Angel's don't dream. When Castiel slept it was more like deep meditation, he would blank his mind and focus on the sounds and feelings in his vessel. He could hear his heart beat, and the blood flush through his ventricles and into his arteries. Suddenly the blackness that seemed to hum with his bodily energy began to fade into a white room.
"Castiel," a deep voice called sing-songingly, "Oh, Castiel…"
The room faded into focus, a dark figure leaned against the wall, and Castiel found himself seated in a chair in the center of the room.
"Barham," he noted with displeasure.
"Hello, Castiel. So nice to see you after your little suicide mission."
Castiel didn't say anything, Barham began pacing around the room in front of him.
"We gave you a second chance, Castiel. We took you back in after you defied us. And what do you do? Defy us again."
"Well, heaven is pretty boring now with the only rule being complete and total submission. If you haven't noticed, that's not really my thing."
"Rapheal and Sammael are not happy with you."
"So they send their newest bitch boy after me?"
Before Castiel could blink there was a hand around this throat picking him up off the floor.
"You will obey the Kings of Heaven or you will pay," Barham threatened.
"Or what?" Castiel rasped out. Barham dropped the other angel who gracefully landed on his feet. He still felt weak, even in this dreamstate.
"Well you should be grateful to your kings, they're giving you have two options."
"Oh goody." After two years around the Winchesters, he was finally picking up sarcasm.
"You serve us, but never leave heaven again. Or you surrender your grace. Willingly. Today. Right now."
Castiel didn't hesitate, "I need to heal Sam first, then you can have my grace."
"That's not the deal, Castiel. If you try to teleport there right now, Sam and Dean will both be dead before you can do anything about it. We have people watching them," he laughed maliciously, it echoed off the walls as he circled Cas, "But if you say you will serve us, I will not only let you heal Sam, but I will help you and he'll be like new."
"What about Dean?"
"What about Ol' Dean-o, Cas? I'm giving you more than a traitor like you deserves anyways."
"Can I watch over him? Could I erase his memory of me?"
"Don't be naive, Castiel. You won't have time for Dean, besides why do you care what a human feels?" He circled like a hawk, "Time's running out, little brother." Barham tapped a thick watch on this wrist, "They're all waiting for my command to strike."
Castiel knew the answer, he knew he could not bargain or fight his way out of this one.
"Take it."
Barham sighed, "What a waste of a soldier."
The last thing Castiel saw was Barham reaching a hand out. Everything faded to black again but this time instead of the soothing sounds of his heartbeat his ears pounded like they were next to a waterfall. It felt like nails were ripping through his body. He felt like he was spinning and his eyes weren't even open.
Then all at once it stopped.
He could hear the soft sounds of Dean in bed next to him; he could feel the warm blankets around him, his body felt heavy and sleepy. He tried to tap into his grace. He couldn't. He heard nothing but the sounds of the world around him. He could only see what his eyes allowed. He could only feel what his skin touched. He sat up and tried to unfurl his wings. Nothing happened. He reached between his shoulders, only to feel two scars where they would have sprouted from. A car backfired outside and Castiel jumped at the noise. A human reflex. It felt so…Real. He smiled. He looked at the man next to him and smiled again. He looked at the clock, it read 4:37am. They were supposed to see Sam in the morning. His body felt tired and weak. He laid back in bed and let sleep, real sleep overtake him. He dreamt of fishing with Dean.
He awoke to a clatter coming from the direction of the kitchen.
"Shit," Dean said in hushed tones and looked nervously at Castiel in the bed, his face fell when he saw he'd awoken him. "Aww, man. Sorry, Cas. I was going to make you breakfast in bed."
Castiel smiled, "It's alright. Good morning, my love." He got out of bed. For the first time he noticed how the old wooden floors felt on his bare feet. They were cool and hard, but still somehow unlike stepping upon stone. He circled his arms around the waist of his boyfriend at the stove frying some eggs. "What's for breakfast," he mumbled into his neck.
"Steak and eggs! It's a thank you present, for getting Sammy outta hell in mostly one piece and forgiving me for being an asshat."
"Sounds delicious, I'll set the table."
Castiel got the plates and utensils out, and set them at the small table like he'd seen in restaurants and on the television. He poured them both a glass of juice and mugs of coffee and set them next their respective plates. Dean pulled the already grilled steaks out of the oven where they were being kept warm, and added the eggs to each plate. They both sat down and smiled at the homey, delicious sight.
"Dig in!"
Everything tasted so good to Castiel. He could taste before, but he could never appreciate the full flavor and texture of foods before when his mind was so preoccupied with other senses. He let out an appreciative groan.
"I'm guessing you like it?"
"It's spectacular. I'm glad you learned how to cook. Maybe I should take work holidays more often," he laughed and Dean smiled widely at him. They both consumed their food with the ravenous hunger of men in the morning in silence for a while. "Dean, I have to tell you something."
"You don't actually like it? Is it about Sammy?" His face was streaked with worry, Castiel noticed steak sauce on the corner of his mouth and reached over with a napkin to wipe at it, Dean shooed him away. "You can't say something like that and then wipe my face, dude."
"I love it, and it's kind of about Sammy."
"Oh." Dean set his fork and knife down, suddenly losing his appetite.
"The angels came to me last night. They gave me a choice. Willingly surrender my grace and become human, or serve them completely and never leave Heaven again."
"Shit…What are you going to tell them?" Dean's voice and face were unreadable, too many emotions at once.
"I asked them if I could heal Sam before I made a choice. It wasn't an option. Dean…"
"Cas, what did you do?"
"I surrendered my grace."
"When will they take it?"
"They already have."
Dean slammed his fists down on the table making everything on it, including Cas jump, "You just let them take everything from you?" he yelled.
"They were going to take you and Sam if I defied them, Dean! They would let me heal him, but they wouldn't let me erase me from you. And I don't even think they were telling the truth about letting me at Sam. Dean, I had no choice."
Dean was silent.
"I tried. I said one last spell for Sam while Barham was behind me. I willed some of my grace to him before it was taken. If we're lucky, it brought him out of his coma."
"You risked your life, and gave up a nearly immortal life for Sammy and I? Are you stupid?" He sounded mad, but Castiel could see in his eyes he was confused.
"Dean Winchester. I told you that I began watching you to understand human life's essence. I watched you for years with no answer. And then, I fell in love with you. And I learned why love was so sacred to God. I would rather live a life with you, I rather get sick and get hurt and have actual needs, then to live a life without you in a broken paradise."
"This is such a chickflick moment. I don't care," he pushed out his chair and stood up and walked over to Castiel and held him. "I love you, even if you probably just made a huge mistake. I'm really fucking happy you did. But we will never discuss this mushy moment again. Not even Sam can know."
Castiel laughed, holding Dean felt even better now than it did before, "Okay. I promise." He leaned to kiss Dean and gently licked at the errant steak sauce on the side of his mouth. Dean blushed and hugged Cas again.
"Now, what to do about Sammy?"