" 'Ow you tell a girl that ye like 'er?" Demoman shouted at Scout. The Demoman was stripping his chestplate shut and took another swig from his bottle. "Well ye just go up to 'er and ye take a good look in 'er eyes and ye say 'Ma wee hovirkreftie afornent lippert owt per wip pimperneels' Dat should do it!" Scout blinked and didn't even dare to comment on that and just backed of and walked away, leaving the one-eyed crazed alone.
"Does Little Man wants to know how to talk to women?" Heavy faced him. Scout was always taken aback of his enormous posture that just doomed over his scrawny- Lean, as his mom refers to him- figure. "In Mother Russia, The Women talk to us!" Heavy held his arms up in mere question and continued the soft caressing of his minigun. "Bu.. But what if you want a woman?" Scout tried again. This made Heavy look up for a few seconds in deep, deep thought. Heavy looked back down to the BLU scout and said "Vodka."
"Sniper, I bet you're the guy who knows his way with women, tell me how I tell one I like her?" Scout asked like he was near desperation. Sniper turned around with his gun locked in his hand and stared with big questioning eyes at him. " 'Scuse me?' "Well, yea. How do you tell a girl you like her?" "Well, .." Sniper started. "I don't know... Not many females out in the open, mate." Sniper shrugged.
He turned back from Scout and continued inspecting his knife before battle. Scout sat behind him for a few minutes before carelessly asking "so, what are you? A Virgin?" replied by Sniper's knife almost touching the tip of Scout's nose. " You better choose yer next words carefully, Wanker!"
Scout leaned against the wall, Noticing the wobbly figure of the Pyro strut by. Pyro gave him a muffled greet. "Hey, Pyro." Pyro walked next to him and reached into the locker near Scout. "Say, Pyro. Do you have any idea how to tell a girl you like her?" This made Pyro freeze it's motions and stretched it's back. The gasmask turned to him and a deep sigh was heard. It placed the taken ammo carefully back and laid a gloved hand on Scout's schoulder.
"Mpfmmffp mffpf Mpfhmfmmfmpfm. Mpfmf, mfmmpf mfmmpf. Mpfmmfmpfm! Mffpfpm mfpfmfmmpfm! Mpfm mpfmpfm mffmmpfmm mfmpfmm mmfffmm mfpfmfm mfpfmm mfp mfpfm mmfmfpf mpfmmfm mfpfmmffm Mann Co. mfmpf mmfp pfmmp ffmmpf! Mffppf ffmmpf mfpf pfmm. Pfmmpf mfpffmmm. Pfmmpfpgf mmpffmfmf mfppfmfm. Mpfmm mpffm pfmmfm fmpfm. Mffppf ffmmpf mfpf pfmm. Pfmmpf mfpffmmm. Pfmmpfpgf mmpffmfmf mfppfmfm. Mpfmm mpffm pfmmfm fmpfm. Mffppf ffmmpf mfpf pfmm. Pfmmpf mfpffmmm. Pfmmpfpgf mmpffmfmf mfppfmfm. Mpfmm mpffm pfmmfm fmpfm. Mffppf ffmmpf mfpf pfmm. Pfmmpf mfpffmmm. Pfmmpfpgf mmpffmfmf mfppfmfm. Mpfmm mpffm pfmmfm fmpfm ..." Pyro gave Scout a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Mpfmpf!" He took the ammo and walked out the room.
"Alright Spy, You look like a man who had his reasonable amount of women in his life, you must tell me how I tell this girl I like her." Scout's voice cracked in desperation and he was just near the edge of breaking down on his knees for advice. The Frenchman dressed in blue turned around and faced his Team Mate. "You want to learn ze way of showing your love to your loveh?" "Uhm yea.." "Well, It eez easy, with a little romance et une long walk down a boulevard avec some music playing in ze background. And then you tell her "Ma petit amoure, tu est mon monde et tout ma vie. Tu es la femme de mes rêves! Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi."
Scout and Spy stared at eachother in utter awkwardness by Spy's sudden French outburst. Spy's expression took a dark gloom. "You're not very romantic, are you?'
