sighed dreamily and pressed smiling kisses into Dean's chest.

"Well I'm glad to hear that," he squeezed his angel a little closer to him, "but that's not what you meant…What was it like, going into hell?"

Castiel lifted himself so he could look at Dean, "Why do you want to know that?" The clear blue eye's searched the other face; they were filled with worry and confusion, the brow above them furrowed with concern.

"I just…It's a big part of our relationship. It's how we met. And it's a huge part of my life, Cas. I want to know what happened."

Castiel resumed his position on Dean as the other man wouldn't look at him. That was Dean, he would ask the tough question, but he couldn't face them. "I lead a contingent of nine angels. We started the day you died. It took us a week, in your time, just to break open the gates," he drew a small invisible line on one side of dean's hips and tapped it as if he were showing Dean a diagram. "We used enochian spells and the ilk to open them. And we did it rather quickly, but the gates of Hell are guarded by beasts," he drew small circles on each side of the line marking the gate. "We had to fight them off. Once we opened the gates we were immediately assaulted by hoards of demons. Dante's model of hell, with the different sections of hell was surprisingly accurate, though there are about fifteen different sections. You were in the last section. It's similar to your prisons, with the deeper sections having more protection and reinforcements. The first two were easily bypassed, but when it got to the third, there were extra demons hiding behind pillars of bodies and ash. We lost three angels between the third and sixth regions," he tapped more invisible marks on the torso, slowly making his way across. "I got hurt in the thirteenth region," his nail gently scratched an X into Dean's skin, "We lost two more by the time we got to you." He drew a circle on the hip opposite of the one he'd started on; again he tapped it as if showing him a game plan.

"What was I like when you found me? How long had it been?"

"In your time, it had been three months. Thirty years in hell," he hesitated. It pained him to think of Dean the way he'd found him. To think of what he'd endured, and what he'd done. "You were in pieces. Not just your body, but your soul. When I got to you, you were chained with hooks through your body, to minotaurs, and when you refused to do what Alastair told you to do they would be whipped until they ran and the hooks ripped out," he felt Dean take a sharp breath. "I gathered you, and the remaining two angels and myself flew as fast as we could out of there. I heeled you while we flew," the finger lightly dragged a nail from the invisible circle to the beginning line. "The other two were lost as we fled. You and I are the only ones that made it out," he rested his hand flat on Dean's hip, his mouth pressed into his chest. "I sewed you back together using my own grace," kissing up his shoulder, "but I needed to return to Heaven, I was badly injured." Castiel kissed across his jaw, to his mouth, "And then you called to me. And I came." He kissed Dean deeply.

"Did you expect me to call you?"

"No, I did not. But we would have contacted you eventually."

"'We,' not you? Would you not have come to me?"

"If it was asked of me. I had become bonded to you, I wasn't sure what would happen if you and I met. I didn't want to…Inconvenience you."

"Well then you probably shouldn't have saved me from Hell just to drag me back into a war."

Castiel said nothing, just laid his head back down.

"That sounded really ungrateful. Sorry, I'm a dick. Cas, I'm glad you came when I called."

"I didn't really have a choice, but I am quite glad I did too."

"I guess you know what I went through in hell."

"I do."

"You still love me? Even though I tortured people. Cas I tore people up until there was nothing left," he took a shaky breath, "just to put them back together and tear them up again."

"You didn't have a choice, Dean."

"What if I said I liked it?"

"Did you?" Castiel knew Dean wouldn't meet his eyes if he tried, so he just listen to the man's heartbeat with his head on his chest. It was quicker than previously, he was nervous.

"Sometimes. After thirty years, I just had so much anger I wanted to destroy everything around me. And I got to. It felt good."

"It's the same concept as screaming or hitting a wall for catharsis."

"Sometimes, even though there are innocent people in the demons we gank…It feels good. Goddammit Cas, killing shouldn't feel good. I'm scared of myself. What if I turn on Sammy one day? Or you?"

Castiel stroked a thumb over the hunters hip soothingly, "I can see your soul, you would never do such things. You did not escape hell without scars, Dean. But you are not a monster."

"When you made me torture Alastair…"

"Dean," he breathed out quietly. Nothing had pained him more than that. Asking him to face the thing that caused all his pain.

"I loved it. I was so scared, but finally, it was my turn."

"I shouldn't have asked that of you."

"You had no choice."

They laid in silence for some time. Dean's heart had calmed and the air felt less tense.

"I've seen everything in your life, Dean. But I don't know everything about your life. Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

"I will love you no matter what."

"I love you, Cas."

"I love you too."

A thought popped into Castiel's head, "So your time in hell. You became more rough, hardened after it, correct."