Scout kicked a stone into oblivion as he mooched his way around. He flung his behind to the ground near the operating Sentry Gun. In frustration he grabbed his cap and clenched his teeth shut, making high pinched screamy sounds.
"What's tha matter, boy?" what Scout thought to be the sound of some delirious screeching malfunction from the Sentry Gun, but the sound belonged to the Good 'Ol Texan man. Scout looked up, caught up in his position, He slowly lowerd his legs back to the ground and sighed. Engie walked to him and took his seat next to him on the ground. "It's nothin' .." Scout said, rubbing his tired eyes. "I guess you would just squeel like a pig in heat, for your enjoyment?" Engineer smiled smug and Scout gave him a dirty look. "It's just... ugghh... I want to tell this girl I like her and I just asked every guy on the team, and they're just worthless! Demoman is crazy, Sniper is a virgin, Pyro is... WHO KNOWS? and Spy is just French!" Scout had to bite his tongue not to squeel like a little pig for slaughter again.
Engineer had a hearty laugh at Scout's desperation. "Hey fellah, listen up." Engineer gave the younger man a heavy pat on the shoulder, which almost made Scout trip over. "You're still a young man, you have the looks and you have the brains, I'm sure this girl is a nice and special girl that needs to be treaten right. And to be treaten right, you have to be honest. That honesty is up to you, you should just tell this girl that you like her, and that you have all the right intentions towards her. I'm sure she would just declare the same feelings towards you, and if she don't, don't feel too beaten up about it." Engineer ended his monologue with a sharp nod and smile. "How would you know?" Scout asked with a more softer voice, still slightly overwhelmed by the monologue. "Well, that's how I got my Ex-wife to marry me." Engineer winked. "Why did ya divorce den?" He never got an answer to this question, Engineer smiled and walked off.
Scout loaded his gun as he stood by the gates. The clock was ticking. One minute until combat begins. The whole team was waiting, spread out at the high entrance and the lower entrance to Control Point A. The area seemed to be a Steel factory, as usual just a coverup for RED's perverted plans of world domination. They're not gonna win. Not this time. The Administrator slowly counted down.. ''5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..'', the alarm rang and the whole BLU Team ran as fast as they could, with Scout in the tip of the arrow torwards Control Point A. Scout pulled his bat and hit the RED Scout right in the stomach, making him flip straight into a grenade from the Demoman's Loch-N-Load. He quickly went up the ramps and waited around the corner thin metal wall, hearing steps of reinforcement. Yeah, here they come! Scout pulled his Scattergun and shot a Soldier right in the face as the sprinted by, making him do a backflip onto his face. Well, if he still woulda had one. Behind the Soldier was the RED Demoman, who shot a grenade straight at the Scout. Scout quickly jumped up against the steel wall he was hiidng behind, hopping off it and landing another shot in the Demoman's neck. ''Hahaha! HAHAHA! HAHAHAA!'' he cackled madly. ''You knuckleheads aren't even worth the effort.'' He looked back at his teammates behind him, not on the point though. ''Hey, how's the weather over there, dumbasses? GET ON THE FRICKIN' POINT!'' The team glared at him and took place, and the Control Point flashed blue. One step closer to victory.
The whole team stayed at CP-A for a few seconds, discussing tactics. ''We will rush head on and meet them with blood and thunder, like the ways of Sun TZU!'' Soldier said, saluting. Scout gave him a skeptic look, slowly nodding. ''Yeah, Solly, you do dat.'' He turned to the Medic. ''Okay, ya quack, go get the Kritzkrieg, then follow Virginator over dere to a highpoint.'' He pointed at the Sniper, who was glaring back at him, but slowly nodding. ''Follow me, doc'. I have a secret weapon o' me own.'' The Medic and Sniper jogged off to the battlements, and Scout turned to the team again, holding his bat. There was a certain lack of a Spy. ''Hey, did anyone see Spy?'' The whole teamed murmured a no. ''Okay.. Let's go, let's go, let's go!'' The team sprinted out into the hallway and dropped down to get to Control Point B. They rushed out, and went headon, the Soldier rocketjumping straight onto the point. ''MAAAAGGOTS!'' Scout couldn't hold himself from giggling as he shot the RED Scout in the kneecaps as he sped by, leaving him skidding to the ground with his face first. The whole team stood on the point, taunting and shooting at the other team. ''Ain't so tough now, ye RED pansies?'' BLU Demoman said, taking a swig off his bottle. The RED team seemed to have dissappeared, but suddenly they heard a very loud Russian voice.. And it sure wasn't their Heavy Weapons guy.. ''I AM BULLETPROOOOOOF!'' Scout turned and gaped, seeing the RED Heavy and the RED Medic, übercharged. ''WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? WHY THE HELL ARE THEY... GLOWING?'' Scout pulls his gun, the whole team starting to shoot at the Heavy, but the bullets bounced off him. ''Get behind cover, boys, I'll take care of the maggot.'' Soldier said, and noone in the team argued, jumping behind whatever they could find, abandoning the point. Soldier threw away his rocket launcher and crunched his fists as the Heavy came closer, and he ran up at him, pulling two grenades and then their respective pins. BOOM!
The whole team quieted down, but after the afterboom had finished, they still heard the minigun firing. Scout looked over at Pyro, and they both saw the concern in eachother's faces. But soon they heard a crackling. And then, a giant boom and a bloodsplatter! They looked up and saw what seemed to be a BLU tracer round. They followed it and saw the Sniper and Medic waving at what remained of the team. Sniper was holding an odd, very futuristic Sniper rifle. Scout slowly peeked out over and saw that Sniper had killed both the Heavy AND the Medic. The whole team turned to applaud them, and Sniper respectfully tipped his hat before hopping down to them. ''Let's get Soldier, and then we have a go at C!''
Scout ran ahead, checking the surrounding for the slower teammembers. He clutched his baseball bat close to him as his feet raced over the terrain. "All clear here!" The rest followed him.
"BOOONK!" the metallic sound of a baseball bat and the cracking of jawbones echoed behind Scout, followed by paniced shooting around. BLU Scout turned around and face the RED Scout. The RED bastard smiled smug but was shot in the back. Falling down on his knees.
BLU's temporary freedom and hope for Point C was overclouded by the falling bullets and dooming figures of the RED Team.
The bullets flare and crossed each other flying paths with a reckless aim. Everybody swung and attempted to avoid the bullets. The RED Heavy stepped down unto us with his minion flaring the buttons of our shirts. The Demoman had a lucky shot and blew the RED Scout apart.
Scout quickly jumped over the rocks and onto the steelsteps, running up to the point and skidding across to the floor, behind a pillar for cover as a sentry shot at him. He clutched his Scattergun to his chest, hearing running footsteps approaching him. He pulled out his shiny Atomizer Bat, reaching out and smacking it right into the kneecaps of the RED Soldier that decided to explore. ''Not sa tuff now, are ya! ARE YA?'' Scout grinned and ran into the hallways, taking a quick turn to avoid the sentry gun-fire. As he ran down a long hallway, just taking half a second to blink, he felt the comfort of a well-made Armani-suit, covering a muscular arm smacking him right across the face and sending him to the floor. ''Oh-oh-oh.. What a quick little bunny we have here..'' he heard a smug, French voice say as he blinked himself to conciousness. Scout suddenly felt a shoe on his chest, and looked up, seeing straight down the barrel of a small, silver-and-white revolver. ''Well, you're not fast enough, boy. Again you were outsmarted by me! Your words will not help you now. Your brains will be splattered on the concrete you're lying on.'' Scout peered around. No way to escape now.. Just to take it the hard way. ''Ooh, little bunny wants to escape? Well, too bad. The Enforcer will make quick work out of you.'' Scout winced as he heard the revolver being cocked.