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

Castiel lifted his head with a wicked smile, his once gentle hand suddenly gripped Dean's hip tightly, nails biting into flesh. "Does that mean you like things a more roughly than you did before?" He kissed Dean hard. "Remember, I've seen everything." Dean blushed, which was rare for him. But the thought of the angel witnessing all his romps was a little more than embarrassing. Castiel's eyes were full of lust, "Tell me, Dean, do you like this?" his husky voice was low and seductive, the plush lips moved to his chest before a tongue darted out to lick Dean's nipple gently. He breathed in sharply. Castiel's wicked grin was back, he bit down. Not hard, in case he was wrong, but enough to elicit a response.

"Fuck, Cas" Dean breathed out, his body tried to arch up into the mouth, but the nails digging into his hip kept him in place. They raked across the sensitive skin of his hips, raising red lines in their wake. They slipped into his underwear, he was already half hard. "Castiel, what are you doing?"

"Having some fun, my lover." His hand wrapped around Dean's girth, "guess I was right." The smirk on his face drove Dean wild. His eyes closed as Castiel started to stroke. Suddenly the hand was gone, instead slapping his face and gripping his jaw roughly, "Look at me while I have my way with you."

"Oh, fuck you." He rolled onto Castiel. The smirking angel below him looked beyond tempting, "I don't think I'm the only one who likes a little pain." He leaned down to kiss the angel, instead biting his lower lip while his hand fisted in the angel's hair. Cas let out a low laugh, Dean could feel his hardness pressing into his thigh.

"You'd be right."

"That's it. I can't take this anymore," he pulled the angel's underwear down, making sure his nails caught on the tanned skin. Dean wondered for the first time how he was so evenly tanned all over. Castiel shivered. Dean leaned over to the bedside table and pulled a small bottle of lube, he'd started keeping it there, just in case he finally felt ready to go all the way. Castiel tried to pull him in for a kiss, but the other man's hand wrapped around his throat firmly, "No. You will wait." Cas feigned a pout, but his eyes screamed with hunger and excitement. He finished discarding the angel's undergarments, and spread his legs apart. He nipped at the angel's inner thighs. He spent time sucking bruises into them, making the angel emit frustrated noises.

"Dean, get the fuck to it you tease."

He popped the cap off the lube and slicked his fingers and spread a little on the angel's asshole. The sensation sent chills up Castiel's spine, he wiggled to hurry Dean on. "Patience is a virtue, Castiel." He looked into the wide blue eyes as he sunk a slick finger slowly in. the angel's mouth dropped open, and his eyes lidded. Dean kissed his inner thighs again, slowly moving the finger. Castiel remembered the time he'd lain with the human man. This was so much better because Dean Winchester was nuzzling his thigh and slipping another finger in him.

"Guhhh, Dean," he moaned. Dean was the one smirking now. His hand working Cas's ass, he kissed up his stiff shaft.

"So you like this?"

The angel nodded, and made and incoherent noise as Dean's tongue lapped at him and the fingers scissored to open him up.

"Speak up, Castiel," he not so gently added a third lube slicked finger.

"Fuck!" he cried out, he couldn't stop his hips from pushing back into Dean. "Yes, fuck. I need you."

"That's what I like to hear." He raised himself to align with the angel. Secretly he was nervous. He didn't want it to be bad for Castiel. It had taken him a long time to work up courage to get this far. He loved him. This was not just mindless emotionless sexy. This was because all he wanted to do was become one with Castiel. He leaned down and kissed the angel. It was deep and lingering and left them both out of breath. He slid into his lover. Castiel's head went back, his body tensing and then relaxing with the sensations. Pain flowed into pleasure, and soon he was impatient for more.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?"

Dean bucked roughly, "you better not cum until I'm ready." They found a pace quickly. It wasn't frantic, but it was passionate. They couldn't take their eyes off one another. Dean reached down and stroked Castiel, and while adjusting to compensate for only one hand anchored to the man hit something deep inside Cas.

"Oh FUCK! Right there!" he yelled. There were stars in his vision and his whole body shook.

"Anything you say," he punctured with his hips hard. Castiel was gasping for air, he was so close.

"Dean, I—fuck"

"Come on, Castiel," he growled.

The hunter's eyes locked with his angel's, one more stroke of his hips hit home and Castiel's head rolled back. He was coming too hard all over Dean's hand to make more than a guttural moan. He looked so beautiful, his body writhing and arched in ecstasy, Dean thought. His body spasming around him Dean quickly followed suit. He rode off his orgasm, filling the angel. He collapsed next to Cas.

"Oh fuck. That was…"

"Incredible," Castiel finished, and wrapped his arm around the panting Dean. "You call me by my full name during sex."

"I do?"

"It's sexy," he laughed.

Dean blushed. Castiel kissed his hunter.

"Now we are one."