But suddenly the foot was pulled off him! The BLU Spy was now ontop of the RED one, punching his lights out with concentrated strikes. Scout looked around the room and saw his Scattergun lying a few metres behind him. The RED Spy kicked the BLU one off, and now both men pulled their switchblades, both in a fencing position. ''I will gut you like a Cornish game hen, Laroche!'' the BLU one spat out, the sentence slicing through the air like a switchblade through butter. The RED Spy quickly stepped forward, stabbing his knife forward. The BLU Spy jumped backwards and grabbed the RED one's wrist, twisting it and forcing him to drop his blade. But the RED Spy pulled his revolver from his suit's jacket and shot the BLU Spy in the knee, who fell with a painful groan to the ground. The RED Spy picked the BLU Spy up from the ground by the scruff of his jacket, lifting him and slamming him with his back against the wall, with the switchblade to his throat. ''Mm.. Jean-Baptiste.. What a pity that you were not more of a challenge..'' Scout scrambled away to his Scattergun, having snapped out of the amazement of the fight. ''What a shame it must be to die by your own knife.. See you in hell, you handsome rogue.'' Scout turned around, his Scattergun in mid-reload as he saw the switchblade getting pushed deep into the throat of the BLU Spy, life leaving him immediately. Scout watched in disbelief, as the Spy wiped some blood off his suit. ''Oh dear, I made quite a mess.. Aah, yes, my quick little bu-'' The RED Spy's headless body fell down lifeless to the floor, next to the BLU corpse. ''Hehey, look, you shapeshifted into a dead guy!'' Scout giggled, reloading his Scattergun and running further into the RED Base.
Scout stopped on Control Point D, realizing it was locked. Noone had captured C yet. He peered around the room and then took off to the left, realizing that the tactics didn't say anything about E being locked. He hopped over the big gap, landing right on the point. He waited seconds. Seconds which turned into minutes. And finally he heard the raspy familiar voice over the speakers. ''Victory..'' Scout crooked an eyebrow as she seemed.. exhausted for some reason. He heard another voice over the speakers. ''Oi, sheila, you got a s-'' Scout blinked as the feed cut off, sitting in the middle of the won control point and taking a deep sigh.
Sniper pulled on his tighty whities, leaning onto the edge of the Administrator's table, where he barely seconds ago had been rutting like an animal ontop of the only other person in the room. Nontheless, she had given him a cigarette. A very long, slim feminine cigarette, which he'd rather dispose off before he left. ''So, ya usually breach worker relations like this, sheila?'' Admin looked at him with a sour face, but her eyes had just a tinge of amusement in them as she pulled on her skirt again. ''No, mister Mundy. I do not. Feel very happy and proud about it. But keep it to my office.'' Sniper huffed out a small cloud of smoke, pulling his socks on and then his brown jeans. ''Who woulda believed me anyway, eh?'' Silence slowly put itself over them as a damp blanket, as they kept getting their clothes on. As they were both fully clad, Sniper decided to break the silence. ''So, err, what's yer name then? I won't tell anyone ya big secret, but I think having had you on me discostick twice now gives me a free pass to know. If ya want, I'll tell ya first. Lawrence. Lawrence Mundy to your service.'' Admin pulled her purple jacket on, her lip jerking abit. A smile, with no time to grow. ''Helen. That's all you need to know.'' Sniper nodded, picking up his hat from the table and putting it on. ''Well, Helen - I'll see ya next time. I jus' hope ya won't interfere on me battletime again. And if you do, ya better keep my paycheck at the same level.'' Sniper drly said, extinguishing the girly cigarette in the purple ashtray, that was dangerously close to fall over. Admin sat down in her chair, one leg over the other. ''I might just even raise it. Now scurry off.'' Sniper waved her goodbye and headed out, with his head tall as he walked past all the employees. They looked at him suspiciously for some reason. They might have been louder then what he believed. He waved goodbye to the receptionist and pushed the glassdoors open into the fresh air. He almost felt abit disheartened at leaving the smoky, perfumed office of the Administrator, but the fresh air will do. He took light steps to his campervan, shutting the door and pushing the key into the ignition. The team won't be happy when he gets back.
Totally worth it.
AN: This took us .. like what? Two weeks... YAY FOR PROCRASTINASHUUUUN! *awaits highfive*
Well, we wanted to Scout to ask his teammates for Girl-Advice, to realise, they're all horrible with women. In their own special way. Except for Engy, he's just smooth and he's just great. He's great.
Dennis wrote most of the battlescenes, since I'm not very good at it.
We both giggled till no end during the pillow-talk scene.
also.. we had one favoritiation ... awyeaaaah... WHOOOOOOO *party*
This is the most immature AN note ever.
We're logging off.
Bye.
PS: ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) Y U NO REVIEW?